"Get your rocks off then?" he asked without looking up.
"Not this time. They wouldn"t let us. But, my G.o.d, Nilo, we could, you know, we could. We"ve got to fix something up."
Niles felt a vast relief. Just feel-ups then. Big b.l.o.o.d.y deal.
"Here," Holland said. "Almost forgot. A message from Alison. Wey-hey!" With a flourish he handed over a lilac envelope. Niles felt his throat contract. He opened it carefully.
"Any clippings?" Holland asked with a sn.i.g.g.e.r.
"Hardly," Niles said. Holland had a French girl-friend who used to send him cuttings of her pubic hair. They were cherished and pa.s.sed round like sacred relics. This fact had single-handedly boosted Holland"s reputation to near-legendary heights.
""Dear Quentin,"" Niles read. ""I was wondering if by any chance you would like to come and have tea tomorrow (Sunday). I realise this is short notice but if I don"t hear from you I"ll expect you at four. I hope you can make it. Sincerely, Alison.""
Niles felt his pulled muscle twitch spasmodically in his thigh. "I hope you can make it." That was good. But "sincerely"? Really!
"What is it, for Christ"s sake?" Panton asked.
"Tea," Niles said. "Tomorrow afternoon."
Holland shook his head admiringly. "You got it made, Quent boy. You are home and dry.... We must get something fixed up, though. For all of us. After the last performance maybe. Jesus, the b.l.o.o.d.y show"s over in a couple of weeks."
Alison"s house was a grey sandstone bungalow at the better end of the small Scottish county town near the school. Niles cycled the six miles there through a fine rainy mist and arrived damp and chilled. He met Alison"s parents-Mr. and Mrs. McCullen-and her fourteen-year-old sister, Diane. They sat in a warm, immaculate sitting room and ate scones and pancakes. The family were kind and genial and Niles relaxed almost immediately and made them laugh with anecdotes of school life. He was a great success with Diane. Alison sat quietly for most of the time, occasionally pa.s.sing round plates or pouring out more tea. She was wearing jeans and a tight pale-blue sweater that gave her a firm breasty look. It was the first time he"d seen her out of uniform and the first time he"d seen her with her hair down. It was long and wavy, dull and thick. It made her look less severe. He felt buoyant with l.u.s.t and desire, as if he were over-inflated, as if his lungs were crammed with extra capacity of air. He had a sherry before remounting his bike for the long ride back. He reached the school in time for supper.
"I undressed her very slowly," he told the dormitory. "As if she was, sort of fragile, or very weak. I unfastened her bra and I kissed her b.r.e.a.s.t.s gently. Then...then I pulled down her pants and I told her to stand there while I looked at her. She was very slim. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were firm with almost perfectly round nipples..." He swallowed, gazing up unblinkingly at the ceiling as he elaborated his fiction. Even Fillery was silent. "Then I undressed and we got into bed. I ran my hands all over her body. I wanted to make love but, well, we couldn"t because I...I didn"t have a johnny."
"I"ve got dozens," Fillery said. "If you"d only asked me."
"How was I meant to know it would happen?" Niles protested. "That her parents weren"t going to be in? I thought it was just an invitation for tea, for G.o.d"s sake."
Niles, Holland and Panton stood at the back of the a.s.sembly hall. They were wearing cadet-force naval bell-bottoms rolled up to mid-calf, singlets and red-spotted neckerchiefs. In front of the stage Prothero was trying to get the school orchestra in tune. On stage Mr. Mulcaster, the art teacher, was applying final touches to his backdrop depicting the p.o.o.p deck of HMS Pinafore Pinafore. Mulcaster"s initials were T. A. M.: Thomas Anthony Mulcaster. He was known as Tampax Tony.
"Christ almighty, look at Tampax," Panton said scornfully. "It"s pathetic. I think he"s actually painting in a seagull."
"Ah, now that"s an original touch," Holland confessed. "Almost as good as his rigging and halyards."
"A seagull," Niles said. "What"s it supposed to be doing? Hovering in one spot for the entire course of the play?"
"Oh, no. He"s painting in a ship on the horizon. A three-master, me hearties, ar."
"We"ve got to work something out," Holland said seriously. "We must have something arranged for after the cast party. Think of something, for Christ"s sake."
"I"ve already told you," Panton said. "It"s got to be the squash courts. They"re ideal."
"Not a chance, mate," Niles said. "Do you know what would happen to me if we got caught?"
"Yes. You"d lose your squash colours," Panton said with heavy sarcasm.
"Jesus, Nilo," Holland pleaded. "You"re captain of squash. You"ve got the keys. We can lock the doors behind us. No one"ll know."
"It"s all very well for you. I"ll get the b.l.o.o.d.y boot."
"Come on, Quentin. Think of the orgy we can have. I"ve got blankets, booze. Look, I promised the girls we"d have a party. They"re expecting one. We haven"t got much time. It"ll all be over after Sat.u.r.day night. Gone. Finished."
Niles was pondering Holland"s use of the word orgy orgy.
"Okay," he said. "I"ll think about it. But I"m not promising anything, mind."
Alison wore a long, flouncy dress that looked as if it were made out of mattress ticking, and a bonnet. Niles stood beside her in the wings. He could hear the audience taking their seats.
"Like the costume," he said. "Nervous?"
Alison c.o.c.ked her head. "No, I don"t think I am, actually." Niles looked more closely at her. She grew daily more inscrutable. They had seen more of each other during the final run up to the play but he felt that the bizarre intimacy of their first encounter had never been approached. The prospect of inviting her to the party seemed an awesome task.
"Listen," he began. "Some of us are having a little "do" after the cast party on Sat.u.r.day night. Wondered if you"d fancy coming. You know, select little gathering."
"Sat.u.r.day night? After the cast party? Yes, okay."
"And I want you lot to think about me this time tomorrow night," Niles told his cowed and quiescent dormitory, "because"-he paused, exultation setting up a tremor in his voice-"because this time tomorrow night I shall be making love. Got that? Making love to a real girl."
Niles gazed transfixed across the stage at Alison. The final performance of HMS Pinafore HMS Pinafore was almost over. Mr. Booth, the physics master, as Captain Corcoran sang to b.u.t.tercup-a pre-p.u.b.escent boy called Martin-that wherever she might go, he would never be untrue to her. was almost over. Mr. Booth, the physics master, as Captain Corcoran sang to b.u.t.tercup-a pre-p.u.b.escent boy called Martin-that wherever she might go, he would never be untrue to her.
"What, never?" Niles and Alison and the company wanted to know.
"No, never," a.s.serted Captain Corcoran.
"What...never?" the cast repeated. the cast repeated.
"Well..." ad-libbed the Captain. "Hardly ever."
"Hardly ever be untrue to thee-ee-ee..." the cast echoed at full volume.
"I mean, be honest," Holland said to a.s.sorted members of the cast. "It"s pretty b.l.o.o.d.y, really. I mean, how these people turn up year in year out and pay good money to see that c.r.a.p I"ll never know." He ate some more of his cream bun and put his arm around Helen. "Ah, Quentin, old son," he said as Niles came into the dressing room with a paper cup of c.o.ke for Alison. "A word in your ear." Niles came over. "I think we can make our move now. Discreetly, though. See you outside the squash courts in five minutes."
"Be careful," Niles said to Alison. He held her arm supportively. "Watch out for these paving stones." Alison"s high heels seemed to ring out with unpropitious clarity as they walked across the courtyard to the squash courts. It was cold and dark and their breath hung in the air long enough for them to walk through the thin clouds before they dispersed. Alison"s hair was down and Niles thought she had never looked so beautiful. Her proximity to him and the thought of what was waiting suddenly seemed to make the simple act of walking hideously complicated. He felt as if a sob were lodged in the back of his throat, ready to spring from his mouth at any moment.
"I"m okay," Alison said, and he released her arm.
Holland and Panton were already there with Helen and Joyce.
"At last," Holland said. "What"ve you two been up to? Couldn"t wait, eh?" Everyone giggled. Niles bent his head more than he needed to unlock the door into the squash courts.
Inside number three court they spread rugs on the boards and sat in a circle round a solitary candle placed in a jam jar. Holland unpacked the picnic. There was some Gouda and Ryvita, a piece of Stilton, slices of salami, gherkins and two long, k.n.o.bbled Polish sausages. From his coat pockets Panton produced a bottle of South African sherry and half a bottle of gin. Paper cups were distributed and the drinks pa.s.sed round.
Niles drank some neat gin. "To Gilbert and Sullivan." He toasted the company.
"Ssh," Holland said. "Keep it down, Quentin. Your voice, I mean." There were sn.i.g.g.e.rs at this. Niles didn"t dare look at Alison"s shadowy face.
They ate their meal with a certain urgent decorum, conscious of the fact that it had to be got out of the way-but in no unseemly rush-before the night"s real business could commence. Eventually, after a prearranged nod from Holland, Panton said, "Quiet. I think I can hear someone outside." Then he leant forward and blew out the candle. This act was followed by a m.u.f.fled squeal from Joyce and a flurry of whispered instructions, scuffles and collisions as Holland and Pan-ton, Joyce and Helen, gathered up rugs and paper cups and groped their way out of the door to their respective squash courts, leaving number three to Alison and Niles.
Niles sat in a darkness so total it seemed solid and shifting, like deep water. He realised he was holding his breath and let it out slowly. He peered intensely in front of him, a screen of blasting mental supernova and arcing tracer bullets exploding before his eyes, brightening the absence of vision. Only the unyielding firmness of the court floor beneath his b.u.t.tocks anch.o.r.ed him to the dimensional world.
He heard Alison move. How close was she?
"Are you all right?" he whispered. He stretched out his hand, encountering nothing.
"Yes," she said. "Is there anyone?"
"I don"t think so. False alarm. Just Panton panicking." His hand touched her shoulder. "Sorry. Can"t see a thing."
"I"m here."
"Oh." The darkness began to retreat. He sensed rather than saw Alison. He moved across the rug, closer to her.
"b.l.o.o.d.y dark."
"Yes."
He moved his head towards her, gently, almost blindly, like two docking s.p.a.cecraft. After some soft b.u.mps and readjustments, their lips connected tenuously, then sealed. Niles felt his heart swell to inflate his chest as he felt her thin cool lips beneath his. This was the fifth girl he had kissed properly. It remained as thrilling and exciting as the first time. He wondered if he would always feel this way. With little grunts and discreet pressures he managed to lie Alison down on the rug. Her long hair caught across his face, strands filling his mouth which he had to pull free with his fingers. They kissed again. Niles felt enormously humble and reverential. The acc.u.mulated sensations of triumph and release in a kiss were almost enough for him really, but he promptly banished such heretical thoughts from his mind. He managed to get both his arms round Alison and he felt her hands move on his back. His head was resting comfortably on his own left shoulder, Alison"s head nestled in the crook of his left elbow. Their knees were touching; her face was perhaps three inches away from his. Some faint source of light picked out a curve on a cheekbone, a glimmer in an eye. The warm breath of her exhalations grazed his cheek. What should he do now? he wondered. Had he much time? What would she like him to do? What was she expecting? Perhaps she wanted to make love too? The novelty of this last idea came to him as rather a shock. He felt suddenly vulnerable and insecure; he sensed the alien presence of her femininity descend on and enfold him. He became immediately aware of his vast ignorance about Alison-the person, the girl-separating him ineluctably from her. Despite the fact that they were lying in each other"s arms, they might have been facing each other across some great river estuary. The figure on the far bank was a girl"s, yes, but that was all he knew.
He felt a gentle shaking. He woke up with a start. His eyes were open but he saw nothing. He sat up. His left arm was dead. It flopped lifelessly at his side.
"You"ve been asleep," Alison said. "I"ve got to go."
"What?"
"It"s just gone eleven. I"ve got to get the last bus."
"Jesus. Asleep? You mean I ...? How long was ...?"
"You just drifted off. You"ve been sleeping about half an hour. I didn"t want to wake you."
Niles felt shame and disgrace cause tears to p.r.i.c.kle at the corner of his eyes. He picked up his left hand and started to ma.s.sage it. In the darkness it was like holding an amputated limb. To his right hand his nerveless left felt rough and calloused, like a stranger"s.
"Can you find the door?"
They went outside. Alison wondered about the remains of the picnic. Niles told her he"d clean up in the morning before anyone came.
He was about to lock the door. "What about the others?" he asked, fighting to keep the bitterness from his voice.
"They left about ten minutes ago. I heard them going."
Niles locked the squash court door. He gazed bleakly round him. Alison stood patiently, knotting her scarf at her throat. It was a sharp, frosty night. The school buildings loomed on either side, dark and unpeopled.
"I"d better go, Quentin," Alison said.
"I"ll come with you to the bus stop."
They sat out together, Niles looking nervously back over his shoulder. He was taking a calculated risk. The bus stop lay half a mile beyond the school gates. If he was caught out of bounds with a girl at this time of night he would be in serious trouble. But equally he felt that whatever happened, nothing should prevent him from being with Alison at this moment. They walked on in silence. Niles" mind was a tangle of conflicting emotions. Sentences formed in his head, only to split into whirling separate words like some modish animated film. He felt he should say something, explain that he hadn"t meant to fall asleep, allude to his romantic plans, but his tongue and his mind refused to co-ordinate. His brain seemed to lock into an imbecille stupidity. He couldn"t do anything right.
At the school gates he let Alison stride confidently through and go a little way down the road before he snaked beneath the lodge windows, squirmed through the side gate and made a sequence of zigzag dashes from bush to tree trunk, like a commando behind enemy lines, before he caught up with her.
Alison stood in the middle of the road waiting for him. "That"s a bit dramatic, isn"t it?"
"I"m out of bounds, you see. If I get caught..."
"I don"t want you to get into trouble, Quentin."
"Forget it, really. I don"t care." He took her hand. There was a small shelter by the bus stop.... "Come on, let"s go." They walked briskly down the road.
The shelter was empty. A nearby street light threw the graffiti carved on its green wooden bench into high relief. Small drifts of cigarette packs, soft-drink cans and wrappers were banked beneath it.
"Alison," Niles began. "Listen. I have to say this. I don"t want you to think that..."
"Here it comes," cried Alison, as the bus appeared round the corner. "That was lucky."
The bus stopped. She gave him a swift kiss on the cheek, so swift it was almost a clash of heads, and got on. Niles looked at the single-decker bus. Inside, it was soft-yellow and smoky. A couple of old women looked curiously back at him. On the rear seats some louts drank beer from cans. Alison stood at the top of the steps, her back to him, buying her ticket from the driver. Her long legs seemed twin symbols of rebuke.
"I"ll phone," he shouted, louder than he meant. It sounded like a grievance, a threat. She turned, smiled, and walked down the bus to take her seat. Niles saw her thick dark hair on her blazer, saw her head toss as she sat down. She waved. The bus drove off. He didn"t wave back.
Niles walked morosely up the drive. He walked on the verge, ready to duck behind one of the beech trees that lined the road should a car come by. He stumbled over a root, stopped, turned and kicked savagely at it. In a sombre mood of rea.s.sessment he cursed his school, the closed society he was compelled to live in, his demanding, predatory, so-called friends. "Women," his father had once patronisingly told him, "are a lifetime"s study." He was off to a late start then, he observed grimly, and wondered if he would ever catch up. He felt suddenly exhausted by the daily, monotonous absorption with s.e.x, disgusted by the lonely idolatry of masturbation. He felt that his s.e.xual nature, whatever it might be, was irretrievably corrupted.
He paused and took a few deep breaths, trying to shake the mood from him. At this point the drive curved gently to the right, back towards main school. On his left and ahead of him lay a wide flat expanse of playing fields, fixed and still under a faint starlight. His house lay in that direction. It would be quicker, but he wondered if he dared expose himself on the open s.p.a.ce. He made up his mind. He set off, breaking into a steady jog, feeling the frost cracking under his feet, puffing his condensed breath ahead of him like a steam engine. He loped silently and strongly across the pitches. He felt that he could run for ever. He would be back in the dorm before twelve. They would all be waiting for him. Fillery had said they"d stay up specially. They wanted to know everything, Fillery had said, every little detail. The b.a.s.t.a.r.ds, Niles said to himself, smiling. His mind began to work. He"d give them a good story tonight, all right. They wouldn"t forget this one in a long time. He ran on, a strange jubilation lengthening his stride.
The Care and Attention of Swimming Pools
Listen to this. Read it to yourself. Out loud. Read it slow and think about it.
A swimming pool is like a child, Leave it alone and it will surely run wild.
Who said that? Answer: Me. I did.
WINTERING.
"Can I swim?" says Noelle-Joy. "It"s a fantastic pool."
Much as I would like to see her jugs in a swimsuit, I have to say no.
"Aw. Pretty please? Why not?"
"I"m afraid the pool is wintering."
Noelle-Joy squints skeptically up at the clear blue sky. There"s not even any smog today. She exposes the palms of her hands to the sun"s powerful rays.
"But it"s hot hot, man. Anyways, we don"t get no winter in L.A.," she argues.