"Maybe never."
Janelle"s hands slammed down on the table. "G.o.ddammit, Maryl! Someone is begging you to let her love you and you"re acting like she"s got the plague! Some of us aren"t that lucky and it p.i.s.ses me off!"
Maryl was momentarily stunned as Janelle burst into tears and ran from the room. In all the time they"d known each other, Maryl could count on one hand the number of times she had seen Janelle cry. The front door slammed and she shook her head before setting her cup on the table. She could hear the El Camino turning over, but as usual, it wouldn"t start. Maryl ran outside and opened the car door. "Come back inside, Janelle."
"Why?"
Maryl looked around nervously. "Because I"m in my underwear."
Janelle put her hands together on the steering wheel and rested her forehead on them. "I don"t know if Robin is the one for you," she choked, "but if any man ever did for me what she"s done for you, I"d be the happiest woman alive."
"Come inside," Maryl repeated. "Come on." Janelle allowed herself to be drawn back into the house and Maryl poured her a cup of coffee before sitting down. Taking a guess, Maryl spoke. "I thought things were going well with Carlos."
Janelle wiped at her eyes. "Yeah, well, I knew things weren"t right. I told you that. Remember?"
Maryl nodded. "What happened?"
"He met someone else." Janelle shrugged her shoulders. "He was fun, but I think I knew that it wouldn"t go anywhere. It was just a matter of time."
"Still...I"m sorry."
Janelle"s hands twisted uncomfortably. "I need you to see her."
"Why?" She asked in genuine confusion.
"Because you give me courage. The way you keep searching for the right woman gives me hope."
Maryl was almost speechless in surprise. "Hope?"
"I know I give you a hard time about The One. But it"s only a cover so you won"t know how lonely I am."
Maryl thought her heart might break for her friend. "Oh, Janelle..."
"I want you to succeed. I want you to find The One because when you do, it means that I can believe that there"s a man out there who will love me back. I need to believe it. So when I see you pushing someone away, it makes me feel lost and hopeless. I"m not telling you to marry her-I"m saying that you should talk to her. Find out if she"s The One for you. If she"s not, then you can move on. But, I think that in your heart you know that she is The One. You"ve been searching for her all your life and now that she"s here, you don"t know what to do. It was different on the camping trip because you knew when it would be over. You could surrender your heart because you knew what would happen. Now you don"t have that security."
Tears formed in Maryl"s eyes at the accuracy of Janelle"s words. "I"m scared that if I get to know her again I"ll find out it was just an infatuation. I need to believe that it was love and that it could have lasted if things had been different."
"I understand what you"re saying," Janelle said softly, "but things are different now. If she is The One, you can"t let her go. She might be the only chance you ever have at a long term relationship."
"I don"t know if I"m capable of having a long term relationship."
Janelle gripped her hand. "The truth is, you suck at short term relationships."
Maryl blinked.
"You do," Janelle insisted. "They all end in disaster. Maybe it"s time to try something new. What"s her track record?"
"I only know bits and pieces."
"Well?" Janelle urged.
"A one night stand and a twelve year relationship."
"Okay." Janelle seemed to perk up. "By moving here she"s proved that your affair wasn"t a one night stand. She wants more. She"s had a long-term relationship and apparently she sees something in you that makes her think that it could work between the two of you. Go talk to her about it. Find out what she knows. Find out what she wants. It doesn"t mean you have to fall into line with her plans."
Maryl took a deep breath and held it. If she hadn"t wanted to see Robin, it would have been easy to say no. She was still afraid, but knowing that it really was inevitable made it a relief to acquiesce. "Okay."
Janelle slumped and put her head on the table. "Jeez, Maryl. You can be so stubborn that when you finally move it leaves me in need of medical attention."
Maryl considered her options. Her fear now was that she would immediately fall into Robin"s arms and it would all unravel before she had the sense to figure out how she felt. Using her past as a guide how not to approach her, she tried to think how to make everything different. It seemed logical that if she wanted the relationship to be different from what she was used to, she would have to be different.
The sensible first step would be to meet her in a place that discouraged intimacy. Someplace casual and public, but comfortable. Rupert should come, too. They had never talked about pets and she needed to know up front if Robin had a problem with dogs. It occurred to her that she needed a second opinion of Robin-someone who could help her keep things in perspective. Janelle would be perfect for that.
Maryl existed inside of her antic.i.p.ation. Now that she had decided, she was anxious to make things happen. "You have to come with me."
Janelle"s head popped up and a grin formed. "I thought I would have to beg."
"I need someone to keep me grounded."
"You need a chaperone," Janelle teased.
"True," Maryl admitted. "But I also need a second opinion."
"You"ve got it. Can we call her now?"
Janelle followed her into the bedroom and paced as Maryl lifted the phone onto the bed. Her heart was in her throat and her hands started to shake. She closed her eyes in an effort to regain control of her emotions.
"Just do it," Janelle encouraged her. "It won"t get easier, so do it fast. Don"t think about it. It"s just like ripping off a bandage."
Maryl lifted the handset and pushed redial. She felt faint as it rang. There was a hitch in the fourth ring and the tone changed. It rang twice more and she prepared to hang up when Robin"s voice came on the line.
"h.e.l.lo, Maryl."
She blinked in surprise. "How...How did you know it was me?"
"Caller ID. Can you hang on for a second?"
She nodded, knowing Robin couldn"t see her, but unable to speak coherently. She looked up to see Janelle shifting her weight excitedly from side to side. The hope in her face was vivid and made Maryl her own nervousness ease. "I"m on hold," she explained.
"No, you"re not," Robin"s voice said softly in her ear. "I"m trying to get some privacy."
Maryl looked down at her bedspread and picked at a loose string. "Where are you?"
"Larry"s Food Mart. In the produce section."
"I shop there," Maryl said for lack of anything better to say.
"Really? Can I ask why? As opposed to the other supermarkets in town, I mean."
Maryl was a little at odds at the direction the conversation was taking, but she did her best to answer honestly. "Mostly because it"s closest to where I live, but it also has the best meat section and the prices are compet.i.tive."
"Have you ever noticed that the produce section doesn"t smell like produce?"
She had to think about it, but she realized that Robin was right. "Why is that?"
"Nothing is vine ripened. They pick it green and use gases to make it look ripe, but the texture is still green. Okay. I"m alone." A smile entered her voice. "I didn"t expect to hear from you so soon. Did you get any sleep?"
Maryl tried to ignore Janelle"s curiosity. "Yeah. I just got up. Um...I was wondering if...maybe we could...meet somewhere. Just for a little bit." She felt like an inexperienced teenager asking for a dance and it made her blush. "If you have time..."
"Of course I have time," Robin said gently. "Where?"
"The park?"
"Which one?"
"Riverside. It"s at the foot of Seventh Street."
"What time?"
Maryl looked up at her friend. "Two o"clock?" Janelle nodded vigorously.
"Sounds good. What are you going to wear?"
"Huh?"
"Should I be casual or dressy-butch or femme? Do you have a preference?"
Maryl was at a loss and it suddenly reminded her that she had to figure out what she was going to wear. "What are you wearing now?"
"Sort of casually professional."
"That sounds fine."
"Okay. See you soon."
Maryl nodded and hung up.
"Tell," Janelle demanded.
Maryl covered her mouth and tried to steady her heart rate. "What am I going to wear?"
Janelle bounced over to her closet. "Why don"t you take a shower and I"ll pick something out for you."
PART FOUR.
"ARE YOU SURE about this?"
Janelle elbowed her. "You look s.e.xy. Can you see her?"
Maryl had picked a bench in the middle of the park, their backs to the river so she could see Robin as soon as she arrived. She wasn"t happy with the old, faded blue jeans Janelle had insisted she wear though they were extremely comfortable. A white angora sweater and sneakers completed the outfit, but she felt like she was wearing hand-me-downs. Rupert"s leash was wrapped in one fist and he lay under the bench waiting for her to drop it so he could go chase ducks.
"She"s going to think I don"t have any nice clothes," Maryl whined.
"Trust me," Janelle said absently. "I would kill to have your a.s.s and those jeans set it off perfectly."
"You stare at my a.s.s?"
"I don"t stare at it. I just notice it."
Maryl was very nervous and any distraction was a good one. "It"s noticeable? Why didn"t you ever tell me? All this time I"ve been walking around with a huge a.s.s and you never said anything?"
Janelle sighed in frustration. "It"s not huge, Maryl. Calm down. It"s just perfect. That"s why it"s noticeable."
Maryl loved giving Janelle a hard time. That it was so easy to do took away none of her enjoyment in it. "What about my b.r.e.a.s.t.s? Are they noticeable, too?"
"They"re fine."
"Fine? This is just great. My a.s.s is too big and my t.i.ts are too small and my best friend of seven years doesn"t bother to tell me until it"s too late to do anything about it."
Janelle looked like she was going to bite. "You lesbians are all the same. Trying to ensnare innocent women with your filthy h.o.m.os.e.xual ways."
"Hey," Maryl laughed. "You"re the one who started talking about my a.s.s. And since when do you claim to be innocent?"
"I wasn"t talking about me." Janelle pointed past her. "Is that her?"
Maryl"s heart thumped wildly until she saw it was a false alarm. "No. And don"t point. Didn"t your mother teach you any manners at all? I"ll tell you when I see her."
When the moment came, however, she watched her walk halfway across the park before she admitted it was Robin. In her heart, she knew it was Robin immediately, but her brain just wouldn"t admit the truth. She was wearing pressed gray slacks and a white blouse with a dark blue blazer and she looked elegant and self-a.s.sured. Maryl felt like a b.u.m in her jeans.
"Is that her?" Janelle asked in a hushed voice. "Wow."
Maryl"s emotions tangled themselves into an indecipherable mess. Speech was completely beyond her. All she could see was Robin"s smile. Even talking to her on the phone had not prepared her for the power of her feelings. She had never quite believed that she was here, but the proof was standing in front of her and she was helpless.
Rupert seemed to sense that something was happening and came out from under the bench to investigate. Maryl watched as Robin reached down to him in slow motion and let him smell her hand. Golden brown eyes came up and drilled into her.
"Hi, Maryl."
The voice, the eyes, the clothes, the impossibility of it all made Maryl feel like she was going to faint. Even Janelle"s elbow in her ribs had no effect.
Janelle snorted at her and took over. "My name is Janelle. I"m her best friend."
Maryl watched as they shook hands.
"Robin. And who is this?" She crouched and let Rupert lick her face.
"His name is Rupert," Janelle said with a worried glance at Maryl. "He"s Maryl"s dog. Do you like dogs?"
"Yes, I do," she crooned to Rupert, her hands buried in his thick fur. "Aren"t you a handsome lad? Have you been taking good care of your mom? You have? What a good little prince you are." She stood up and smiled at Maryl before turning her attention to Janelle. "Are you here to protect her? Just curious? Maybe to give a second opinion?"