After a time she undressed and went to bed, calmer and more at peace with herself than for some time. The inevitable does that for us. "I can"t live with a man I don"t love--it isn"t right," she thought, and gradually a glow of self-appreciation for her courage in refusing, even at the ninth hour, to make the woman"s terrible sacrifice of her sacred self came to her rescue. Her sentimental education, with its woman"s creed of the omnipotence of love, had rea.s.serted itself.
"I tried," she said in her heart, "but I couldn"t--it wasn"t the real, right thing."
Of course she had known this all along, but she treated it now as a new discovery. And she went to sleep, sooner than one might expect under the circ.u.mstances.
VI
THE DEPTHS
But the next day, as the French say, it was to pay. When Milly kissed her father at the breakfast table, his mournful eyes and drooping mouth showed plainly that he knew the disaster.
"I couldn"t, father," she murmured weepily.
"It"s all right, daughter," the little man responded bravely, fumbling with his fork and knife.
But her grandmother did not mince matters. It was all well enough for a girl to have her own way as Milly had had hers, but now she had made a nice mess of things,--put them all in a ridiculous position. Who was she to be so particular, to consider herself such a queen? etc., etc. Milly took it all in silence. She knew that she deserved it in part.
At last Horatio intervened. He didn"t want his daughter to feel forced to marry a man she couldn"t be happy with, not for all Danner"s millions. Business was bad, to be sure, but he was a man yet and could find something to do to support his daughter.
"I hope it ends all this society business for good," Mrs. Ridge put in with a hard little laugh. "If you don"t want to marry, you can go to work."
"I will," said Milly, humbly.
"Don"t be hard on her, mother," Horatio whispered into the old lady"s ear. "It don"t do no good now."
But after he had left, Mrs. Ridge turned on Milly again.
"I don"t suppose you know the trouble your father is in."
"We"re always hard up.... Anything new?"
She had been so fully preoccupied with her own affairs these past months she had not realized that the tea and coffee business was getting into worse straits than ever. Everything, she had optimistically reckoned, would be smoothed out by her marriage.
"Bankruptcy--that"s what"s coming," her grandmother informed her, with an acid satisfaction in being able to record the fulfilment of her prophecies. "That comes of your father"s trying a new business at his age--and Hoppers" was so sure. He"d have been a department head by now, if he had stayed."
"I thought the fair concession made a lot of money."
Mrs. Ridge gave her the facts. It seemed that Horatio, always optimistic and trusting, had put this new venture in the hands of a man who had talked well, but had cheated him outrageously, and finally absconded after the close of the Fair, leaving behind debts contracted in the firm"s name. The losses had wiped out all the profits of the concession and more, and this, added to the general business depression, was bad enough. But there was worse. Snowden had suddenly demanded his money.
Using the defalcation as an excuse he alleged Horatio"s bad management, and wanted an immediate settlement of the firm"s affairs. That meant the end--bankruptcy, as Mrs. Ridge said. Awful word!
"But it"s outrageous of Mr. Snowden!" Milly cried.
"It seems he"s that kind. He got ahead of your father in the partnership agreement, and now the lawyer says he can do anything he likes--sell out the business if he wants to.... And we"ve got this house on our hands for another year," she added sourly, bringing home to Milly her share in the general misfortune.
Then the little old lady gathered up the breakfast dishes, while Milly sat and looked at the dreary wall of the next house. It was pretty bad.
Still she could not feel sorry for what she had done....
"I"ll see Mr. Snowden myself," she announced at last.
Her grandmother looked at her curiously.
"What good will that do?"
Milly, recollecting the old offence, blushed. Latterly as the prospective wife of a rich man she had a.s.sumed certain airs of her putative social position, and thought she could "manage" easily a common sort of person like this Snowden man. Now she realized with a sudden sinking of spirits it was all different. She possessed no longer any authority other than that of an attractive, but poor, young woman with "a good manner."
During the next few days she was destined to feel this change in her position repeatedly. If the news of her engagement to an "eligible" man had spread rapidly, the announcement of the disaster to her engagement seemed miraculously immediate. She had just begun with her grandmother"s help to prepare to return her engagement gifts, as her grandmother insisted was the proper thing to do, when in rushed the Norton girls, quite breathless. Sally greeted her with a jovial laugh.
"So you"ve dropped him! I told Ted, Milly would never stand for those balcony seats!" She rippled with laughter at the humor of the situation.
Milly, revived by her att.i.tude, related the cab and car incidents. "He was--horrid."
"They"re all like that, those New Englanders--afraid to spend their money," Sally commented lightly.
Vivie took the sentimental view.
"Your heart was never in it, dear," she said consolingly.
"Of course it wasn"t--I never pretended it was!"
"That sort of thing can"t last."
Milly, now quite rea.s.sured, gave a drole imitation of Clarence Albert"s last remarks,--"She doesn"t love me, Mrs. Ridge--Milly doesn"t really love me!"
She trilled the words mischievously. Sally roared with pleasure. Vivie said, "Of course you couldn"t marry him--not that!"
And Milly felt that she was right. No, she could not do _that_: she had been true to herself, true to her feelings,--woman"s first duty,--a little late, to be sure.
But a full realization of her situation did not come until she appeared in public. Then she began to understand what she had done in discarding her suitable fiance. Nettie Gilbert hardly invited her to sit when she called. She said severely:--
"Yes, Clarence told me all about it. He feels very badly. It was very frivolous of you, Milly. I should not have _thought it possible_."
She treated Milly as the one soul saved who, after being redeemed, had fled the flock. Milly protested meekly, "But I didn"t care for him, Nettie, not the least little bit."
Mrs. Gilbert, who remembered her Roy, replied severely, "At least you ought to have known your own mind before this."
"He _is_ mean," Milly flared.
"And you are rather extravagant, I"m afraid, my dear!"
That relation ended there, at least its pleasant intimacy. And so it went from house to house, especially among the settled married folk, who regarded Milly as inconceivably foolish and silly. Who was she to be so scrupulous about her precious heart? Even the younger, unmarried sort had a knowing and disapproving look on their faces when she met them. As for the stream of invitations, there was a sudden drought, as of a parched desert, and the muteness of the telephone after its months of perpetual twinkle was simply ghastly.
So Milly was learning that there is one worse experience in life than not "making good," and that is, giving the appearance of it and then collapsing. This was the collapse. Sympathy was all with Clarence Albert, except among a few frivolous or sentimental souls, like Sally and Vivie. Young women having the means, who found themselves in Milly"s situation,--with a broken engagement on their hands at the beginning of the season,--would at once have gone abroad or to California or the South, to distract themselves, rest their wounded hearts, and allow the world to forget their affairs, as it promptly would. At least they would have tried settlement work. But Milly had no money for such gentle treatment. She had to run the risk of bruising her sensibilities whenever she set foot out of doors, and she was too healthy-minded to sit long at home and mope. And home was not a pleasant place these days.
Still, she said to herself defiantly, she was not sorry for what she had done. A woman"s first duty was to her heart, etc.