Ore no Kanojo to Osananajimi ga Shuraba Sugiru

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The resort facility that Saeko-san had referred us to had a detached building on the high ground which faced the beach. It was a compact and elegant two-story building, with a brand new facade and very clean interior. It looked like it was a cozy place to spend three days at.

After obtaining the key from the hotel manager and listening to all kinds of relevant information, we sat down on the living room sofa to discuss the next activities on our schedule.

"Huh? Of course we"re going swimming, right?"

Chiwa said as she started doing stretching exercises on the spot.

"I"m already wearing a swimsuit underneath my clothes."

"Are you an elementary school student?"

Chiwa looked as if she was ready to take off her clothes and rush to the beach, after all, she really liked to swim.

"We didn"t come here to swim. We"re here for club activities."

Masuzu thus said, using a demeanor befitting of a club president.

"Since you have the free time to splash about in salt water, we might as well turn this into a "popucute" practice for monopolizing all the attention on the beach.

"That"s because Natsukawa can"t swim, right?"

"No, I can swim, but I don"t need to hide a flat loli-body underwater, unlike a certain someone."

"Who"s got a loli-body?!"

Like usual, I tried to appease them with "Okay, okay" and said:

"Hime, what do you want to do?"

"I want to make a one-thousandth scale model of the castle, "Anastasia", that I lived in in my past life."

In short, she wanted to play in the sand. Well, that really was a cla.s.sic.

"And Fuyuumi?"

"How about picking up sea sh.e.l.ls? Isn"t that quite suited for maidens?"

"Oh, that"s a good one."

Since I was in a rush to head out in the morning and didn"t have breakfast, I was very hungry at the moment. I really wanted to eat clams, sh.e.l.lfish, and things like that.

"Then what does Ei-kun want to do?"

"Eh? Me, I... I want to split a watermelon."

Rather, I didn"t so much want to split a watermelon. I rather really wanted to eat one.

Masuzu clapped her hands and said:

"Then let"s do everything."

"Ha?"

"Because, it"s popucute sea bathing, popucute playing in the sand, popucute picking sh.e.l.ls, and popucute watermelon splitting. It"s fine if we just do all of those."

"There"s no reason to put "popucute" in front of each one."

How could one become popular by splitting a watermelon? Are we going to give slices away free of charge after splitting it?

"We can also consider these activities to be a special training for the beauty contest. Even though it"s already a fact that I"m going to place first, I still want everyone else to get decent places, too."

Masuzu gave a provocative smile and the expressions of the other three changed.

"Then let"s do it! I"ll show you why my swimming style is called "The Chihuahua that dropped into the water"!"

Chiwa, I don"t think that phrase has anything to do with praising.

""Anastasia" is no ordinary castle. It"s a fighting fortress equipped with a spirit magic engine. Apart from the main cannon, "Salamander"s ThunderFire Dragon"s Lighting", it is equipped with 255 magic cannons, and possesses enough firepower to destroy Mars ten times over."

Hime, even if it can destroy Mars ten or even a hundreds times, unpopular things will stay unpopular.

"While the sea breeze is sweeping my hair and I delicately hold a cherry-colored sh.e.l.l next to my ear… Let me show you who is the best suited in the mannerisms of a maiden."

Forget about that, Fuyuumi. If you find any clams, you can bring them back to the hotel to make miso soup. Or we could use wine to steam it.

—Of course, if I would have happened to throw a tsukkomi here, it would have been totally and utterly ignored.

After everyone returned to their rooms to change, we borrowed an entire set of beach equipment from the beachside clubhouse before we headed to the beach.

When we had originally walked from the station, I had never noticed the strong scent of the beach. Hot sand pushed in through the cracks of my sandals. A flood of FM radio sounds poured from the beachside clubhouse along with the sound of waves leaping and people swimming and playing in the water. All together formed a unique palette of noise that struck my naked upper body.

The sea.

The genuine sea.

What"s with this? for some reason the excitement is running really high!

"IT"S——————THE———————SEA!"

Next to the place where Masuzu and I set up the parasol and the beach chair, Chiwa suddenly pulled Hime"s hand and rushed with her towards the sea.

"Wait a minute, you should warm up first!"

—Even despite Fuyuumi"s stern screams, everything just flew into one ear and out the other.

"Ch-Chihuahua, isn"t it really scary? Isn"t it?"

"Hahahaha, don"t be afraid, don"t be afraid! Let"s go! One, two, three, jump!"

Chiwa fearlessly faced the incoming wave and even submerged in the water via diving. As she was still holding onto Hime"s hand, she was forced to follow, and the two of them stirred up huge waves after they slid into the sea.

"Yay—♪ This feels great—!"

"I have finally conquered the seven seas...!"

Chiwa"s innocent laughter and the witch-like "Fufufu" laugh of Hime overlapped.

I was stunned.

"Are they children?"

"Seriously. There"s no way for them to be popular."

Masuzu hugged her knees as she sat under the parasol, I could feel a "yare, yare".

"And? Are you really not going to swim?"

"…To say such malicious things. Do you think that it will be forgiven just because it"s Eita-kun?"

Hey, she"s angry. She"s actually really concerned about the "not being able to swim" thing.

On the other hand, it looked like Fuyuumi had immediately begun to pick up sh.e.l.ls. After having brushed aside her smooth and supple hair, she knelt down and stared at the white sand. That appearance was actually quite good and it might make her quite popular.

"How is it? Are there any clams? Any sh.e.l.lfish?"

"Sorry, I"m not digging for clams... Ah!"

Fuyuumi lifted a tiny white sh.e.l.l and happily handed it to me.

"Hey, Kidou-kun, don"t you think the shape of that one is like a heart?"

"Really? I feel like it looks like fried horse mackerel."

Heck, I was getting more and more hungry.

Also, it was almost noon, so I could probably go to the beachside clubhouse to buy something before it got too crowded.

Fuyuumi"s face twitched slightly as she stared at the sh.e.l.l and said:

"T-There has to be another piece that"s shaped exactly like this one, somewhere out there. Why don"t we look for it together?"

"Look for fried horse mackerel?"

Fuyuumi"s shoulders started to tremble and the fried horse mackerel sh.e.l.l clasped within her hands gave a "crackle" sound.

"I don"t care anymore, Ta-kun, you idiot!"

Fuyuumi gave a "hmph" and turned away, with heavy footsteps she walked into the sea. What made you so angry, A-chan?

"It looks like Fuuyumi-san"s "popucute power" can"t match up with Eita"s "thick-head power"."

Masuzu said rather indifferently. Because Chiwa and the rest of them weren"t nearby, she had turned into "cold Masuzu" mode.

"So, what"s your "popucute power"?"

"...It"s just as you can see."

I did as Masuzu said and looked around. Even though they were standing rather far away in a circle, there was still a small crowd of people, and the s.e.x ratio appeared to be approximately seven to three, male to female. Most of them were watching Masuzu. Some of them looked enchanted, and others were whispering into their companion"s ears.

It looked like the destructive power of silver hair and blue eyes had significant influence even at the sea.

"This ability to catch attention is at the level of a koala in a zoo."

"Hmph, who"s a koala biscuit[1]?"

"I didn"t say that! Don"t tell me you"re filled with chocolate on the inside?"

Masuzu twisted as she held her knees, as if she wanted to hide her body. Even though she should"ve been accustomed to being looked at, it must have been uncomfortable to be treated as a "showpiece".

I took a towel from my bag, and covered Masuzu with it.

From around me, I heard something from the men that sounded like sighs, "don"t do unnecessary things", but I played dumb and ignored it.

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Masuzu"s eyes stared at me sharply.

"You"re acting lovestruck. What"s the meaning of this?"

"Well, we are here on this boarding trip to demonstrate to Chiwa and the rest that we really are "boyfriend and girlfriend", right?"

Masuzu pouted and wrapped the towel around herself:

"...Then, I"ll thank you first."

"Hooo."

"But those three weren"t looking this way at all."

I looked in the direction Masuzu pointed, and those three were certainly not paying attention to anyone else.

Chiwa was shouting, "Yahhh—!", as she was swimming towards a rock with a long pine tree growing on it. Hime and Fuyuumi were unceasingly piling up sand. The battle fortress "Anastasia" seemed to be quite a big thing, as the amount of sand piled up for the foundation was quite amazing. Though, it didn"t look as if it could destroy Mars. But it was at least enough to make their muscles quite sore tomorrow.

"Everyone"s enjoying themselves."

Even though I didn"t know what was being popucute about it.

—Whatever, it was still quite peaceful!

♦

After playing for about an hour, it was time to eat lunch.

At the beachside clubhouse, we bought five portions of fried noodles and lemon soda, and then ate under the beach parasols.

"Tastes incredible."

Hime said immediately after taking a bite of noodles.

"Well the taste itself is so-so, the sauce is only salty without flavor, and most of all there"s still the taste of flour— But what"s incredible is that it still makes you want to eat more and more."

Apart from her Chuunibyou talk, Hime rarely spoke much, so it was surprising that she paid that much attention to the taste.

"No matter what you eat at the beach, it"s all delicious—"

Chiwa had long ago emptied the food in her container and was currently slurping the lemonade. You should clean off the pieces of seaweed that are still stuck to your cheek. Like this, you"re pretty far from becoming popucute.

"The reason why the taste is so heavy is probably due to peeping up people who are tired from swimming, I wonder if they thought about it like that."

As if she were eating pasta, Fuyuumi rolled up little pieces of noodle around her chopsticks and placed them in her mouth. It was quite a unique way to eat them.

With regards to Masuzu, who normally didn"t eat very much, she was almost finished with eating the fried noodles at the seaside. It was a really good thing, because I was getting worried whether this girl ever had a proper meal or not.

After waiting for Hime, who ate the slowest, Masuzu opened her mouth and said:

"Eita-kun, could you please prepare the dessert."

"Ha?"

"Wasn"t it your suggestion after all? Here."

Masuzu pointed to a watermelon which had been bought from the beachside clubhouse (I had been forced to pay).

It looked like she wanted me to "split it"!

"Good luck, Ei-kun! You have to hit it popucute-ly!"

"With Eita"s popucute-ly smooth swordsmanship, this should be easy."

"As a popucute disciplinary committee member, I will help score your splitting of the watermelon with good intentions only!"

Ahhhh, just drop the "popucute, popucute" already!

I was asked to sit with my back to the watermelon, as Masuzu used a towel to blindfold me.

"Oh, where"s the stick?"

"We don"t have such a thing."

"How am I supposed to split it without it?!"

"For that, please just use your head."

"So I need to figure out a good way of splitting it myself?"

"Yeah. Just handle it easily by ruthlessly banging your head onto it."

"That"s quite the physical interpretation!"

Masuzu ignored my protests and declared, "now begin!".

For the time being I stood up and took the first step, but— N-Now, what was I supposed to do?

At this time, there was a clap from the right.

"Heeeey, Ei-kun, this way, this way♪"

It was Chiwa"s voice, so I started walking towards the right.

Then a voice came from the left:

"No, Eita, that way is to the underworld. Come to my side!"

Thus, Hime let out a cute voice and I corrected my path towards the left.

This time, a voice came diagonally right behind me:

"Kidou-kun, this way! You"ll never go wrong listening to a disciplinary committee member!"

Hence, after Fuyuumi said that, I shifted my path towards her direction.

But from behind me, Masuzu"s voice came.

"Everyone"s trying to trick you! I"m the only one who"s telling the truth!"

How could it be behind me? I changed direction, and the three of them protested simultaneously:

"Natsukawa is the only one you definitely can"t listen to!"

"The president is a dark demon G.o.d… A chaos demon king… Devil general…"

"You have to be careful, these women will corrupt you!"

And so the three of them said in unison, "Don"t trust Masuzu".

—Well, what am I supposed to do?

In the past, it hasn"t turned out well when I was ordered around by Masuzu.

The possibility of getting burned this time is also very high.

But in this situation, how could a "boyfriend" not believe in his "girlfriend"?

Then I"ll take the chance and throw myself into the frying pan!

In Masuzu"s direction, I forcefully stamped on the sand and approached step by step, as for the noises that came behind me from Chiwa and the club, I didn"t put any attention to it.

"Masuzu, where"s the watermelon?"

"From your position, five meters straight forward, and then please jump and catch it."

"...Can I trust you?"

"Of course, something wonderful will happen."

Then I"ll strengthen my resolve.

I moved to the point where Masuzu indicated, lowered my stance, and then jumped forward.

*momyu[2]*

—Huh?

My face seemed to have hit something.

This isn"t a watermelon, right? I doubt that there is a watermelon that is this round?

It was rather springy, and my fingers seemed to fit over it just right. Also, there was this indescribable wonderful fragrance.

Furthermore, there were two watermelons, gently enveloping my cheek.

"How is it, Eita-kun? Aren"t these watermelons… delicious?"

Masuzu spoke as if she were trying to hold back her laugh, her voice tingled my ears.

Hmph.

I understand the punchline.

I never expected she would use such an old-fashioned tactic.

Many would think of this as "something wonderful".

It does feel incredibly good.

"Ei-kun! W-W-W-Whalt are yooouuu doimg?!"

"…You didn"t come to hug me..."

"S-S-Shameful—!"

I heard voices full of hatred.

After this, what"s waiting for me is h.e.l.l.

A h.e.l.l which goes by the name of mayhemshuraba.

For that very reason... Might as well just stay a little bit more. Just stay a little bit more like this…

♦

I don"t really want to remember what happened afterward.

The disciplinary committee member wrote on my back with an oil pen, "I am a shameless man", and the entire afternoon I was stuck in the predicament of watching over the bags. I truly felt it was a good thing that I brought by textbook.

Well, at least in terms of trying to demonstrate our relationship as girlfriend and boyfriend to them, it wasn"t a bad show... I tried to comfort myself with that.

When I looked in the mirror after I had showered when we had returned to the hotel, I discovered that those words were the only part of my body that wasn"t tanned. It looked as if I"d have to spend the rest of the summer carrying the "shameless" text.

"Hmph! I"ve been branded with the crime, huh?"

I muttered that like a Chuunibyou warrior, my fingers tracing the words on my back.

Ahh, having said that—

"I just need to rub it a little bit moooooooooooore!"