Ore no Kanojo to Osananajimi ga Shuraba Sugiru

And like this, a week had pa.s.sed.

To me, every day had pa.s.sed smoothly. To Masuzu, every day had been awfully boring. To Chiwa, every day had pa.s.sed without progress.

Even though we made various plans every day, there were few opportunities to implement them in front of Sakagami’s little brother. Or, regarding that matter, we were also unable to cooperate, so when club activities were over, we wouldn’t have gotten anything done.

But this was fine by me.

There were two weeks before the start of the final exams and I eagerly wanted to live a quiet life before those.

But things never worked out the way I hoped they would.

For example, Wednesday after school—

G.o.d seemed to be against me going home. It began to rain, and I didn’t have a spare umbrella, so I decided to kill time with the club until the rain stopped. This time:

“—Fighting the enemy head-on might also be a good strategy. "

Masuzu mumbled to herself.

Chiwa tilted her head slightly and asked:

"Nya? Nya, why? Why do we have to fight, nya? [1]"

Last time, they decided "saying nya while talking is cute". Here we go again —It wasn’t cute, because Chiwa was chewing on red bean bread she bought from the cafeteria, while speaking. Incidentally, my cheeks were splattered by flying grains of bean stuffing.

Don"t talk with your mouth full.

"Why do we need to fight? ...Ah, that might do."

After pondering with her eyes for a moment, Masuzu suddenly understood and nodded her head.

"Putting the person you fight aside, the reason you"re fighting for might be even more important."

Didn’t you think about it?

"Hmm... let’s do this: We’ll make a magnificent "setting", on which the life or death of a country depends."

""Setting[2]"...?"

What is this fool saying?

"Well, who are we fighting?"

"Huh?"

"Of course there has to be an enemy! The battle has to have an objective. Parents or teachers? Or is it the school’s bad students?"

Masuzu sighed heavily.

"Your way of thinking really lacks imagination. Eita, you can only make such a boring list of words for "enemies"." …Could it be that even the toilet of your house is an "old type", the ones that don"t need flushing[3]?

"It"s a Western type!"

It"s even one of those toilet seat with bidet functions.

Anyways, you shouldn’t talk about other people’s toilets!

"Speaking of the enemy, of course it is some "those with super powers from the other world[4]". With unimaginable ability, who came from someplace that no one knows —Does not humanity shine its brightest when we are in need of fighting enemies as such?”

"For what reason would we want to shine?"

"Then we’ll become popular."

What, eh, the outcome was this anyways?

"People who fight are popular.” ...Like always, ideas were flying in from outer s.p.a.ce.

"Well, where are we going to find these kinds of enemies?"

I couldn’t help but scoff at such unrealistic ideas.

"Aren’t your ideas too preposterous and unrealistic? You are neglecting what’s actually possible to achieve in reality. Are you confusing anime and manga with the real world?"

"What you said is absolutely correct."

I thought she would fiercely rebut me, and I didn’t expect Masuzu to simply admit.

"In modern times where the flushing toilet is popularized, even bidet functions are very common. However, natural manure toilets have become scarce and valuable as a sign of status… Thus, I wouldn’t be surprised if students studying Outdoor Social Studies went to Eita’s home and rang his doorbell."

"What are you talking about?"

"So, Manure-Toilet-kun[5], who do you think we should fight with?"

"Shut up! Please spare me!"

If this nickname spread out, I"d be done for!

"Eh, why don’t you want to fight? A battle could be popular."

Chiwa exposed her disgust. Half of the red bean bread was unfinished, probably because of the two people rattling about toilets next to her had killed her appet.i.te for it.

“Because I realized that "fighting spirit" is the most beautiful thing, filled with the concept of "life or death". The anxious feeling of battling a powerful enemy… whether it is a he or she, beautiful or ugly, manure toilet or flush toilet, only those who know of those "circ.u.mstances" can become a person that exerts his aura and brilliance."

"...Was it even necessary to include the toilet examples?"

Natsukawa Masuzu was a surprisingly stubborn woman.

"Just like Harusaki-san said earlier, the reasons for a fight are very important. There must be a monumental motive to fight... For example, to revive a country that had been eliminated, or to stop the evolution of the manure toilet."

"Enough is enough, you are really persistent! How are those things great? ...Well, revival of a country is very great indeed, but it’s..."

"*puku*!" Masuzu’s cheeks inflated like rice-cake.

"You just been talking about "reality" this whole time... Aren’t the stubborn one you, Eita-kun? Since you’re so fond of reality, why don"t you just break up with me and marry reality?"

"Don’t say childish things."

"Then just die, I guess."

"You’re already talking about marriage!?"

"Reality", I think you just became a widow.

Well, I’m not marrying, so I won’t die.

"Well... in this regard, what does the notebook write about it?"

Chiwa seemed to be very interested and leaned forward. It appeared she really liked the theme of the "motive for battle".

"Certainly, I should check it up."

Masuzu pulled the notebook preciously out of the upper section of her bag, and hummed as she flipped through it.

...What did I write?

In my retrospective memory, I haven’t got the slightest clue.

Eh, well, after all, the only things written in the notebook were merely "possible items to try". It’s impossible that I would have written something like the revival of one’s motherland. No matter how young of a middle school student I was, I should have been able to tell the difference between delusion and reality, Masuzu-kun.

"Mhm, here’s something."

There is something?!

My own concept of myself as a middle school school student plummeted.

Despite all the trust I put into him...

Masuzu started reading the notebook.

Fragment of Promise of Victory 47th Celebration ~Pertaining to My True Self~

My real name is the Holy Dragon Knight of Dawn, "Burning Fighting Fighter"[6].

While I am stronger than S-Cla.s.s demons with my Triple ZZZZ level, I have no interest in demonstrating my strength. As a result, I am in the D-cla.s.s.

※ And thus, I"m able to completely smite the small fry enemies single handedly.

Incidentally, if I go all out with my power I can totally wipe out the galaxy. Single handedly.

I was a Dragon in my past life.

I was the last survivor of the Dragon Race, and the prince of Planet Saint DragonValhalla.

However, I was defeated by the Evil Dragon ClanWyvern in the Souzand Days War, and was thus reincarnated on this planet.

But when the Wyverns discovered my reincarnation, they opened the great gate, and came to this planet.

They use powerful Large Amounts of CamouflageIllumination to hide the traces of their actions.

But they cannot fool my eyes. Whenever they are close, the right insignia in my hand, it will start to ache, informing me of their location, Gozaru yo[7].

Secret technique: Fate"s Dark Black Flame[8].

From those who escaped to this planet, I will gather the Seven Holy Heavenly Dragon KingsSeven Dragons[9], and will one day resurrect my home planet—"

As Masuzu read, I had been rolling on the floor in pain.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—"

Don’t!

Stop it!

Natsukawa Masuzu, do you have some bitter hatred for me?

Are you still angry about the past few days? Are you angry because I made that "accusation of not wearing any"?

Were my crimes so grave, that you have to force me to withstand this insult?

Lies, that can"t possibly be.

A demonic world where such severe punishment is given to that type of crime, can that even be called a human realm?!

""He" is really one-of-a-kind."

Masuzu closed her eyes and hugged the notebook tightly in her arms.

"The difference in scale between "saving a planet" and the "revival of a country", can be called "grand". It really makes me feel ashamed."

Even Chiwa had opened her eyes wide. "Amazing!" How far could this guy go?

"Oh, right, what is "Large Amount of CamouflageIllumination" Does that mean they’ll light up during the night?"

"When I first heard it, I interpreted it literally, so it should mean it’s a very expensive kind of camouflage."

I’m sorry. It’s actually a typo that’s supposed to read, "optical camouflage"[10]. I wrote this entry, there was a movie playing that night that had this monster. Because I thought it was really cool, I actually copied it down.

"Also, when he says, Gozaru yo. What is that? Why is this the only phrase that uses the tone of a samurai?"

"It must be some kind of secret signal. One of the "Seven Holy Heavenly Dragon KingsSeven Dragons" might understand when they see it."

Sorry… this was something I just wrote on a whim.

"I am more interested in this thing called "Destiny"s Dark Black Flame"."

"Even though I don’t really understand... it should be some kind of pure dark magic[11]."

I"m sorry…

"Also, the Souzand Days should be Hundred[12], right? Or Thousand[13] be written like thousands[14], right?"

"Things must be the opposite on the Planet Saint DragonValhalla."

"—I humbly apologize for having been booooorn!"

I had already... unwittingly fallen to my knees.

Mother, I"m sorry.

Father, Forgive me.

There, after all they’ve dedicated to the children[15].

"Why do you look so defeated?"

The sound of Masuzu confusion drew me back to reality.

"Let’s say this first: Please don’t think you can reach the end of this so easily. Psychologically prepare yourself, because after ten weeks we will cease serializing[16]."

"My own life is in the hands of you, the editor?"

"Only "JUMP" can see Kidou Eita-sensei bow down to the ground."

"You intend to let national bookstores and convenience stores distribute it?"

This woman is really uses nasty words.

But is this really something you should be saying to your "boyfriend"?

I originally thought only Chiwa would be flabbergasted, but I could only see her quietly be savoring the taste of red bean bread again, as if she were completely used to the situation.

"But... Masuzu."

"What is it, not-serialized-person-who-kneels-at-manure-toilet-kun?"

"At least let me collect myself...!"

Patience, patience, I have to be patient.

"This is just that guy being delusional, right? It has nothing to do with fighting, right?"

"You"re so superficial, Eita-kun."

"*Hmph!*" There was a glimmer in Masuzu’s eyes.

"You really are superficial."

"Save it."

"You"re at korosuke"s level ~nari[17]."

"I don’t understand what you mean!"

Masuzu’s tongue seemed to be in top shape today ~nari.

"Wasn’t Harusaki-san’s fated opponent already described in great clarity by the notebook?"

Along with me, Chiwa opened her eyes wide.

"Ehhh? Who?"

"The enemy of your past life. It’ll be fine if you just fight with the enemy of your past lives."

"My past life?"

"Oh, you forgot already?"

"A normal person wouldn’t bother remembering it!"

Masuzu gave me an amorous glance, and said:

"The poor Eita-kun... It seems like Harusaki-san simply forgot the every day spent with you."

"Huh? I was childhood friends with Chiwa even in my past life?"

"Even when it rained, she took you out for walks, feed you pet food, and also dealt with your feces."

"My previous life was a dog?"

"Nope, you were human."

"[...]"

That would be even more tragic.

Right, why did Masuzu know about our past lives?

"If you can’t remember, just pick something random. Harusaki-san, what animal do you like?"

"Uh —panda."

"Well then, Harusaki-san’s past life was a planarian panda."

"What kind of animal is that? It can’t be a planarian and a panda together!"

"Then it’s a planarian."

"Disgusting!"

"Don’t be so un-willful , Harusaki-san."

"You’re the one who is arrogant!"

The two of them began talking in very comic dialogue.

It seemed like Chiwa was gradually starting to get used to Masuzu’s habits.

"Talking about what animal I was in my past life, you’re kidding me!"

"Then what is the correct one?

"Uh—" Chiwa thought about it for a moment, and said:

"Even though this has nothing to do with the notebook, what do you think of a princess of a country?"

"In that case, n.o.ble birth is typical in past lives."

"Surrounded by a country’s gentle affection, I lived in a white castle. My homeland had a mild climate, and the clear sea was nearby. It was possible to pick luscious fruit by hand and the local specialties were delicious meat dishes."

Chiwa twiddled her fingers while talking nonstop.

"Then one day, when I was very hungry, a prince who originates from Kobe[18] came on his horse and asked me to marry him. He said: "If you marry me, I will let you eat all the high-quality beef you can eat!""

"And where would that rosy colored place be?"

What a savage fairy tale.

This way of seeing the world is a mess.

It made me feel... kinda very angry.

"I felt very good in this past life, but I didn’t have any enemies."

"Isn"t that good, a world that is always peaceful."

I felt anxious!

"But if war broke out, a lot of tragic events would happen... So, what if they held a sports compet.i.tion instead? And thus the "enemy" would just become an "opponent"."

I was restless!

"Ah, if the opponents set up a duel with the royal prince, that might be cool! Using a year’s worth of high-quality meat as the stakes, the two would meet in the final game and confess… how romantic, ahh—"

Touch—

"DON"T SCREW AROUND WITH PAST LIVES!"

I banged the table with my fist.

"Listen. Your past life can’t be described as a "Field of Flowers"! You need to have suffering entanglements and then have dramatic problems that extend to the present day. What"s with this "In my past life, I lived in a castle of happiness as a princess☆ "-bit? What did you turn your past life into? The princess ident.i.ty is fake! Unreal! Skin deep! In fact, unknown to everyone, the Princess Knight and the Devil G.o.d fought! Or at the very least, say something about being a New-Type in house arrest in the castle bas.e.m.e.nt where prototype Mobile Suits were hidden!”

It was quiet – there was not a sound in the clubroom.

Chiwa had nothing to say, and even Masuzu was frozen.

I suddenly regained consciousness:

"...No, that..."

d.a.m.n...

I gave in to the call of my old "blood".

How do I say it? I had a general rule with delusions.

Once excessive self-beautification becomes arrogant, it’s not good.

If one falls into this kind of atmosphere, the story will suddenly become very old-fashioned, and will always feel less romantic.

At that time I had an obsession towards these kinds of things.

"It"s exactly how Eita-kun says!"

Masuzu’s eyes sparkled.

“Indeed, a past life definitely cannot lack the "dramatic" element. Any person would be fascinated by warriors fighting a secret battle to resolve a conflict extended from a past life. This would definitely makes one popular, definitely!”

"Okay —but I still think that a royal prince who originates from Kobe is also good."

Although Chiwa wasn’t good at accepting criticism, this was actually a normal reaction.

"Well, since Ei-kun already said it, why don’t you give it a try? Who do you want to fight?"

"You can come up with one..."

Delusions are delusions. They’re impossible to implement in real life.

For example, even I can’t actually fight a Wyvern, right? This is obvious, of course.

However, Masuzu eagerly spoke up:

"No problem, you don’t need to actually fight."

"Huh?"

"Just pretend. Pretend you are fighting with your enemies."

It was exactly like the time with the guitar. Unreservedly, she said:

"In battle manga, the best parts do not lie in the battle scenes. Rather, the essence comes from the drama just before the fight. All you need to do is show both sides in their desperate life-or-death situations and reveal the charm of the "warrior"!"

"So you seriously like anime and manga very much."

"Abroad, I was obsessed with j.a.panese culture, almost to the point of being sordid."

So originally this was the reason.

"I will utilize these experiences to write a screenplay. Harusaki-san can follow the script during the performance. As for Eita-kun, please help out."

After Masuzu spent one night writing the screenplay, we followed the script and practiced for two days.

It felt as if we were holding a cultural festival.

Noisily, we managed to finish the work... You could say it was worth it, because Chiwa seemed very energetic in the process.

Yet, when the progress from practice ended, I had nothing to say.

The real challenge would be the actual performance in front of the entire cla.s.s...

♦

Sat.u.r.day after school.

Chiwa came to the cla.s.sroom. Everyone in the room was happily talking about their plans for the weekend.

When she opened the door, her first words were:

"GAIA is wailing!"

Here it comes—

I always felt that this was ferocious, ah.

"Such strong aura... those guys are no longer hiding their full strength."

You’re not hiding your foolishness…

Well, forget it. This was in accordance with Masuzu’s performance script.

"Ei-kun, don’t you feel it? 13 kilometers south of us there’s an ominous aura. It is very powerful… its rating is over one million."

"N-No, I don’t feel it."

"Ah, Ei-kun has no hope controlling the battle race."

She’s still talking about ethnicity…

We’re both j.a.panese!

Chiwa’s debut shrouded the cla.s.sroom in a wonderful tension. Because of the lesson learned from last time, no one dared approach her within a radius of meters. Yet no one left the cla.s.sroom. Perhaps they were all frightened and fascinated at the same time.

Sakagami’s brother was frozen in his seat, breathlessly watching as the situation changed.

As for Masuzu, she stared at Chiwa with an "aah, so scary" expression. Even though she was like this every time… She really was a great actor.

"I feel it… There are two strong auras, two even stronger auras, and another small one… T-This one is about to fade away… No! It can’t!”

"What’s happening— Chiwa—?"

I still hadn’t got into the flow of acting. I"m sorry.

“The piece of aura that is strongly restrained seems like it came from my past life! It must be my dearest friend!"

"You’ve regained the memories from your past life?”

"Yes. I remember it all now. It came back to me last night, when I was cleaning the mold from the bathroom floor!"

Suddenly, everyone in the room seemed to feel livelier, likely due to the effort of Masuzu to bring authenticity to the performance.

"No matter what, it looks like my only choice is to go..."

Chiwa smiled slightly.

"Wait! Don’t go —if you go now, you’ll just die."

"Don’t stop me, Ei-kun! As a soldier, there must be times when one had to go to war. I bet my life on fighting people, the pride of our country."

It seemed like she was tongue-tied.

After all, those were words that weren’t frequently used in everyday life.

"I"m not necessarily going to lose!"

"W-What?"

"If you use that tool, you will be able to see the powers of the-other-side’s machines. Look carefully at the value of the power!"

Even though it seemed wordy, the first-person "I" was specially replaced for the purposes of the performance arrangement.

While clutching her fists and bending at the waist, Chiwa’s temples bulged blue veins. She growled "Hahahahaha! ". It looked like a ceremony to release her fighting spirit —but in my opinion, it looked like someone holding "it" in.

In short, I followed the script, put on sungla.s.ses, and said:

"Fighting-Level"s 10000... 12000... how is this possible? It’s still rising!"

"Haaaaaaaaaaaa—!"

"S-So strong —With your memory, you can also retrieve the life force from your past-life."

"Deeee Yaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

♪CHA-LA—

♪HEAD-CHA-LA[19]—

"Jiu-jiu-jiuuuu-jiu-jiuuuu-jiu-jiuuuu. This is my real strength: Jiu-jiuuuu-jiu-jiuuuu."

This loud noise, jiu-jiuu, was supposed to represent the power of aura flooding the room, protecting her entire body.

"Good Lord! Chiwa! Maybe like this you can actually win!"

"Hiyaaaaah, jiu-jiuuuu-jiu-jiuuu— I’m going to say now— jiu-jiuuuu-jiu-jiuuuu —I can still can put out more force than this —jiu-jiuuuu-jiu-jiuuuu."

"Amazing! Too cool! Marry me!"

I pressed my luck and went for it.

"I remember the past! We must stand our ground! Dopyu!"

That last "dopy" wasn"t literal in its meaning, yet it referred to the sound effect of being launched into the sky.

Of course, it was impossible to fly, so Chiwa ran out of the cla.s.sroom.

It was in order to save the life her fettered close friend from a past life.

I stared at the figure of Chiwa’s back, and said:

"Don’t die, Chiwa!"

I whispered to myself:

—End of the first part.

At this point, the cla.s.sroom burst into a round of applause.

Cheers enveloped the cla.s.sroom, and even shook the gla.s.s windows.

For a moment I froze, my mouth wide open:

"Huh? What? We’re popular? Is it true?"

The remaining cla.s.smates in the cla.s.sroom gave a standing ovation, smiling.

Sakagami’s little brother clapped his hands and said: "Terrific! Terrific!”

"Great job, Kidou-kun!"

"I always thought you were a stiff, formal person. No one expected this side of you!"

"Chihuahua’s acting was so realistic, too! Terrific, ah! I’m seeing it all in a new light!"

Everyone unanimously praised her.

"Aaaahhhh, is it?"

I responded with a stiff smile, and Sakagami’s brother innocently asked me:

"Yes, what was that skit for? Where will you be performing it on stage?"

"[...] ...Well—"

I didn’t know how to respond. I looked at Masuzu.

I thought that she would have laughed like the time with the guitar, yet, I did not expect that her face would be dipped downward, with both her hands and feet on the floor—

"Skit...? I did my best to write a screenplay and performance... and it turned out to be a skit...!"

Ah, she is completely in shock.

And I thought she was just playing around with Chiwa, too.

In fact, maybe she had put in all of her effort and had seriously pursued the club activities after all.