"I know it, I know it," sighed Pill, looking down.
"Well, now go back and tell "em so. And then, if you can"t keep your place preaching what you do believe, get into something else. For the sake of all morality and manhood, don"t go on cursing yourself with hypocrisy."
Mr. Pill took a chew of tobacco rather distractedly, and said:--
"I"d like to ask you a few questions."
"No, not now. You think out your present position yourself. Find out just what you have saved from your land-slide."
The elder man rose; he hardly seemed the same man who had dominated his people a few days before. He turned with still greater embarra.s.sment.
"I want to ask a favor. I"m going back to my family. I"m going to say something of what you"ve said, to my congregation--but--I"m in debt--and the moment they know I"m a backslider, they"re going to bear down on me pretty heavy. I"d like to be independent."
"I see. How much do you need?" mused Radbourn.
"I guess two hundred would stave off the worst of them."
"I guess Brown and I can fix that. Come in again to-night. Or no, I"ll bring it round to you."
The two men parted with a silent pressure of the hand that meant more than any words.
When Mr. Pill told his wife that he could preach no more, she cried, and gasped, and scolded till she was in danger of losing her breath entirely. "A guinea-hen sort of a woman" Councill called her. "She can talk more an" say less "n any woman I ever see," was Bacon"s verdict, after she had been at dinner at his house. She was a perpetual irritant.
Mr. Pill silenced her at last with a note of impatience approaching a threat, and drove away to the Corners to make his confession without her. It was Sat.u.r.day night, and Elder Wheat was preaching as he entered the crowded room. A buzz and mumble of surprise stopped the orator for a few moments, and he shook hands with Mr. Pill dubiously, not knowing what to think of it all, but as he was in the midst of a very effective oratorical scene, he went on.
The silent man at his side felt as if he were witnessing a burlesque of himself as he listened to the pitiless and lurid description of torment which Elder Wheat poured forth,--the same figures and threats he had used a hundred times. He stirred uneasily in his seat, while the audience paid so little attention that the perspiring little orator finally called for a hymn, saying:--
"Elder Pill has returned from his unexpected absence, and will exhort in his proper place."
When the singing ended, Mr. Pill rose, looking more like himself than since the previous Sunday. A quiet resolution was in his eyes and voice as he said:--
"Elder Wheat has more right here than I have. I want "o say that I"m going to give up my church in Dougla.s.s and--" A murmur broke out, which he silenced with his raised hand. "I find I don"t believe any longer what I"ve been believing and preaching. Hold on! let me go on. I don"t quite know where I"ll bring up, but I think my religion will simmer down finally to about this: A full half-bushel to the half-bushel and sixteen ounces to the pound." Here two or three cheered. "Do unto others as you"d have others do unto you." Applause from several, quickly suppressed as the speaker went on, Elder Wheat listening as if petrified, with his mouth open.
"I"m going out of preaching, at least for the present. After things get into shape with me again, I may set up to teach people how to live, but just now I can"t do it. I"ve got all I can do to instruct myself. Just one thing more. I owe two or three of you here. I"ve got the money for William Bacon, James Bartlett, and John Jennings. I turn the mare and cutter over to Jacob Bensen, for the note he holds. I hain"t got much religion left, but I"ve got some morality. That"s all I want to say now."
When he sat down there was a profound hush; then Bacon arose.
"That"s _man"s_ talk, that is! An" I jest want "o say, Andrew Pill, that you kin jest forgit you owe me anything. An" if ye want any help come to me. Y"re jest gittun" ready to preach, "n" I"m ready to give ye my support."
"That"s the talk," said Councill. "I"m with ye on that."
Pill shook his head. The painful silence which followed was broken by the effusive voice of Wheat:--
"Let us pray--and remember our lost brother."
The urgings of the people were of no avail. Mr. Pill settled up his affairs and moved to Cresco, where he went back into trade with a friend, and for three years attended silently to his customers, lived down their curiosity, and studied anew the problem of life. Then he moved away, and no one knew whither.
One day last year Bacon met Jennings on the road.
"Heerd anything o" Pill lately?"
"No, have you?"
"Waal, yes. Brown told me he ran acrost him down in Eelinoy, doun" well, too."
"In dry goods?"
"No, preachun"."
"Preachun"?"
"So Brown said. Kind of a free-f"r-all church, I reckon, from what Jedge told me. Built a new church; fills it twice a Sunday. I"d like to hear him, but he"s got t" be too big a gun f"r us. Ben studyun", they say; went t" school."
Jennings drove sadly and thoughtfully on.
"Rather stumps Brother Jennings," laughed Bacon, in a good-humored growl.
A DAY OF GRACE
Sunday is the day for courtship on the prairie. It has also the piety of cleanliness. It allows the young man to get back to a self-respecting sweetness of person, and enables the girls to look as nature intended, dainty and sweet as posies.
The change from everyday clothing on the part of young workmen like Ben Griswold was more than change; it approached transformation. It took more than courage to go through the change,--it required love.
Ben arose a little later on Sunday morning than on weekdays, but there were the ch.o.r.es to do as usual. The horses must be watered, fed, and curried, and the cows were to milk, but after breakfast Ben threw off the cares of the hired hand. When he came down from the little garret into which the hot August sun streamed redly, he was a changed creature.
Clean from tip to toe, newly shaven, wearing a crackling white shirt, a linen collar and a new suit of store clothes, he felt himself a man again, fit to meet maidens.
His partner, being a married man, was slouching around in his tattered and greasy brown denim overalls. He looked at Ben and grinned.
"Got a tag on y"rself?"
"No, why?"
"n.o.bod"y know ye, if anything happened on the road. There"s thirty dollars gone to the dogs." He sighed. "Oh, well, you"ll get over that, just as I did."
"I hope I won"t get over liking to be clean," Ben said a little sourly.
"I won"t be back to milk."
"Didn"t expect ye. That"s the very time o" day the girls are purtiest,--just about sundown. Better take Rock. I may want the old team myself."
Ben hitched up and drove off in the warm bright morning, with wonderful elation, clean and self-respecting once more. His freshly shaven face felt cool, and his new suit fitted him well. His heart took on a great resolution, which was to call upon Grace.
The thought of her made his brown hands shake, and he remembered how many times he had sworn to visit her, but had failed of courage, though it seemed she had invited him by word and look to do so.