Scene 1.--Oriel Chamber in one.
Enter Mrs. Mountchessington and Augusta, L. 1 E., dressed for Archery Meeting.
Mrs M No, my dear Augusta, you must be very careful. I don"t by any means want you to give up De Boots, his expectations are excellent, but, pray be attentive to this American savage, as I rather think he will prove the better match of the two, if what I hear of Mark Trenchard"s property be correct.
Aug [Disdainfully.] Yes, ma.
Mrs M And look more cheerful, my love.
Aug I am so tired, ma, of admiring things I hate.
Mrs. M Yes, my poor love, yet we must all make sacrifices to society.
Look at your poor sister, with the appet.i.te.
Aug What am I to be enthusiastic about with that American, Ma?
Mrs M Oh! I hardly know yet, my dear. We must study him. I think if you read up Sam Slick a little, it might be useful, and just dip into Bancroft"s History of the United States, or some of Russell"s Letters; you should know something of George Washington, of whom the Americans are justly proud.
Aug Here he comes, ma. What a ridiculous figure he looks in that dress, ha! ha!
Mrs M Hush, my dear!
Enter Asa, in Archery Dress.
Aug Oh, Mr. Trenchard, why did you not bring me one of those lovely Indian"s dresses of your boundless prairie?
Mrs M Yes, one of those dresses in which you hunt the buffalo.
Aug [Extravagantly.] Yes, in which you hunt the buffalo.
Asa [Imitating.] In which I hunt the buffalo. [Aside.] Buffaloes down in Vermont. [Aloud.] Wal, you see, them dresses are princ.i.p.ally the nateral skin, tipped off with paint, and the indians object to parting with them.
Both Ahem! ahem!
Asa The first buffalo I see about here I shall hunt up for you.
Mrs M Oh, you Americans are so clever, and so acute.
Aug Yes, so "cute.
Asa Yes, we"re "cute, we are; know soft solder when we see it.
Aug [Aside.] Ma, I do believe he"s laughing at us.
Mrs M Oh, no, my dear, you are mistaken. Oh! I perceive they are appearing for the archery practice. I suppose we shall see you on the ground, Mr. Trenchard.
Asa Yes, I"ll be there like a thousand of brick.
Aug A thousand of brick!
Mrs M Hush, my dear! that is doubtless some elegant American expression.
Au revoir, Mr. Trenchard.
Asa Which?
Mrs M Au revoir. [Exit with Augusta, R.]
Asa No, thank you, don"t take any before dinner. No use their talking Dutch to me. Wal, I never see an old gal stand fire like that, she"s a real old bison bull. I feel all-fired tuckered out riding in those keers. I"d like to have a snooze if I could find a place to lay down in.
[Sees curtain on window, L. E.] Oh, this might do! [Pulls curtain, then starts back.] No you don"t! One shower bath a day is enough for me.
[Cautiously opens them.] No, I guess this is all right, I shall be just as snug in here as in a pew at meeting, or a private box at the Theatre.
h.e.l.lo! somebody"s coming. [Goes into recess.]
Enter Dundreary and Buddicombe, L. 1 E.
Bud My lord--
Dun [Business.]
Bud My lord!
Dun [Business.]
Bud Your lordship!! [Louder.]
Dun There, now you"ve spoiled it.
Bud Spoiled what, my lord?
Dun Spoiled what, my lord; why, a most magnificent sneeze!
Bud I am very sorry, my lord.
Dun Now that I can speak alone with you, tell me about that hair dye.
Have you found it?
Bud Not a trace of it, my lord.
Dun If you don"t find it, I"ll discharge you.
Bud Very well, my lord. [Bows and exits, L. 1 E.]
Dun Very well, my lord! He"s gone and lost my hair dye, and my hair turns red to-morrow, and when I ask him to find it for me or I"ll discharge him, he says, ""Very well, my lord."" He"s positively idiotic, he is-- Ah! here comes Miss Georgina, that gorgeous creature--that lovely sufferer. [Exit, L. 1 E.]