Judith hung up the phone, but made no move to go back to the living room. She needed to lighten her mood so Carmen wouldn"t worry. That was what really mattered.
Carmen was feeling fine, no residual effects beyond a little soreness in her groin where they had inserted the catheter. The parade of friends and coworkers had marched through yesterday after they had returned from the hospital, and tomorrow, they would host Carmen"s parents and siblings. Today was to be their day, time out from everyone just to watch TV and relax. She would worry about Victor later.
She gathered herself and walked out to the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink?"
"Can I have a scotch?"
Yes, Carmen was definitely getting back to normal. "It isn"t even noon."
"What time can I have one?"
"Alcohol"s on your forbidden list until your blood pressure comes down. How about a gla.s.s of orange juice instead?"
Carmen groaned. "Just kill me."
Judith set two gla.s.ses of juice on the coffee table. Prissy raised her head momentarily, but settled again in Carmen"s lap once she determined neither gla.s.s was for her.
Carmen patted the couch and she sat down, leaning underneath an outstretched arm. The firm embrace told her Carmen had gotten the gist of the phone conversation and was offering her quiet support. It was a frustrating situation, but Carmen 267 didn"t need to be worrying about Victor or anything else.
Carmen grabbed the remote and muted the TV. "I take it your mother was less than helpful?"
Judith sighed and shook her head. "I thought she would come through, but she won"t go there by herself."
"Because she hates the group home?"
"That"s part of it, but I don"t think it"s the main reason. I think she"s afraid of being alone with Victor, like he might go off on her or something."
"He looked pretty mild-mannered to me."
"He usually is. She"s just worried something will upset him and she won"t be able to calm him down."
"What happens then?"
"He can get out of control pretty fast. The last time, he had to go to the hospital. He fought with everybody and they had to put him in restraints."
"What set him off?"
"Just . . . his routine got disrupted." She hoped Carmen wouldn"t press for more.
"Because you were gone?"
"I was on a tour for three weekends in a row. It was a few years ago."
"Are you worried it"s going to set him off if you"re not there tomorrow? I don"t mind if you want to go home in the morning."
"I mind, Carmen." She grew irritated, not at Carmen, but at her mother for not helping, and even at Victor for not being able to control himself. "I deserve to have my own life."
"Of course you do. And you should do whatever you think is best. But if that"s being with Victor, I"ll support that."
"You shouldn"t have to. What just happened to you was a big deal. You have a right to a girlfriend who can be here with you."
She was going to cry any minute if they didn"t change the subject. "Besides, you need me here to keep you from living on 268 scotch and potato chips."
"I need you here for more than that. You give my dog something to do." Carmen wiggled her feet, which were propped beside Judith"s on the coffee table. Both women had holes in the toes of their slippers.
"I can"t believe she did that." Judith had found her slipper under the guest bed this morning.
"I warned you not to leave your shoes there, but did you listen?"
Judith stroked the sleeping hound, which caused Prissy to stir and roll halfway onto her back. "It"s good for you to spend time with her. She keeps you calm."
"She definitely likes it when I"m home. I feel guilty for leaving her so much, so I understand a little about what you"re going through with Victor." She hurriedly added, "Not that I"m comparing Prissy to your brother. I mean, she"s a dog and he"s a person."
"It"s okay. I know what you meant." Yes, Prissy was a dog, but her turmoil was symbolic of the disruption in Carmen"s life that paralleled that in her own.
Carmen settled under the blanket and waited for Judith to finish in the bathroom and join her in bed. Under other circ.u.mstances, all this special attention would be the sort of thing she would celebrate. But it had been a quiet day, almost too quiet, especially after this morning when Judith had talked to her mother. It was clear she was worried about how Victor was going to react to her absence this weekend.
Just what they needed-more stress in their lives. In her own current state, she wasn"t much help to Judith. Even if she got this mess with Art Conover settled, she couldn"t keep shuffling her work schedule to end up in New York two weekends a month.
And Judith couldn"t sacrifice her brother"s well-being-not to 269 mention her job-to go back and forth to Chicago. At best, they might be able to manage being together for a few days a month without pushing themselves too much. But that introduced a potentially bigger problem-how to deal with the frustration of being apart.
"Do you need anything?" Judith asked, her finger hovering above the light switch.
"Just you." Her eyes not yet adjusted to the darkness, she didn"t see Judith drop her robe in the chair. But the cool, bare skin against hers was every bit as thrilling as the vision of her nude form. "Just you like this."
"I love you." Judith moved closer, her whole body aligned with Carmen"s. "How are you feeling?"
Carmen hoped that was an invitation. "Never better." She wrapped her arms around Judith"s waist and pulled her on top.
Their relationship would have been manageable if Judith had been just a pleasant distraction in New York, someone to enjoy a few times a year without strings. Falling in love had changed everything, stoking a need that could only be met by having her close, a need that fed itself with every word or touch they shared.
And it was falling all to h.e.l.l this weekend, even if Judith didn"t know it. How would she stand it if she returned to New York to find her brother in the hospital, out of control? Or what if something even more horrible happened because Victor"s routine was disrupted?
"Relax. I want to do this for you," Judith whispered. "I don"t usually get to have you like this."
Carmen loosened her grip and took a deep breath, focusing on the feather-like touch of Judith"s fingers along her collarbone.
Warm lips tickled her neck and she felt her whole body respond with a gentle upward thrust. "That"s because I must be crazy."
Judith covered her breast with one hand and kneaded it softly, never letting her lips break contact as they drifted lower to capture a nipple. Carmen willed herself to lie perfectly still and let 270 Judith have her. Why did she always fight for the top when this was so deliciously exquisite?
The hand left her other breast and traveled slowly across her stomach to her pubic hair. Antic.i.p.ating the touch, she bent one knee to open her legs. "I can"t wait to feel you inside me."
Judith obliged, sliding in and out gently with first one, then two fingers. Then she spread the slickness around her c.l.i.t and started a slow, tantalizing ma.s.sage, all the while nibbling and sucking her nipple.
"If I promise not to come, will you do that all night?" She knew she couldn"t keep that vow. Her body was already rocking with desire, her c.l.i.t seeking solid contact with the fingers that teased her.
A sudden wave of sadness swept over her. There wasn"t any light at the end of their tunnel without a great sacrifice. She would never let Judith abandon her brother, and Judith would never ask her to leave her business and family in Chicago. The longer they pushed this, the more likely it would lead to anxiety and heartache.
As Carmen drew closer to her climax, Judith released the nipple and kissed her on the mouth once again. Then she held her place to look into her eyes. "Don"t you ever forget that I love you, Carmen."
The sorrow in her words was unmistakable. Carmen wanted to speak, to tell Judith hers was the best love she"d ever had. But her climax took her away.
"Judith, we all appreciate you getting here so quickly and taking care of Carmen this weekend."
"I"m glad I could." Judith genuinely liked Carmen"s mother.
It wasn"t hard to guess that Carmen would age just as beautifully as Elaine Delallo, her black hair turning silver and her skin taking on a deep olive glow. "It"s been a nice restful weekend for 271 both of us."
"Has she been out of the apartment at all?"
"We took Prissy for a walk this morning and stopped in at Starbucks."
"I heard her groaning to her sisters about having to drink decaf." They looked over at the couch, where Carmen was sitting between twins Angie and Lizabeth. "But she can groan all she wants. We stocked her refrigerator with salad and fruit.
There"s a fish filet all seasoned and ready for the oven."
"What time do you leave?"
"She ordered a car for five. My flight"s at seven."
"It"s too bad you have to go. She"s going to miss you."
Judith wanted to stay. It was already too late to do anything about Victor, but she needed to get back to her job or Todd would probably blow a fuse and fire her.
Elaine joined her three daughters on the couch and Judith followed to gather the used plates and cups. Back in the kitchen, she could hear the men talking in the dining room. Carmen"s father and her brothers Chris and Mark, whom she hadn"t met before today, were discussing her condition. Mark wasn"t a doctor like the others, but that didn"t stop him from having a strong opinion.
"She doesn"t want surgery and I don"t blame her. All you cut-ters ever want to do is cut."
"But you know her better than any of us, Mark." She recognized Chris"s voice. "And you know she probably won"t do what it takes to get her stress under control. She"d be better off getting the bypa.s.s now so this doesn"t happen again."
"She thinks she can manage it. She did it before."
"It"s worse now, son." Carmen"s father. "The arteries are com-promised. She admitted in the hospital the other night that she hadn"t been keeping up with her exercise and she wasn"t eating right. She"s just asking for trouble."
"And with all that mess at her company . . ." Chris added.
272.
"If you want to know the truth," Joe said, lowering his voice, "I think her biggest problem is her new girlfriend. Don"t get me wrong. I like Judith. But this running back and forth on the weekends to see each other isn"t good for her."
"Yeah, Carmen told me a couple of weeks ago that she didn"t know how they were going to keep this up. Judith has a mentally r.e.t.a.r.ded brother in New York, so she can"t just pick up and move."
Judith shuddered as Mark"s words sank in. This was the brother who was closest to Carmen, the one in whom she confided. And apparently, the one to whom she had voiced her doubts about their future.
"She could be killing herself over this," Chris said. "I was happy to hear she"d met somebody, but it"s just not worth it if you ask me."
The room was quiet for several seconds before Mark solemnly asked, "Who"s going to tell Carmen that?"
Judith started the dishwasher and gave the kitchen counters one last swipe with the sponge. "Okay, that"s the last of the ch.o.r.es. You"re on your own now, kiddo."
Carmen leaned in the doorway, wishing there were some way out of the box they had built for themselves. It was obvious by the awkward conversation since everyone left that something ominous was in the air. Judith clearly couldn"t deal with the guilt about Victor anymore. Carmen knew she shouldn"t fight it, and she hoped Judith wouldn"t drag things out for her sake. The sooner they ended things, the sooner Judith would settle her guilt.
She refused to accept that falling in love had been a mistake.
It was going to hurt like h.e.l.l, but she was better for knowing someone like Judith, and for seeing what was possible.
Judith stepped into the foyer and fussed with her suitcase, 273 checking its zippers and name tag. Carmen was equally nervous, but buried her hands into her pockets to hide it.
"You want to talk about it?"
Judith looked as if she might cry. "It"s always so hard to leave.
And Victor"s going to be a wreck by the time I get home."
"I know it"s . . ." Carmen felt a lump form in her throat. It was more than just Judith leaving. It was the likelihood she was never coming back. There was no better time than now to settle this.
She had to show Judith a door and see if she walked through it.
"It"s selfish for me to keep taking you away from him when it"s obvious how much he needs you. I don"t know if that"s a problem we can solve."
Judith"s tears broke loose. "What else can I do?"
She had her answer. Judith could have argued but she hadn"t.
Carmen pulled her into her arms for what she knew would be the last time. "It"s okay."
"And I"m so worried about you."
"I"m fine. But I can"t keep doing this either. It"s probably better this way." Judith was sobbing, and it was all Carmen could do to hold it in.
They held each other tightly, soaking up the last of their love, until the phone rang to announce Judith"s car.
"It was a lovely ride, Judith O"Shea."
274.
Chapter 22.
Judith angrily ripped the form in half, hoping the woman on the other end of the phone could hear it. Some people seemed to think travel agents were their personal slaves. "Why don"t you talk it over some more with Trisha and call me when you"ve decided something definite? There"s no sense in wasting everybody"s time making reservations if you"re just going to cancel them."