After a few silent blinks, I found the air to speak, but it still came out shaky. "That club. Those strippers. Are they really? Do you-"
"Jesus, Regan. Do you believe everything people say?"
It was a slap in the face. "When it makes sense. Youve been hiding something."
"Not this again." He ran his hand over his face with a groan, and then took a step towards me, tone softening. "You know me, I wouldnt do that."
I shook my head and put my hand up, keeping him back. "I dont know anything. You wont tell me anything."
He kept coming forward, pressing into my hand. His fingers wrapped around my wrist, and he held my hand in place against his chest, eyes sinking into mine. "Yes you do, you know me better than anyone."
His face blurred as tears filled my eyes, but I didnt dare blink and release them. My arm shook under the weight of him, the weight of his words. I wish they were true, and it broke my heart to realize they no longer were.
"Theres too many secrets. I dont know you, not this person youve become."
"Its still me." He moved his hand over mine, pressing my palm to his heart. "Feel that? Forget all the bulls.h.i.t, its still me."
I wanted to believe him. I searched his eyes for the truth, but all I saw was confusion and a desperate need to get me to believe. His light blue eyes were pulling me in. It felt impossible to physically push away, but I tried to keep the s.p.a.ce with my words. "It hasnt felt like you for a while now."
He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, like my words caused pain. But when he opened them his eyes were clear and focused, decision made. "Let me show you."
He collapsed into me, and my arm buckled between us as his lips covered mine. His strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me flush against his body. His strength held me up. My lips moved with his, a familiar dance but charged with desperation. I wanted this to be enough. I wanted to be enough for him.
My hands slid up his chest and shoulders, unable to resist the pull of the moment, of his gravity. I absorbed the feel of his lips, the safe warmth of his arms, the blissful rush of his tongue moving on mine, and the sensual moans he let escape when I tugged on his hair.
His hands crossed my back, pulling me closer to him. Our kiss so deep there was little air. His lips moved to the corner of my mouth, forehead pressing to mine as he sucked in ragged breaths. His fingers trailed a soft caress over the bare skin on my shoulders and arms.
"Babe, I love you." He breathed between kisses over my chin.
Somehow my gasps for air were melting into shudders, holding back the tears that threatened. I had been the queen at using s.e.x to distract from the real issues. I feared thats what this was.
"Talk to me," my voice pulled as I begged, straining under the emotion. "Please. Tell me something. Be honest." I gripped his hair, keeping our heads together. I didnt want to pull away. I wanted this moment to be real.
He sucked in a breath, hands moving to cup my face. "You think Im lying to you?" He forced me to look at him, hurt clear on his face.
"I dont think youre telling me the truth, somethings going on at that club." My hands dropped from his hair and slid lightly down his back, trying to encourage him to speak.
The muscles in his jaw flexed as he nodded, running his hand down my arm to grab my hand. He walked us to the couch, pulling me down next to him. My heart was about to leap out of my chest. The only warmth I felt was where his hand gripped mine.
"Its not that. I promise." He slid his other hand over my thigh, squeezing lightly. "Some of the girls there, they might try and sell themselves, and Alessandra and Viktor may want them to. But that doesnt go on when Im there." He nodded like that made it all okay. "I told you, this all would come back to me. The club is attached to my name, not theirs. Im working to clean it up."
"Who hires the girls? What do you think you can do? What do they allow you to do?" Questions were bubbling in my mind, boiling over faster than I could speak them.
"Alessandra sets up the girls to work there. Theyre supposedly on a work visa, thats why theres high turnover, but..." He shook his head, cutting off his words. "Its my name on all the paperwork, as long as their money is cleaned, I get to run it how I want."
I leaned back some on the couch, stomach flipping as I weighed his words. I had only been to the club a few times and barely met the girls, but the few I saw had thick Russian accents.
Meeting his eyes, I didnt know what to say. I shrugged, trying to put words to the melancholy aching in me, an uncertainty snapping at my muscles. "What are you going to do? You said youre going to clean it up?"
He pulled my legs to move me closer, and then his fingers slid to my hips, keeping me there. "Im already cleaning it up. And once I get good people in there that I can trust, itll get easier." His nose slid over my cheek, lips reaching my ear. "Then I can be home more." The tips of his fingers glided under my shirt, up the line of my spine, my skin breaking out in goose b.u.mps at the sensation. "Thats enough talking for now." His soft lips pressed to my shoulder, fingers pulling on the strap of my shirt, sliding it off and down my arm. "Ive been thinking about being alone with you since we landed in Vegas."
Each little movement increased my heartbeat and stripped away my thoughts. This is what this weekend was supposed to be about. He had opened up some, that was enough for now.
He stole my breath, tongue gliding over the top curve of my b.r.e.a.s.t.s and dipping down into my cleavage as he squeezed my b.o.o.bs together, kneading each one.
"Gage." One nagging thought kept me from letting go completely. I gripped his shoulders to get his attention. "Just-I need to know." I swallowed my nerves, beginning to doubt if I should ask, but I had to, it tormented me too much. "In all your nights out, did you do anything with those girls."
His hands jumped off me like I burned him. "What the h.e.l.l, Regan? Were married."
That wasnt an answer. "We are, but...we havent been together much and you sometimes come home in different clothes, if you come home at all. Those hours are longer than the club hours."
He rose to his feet, body stiff, and anger rolling off him. "So that means Im cheating on you? I just f.u.c.king explained things to you, but thats not enough? Can you not let things go for one night?" He gripped his hair, pulling at the ends. "What the h.e.l.l do you want from me?"
I stood up and stared at him, disbelieving. The reaction was too big for what I had asked. After months of him being gone, he gave me a couple minutes of honesty, and Im supposed to take it and move on.
"I wanted everything from you." I bit down the heat of my anger, my words coming out icy clear. "But not anymore."
I walked away and slammed the door to the bedroom. After a moment, it became clear he wasnt coming after me. I let the emotions of the night erupt in tears and cried into the soft pillows with only my arms and warm blankets as comfort.
I stepped out of the bedroom, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt and brushing my still wet hair from a shower, just in time to see Gage zip up his suitcase.
"What are you doing?" I questioned, taking in his grey slacks and b.u.t.ton up shirt.
He rose to standing, back to me as he reached his full height. "Ive got to go. Somethings come up."
"Back to New York?" I stepped closer to him, gripping the brush in my hand. "What time is the flight? Do we have time to say bye to Dexter and Leona?" But I choked on further questions as I noticed it was only his bag he had out.
He turned, his lips pressed together and avoiding my eyes. "You should stay. Go to the birthday tomorrow. Ill see you on Sunday." He picked up his luggage and paused in front of me. He hesitated then tried to give me a kiss, but I stepped back.
"Thats it? Youre leaving, and thats all you have to say?" I couldnt breathe as the reality settled on me. "Youre leaving me here?"
"You can come back, but Im going to be busy. I thought youd prefer to stay." He still wasnt meeting my eyes.
I snapped and pushed him, but he didnt stop me when I pushed him again. He just let his body fall back. "Why?"
"Im sorry. Well talk on Sunday. I have to go." He started to reach for me, but then he dropped his arm and walked away. He paused with his hand on the doork.n.o.b. "I know how messed up this is. And I know you dont believe me, but I love you."
Those words only added to my confusion, salt to the wound that was his betrayal. But closing my eyes I could still picture him in the hospital bed all too clearly and I couldnt let him walk away without saying it.
"Youre right this is messed up." Tears evaporated in the fire of my anger. "I love you. I love you and you are breaking my heart."
He paused with his head bowed and then opened the door to leave. "Sorry," he spoke so low I thought I imagined it.
It didnt matter anyways because words didnt mean anything. He was still gone.
7: Thats it?.
LEONA SET THE BOWL OF POTATO SALAD down and began adding spoons to each dish spread out on the table. "Can you get the watermelon from the fridge in the garage?"
I finished pouring chips into a bowl and crumpled the empty bag in my hand to throw away. "Sure."
"Oh man." She pressed her hand to her forehead. "I forgot the bug repellent."
"Its not Maryland, its not that bad here. But I think Dexter bought bug spray and suntan lotion this morning." I tried to smile at her. She had been an emotional mess all morning, running around nonstop. "Everything looks great, and the kids are having fun."
She looked around the playground at the kids running around, the older ones shooting water guns and the younger ones playing in the sand box and water table. Felix was standing next to the water table with Aliya by his side.
"They are." She nodded and gripped my shoulder. "Thank you for your help today and yesterday." She smiled brightly and released me. "Im going to set up the pinata. If you see Dexter, let him know."
The playground was in the field behind their townhome, making the set up easy. I walked back to the house to get the watermelon, scanning the area for Dexter. A group of three boys ran in front of me, chasing Jace with a spray gun. As I left the laughter behind, the sadness Id been keeping down the past twenty four hours began to bubble up, but I kept a firm lid on it. If I let it escape, I feared I wouldnt be able to get it back under control.
The watermelon was already sliced and laid on a tray. Leona and I had done most of the prep work yesterday. I pulled the heavy dish from the refrigerator, balancing it on my forearms to leave my hands slightly free to open the door. As I walked through the kitchen, Dexters voice in the living room made me slow, but what he was saying made me stop and set the platter on the kitchen island.
"She was here all day and stayed over last night...Because why should she be at the hotel alone?"
I stood at the edge of the doorway. Dexter hadnt spotted me yet.
He rose to his feet, voice rising. "Youre an a.s.s. Talk to her yourself...You missed your nephews first birthday." He walked to the laptop on the desk in the corner of the room, and his fingers moved over the keys. "You keep saying that...fine." His fingers slid over the mouse pad, clicking different things. "Yup, its there, thanks." He pushed the laptop closed and grabbed the back of his neck. "I know. Tomorrow at five A.M., Ill make sure shes there."
My flight was at seven tomorrow, they were talking about taking me to airport.
"Dexter, let me talk to him." I stepped forward, and Dexter jumped as I interrupted him. I couldnt keep quiet, not when Gage was arranging things with him about me.
"Hold on," he said into the phone. A slight smile pulled on his lips as he met my gaze, phone extended to me.
I hadnt talked to him since he left, although he had texted. Stupid texts saying he arrived in New York and a goodnight text. That particularly p.i.s.sed me off because he wasnt really going to bed at that early hour.
Pressing the phone to my ear, I didnt even wait to hear his voice. "If you want to know what Im doing, ask me, talk to me."
Dexter stood in front of me, smile growing as he gave me two thumbs up.
I rolled my eyes and turned away. I couldnt focus on him, not when Gage was pulling all my strings to the point of breaking, snapping them, and I was close to cutting the rest myself.
The silence stretched, and I wanted to scream into the phone. Then he finally spoke, hesitant. "Okay."
"Thats it?" I could barely breathe, the pressure on my chest increasing. I wished Dexter would walk away, I held back words I wanted to say because of him.
"Thats why I called Dexter and not you. I cant say what you want me to say right now." He sighed like I was draining him of his energy.
"Will you ever?" A chill ran under my skin, everything in me shrinking with fear of his response. I knew the answer anyways; I just didnt want to hear it.
"Well talk tomorrow, just...have fun today." He hung up the phone.
I turned back to Dexter, barely restraining myself from throwing the phone at him.
He extended one hand and carefully took his phone back. Then he held his hands up in innocence. "Remember, I am not my brother. Dont hold his faults against me."
He bobbed from side to side, tentatively going in for a hug. "Is it safe to hug you? You look like you could kill?"
I circled my arms around his waist, letting my body rock with his in his tight embrace. He rubbed his palm in a large circle on my back.
"Im sorry hes being a d.i.c.k. Just give him time, it takes his thick head a little longer to realize some things."
I stepped out of his hug with a nod before he could squeeze the tears from me. It felt like I was the one who was taking too long to realize things, to realize that things werent going to change. Walking back into the kitchen, I pushed everything back down and picked up the watermelon tray, smoothing out my features.
"Rea." Dexter paused me with a hand on my shoulder. "If you ever need a place to stay, or just to get away for a while, you are always welcome here." He made sure I was looking at him before he continued, eyes clear with sincerity. "No matter where you stand with him, youre always welcome here."
"Thank you," I could barely respond. Hot and cold clashed in my stomach, worry and relief mixing.
I didnt have much time to think about it. The second I stepped out the door, I had to lift the watermelon high above my head as water soaked my shirt. Jace was holding a laughing Felix, helping him pump a water gun at me.
Dexter ran past me and grabbed a super soaker from a nearby child to chase after them.
"Do you want some, Regan?" Ms. Lawson held up a gla.s.s of dark red wine. "You deserve it after prepping, organizing, and cleaning up todays festivities." She tilted her drink towards Leona. "We all do."
"I can drink to that." Leona plopped in a chair at the kitchen table, picking up her own gla.s.s.
"Sure." I took a gla.s.s from the cabinet, pouring a little wine into it. One drink couldnt hurt, if anything, it might allow me to actually sleep tonight, to mute the thoughts of Gage running around my brain.
"Maaaa Maaaa," Felixs baby cry echoed around the house.
"Dexters putting him to bed." Leona stiffened, waiting for the cry to quiet down.
"Lee, we need you," Dexters voice rose above Felixs cry.
She downed her gla.s.s and then rose to her feet, leaving me alone in the kitchen with Ms. Lawson.