"Yes, everything is fine, although you sound as if you have a cold. Is that why you"re home? I called your office and they said you had left."
"No, just recovering from a crying jag. So what"s up?"
"No, no, you first," her mother said. "Jackson, what"s the matter? I knew I should call you today, I just knew it." The light voice sounded a good deal closer than the other side of the planet and it soothed Jackie"s ragged nerves.
"I had a fight with the general partner. I think I"m going to get fired." She filled her mother in with every detail and felt gratified by her mother"s supportive and righteous indignation. She didn"t want to tell her mother - not yet - about the other problem. Leah"s voice whispering, It"s like this between women...
"Well, dear, it seems to me that the best way to avoid being fired is to find another job first."
"Where would I start?" Jackie stretched out on the sofa bed.
"How should I know? There"s always the Yellow Pages."
"Wait, I know! I"ll start with the firm the client mentioned today. Neighborhood Design and Aesthetics. Someone there thinks like me."
"A promising name for someone who won an award for her community neighborhood plan, remember?"
"Yeah, thanks for reminding me I"m not a worthless slug." Jackie was smiling again.
"Better now?"
"Better. Thanks, Mom. Your intuition remains amazing."
"All in a day"s work, Jacks."
"So why did you call?"
"I"m going to be in Dallas in the first part of January. I don"t suppose there"s any way you could fly in over the weekend? I"ll arrange for your ticket. It"ll make up for not being able to see you at Christmas. I"m so sorry about that."
"Don"t beat yourself up about it. I understand Dad"s commitments. But I"d love to see you in January, that would be great. It"s about a three-hour flight from here, easy to do even if I don"t have any time off. Of course, if I"m not working, I"ll have all the time in the world." Something in her heart eased knowing she"d be able to see her mother face to face. She could talk to her about Leah.
"Tell you what. You make your flight arrangements as soon as you know what you can do. Take my American Express number. Charge the ticket to that." Jackie wrote it down. I"ll call you next Thursday and get your itinerary."
They talked for a few more minutes and Jackie felt enormously better after her mother had hung up. Her sinuses were almost normal again and her headache had faded away. She felt better than she had since the weekend - since Leah.
She groaned and rolled over. Why did she go on remembering? She dreaded seeing Parker again. She was afraid that when he touched her she"d think of Leah. If not of Leah, then of women. She knew he wasn"t the life partner she"d dreamed of finding. She was feeling s.e.xual desires he"d never satisfy - that he"d never try to satisfy. You"ll imagine my mouth on you and wonder what it would have felt like.
She wondered, oh how she wondered. Like she"d never wondered before. How could she know she wanted something she"d never had? And it wasn"t just wanting it, it was wanting to do it. Her head filled over and over again with visions of Leah"s kitchen. This time it was Leah with her back against the counter, Leah with her legs opening...
She covered her head with a pillow. d.a.m.n it, d.a.m.n it, she thought. It would have been okay to realize she needed to break with Parker. That wouldn"t have been nearly as hard as realizing she should reconsider her every a.s.sumption about pa.s.sion, about s.e.x, about what made her libido tick.
She tried to shut her eyes against thinking about how Leah had made her body feel, but it didn"t work. It had been an enormous surge of pa.s.sion, like nothing she had felt before1 - the thrill of creating new designs, skiing a challenging run of fresh powder, helicopter flights. They all paled in comparison to the way Leah"s fingers had felt taking her.
She"d realized too late that she would have happily stayed with Leah. Forgotten about her job, her family. Stayed and made love. You"ll imagine my mouth on you...
When she could think past the promise of pa.s.sion, she could feel the pull of comfort. It had felt right to be in the company of a woman. The ease was something she hadn"t felt since graduate school. She"d shared her living quarters with Kelly Baines for all three years. Neither of them had dated much - school hadn"t left much energy. They"d studied together, worked in Taliesin"s communal kitchens together and had called each other best friend. Or had it been more than that? With neither of them knowing enough to reach across the small gap between their beds in the winter, their cots in the summer.
Kelly and she had both taken apprenticeships in Boston but at different firms. Jackie had had another choice, but going to Boston with Kelly had been the only option she"d considered. When she started dating Parker, Kelly became distant. They"d never had a fight, but Kelly"s simmering, unspoken resentment of Parker had pushed Jackie to agree to move in with him. When she"d met Kelly for coffee to tell her she was moving to California, Kelly hadn"t seemed to care and nonetheless had seemed real p.i.s.sed about it.
She threw the pillow across the room and sat up. This endless revisioning of everything she"d done in her entire life wasn"t getting her anywhere. Her headache was coming back. She seized the phone book and looked up the phone number for Neighborhood Design and Aesthetics. It was just after six o"clock, but she knew if it was anything like every other architect"s office she"d worked in, there would still be people working. At least she would find out who the G.P. was and could send a resume properly addressed tomorrow.
A woman answered the phone with a brisk tone. Jackie asked for the name of the G.P.
"Angela Martine." The voice didn"t quite snap, but Jackie knew whoever it was on the line had better things to do with her time than answer general inquiries.
"Do you happen to know if she or another partner is looking for an architect in training?"
"Are you looking for a placement? Because we just lost someone."
"Yes, yes, I am. I"m currently with a firm, but I think I need to find another situation." Jackie stopped herself from spilling out the whole story. "I"m sorry, I don"t mean to be wasting your time."
"Are you in your first or second year of credit?"
"Second, if you would accept the training I"ve done so far. My degree"s from Taliesin."
There was a silence. Then the woman said, "Come and see me early tomorrow morning. Say seven-thirty?" She sounded as if she already regretted her impulse.
"I"ll be there." Jackie tried to keep from sounding eager, but she couldn"t help it.
"Who are you?"
"Jackie Frakes. Who should I ask for?"
"Me. Angela Martine."
Jackie stammered her thanks as she ended the call. She eagerly spent an hour putting together her portfolio, which boosted her self-esteem a bit. She zipped it closed, then went for a brisk walk to tire herself out. She would be poised and self-a.s.sured and needed a better night"s rest than she"d had all week.
She did sleep, but only after she relived again the breathless moments with Leah in her kitchen. The way Leah had seemed to know how to touch her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. The way Leah"s fingers had known...
You"ll imagine my mouth on you...
Angela Martine was in her mid-fifties with rich, black hair that grayed at the temples, forming a severe frame for a hawk-like nose. Her no-nonsense voice carried a faint accent - Mexican, maybe, Jackie thought. Angela briskly directed Jackie into her office. She felt some of her self-a.s.surance slipping away as she sat down across the cluttered desk from Angela and was met with a frank stare. Aztec, that was it. Angela"s profile could have come right off an Aztec sculpture.
"Before I spend any time looking at your portfolio, maybe you should tell me why you"re looking for a change in jobs." Angela leaned back in her chair, her face unreadable.
"Well, for reasons I won"t bore you with, I made a mistake in accepting a position with Ledcor and Bidwell. I should have stayed at the firm Taliesin had placed me in - Ellis and Ellis out of Boston. My situation at L&B is that I recently did a set of drawings for a small project which the client has ended up preferring. The G.P."s name is on it and he isn"t going to let me do any further work on the project even though during the presentation I thought I developed a good rapport with the client. The client was left with the impression that I was licensed and would be their contact-false pretenses, in my opinion." Jackie couldn"t tell if Angela was shocked by that or was wondering why Jackie had been upset. "I would have been able to swallow the situation and finish my training except I ... made another mistake in judgment." Jackie stopped for breath and Angela cut in.
"You let them know that it upset you."
Jackie nodded.
"Well. You were absolutely right about making a mistake in accepting training at L&B. We have four L&B refugees on staff already." She lifted one shoulder dismissively. "They"re a big firm. If you play the game their way you"ll be prominent in the field. They do a lot of work. We move in different circles."
Jackie nodded again. "Anyway, it seemed that if I wanted to take back some control over my career, I should look for a firm that... suited my ideals more closely."
"Why us?" Angela was dispa.s.sionate again, regarding Jackie with a black marble gaze.
"The name of the firm intrigued me. When I called last night, I was going to get some information -"
"To look us over -"
"Basically. I don"t want to leap before I look again."
"Let me see your resumed" Angela held out an imperious hand.
Jackie handed it over and then occupied herself by studying the project photographs on Angela"s walls while she read. Her Taliesin-trained eyes liked what they saw - smaller, residential buildings. A lot of in-fill housing. Renovations of small apartment buildings and residential inns. NDA"s projects appeared to range all over the greater Bay Area in a variety of neighborhoods. Jackie made a mental note of the locations of several of them so she could look up the specs.
"How"s Dr. Joe keeping up with life?"
Jackie started, then smiled. "He"s doing great." Her smile broadened as she recalled Taliesin West"s oldest resident instructor and greatest story-teller. "He"s simply amazing."
There was a glimmer of an answering smile from Angela. "It"s been about fifteen years since I"ve seen him. I was doing research on-site." Angela returned her attention to the resume. After a moment she extended her hand again. "Your portfolio."
Jackie crossed her fingers as Angela leafed through the pages. The Boston firm had let her take copies of the work she"d contributed to, and in her humble opinion, there were some fine conceptual designs included. Her graduate projects had been considered quite good. The last page was a handwritten note from Dr. Joe himself, telling her one of her graduate designs had received an honorable mention from a j.a.panese design school awards program. Somehow L&B had made her feel ashamed of having gone to "impractical" Taliesin when in fact it was something she was very proud of.
Angela grunted as she read the note and then closed the portfolio. For the next twenty minutes she rapid-fired questions at Jackie about several of the projects, testing her recall and understanding of high conservation and earthquake designs. Jackie felt her poise return as she answered. She was on solid ground in those areas. She might not have the imagination to design a b.u.t.terfly bridge or Falling Water, but her ideas about the basics of building design had a creative flair and a solid grasp of practical engineering. She had never made the mistake of designing something without load-bearing walls, something Kelly had done twice.
When she finished her questioning, Angela drummed her fingers briefly on her desk. She studied Jackie for a moment, then said, "I know L&B doesn"t pay a.s.sociates in training much more than bus fare. We"d pay you a little better than that, but if you survive here, pa.s.s your exams and are asked to stay on as a full a.s.sociate, your pay won"t go up very much. The kind of work we do is not that lucrative and no one here, including me, lives in anything like a usual architect"s style."
Jackie"s heart was pounding. "Having seen the usual architect"s style up close and personal, I can safely say it"s a style I have no intention of adopting. And after living in a tent for three summers at Taliesin West, I"ve gotten used to the idea of living simply."
Angela smiled. "Can you spend another half-hour here?"
Jackie nodded. So she"d be late to work. She didn"t care.
"Wait here a moment."
Angela walked briskly out to the main office, returning in a few minutes to lead Jackie to another office. "Diane, this is Jackie Frakes. Jackie - Diane Donahue. She"s the preceptor with a vacancy. I"ll leave you to talk."
Jackie shook hands with the red-haired Diane and they shared pleasantries. Diane reviewed her portfolio and her resume but didn"t probe as hard as Angela had. The gaze from deep hazel eyes, however, was as penetrating as Angela"s had been. She commented wryly that Jackie had probably been grilled enough for one day. "You pa.s.sed Angela"s inquisition, so I won"t do it to you again. When can you start?"
Jackie gulped. "You mean... urn, well, how soon would you like me to?"
"Yesterday, but I know you"ll have to give L&B notice." Diane made the same dismissive gesture with her shoulders that Angela had. She had probably picked it up from Angela. Plainly, Diane wouldn"t give two cents about giving L&B notice.
"Can I have a day to decide? Is that okay?" All her instincts told her to say yes right away, but nonetheless, she knew that she should look into NDA"s background. "If I decide to accept it"ll be at the most two weeks until I could start."
Diane grinned. "That would be fabulous, but if you have to stay on another week, I"ll understand. And I do hope you accept."
"I"ll let you know first thing tomorrow morning," Jackie said. "Oh. I suppose we should talk about money before I make up my mind."
"What a novel concept," Diane said wryly. "I"m sorry. I should have brought it up - I thought Angela would have covered it."
"She said it would most likely be more than what L&B"s giving me, but she wasn"t more specific."
Diane named a figure that left Jackie with a pleased smile. Diane arched an eyebrow and said, "Get used to it. If you hang around this place it won"t be going up any time soon. Angela"s very fair about handing out bonuses when we have a good year, but the last couple have been tough. We"re all in it together, though."
"That"s encouraging," Jackie said. "I"m almost certain I"ll say yes, but I"ll let you know as soon as I"ve had a chance to think about it- no later than tomorrow morning."
They shook hands again and Jackie left, feeling as though she was walking on air. Filled with surging confidence and hope, she decided she could risk being even later for work so she could check NDA"s status with the American Inst.i.tute of Architects.
She left the AIA offices on a cloud. Angela Martine and Diane Donahue were both members in good standing, NDA itself was a paid up member and voluntarily partic.i.p.ated in peer a.s.sessment and review. They were in good standing with the California Board of Architects. She had no qualms about accepting the job and stopped at the pay phone in the AIA building lobby to call Diane Donahue and accept. She floated down to the MUNI train and then up the three blocks to the L&B building.
Mannings was very unpleasant when Jackie told him she was leaving, but admitted that Randall had been dubious about her future at L&B. He was downright nasty when she said she was going to NDA and reminded her specifically and at length about the ethics of taking any work she"d done for L&B to another firm. She a.s.sured him that she knew the ethical code as well as anyone at L&B and that she had not and would not discuss the drawings she"d done on the affordable housing project with anyone at NDA. In the end, they agreed she only needed to stay long enough to wrap up her CAD specifications for the condominium project. The following Friday was set as her last day.
Mary Nguyen was both congratulatory and dismayed. "I"m so happy for you, but Jesus, I"m going to miss having you around. This makes me the only female a.s.sociate in training."
"I"m sorry, Mary, really."
Mary c.o.c.ked her head to one side. "No, you"re not. Why pretend? I wish you just the best of everything, you weasel."
Jackie laughed and promised to go out to dinner with Mary on her last day. Even when the memory of Leah intruded on her, she found herself savoring it instead of dreading it.
She was starting over. If this was as bad as it got, she could handle it.
She felt good until she remembered she would see Parker this weekend. She was not looking forward to it.
7.
Leah muscled Butch to one side and answered the door. She knew that someone had been coming down the driveway because of Butch"s barking. For a moment she let herself imagine it might be Jackie, but she quelled the thought. Jackie wasn"t coming back, and Leah wasn"t sure she wanted her to. It had just been one of those things - close quarters.
"So, the great Lee Beck answers her own door," a musical, mocking voice said.
"Constance!" Leah blinked stupidly and then stood back to let her in.
"And this is the old homestead. Quaint and cozy." Constance pulled off her gloves and stomped her boots on the mat where Leah"s thick, practical winter boots were piled. Long curls of blond hair fell around her shoulders as she pulled her ski cap off. "No wonder you never invited me up here. You"d never get me away. Though your place in Hayward isn"t exactly chopped liver."
Leah closed the door and gave Constance a wry glance. "So what are you doing here?"
"Not even glad to see me?" Constance cupped Leah"s face in her hand and gave her one of her lingering kisses - the kind that had always peeved Sharla even though Leah had never shown the slightest interest in Constance"s considerable charms. For the first time Leah allowed to herself that now she had the choice of whether to respond. She wasn"t sure what to do. So she backed away.
Constance laughed. "Same old Lee. I was in the neighborhood, darling, and thought I"d find out what my favorite artist is doing with herself."
Leah led the way into the kitchen. "You don"t expect me to believe that, do you?"
"But it"s true, sweets. I"m staying at Kirkwood for a few days and the skiing"s bad today because of the wind. So I thought I"d drive over and see you. Find out if you"re still alive. I got lost twice."
"You mean find out if I"ve got any more commissions for you." Constance looked stricken for a moment and Leah instantly regretted her flip tone.
Instead of her usual banter, Constance patted Leah"s cheek. "I"ve been worried about you."
The warmth of Constance"s hand penetrated to Leah"s stomach. She was suddenly aware that it wouldn"t take much for Constance to seduce her. She"d been more than ready to go to bed with Jackie, who was straight, for G.o.d"s sake, and here was Constance who had never made any secret of her desire for Leah.