The world floated in her vision. In the great distance, she could hear a blaring horn. The headlights flickered across the gap like sunlight filtering through the ocean, dissipating as it grew closer to where Jill rested against the cemetery fence.
Voices carried like whispers across the chasm of reality. Jill tried to call out to them but she felt her lung collapse from the exertion. Each breath became even more labored and her body more oxygen starved.
Flashing lights joined the distant headlights, spilling over Jill. The noises rose in a crescendo of unintelligible sound.
Ghostly figures approached her, silhouetted by the filtered headlights. As they reached out to her, Jill let out a silent sob and her world grew dark.
Suburban Zombie.
Anthony Lance.
About Anthony.
Anthony lives in Cronulla, a quiet beachside suburb of Sydney. His first published work of fiction; I SPIDER is available on Amazon.com. Any resemblance to characters depicted in this short story, living or living dead is purely coincidental.
Every house in the perfectly manicured street is the same. They differ only in the pastel shades of the paintwork on their perfect, weatherboard facades. It is a beautiful summer"s day in the heart of suburbia as Ted Jones walks out his front door, dressed in a suit and carrying his briefcase. Ted is a zombie. He walks with a typical zombie gait. Ted walks to the front yard and picks up the newspaper. He sees his neighbor Dave Thompson over the top of his neatly trimmed hedge. Dave is also a zombie.
"Mornin" Ted."
"Mornin" Dave."
"What about those Yankees then?"
"Can"t pick it."
As Dave says this, he picks at a nasty sore on his cheek. Ted gives Dave a wave and they both hop into their respective cars and back out of their driveways at the same time as all of the other cars on the street do.
The front door of the Jones household opens again and Katie Jones comes out, pushing a pram with a one-year-old baby zombie in it. Beside her is her five-year-old daughter Sh.e.l.ley. Both Katie and Sh.e.l.ley are zombies.
"My front teeth are loose, Mum," Sh.e.l.ley lisps as she wobbles the entire top row of her unsightly teeth.
"Somebody might be getting a visit from the tooth fairy tonight," Katie replies.
All of the other zombie mothers walk out onto the sidewalk and form a convoy up the street. Each woman has a pram containing a one year old, with a five year old walking beside it. They all smile and wave at each other.
Jill Thompson"s five-year-old son has removed his nose and is looking at it as he walks along beside her.
"Ohhh... That"s disgusting, Jamie-stop picking your nose. You"re too old to be doing that," Jill admonishes as she looks around to make sure none of the other women have noticed.
In the school playground, all of the women gather around and chat as the young zombies begin lurching and limping about, playing games. Several of the boys are crowded around a circle drawn in chalk on the playground. They are playing marbles.
"That"s not fair."
"That"s cheating."
The boys are upset because a child"s thumb has fallen off, flicking into the center of the circle and knocking a marble out.
"Young Nathan had his swimming carnival last Tuesday. You should have seen the condition of the water in the pool. It was disgusting," Daphne states.
"Soup?" Katie asks.
"More like porridge." She laughs at her own joke.
"I hate those public pools-they"re dreadful. They must be a health risk," Jill says.
Two children run by pa.s.sing a head to each other as though it is a football.
"Oh, did I tell you that Ted and I went to that new restaurant called MORT last night?" Katie asks. "Very posh-they even had chicken on the menu."
At the word chicken, all of the women collectively scrunch up their faces and say, "Eeeeeewwwww."
"That"s disgusting. Who would eat that?" Daphne responds.
"My mom used to eat crumbed chicken," Jill remarks.
"Eeeeeewwwww."
"It"s just not natural," Daphne exclaims.
"I"ll just stick to crumbed brains, thank you very much," Jill replies.
At that moment, the school bell rings and all of the children stagger off to line up in front of their respective cla.s.srooms. As the women leave the school in single file to return to their homes, they are unaware that a young, well-groomed man is following them at a distance.
It is a beautiful afternoon when all of the cars in the street return and drive into their driveways at the same time. Ted Jones hops out of his car and waves over the hedge to his neighbor, Dave Thompson.
"Dave."
"Tom."
At that moment, a well-dressed young man on a pushbike rides past with a bible under his arm. He is not a zombie-he is a Mormon. The Mormon turns around and gives Ted a menacing look but Ted does not notice him.
"Honey, I"m home," Ted says as he walks through the front door of his home.
With a mixing bowl in her hands, Katie walks out and kisses him on the cheek. "Got your favorite for dinner tonight," she replies.
"Brains?" he asks.
At that point, Sh.e.l.ley calls out from the back yard. She is detaching her arm and then returning it to its socket.
"Dad, look at me."
"That"s great, Sh.e.l.ley," Ted says distractedly, completely oblivious of what Sh.e.l.ley is doing. He waves to his daughter without even looking at her.
There is a loud knock at the door. As Ted makes his way to open it, there is another loud knock. As soon as Ted opens the door, Dave and his family rush inside. Dave"s son Jamie is holding his arm in pain.
"One of them bit him on the arm. There are these creatures outside, Ted. They attacked us," Dave exclaims.
"What?" Ted asks, looking outside.
He sees two Mormons circling up and down the street menacingly while two Mormons walk slowly towards the door.
"What are they?" Ted cries, panicking.
The front door is still open and, as Ted tries to close it, one of the Mormons sticks his foot in the way to prevent it from closing.
"Have you been blessed, brother?" one of the Mormons asks.
Dave joins Ted and together they are able to force the door closed. Ted looks once again out the window. More Mormons walk up the driveway. There are now five Mormons on the road, going in circles. Suddenly, a Mormon appears out of nowhere and scares Ted half to death. He is holding a book and waving it threateningly.
"Look, out the back," Dave says.
There are several Mormons peering over the back fence.
"Quick, get the kids inside." Ted is too late; the kids have seen the Mormons and run into the house screaming.
"I need nails and a hammer. We have to board up the windows and the doors," Ted remarks hurriedly.
Darkness descends on the Jones" house. The windows are heavily boarded and the two families huddle into one small part of the living room. The drone of Mormons calling out and bashing on the door is relentless.
"AAGHHHHHH," Jill Thompson screams.
Everyone jumps back to see what has happened. There stands Jamie Thompson, neatly dressed, his hair combed, his teeth whiter than white-with a bible tucked under his little arm.
All I Want For Christmas.
Jason Brant.
November 19.
Dear Diary, I"m so p.i.s.sed!!!!
My dad is being such a jerk! I"m thirteen years old now and he still treats me like I"m ten. He doesn"t care that I"m an adult - he just wants me stay his little girl forever. It makes me so mad!
He won"t let me stay out at night, he won"t let me watch The Walking Dead, and he won"t let me go out with Stevie! I"m thirteen and I"ve never gone on a date!! I know that Stevie is so totally perfect for me but nooooo! Dad won"t even let me invite him over to the house. I mean, Stevie doesn"t even know I exist, but he might someday.
Mom doesn"t help me either. I can tell that she thinks I"m old enough, but she doesn"t want to argue with Dad. Usually I can get Mom to let me do something, even if Dad says no, but she won"t listen to me about this at all!
"If Dad says you aren"t ready, then we should listen to him," she says.
Like he knows everything...
November 28.
Dear Diary, OMG!!!! Stevie said hi to me! I can"t believe it! He caught me staring at him in Math cla.s.s, again, but this time he said hi! I thought I was going to die right there. I tried to say something back but only a squeak came out. That was soooo embarra.s.sing.
Superb.i.t.c.h Megan Lockard laughed at me. Why is she so mean to me? I haven"t done anything to her. I think she likes Stevie and she was just jealous that he said hi to ME. G.o.d, I hate her. She thinks she"s so much better than everyone else just because her father is a rich doctor. Who cares? I mean, she isn"t even all that pretty.
Ok, that was a lie...she"s totally pretty, but still.
December 5 Dear Diary, I sat behind Stevie at lunch today and he smelled so good! I never noticed it before, but he smells really sweet. He definitely wears too much Axe or cologne or whatever, but still, he smells awesome. I just wanted to eat him up right then!
He caught me staring at him again, but he smiled at me instead of being mad. I really think he"s noticing me now. Finally! I mean, it"s only been three years that I"ve been in school with him. His face looks so CUTE when he smiles too-I wanted to just grab him right there and take him home with me. Oh, the things I would do to him...
Of course, Superb.i.t.c.h saw us and got all p.i.s.sy. She told her Megawh.o.r.e friend Stephanie Mitch.e.l.l that I was a carpenter"s dream. I didn"t even know what that meant. They both laughed like it was the funniest thing ever, even though it was totally lame. I had to look it up on Google when I got home. It means I"m flat as a board and easy to nail! a.s.sholes!!!!
I told Dad that I wanted to do something really mean to her but he won"t let me. He says that her father is too important and that I would get in a lot of trouble. I hate when he says stuff like that. So it"s OK for me to do something to a poor, unpopular person-but not to Superb.i.t.c.h? Isn"t that racist or something?
December 14 Dear Diary, I want to run away!
So today was awesome-until I came home from school. Stevie came up to me and asked me what I was doing over Christmas vacation! He even knew my name! I stood there like a total dweeb of course and didn"t say much of anything. I think I said something stupid like "nothing", but I can"t really remember. He"s so perfect. Whenever he talks to me, I just become a moron!
Then he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him sometime! Uhh yeah! I told him he could come to my house and I would do something with him that I"ve never done with anyone else before. That got him really excited. He said he would come over after school today, but I said I had to ask my dad first. Stevie got a little sad then, but he"ll get over it.
When I asked my Dad if I could have Stevie he said no! WTF?! I"m so sick of being treated like a little girl! And then he told me something stupid like "all good things come to those who wait". What a crock! I don"t want to wait anymore. I want Stevie!
Mom did nothing, of course. I thought she might help me this time, but noooo. I asked her when her first time was and she got so mad at me. Now I feel guilty, even though they"re the ones being jerks. I hate this! I"m running away right now!
December 14 Update #1 I didn"t run away. It"s too cold outside. I"m still mad.
December 21 Dear Diary, Stevie hasn"t been talking to me as much.
After I told him that my stupid dad wouldn"t let him come over, Stevie got upset. He didn"t say anything mean, but I could tell that he wasn"t happy. He said it was OK and that we could maybe sneak around after school someday. Mom and Dad pick me up from school every day, so I would have to lie to them about it. They ALWAYS know when I"m lying! I hate it!
Of course, Superb.i.t.c.h is now all over Stevie. I swear that she didn"t like him at all until she found out that I did! And now he spends more time talking to her than he does to me. She"s totally playing with his mind and getting him all confused. If she doesn"t stop, I"m going to have to do something bad to her. Dad will probably ground me forever, but it will totally be worth it.
Megawh.o.r.e Stephanie is going to get it too!!!!! She tripped me in gym cla.s.s and I hurt my knee! I didn"t do anything to her. Just because she"s friends with Miss Priss doesn"t mean she has to be so nasty to me. They"re both going to get it! All of the other girls in cla.s.s laughed.
They always tell me I"m weird, which is totally true, but they don"t try to hurt me or steal Stevie. Dad says don"t sweat the small stuff. Well, I don"t think that Superb.i.t.c.h trying to make out with Stevie is small stuff!
Today is the last day of school before Christmas break. I"m writing this during lunch because Stevie is talking to S.B. and it makes me sick to see them together. She needs to get her a.s.s kicked! I just have to get through this last day...