And each and every one of them was pregnant.
"What-" I started, and then it hit me in a horrible rush of recognition.
"It would appear the Dark Queen has been busy replacing Vivian," Reth said.
"Empty Ones," I whispered, unable to take my eyes away from the swollen bellies of the girls. They were making more of me.
HAPPY PILLS.
I couldn"t move, frozen as I stared at this meadow of girls stolen from their lives and brought here for the sole purpose of creating more Empty Ones, more homeless, placeless, half-mortal half-nothing girls like me.
"Why so many?" I finally asked.
Reth raised his eyebrows, considering the scene before us. "Safer, I suppose. This way if one doesn"t work out, like Vivian, the Dark Queen has several others to fall back on. She is terribly efficient. Which is likely the reason why she has them here where she can keep an eye on them, unlike how you and Vivian were left in the mortal realms with minimal supervision. Though the whole thing is pointless."
"We have to save them."
"Do they look like they want to be saved?"
I had to admit they didn"t. That was what was so horrible about it. They all looked so bleeping happy, so tranquil. One girl, a tiny blonde who was all belly, lay on the bank of the stream on a bed of flowers, smiling even in her sleep.
It was sick.
"We have to try, at least."
Reth shook his head. "If you pulled them away, like this, it might kill them. I am afraid we have no help to offer right now. And, need I remind you, helping these poor creatures is not why we"re here."
I felt angry and impossibly sad watching those girls, but he was right. They weren"t why we were here. That didn"t mean I was going to forget about them, though. "Okay," I said, my voice hollow and quiet. "Let"s go."
We skirted the edge of the meadow. I feared detection, but the pregnant girls were all so blissed out they didn"t even notice us. Back under the cover of the trees, I stumbled along in silence for a while until I couldn"t take it anymore. "Do you think she was like that?"
"I"ve found it is helpful when talking to use actual subjects and context so your listener can understand what, exactly, you are trying to convey."
I rolled my eyes. "Like you"re so big on clear communication. I mean my mom. Do you think she was like them when she was pregnant with me?"
"In what way?"
"You know. Happy. Peaceful."
There was a long pause, and when Reth spoke again his voice had none of the sharp tones it often took on, only warmth. "Yes, I suppose she was."
"Until he left her."
"Yes."
"But while she was with me, while I was in her, she was happy. She wasn"t scared, or lonely, or angry."
"No, I cannot imagine she was any of those things."
I nodded, unable to talk anymore. I didn"t know if it made me feel better or worse that my mom would have been happy about me, for a while at least, until my stupid faerie father abandoned her. I guess it made me feel a little bit better, in a very sad sort of way.
Up ahead I heard voices through the trees and I stopped, worried about what we"d run into next. "What do you think it is?" I whispered to Reth.
"Those aren"t faerie voices."
We walked forward and peered through the edge of the trees to see a small valley with homes, quaint and cheerful cottages in perfect rows. Outside, around those homes, were people.
Dozens of people.
People people, not faeries. I scanned the ranks, panicked, but none of them seemed to be pregnant. They were all colors, men and women, from children on up to middle age, going about what seemed to be a perfectly sedate farming life. Women in plain spun but beautiful dresses trekked back and forth from a stream, carrying buckets of water and baskets of brilliant yellow berries. Kids laughed and chased one another in the cobbled street.
It was like looking back in time at some medieval village. Except it was more like the Middle Ages on Prozac, where everything was clean and everyone was shining with good health instead of dirty and diseased.
"What are they all here for?" The only reason faeries kidnapped humans was to use them for their own purposes, as servants or slaves, or to torment them for fun. And they didn"t do it very often, either, most faeries never bothering to come over to the mortal realms. This community free from faeries and filled with people doing relatively normal things made no sense whatsoever.
"Yes, what could they possibly be here for," Reth said, but his tone of voice was sarcastic, like he already knew. "Again, evidence of the Dark Queen"s innovation and efficiency. And very bad for anyone who is unfortunate enough to be a part of it. She is-" He stopped, then pulled me behind the trunk of a tree. "Someone is coming."
We peered around the edge of the trunk to see a door open up in a flash of light, about fifty feet away. A faerie I"d never seen before, tall and thin as a reed with flowing emerald-green hair stepped through, and holding his hand was a young girl, and holding her hand was an older woman, and holding her hand was a teenage boy, and holding his hand...I watched, aghast, as a train of twenty people came through, each holding the hand of the person in front of them. When they were all out of the Paths, the faerie spoke to them; they all watched with rapt attention.
A few of the villagers, for lack of a better word, had gathered as well. The faerie nodded and gestured to them, and the villagers walked forward, smiling, their arms open in welcome. The new people filtered through into the crowd.
One little girl sat on the ground, crying as the faerie left, and a plump blond woman rushed over, taking her in her arms and patting her back soothingly.
"Reth, I can"t-Please, we have to find Lend right now. I can"t see anything else, I can"t handle knowing this stuff and not knowing what it means or what"s going to happen to them. Please, please, can"t you find Lend faster?"
He stopped watching the people and turned to me. "I will do my best. The only way onward is forward."
I was so tired and numb I didn"t even hurt anymore, my mind shutting down so I wouldn"t have to think about what I"d seen or ponder its implications. Lend. Lend.
The trees shifted again, this time from cool colors to pure white. White trunks, white leaves, and white flakes drifting and sparkling in the light. I held out a hand to catch one, expecting snow, but it settled there like a little drop of sunshine.
I hated this place. I hated that it was beautiful and warm and welcoming, and that it hid so much evil inside. Well, duh. Faeries. Of course it was that way.
Reth stopped suddenly and I drew up short, almost losing my balance again on my sensationless feet.
"Can you feel her?" he asked, and his tone chilled me in spite of the flakes of warmth swirling around us.
"I-" I paused, and closed my eyes. And there, yes, I could. It was like a tug, a pull toward emptiness, toward blissful oblivion, pulsing out and with every beat telling me that I was nothing, nothing, nothing, hers, hers, hers.
I squeezed Reth"s hand, hard. "I"m scared."
He laughed his silver laugh. "High time for that."
"Don"t-Please, don"t let me lose myself, okay? The first goal is to save Lend, but I"d rather die than lose myself to her or help her in any way."
He locked my eyes with his. "Evelyn, my love. I will not let that happen."
I nodded, biting my lip. He wouldn"t, not if he could help it. I trusted him on that. "Okay. Okay. Any tips?"
"Remember who you are."
I laughed, part shrill panic and part bitterness. "And what if I have no idea who I am?"
He shook his head, exasperated. "Repeat your real name in your head. Don"t say it aloud; whatever you do, don"t give it to her. But hold on to it and it should help."
I took a deep breath. Neamh. Neamh. Neamh. I was me, and she couldn"t have that, just like she couldn"t have my Lend. Another deep breath, and another, all the while holding the image of Lend"s true face in my head. "Let"s do this."
Reth put my hand in the crook of his elbow again and we walked forward, together, through the trees and into the heart of the Dark Queen"s court.
WHAT"S IN A NAME?
We stepped out of the trees and into the middle of a throng of faeries. My heart beat like a wild bird in my chest, fluttering against my rib cage and desperate to get away.
The faeries were all standing, arrayed like satellites around the gravity of the Dark Queen. I had expected thrones of gold and gems, but she sat in the middle of everything on an enormous, deep purple calla lily. Her dress today shimmered with every color imaginable, a prism in fabric form, and her black-oil hair danced with life along her bare, alabaster arms. On either side of her stood a faerie, one with midnight-blue hair and eyes, her face dotted with tiny points of light like stars shining beneath her skin. The other was the Goose Down Hair faerie from the Center. The one I"d set free, straight back to help my greatest enemy.
And there he was...Lend. My hands flew to my lips to stop from crying out in joy, because he was here, my Lend was here, I"d found him! He was at the Dark Queen"s feet, lying perfectly still, in his real form and thus nearly invisible under his clothes. He wasn"t-oh no, no no no, he wasn"t dead, he couldn"t be dead. If I"d lost him forever, my world was over. A small, animal sound escaped my mouth, then there was the slightest shift, a twitch of his hand, and I let out a m.u.f.fled sob. He was still alive. I could still save him.
"Ah," the Dark Queen said, snapping my attention back to her. Maybe I couldn"t still save him. I tried to avoid looking into her pure black eyes, instead focusing just above them on her high, smooth forehead. "The Empty One comes to me."
Her voice shot through me like a hook, catching on my back and then drawing me forward. My feet moved against my will, again.
"Approach, child."
She was swallowing me whole, I knew it, I could feel it happening, but I couldn"t care. I was silly to think I could ever do anything against her. I had no right to exist, no right to even be. She preceded existence. She superseded creation. To say she was more than me was laughable in its simplicity. She was more than anything. She was a G.o.d.
She would be my G.o.d. I would go to her feet and worship her, do anything and everything she asked of me, anything to be near her, to have my nothingness absorbed and absolved by her, to- I stumbled on my icy feet, falling to my knees and sc.r.a.ping my palm. I turned it over and looked at the bright dots of blood.
My blood.
Me.
Neamh. Neamh. Neamh. Me.
I took a deep breath, then stood, shocked to see I"d already covered all the distance to her and was standing directly in front of Lend. Careful not to let any expression show, I set my face into a mask of need and adoration and lowered my head in pretend obedience.
Even though I couldn"t see her face, I felt her smile triumphantly. "Did you bring me this toy as an offering?" she asked, and I tried not to react as Reth answered immediately behind me.
"Yes, my lady. Please accept it with my humblest grat.i.tude for my continued existence." He was lying; I only hoped she didn"t figure it out.
She tapped one long, ice-white finger against her knee. "You shall exist. For now. But only because I think your betrayal will plague my sister more than your death. Now, you," she said, leaning forward and gesturing with her finger. My head rose, pulled up on an invisible string.
She c.o.c.ked her head, a gesture I"d seen on Reth so many times, so beautiful I could barely stand to look at her. "What have you brought me as an offering? What can you give me to convince me not to end you right now? I have no need of you, not anymore. A few years yet and we will be free."
My mind raced, desperate. I stuck my hands in my pocket, wrapping one around the knife as though it could somehow give me the answers. I could give it to her, but, no, it was pitiful as far as gifts went. She didn"t crave things, she wanted power.
Power.
I looked into her eyes, suddenly hopeful.
"I can give you my name."
Her face froze, then her violet lips parted in a hint of a smile. "Your true name?"
I nodded eagerly, stepping forward over Lend. "My true name. But you have to do something for me."
Her smile faded and I felt it like you feel a cloud pa.s.sing over the sun; even with a firm hold on my mind it made me desperate, anxious to regain her sunshine. "You would dare ask something of me?"
"Let him go," I said, my words rushing out. "Lend. Let him go, and I"ll give you my true name, and I"ll do anything you want, I"ll open any gate anywhere, I"ll be yours forever. Anything."
She didn"t blink, hadn"t blinked this whole time, never looked away from my eyes and I knew I was seconds away from losing myself. I couldn"t lose myself, not if this was going to work.
"You have far too much spirit for an Empty One," she said, leaning forward. "You cannot command me in anything. I enjoy this boy, so pretty like gla.s.s. Do you suppose he is as fragile as gla.s.s? Would you like to find out?" She raised a hand toward him, and he whimpered softly in his sleep.
"No!" I shouted, and she smiled again.
"I shall keep him, and you will tell me your name to save yourself. And even then, perhaps I will end you anyway."
Blinking against the tears, I nodded and opened my mouth.
"Your name is for me alone," she warned. I leaned closer to her and she bent her graceful, long neck down, putting her ear next to my face. I closed my eyes, the fear and joy and pain washing through me this close to her. I didn"t deserve to be this close to her. I"d never deserve it, and I"d never get it again, and I wanted to sink into her darkness and never come out.
I pulled the knife out of my pocket and jammed it into her neck.
She screamed, the meadow around us shifting and crackling with lightning at the sound, the light disappearing. I fell backward, tripping over Lend"s body.
"YOU!" I shouted, pointing to the Goose Down Hair faerie, barely visible in the writhing darkness that surrounded us now. "You have to help me one time! Attack the Dark Queen until I"m gone!"
Her eyes lit up with rage and death and she took a step toward me, hands outstretched. Guess that answered whether or not the previous commands would bind her. I closed my eyes, waiting to be killed, but when the hands didn"t come around my neck, I opened them again. On the throne, standing over the Dark Queen, the Goose Down Hair faerie sobbed as she jammed the knife deeper into the Dark Queen"s neck.
"My lady," the faerie shrieked in grief and terror, "my queen, I love you." She said it again and again as she slammed her hand against the knife, driving it in farther.
I dropped down, wrapped my arms around Lend, and screamed, "Reth! Get us out of here, now!"