Just because she still owed Qiao w.a.n.gchuan a few questions, she decided to mention the disciplinary ring accidentally, hinting at him and telling him not to hit on her.
The smile on Qiao w.a.n.gchuan"s face became deep, “Then just wait at your home. I"ll pick you up.”
When Su Yutan waited for Qiao w.a.n.gchuan to pick her up, she looked at her dress and decided to just use it as is.
Qiao w.a.n.gchuan picked her up in his shuttle half an hour later. They then headed to the Flounder restaurant when Su Yutan settled herself inside.
After ordering at the restaurant, Su Yutan asked Qiao w.a.n.gchuan, “Do you remember the deal we made last time?”
Qiao w.a.n.gchuan asked, “The one when I asked you to answer my questions?”
“Yes!” Su Yutan replied cheerfully, “If you have any questions, please ask me. I promised that I will answer everything that I can.”
Qiao w.a.n.gchuan smiled, “Then, can I really ask?”
“Just ask.”
“First of all, the last question I asked you, why do you have the words ‘Don"t be indifferent, you cannot be a demon" inscribed on the inside of your ring?”
“This is a commandment that reminds me to exercise restraint and not to be tempted by men.”
“Why do you restrain yourself and not be attentive to men?”
“Because dealing with a ‘Heart Demon" is too heavy, I had to seal both ‘Heart" and ‘Demon" together.”
“What do you mean?”
“Simply put, because of the effects of latent trauma, I have a lot of abnormal cravings and rejections in my subconscious. In some ways, I am more sensitive to emotions than normal people and it is easier for me to do something irrational. Love is the easiest thing which affects emotion. So for me, love is a high-risk venture.”
Qiao w.a.n.gchuan looked at her with dullness and a pale face.
Su Yutan continued, “My underlying trauma is a self-destructive tendency. If I suffer a blow from falling in love, a boyfriend"s infidelity, etc., I will most likely not be able to control myself and truly become self-destructive. It is also possible that I will gradually lose control of myself in the midst of gains and losses. I don"t know what I will do at that time.”
“Is this a doctor"s order or is it your own personal idea?” Qiao w.a.n.gchuan asked, his expression was a little nervous.
Su Yutan laughed, “It was a doctor"s order before, but now it is a personal thought.”
“Why do you say that?” Qiao w.a.n.gchuan"s tone was slightly anxious. “Do you mean… you intensified the doctor"s order?”
Su Yutan sighed and said, “Let me tell you the origin of this ring. When I first wore it, I was only 15 years old…”
At that time, she was young and just had her first love.
The object of her love was Brother Lu. Who was very handsome, warm and good to her since their childhood.
With his care, she became more delicate, sensitive, and thoughtful.
She wanted to see him and speak with him all the time, but she was afraid he would be annoyed. She often struggled for half an hour or even an hour to call him.
If he laughed, she would be happy. If he frowned, she would wonder if she was upsetting him, and then she will begin to self reflect.
If she thought that she found the reason, she would be disgusted with herself, how can she make such a low-level, a ridiculous or naive mistake?
If she couldn"t find the reason, she would hate herself even more, being stupid like this is a waste of food and air!
It wasn"t long before her thoughts were picked up by her adoptive mother and Brother Lu.
Her adoptive mother talked to Brother Lu, and Brother Lu used the excuse to be busy with work and reduced his contact with her.
She couldn"t understand or ignore this change in Brother Lu"s behavior towards her.
After struggling for a week, she summoned the courage to confess to Brother Lu.
Brother Lu refused her with a gentle att.i.tude and a firm tone. He told her that he only took her as his sister and that he was sympathetic to her situation. He had absolutely no affection like a man and woman relationship for her.
After being rejected, she soon fell into a very desperate state of self-denial, making it difficult to extricate herself from it.
The efforts of self-control over the past few years quickly collapsed.
The thought of dying was haunting and lingering in her mind day and night. All kinds of mental healing methods did not work at all.
Her will soon succ.u.mbed to the subconscious thirst for death. She planned and executed a suicide while being unusually calm.
She carefully considered many methods of death and finally felt that death in s.p.a.ce was the easiest to achieve, the easiest to succeed, and the most acceptable to her.
She escaped from the hospital, called a rental flying saucer, and flew into s.p.a.ce.
Of course, it turned out that she didn"t die.
Because her adoptive mother knew all too well her mental state, she immediately called the police when she disappeared. The police then immediately initiated a suicide intervention procedure.
A police patrol flying saucer came over to intervene in her suicide attempt. It released a robotic arm, held her flying saucer hatch close, and rescued her.
After being rescued, her adoptive mother gave her the ring to help her control herself and restrain her subconscious. But at the time, the words were not yet engraved on the inside of the ring.
With the help of her adoptive mother and Lu Xiaozhi, it took her nearly half a year to control her desire to commit suicide in her subconscious mind and resume her normal life.
Later, her adoptive mother died.
Two years ago, Lu Xiaozhi believed that her self-control ability was strong enough to try dating a boy and try to have a boyfriend.
Of course, the person she could try to contact did not include him, because he always treated her as a younger sister.
Su Yutan thought about it for a few days, about the ring, her mother"s admonition, the heartbeat of the beginning of love, the despair of being rejected, and those lingering suicidal thoughts.
In the end, instead of going on a date with a man as Brother Brother Lu said, she found a jewelry store and engraved the words, “Don"t be indifferent, you can"t be a demon” on the inside of the ring.
She was really not confident to deal with love and affection, so she had to try to keep her heart as calm as possible and not be upset.
Qiao w.a.n.gchuan listened, and asked with a very quiet look, “Can the feelings be controlled?”
“I"m not sure, but I have to try as much as I can,” Su Yutan replied.
“Does Dr. Lu know these six words?”
“He knows. I showed him.”
“Did he agree with your decision?”
“He disagreed, but he respects my decision.”
Qiao w.a.n.gchuan looked at her deeply, with no expression on his face, but there seemed to be some emotion in his eyes.
Su Yutan stared at him frankly and decisively.
[The translation belongs to Wordrain. Support us by comments, clicking on ads, or buy Miao a coffee (´ｪ｀)っ旦~] 1 ko-Fi = extra chapter