Part-Time Taoist Priest

Cheng Jie was confused too. If he wasn"t wrong, Xie Lingya only started working in this profession less than two years ago. Either way, when he graduated, Xie Lingya didn"t show any inclination towards it.

But as he recalled the rumors he"d heard, he hesitated. If Xie Lingya was truly unskilled, how was he able to help people solve their problems? It couldn"t be that he became a charlatan. Cheng Jie didn"t believe Xie Lingya was such a person.

Xie Lingya did not know how to explain. Cheng Jie wasn"t in the know. He couldn"t say he was born with a celestial bone, could he?

"Why don"t you tell me what you"ve encountered first?" Xie Lingya said.

Cheng Jie thought, Why not?, so he said, "Since last month, after we go to bed at night, there are footsteps in the living room, things being thrown around, and the TV turns on by itself. The first time it happened, my wife was alone in the bedroom and thought someone had broken in. She sent a message to the police, but when they arrived, they found nothing. Even the surveillance didn"t show anything.

"Then it got worse and worse. The fish we bought was torn apart and thrown on the floor. We kept having nightmares and sleep paralysis. We couldn"t escape it even when we hid in a hotel!

"I"m at my wit"s end. I thought I was going crazy. We went to look for monks, and they told us guest spirits were causing trouble. We paid for exorcism, but it didn"t work. Then we thought of looking for a Taoist priest. We heard from a friend that Baoyang Temple had an expert named Xie, who saved an acquaintance from the ghost walls. Baoyang Temple has also become quite well-known recently, so we came. Who would"ve thought it was you!"

He Zun is really a loyal little groupie and a sincere worshiper, Xie Lingya thought. Niuyang wasn"t a large city; it was normal for He Zun"s encounter to reach Cheng Jie"s ears.

Once Cheng Jie had finished, his wife"s eyes were puffy and wet with tears. He sighed and asked, "How is it? Do you have any idea how to fix it?"

Xie Lingya laughed. "If it was anything else, I might not be familiar with it, but I know a d.a.m.n lot about guest spirits!"

Not long ago, he just poked seven of them to death.

"The monk you hired wasn"t skilled enough. This guest spirit seems a bit ferocious, but it is just a guest spirit." Xie Lingya was full of confidence. He even showed them the cla.s.sic scriptures. "Flying corpses, roving demons, only the names are scary."

The couple was comforted by his confidence. "Really? What"s your chance of success?"

"80-90%." Ending the topic, Xie Lingya said, "I will accompany you today and deal with it. We"ve known each other for so long, would I scam you? If I can"t take care of it, I won"t charge you anything."

Cheng Jie thought that while Xie Lingya could be incongruous at times, he was genuinely good to his friends. He nodded. "Then I"ll trouble you with it. Right, this is the first time you"re meeting your sister-in-law, not only are you not offering discounts, you still want to charge money?"

Xie Lingya: "Sister, you didn"t bring me a meeting gift?"

Cheng Jie and his wife relaxed even further after joking a bit. The gloomy mood that surrounded them these days dispersed.

After the temple gates closed, Xie Lingya rested for a while, then packed the Three Treasures Sword and some talismans, and followed the couple back to their residence.

They arrived around 11 p.m. Cheng Jie"s unit was on the seventeenth floor. In the elevator, Fan Fang"s, his wife"s, mood sank again because they were returning home. She looked unwell, so Cheng Jia held her hand tight.

Xie Lingya comforted her, "Don"t worry, Sis, I"m very good at this job."

As the saying went, First meeting, strangers, second meeting, old friends. Although he didn"t know the full story, Xie Lingya knew it was guest spirits—who cared how they got here, just exterminate them and that was it. But, the task of welcoming G.o.ds to the residence, he would have to consult with the Taihe priests. He hadn"t learned to do it yet, but he didn"t want to say anything to avoid worrying Cheng Jie.

Cheng Jie stopped in front of the door, took a deep breath, and opened it.

Entering the apartment, Xie Lingya found it rather chilly. The couple was scared, so Xie Lingya stepped inside and turned on the lights. He looked around and found nothing. "Come on in."

Xie Lingya sat in the living room. He took out the Three Treasures Sword and set it beside him. Taking out the talismans, he explained, "The spirit usually causes a ruckus around 1 a.m., doesn"t it? We will wait here. When it starts, I"ll slaughter it."

Cheng Jie & Fan Fang: "……"

There was uncertainty scrawled on their faces. They were at ease when they saw Xie Lingya with the plum wood sword and the talismans, but once he started to speak… What kind of plan was that? It sounded so simple and crude.

But they were already here, there was no backing out now.

To rea.s.sure them, Xie Lingya gave each of them a protection charm to wear, then he waited while playing on his phone and eating candy.

Fan Fang was a little scared. "Say something, Xiao Xie. It"s too quiet."

Xie Lingya had no choice but to put away his phone and attempt to chat. He and Cheng Jia rarely met up after graduation, and they didn"t have much to talk about. Looking around, Xie Lingya asked, "Sis, this place is quite new, isn"t it? Why is there a dent in the cabinet?"

He had noticed an obvious dent in the TV cabinet. He wasn"t sure about Fan Fang, but he knew Cheng Jie was particular about his living environment—his university dorm had always been clean and tidy.

"We renovated last year," Fan Fang said. "It"s because it was. .h.i.t by a stone statue."

Cheng Jie was also upset about it. "I went hiking with my mates and found a stone statue. I thought it was an antique, so I brought it back and placed it on the cabinet. I consulted with some experts later, and they said it was old but not worth much. Fan Fang also thought it didn"t look good, so I threw it away. We weren"t careful when we moved it, and it made the dent. I was upset. Not only did we waste so much time for nothing, we even suffered damage."

Fan Fang also chimed it, "Yeah, it was rather ugly. But, there was so much going on recently that we didn"t have time to do anything about it. I was thinking we could get something new later and put a flower vase up to hide the dent for now."

"Yes, it"s not a bad idea," Xie Lingya agreed. "Okay, I need to use the washroom."

"Hold on, the guest toilet"s plumbing is broken. Use the master bedroom," Cheng Jie said and led the way.

"Sure… um, you don"t need to accompany me, the toilet is right there," Xie Lingya said.

Cheng Jie said, embarra.s.sed, "Let me follow you, I feel scared sitting there."

Fan Fang also stood up on shaky legs and held Cheng Jie"s arm, "We"ll wait for you outside the door."

Xie Lingya: "……"

He didn"t have much choice since they insisted on accompanying him to the toilet. So the three of them made their way to the master bedroom.

To keep them calm, Xie Lingya kept talking even inside the bathroom. He washed his hands and turned to leave, but stepped on a wet patch, slipped, and fell flat on his face.

"f.u.c.k!" Not only was it painful, but also humiliating. Sprawled on the floor, Xie Lingya could see the couple"s shocked but amused expressions.

Xie Lingya was fl.u.s.tered, but something caught his eye. Once he realized what exactly he"d seen under Cheng Jie"s bed, he felt a chill run up his spine.

It was a humanoid statue, made of stone, and about the size of an adult"s arm. The carving was crude, but the facial features were distinct. The statue had only one leg.

Intentionally so. It wasn"t that a leg had broken off, but it was originally carved with only one leg. It looked creepy.

In the shadows of the bed, the statue"s empty eyes stared directly at Xie Lingya. The slightly worn lips were curved in a cold smile…

"Lingya, what"s the matter? You can"t get up?" Cheng Jie thought he had injured himself since he hadn"t gotten up off the floor.

Why would Cheng Jie place this creepy thing under his bed? Xie Lingya raised his head. "…That statue you found, was it one-legged?"

The couple was stunned. "How did you know?" they asked, puzzled.

Feeling that something wasn"t right, their hearts started to pound. They followed Xie Lingya"s gaze to the bed. Cheng Jie, voice shaking, asked, "What"s under the bed?"

Fan Fang looked like she was about to faint.

Suddenly, despite the windows being closed, the curtains billowed. The air conditioner turned on by itself, and cool air rushed into the apartment. Xie Lingya jumped up and shouted, "Get out!"

Cheng Jie and Fan Fang turned and ran to the living room. Both were wearing protection charms, but Xie Lingya had no talisman on himself. He held his fingers in the Spirit Official"s Seal for protection and dashed into the living room for the Three Treasures Sword.

"Ah!" Fan Fang screamed. The protection charm she wore combusted spontaneously, and she quickly threw it away.

This couldn"t be a guest spirit, as the simple protection charm didn"t ward against it. Xie Lingya regretted not bringing some Spirit Official"s protection talismans; he hadn"t even brought cinnabar and talisman paper.

The rice on the floor was stationary. Xie Lingya couldn"t discern any movement in it, but he knew whatever the evil thing in the room, it still had to be there. It destroyed the protection charm on Fan Fang, so it would make a move towards her.

Since he didn"t know where it was, Xie Lingya could only hold his sword in hand and shout, "All-encompa.s.sing Dao, heed my call!"

"Shhh…" there was a faint, inhumanly soft sigh. Pure energy burst from the sword and blew the rice away, forming a circle around him. The half-open door to the balcony creaked.

Xie Lingya stuck another protection charm on Fan Fang. Holding his sword, he looked around vigilantly, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. The air conditioner had also turned off.

Xie Lingya stuck the remainder of the protection charms all around the apartment, but there was no response.

Cheng Jie and Fan Fang hid behind him in fear. There was no longer doubt in their hearts when they saw what happened with Xie Lingya"s sword and the talismans. Xie Lingya definitely knew his stuff!

Fan Fang thought of the sound from the balcony door and cried, "T-that guest spirit, is it gone for good?"

"It isn"t here, but it"s not gone for good," Xie Lingya corrected. He didn"t know what that thing was, but he deduced that since it could break the protection charm, it was unlikely to be killed with one hit from the Sword of Frugality. It had most likely escaped. "That thing might not be a guest spirit."

"But that monk said…" Cheng Jie paused. After all, that monk hadn"t accomplished anything. Close to a nervous breakdown, he asked, "What the h.e.l.l is that thing? Is it something to do with the statue? Will it come back?"

Xie Lingya didn"t know either. He dragged the one-legged statue out from under the bed. The couple blanched. Fan Fang took several steps back, almost fainting.

They had definitely thrown the thing out a long time ago, but now it had re-appeared under their bed! Once they realized this thing had been under their bed this entire time, they felt the wind knocked out of them.

Xie Lingya placed the statue on the living room floor. He stuck two talismans on the statue, but nothing happened. He was certain, "It probably escaped outside. I don"t know if it will come back."

If he knew it wasn"t a guest spirit causing trouble, he wouldn"t have come so eagerly without preparation. Sigh, he was still too inexperienced. He had no idea what to do next because he didn"t recognize it at all.

Of course, after thinking about it, Xie Lingya still thought the most unbelievable thing about this whole affair was…

"Why would you think this was some kind of antique? The one leg is so creepy!" Xie Lingya said to Cheng Jie.

"I thought it was sort of like Venus de Milo," Cheng Jie answered, embarra.s.sed.

Xie Lingya: "……"

Fan Fang let out a loud sob. Xie Lingya suspected her husband"s stupidity had just dawned on her.

Deciding to use the Phone a Friend lifeline, Xie Lingya took out his phone and video-called Shi Changxuan.

Half a minute later, Shi Changxuan picked up. He had probably been sleeping, judging by the bedroom in the background. Only his hair and forehead showed on the screen. His tone was puzzled at being called so late at night, "Hm…?"

"Sorry for disturbing you when you were resting, Shi Daozhang," Xie Lingya apologized. "I have an urgent matter that needs your help. Do you know what this is?"

He directed the camera at the stone statue.

After three or four seconds, Shi Changxuan"s face appeared on the screen, fully awake. "The one-legged Wutong."

"The one-legged Wutong? Is it a demon?" Xie Lingya explained, "My senior found it on a mountain. He threw it out, but it came back by itself. It keeps causing trouble, and I just scared it off."

Shi Changxuan said, "In the South, it"s sometimes called Wutong, sometimes wood spirit, and some even call it the one-legged G.o.d. This is why you can"t just throw it away. It"s easy to invite a G.o.d in, but hard to send one away."

The couple was shocked. "This is a statue of a G.o.d?"

"Just a mountain goblin, a demonic idol that was worshipped by villagers," Shi Changxua explained. "It grants wealth when worshipped. Those who worship the one-legged Wutong could get rich overnight. You have invited it in, but not worshipped it, so it"s causing trouble."

There were creatures greedy for offerings. They would fulfill human wishes in return for worship. They weren"t true deities, but demonic idols.

Cheng Jie was tempted by what he"d said, "So it just wants to be worshipped? It will stop causing trouble and make us rich after it gets its offerings?"

Cheng Jie"s wife, on the other hand, was frightened. This one-legged Wutong was too menacing. She didn"t dare worship it. Didn"t he say it wasn"t a proper G.o.d but a demonic idol?

Shi Changxuan said coolly, "If it was just so, the one-legged Wutong wouldn"t have fewer and fewer worshipers or get abandoned in the wild for you to find. For festivals and every new moon, it needs offerings of pig and lamb. Every three years, the offering has to be a human."

Cheng Jie shivered, what little temptation he had immediately vanishing, and waved his hands. "T-then let"s send it away," he said, looking at Xie Lingya for help.

Xie Lingya asked, "Shi Daozhang, is there a way to send it away?"

Shi Changxuan countered, "It cannot be sent away. The one-legged Wutong is petty and vengeful. It will even punish its worshipers if offended. Since you"ve injured it, it will be even more careful now."

The risk remained so long as the Wutong was out there.

Xie Lingya said, dejected, "I thought it was just a guest spirit, so I wasn"t prepared. From what you"ve said, we can only kill it now? How do I lure it out?"

Shi Changxuan thought for a bit then said, "The one-legged Wutong is very greedy. You can try to lure it out with a fake offering ceremony and eradicate it."

Xie Lingya wasn"t too confident at hearing that plan. He didn"t know how to conduct a prayer ceremony and was worried he"d mess it up, so he said, "Shi Daozhang, um, have you finished the purification rites? Could you help?"

Shi Changxuan fell silent. Xie Lingya thought for a moment the call had ended. Was the question so hard to answer?

After a long while, Shi Changxuan said with eyes downcast, "…Ok."

More confident now, Xie Lingya asked, "What do we need to prepare?"

Shi Changxuan replied, "According to ancient records, there needs to be a sacrifice of pig and lamb, two of each. The fur, skin, blood, and feces must be kept and used as offerings. The ceremony should be conducted at midnight. Avoid having women at the ceremony as the Wutong can cause stillbirth. There cannot be light at the ceremony… and the people giving the offering cannot wear shirts."

Xie Lingya: "……."

He sighed, "This one-legged Wutong really is a pervert."

Translator: Velvet
Editor: Bet, Taalia
Proofreader: Taalia, Eques