I was seated by a trunk with all the branches over my head full of glorious light. The memory pierced through the leaves" c.h.i.n.ks and left the ground with widespread thoughts. When I woke up, I walked toward an unknown place after patting my trousers.
I couldn"t accept that I was in my thirties for as long as 730 days. I gradually realized that the time unit of many things became longer and longer. Some numbers in my address list hadn"t been dialed for at least seven or eight years, but each time I would store them into my new cellphone. I hadn"t downloaded new songs into my computer for at least four or five years and finally listened to online radio.
There were still many things that I hadn"t done, but looking back, I had my resume filled with many ridiculous things.
The people whom I could talk to overnight became fewer and fewer, for each one had something to worry about. I used to say what I would do in the future, but now, I only said what had happened in the past. When it came to the future, no one wanted to talk about.
A friend of mine sent me all his precious videotapes of Meng Tingwei upon the over of NCEE. I met him again when my daughter was six years old and ordered the Taipei Wintertime in KTV. However, when I was really in Taipei, I never thought of him. Even when I pa.s.sed through the city where he worked, I just checked on my cellphone and didn"t call him in the end. As a result, facts proved that I had little to talk about when we met again.
Even if the old films could be replayed in my mind, there would be some pages missing with no opening chapter and no ending.
Actually, I had countless words to spit out, but the one opposite me was not the one I wanted to talk to.
This half of one year was the hardest for me. I had become unconscious with alcohol in a bar or my living room for at least a hundred times, so I put on weight 7.5 kg. However, it didn"t matter, because I had confided in no one for once and was 100% sure that comforting, which was useless and meaningless, was no better than listen to my friends tell a joke.
My past experience told me that the present untouchable part would become a joke you would talk about in the future.
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We got together just because we had many jokes to talk about.
It was not bad actually. I had learned that I couldn"t change myself or the others. All ups and downs were due to my unchangeability. After spending so much energy and time, I figured it out in the end that I didn"t need to change myself, which I felt happy and greatly painful at the same time but never tried to change myself again.
I once happened to have my birthday in my hometown when I was at university and had to catch a bus the next morning. I got up late and didn"t have time to eat the noodles my mother had cooked. I hurriedly went out with a backpack on my back. My mother followed me to the doorway and told me to be careful. I didn"t hear my father"s voice, but I knew he was standing on the balcony watching me leave. I hurried downstairs while wiping the tears on my face upon hearing her crying voice. Since then, I decided not to tell them anything bad.
I loved holding my parents" hands while walking no matter where.
I could think about others day and night. When I thought through, I could then have a rest. I was seated by a trunk with all the branches over my head full of glorious light. The memory pierced through the leaves" c.h.i.n.ks and left the ground with widespread thoughts. When I woke up, I walked toward an unknown place after patting my trousers.
I once answered a phone while standing in front of a snack shelf in a supermarket. What taste of chips did I want? The original flavor, but I couldn"t find it. Facing the shelf, you counted from the left to the right and then you could find it on the row two, column three. Sure you could.
When I went to the supermarket today without my cellphone, I found all the potato chips were moved to the other side.
No matter it was life or a supermarket, they would be rearranged and replaced.
But, it would fine if you could find what you wanted to buy and pay the bill.
I wrote these down on the day of my 32nd birthday and wished me a happy birthday.