His mouth crooked into a wry grin. "I expect you"ll do any number of things that will bother me, but I"ll tell you if any are unbearable.""My lord-!""Nay, my lady, forgive me. I"m teasing you."She breathed out a sigh and relaxed a little as she washed his hand. "Of course."
"Did you not do this for your husband from time to time?""Aye, though not so often as all that. In general, he preferred to bathe alone. Or with only his manservants attending him."
"Forgive me for speaking ill of the man, but I cannot admire his taste or intelligence if he chose to have manservants attending him over yourself."Juliana shrugged and ran the cloth up and down his arm, then switched to his other shoulder. ""Twas his choice. He valued his privacy."
"Ah. I suppose I can understand that."Desperate to change the subject, Juliana asked, "But what about yourself, my lord? "Tis strange that a man so n.o.ble and courteous and handsome as yourself has not wed again." She stumbled on seeing the way his expression darkened. "Or I presume you"re not wed. Did you not say-? Am I wrong?"His frown was very grim. "I am not married. My one experience with it did not encourage me to embark on the journey again."Juliana hesitated. "You still grieve for her."He remained silent for some time. Just when she"d concluded he wouldn"t answer, he said, "I do not grieve for her. She wasn"t worth a single tear."After a start of astonishment, Juliana leaned over him to wash his other arm, and was treated to the scent of his body, his essential manly smell. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were dangerously close to his chest. If she looked down, she could see...Yes, the parts of him normally hidden beneath his clothes were just as impressive as what showed.
She felt the heat rising in her face when she realized he knew what she saw. That
knowledge mixed with the hard anger still showing in his expression."Not worth a tear? Surely the loss of any human being is worth at least some grief, no matter how much they might have hurt us."
He softened a bit. "You take on so much responsibility, "tis easy to forget how young you still are," he said."I"m one and twenty," she protested. "Not so very young."
"To an old man of near thirty, you seem like a mere child."She most definitely did not want him thinking of her as a child. "You tease again, my lord. You are no old man."
"Perhaps less so in body than in spirit. I"ve traveled too much, seen too much of battle and other evils of this world. I"m weary of it. Perhaps it"s your innocence of spirit that makes you seem so young."
She carefully cleaned his right hand, working the cloth between his fingers and over his palm. "Do not impute too much virtue to me, my lord. I have sinned. I have sinned grievously, in truth."
She drew back. He raised a leg to allow her easy access for cleaning it. Juliana rubbed
more soap into the cloth and set to work on his foot."The Bible and the church say we are all sinners," he answered. "But some sin more and more vilely than others."
The answer would surely dismay her, possibly even hurt, but she asked anyway. "What did your wife do to hurt you so much?"Muscles tensed in hard bunches in his calf as she washed it.
"She lied and betrayed me. She tore my family apart and estranged me from them."Juliana struggled to control her reaction when she heard the word "lied." Her conscience, always bitterly ready to reproach her, roused and nagged at her. She had little family-only her mother-but it had saved her at a time when she might have found it difficult to survive otherwise. She hated for him that he was estranged from his. "I am sorry. It must have been terrible for you."
He shrugged but remained tense, even as she washed his foot and asked him to change legs. "I survived. She did not. I know not if that was G.o.d"s justice or mercy."
"How did she die?""Giving birth. The child did not survive either. Though I buried him as my son, he was not." His tone admitted no grief but still she could feel the pain he would not voice. It hurt her on his behalf.
"Ah. She was unfaithful to you, then? "Tis hard to believe, though, that a woman would not keep faith with someone like yourself."
He laughed harshly, a sound that held a world of irony, but no amus.e.m.e.nt. "I suppose she kept faith in her way, though I could not prove it, after she"d achieved her desires and cost me much of what I held dear."
She looked up from the knee she stroked with the cloth. "My lord? I fear you speak in riddles."His smile held the same twisted irony. "Ah, well. It has been said that I"m no easy man to understand. In this, though, "tis not that it"s difficult, so much as I find it difficult to speak of."
"You needn"t then, if you find it so painful." Juliana put more soap on the rag and handed it to him when she stood up. "If you would wash yourself, my lord, I"ll begin on your hair." She nodded toward his privates and he took her meaning as well as accepting the cloth from her.
""Tis an old wound, and should not be so painful now as it was." He was quiet a moment while she dipped water in a tin cup and poured it over his head to wet his hair. "Margaret was betrothed to my brother. Not Carlwick, but my next older brother. She was a beautiful but willful young woman, charming and spoiled. Accustomed to having her own way. I believe her parents never denied her aught that she wanted if it were in their power to give it to her. When she came to our home for the betrothal to my brother, she looked at us all and decided that she wanted myself rather than Edwin."
He sighed as she ma.s.saged the soap into his hair and relaxed somewhat. "I cannot entirely fault her for that. Edwin is...slow in wit and not much to look upon in truth, though he has a warm and loving heart. But the arrangement was long made and "twas her duty to honor it."
"She did not?""She did all in her power to get out of it. She begged, pleaded, wept, moaned, even attempted to starve herself. That did not last long. She had not the will to resist food for more than a day. She came to me and begged me to run off with her, take her somewhere else, and make her my wife.""You refused her, of course."He nodded. "I did." He heaved a deep breath and let it out slowly. "She continued to resist her duty and finally concocted a vile plan."
Juliana wondered if she wanted to hear this. But she suspected he talked of it too little,
which perhaps kept the wound from healing. And she felt privileged, in an odd way, to be the recipient of his confidence. "What was it?""She attempted to seduce me, hoping, I suppose, that my conscience would force me to marry her once I"d bedded her. When she was unable to do that, she...I do not know exactly what she did. But she got herself pregnant-not by me-and then told my family "twas I had done it."
He shrugged. "What could I have in honor done then? I denied it, but she had carefully arranged for witnesses to her attempts at seduction, and some were cleverly set up. To all it appeared my guilt was certain. My brother, Edwin, was devastated, of course, and my family furious with me."
He sighed heavily. "I made all the apologies I could, and explained as much as I was able. Then Margaret died in childbed, and I could stay there no longer. Fortunately, I had friends in need of a strong arm in battle and a.s.sistance in maintaining the peace of their lands."
It wasn"t until he turned to look at her that Juliana realized she"d stopped working on his hair and just held on tightly. Too tightly, no doubt, but the devastating guilt twisted her stomach into a knot.
His compa.s.sionate tone felt like another knife driven into her heart when he said, "My lady, be not so horrified on my behalf. "Tis long past, now. I"ve tried to commit her to G.o.d"s mercy. Christ does enjoin us to forgive those who have trespa.s.sed against as we wish forgiveness extended to ourselves." The tone changed to lightly ironic when he added, "I struggle with it."
Juliana released her hold on his hair as she tried to collect her wits. "That was a truly terrible thing she did to you, though. To betray you and her duty thus." Her breath stuck in her throat and her heart pounded too hard.
He put a gentle hand on her cheek. "My lady, I"m grateful for your compa.s.sion and concern on my behalf, but take it not too much to your heart. You have burdens enough already."
She winced. Her conscience did indeed carry too many burdens; how could she add to it
the burden of betraying him again?His fingers were warm on the skin of her face. Small pinwheels of excitement rushed into her where he touched, settling in her stomach. It was nearly unbearable, yet so pleasant and comforting at the same time, she couldn"t bring herself to break the contact.
His breath caught as his hand moved against her cheek. His palm brushed the skin and fingers threaded into her hair. His gaze caught hers from a distance of only inches away. He watched her with so much intensity in his blue eyes, she couldn"t bear the scrutiny and looked down. His chest was magnificent, the skin sleek, the muscles shapely, and his flat brown nipples just peering out of the mat of fine, blond hair.
It wasn"t a good idea, but she couldn"t resist putting a hand out to feel it, stroking down the hard flesh, feeling its warmth, the ridges, the way it rippled as he tensed.They shouldn"t be doing this. She was betraying him all over again. She shouldn"t be enjoying the feel of flesh against flesh so much. The closeness not only set her senses ablaze, making the warmth sing in her blood, but it found all the empty, lonely, emotionally starved crevices in her heart and began to fill them in. Why could Groswick not have been more like this man, with his sense of honor and compa.s.sion and kindness?A strangled sob came from her throat."Hush," he said, very gently, and leaned forward to kiss her.The pressure of his mouth against hers revealed an entire new world of sensation. She"d never realized lips could feel so much. The excitement of it stirred her blood, made it
ripple and skip in her veins. It was heat pouring into her.When he opened his mouth and probed delicately with his tongue, the jolt made her tighten all the way down to her toes. It was like nothing she"d ever known before. He was like no other man she"d met. But they shouldn"t be doing this. She shouldn"t be allowing it.
She opened her mouth to protest, but no sound came out. Instead he recognized the invitation she might or might not have meant to issue and inserted his tongue through the opening.
Her knees went weak and she clutched at his shoulders for support. Fire spread through her, settling in her middle, then sinking lower. She leaned against him, wanting nothing more than to be closer, even closer to him. His tongue swiped over her teeth and stroked hers. Her deep groan didn"t make it out. She wanted to draw him as deeply into herself as it was possible to be.
As if her thoughts had communicated themselves to him, he put an arm around her shoulders and his other hand behind her head to draw her closer. His tongue withdrew for a moment and he nipped at her lips, then licked across them to soothe the exciting little ache.
Strange noises came from her, something between a sob and a pant. He kissed across her cheek to her ear, then down along her throat. Wherever his lips touched the skin seemed to come alive, to tingle with the thrill of it.
She put both hands flat against his chest and felt the strong, rapid thudding of his heart. Her body shook with craving. She wanted this more than anything she could remember. But it was wrong. "My lord," she said, the words half plea and half protest.
He drew a deep breath and released her. "My lady, forgive me," he said, reaching for her hand. He held it, stroking his palm over the back of her hand. "I should not have done that. But you"re so very lovely and desirable, and I"ve been long without a lady"s companionship. I do beg your forgiveness."
"Nay, my lord, there is naught to forgive. The guilt is as much mine. I, too, have been long without a man"s companionship, and in truth..."
"In truth?"Did she have the right to say anything of Groswick"s shortcomings? "In truth, this is unlike anything I"ve ever known. Lord Groswick was not a man of great...patience."
He studied her. "This is a question I may have no right to ask, save that after...what just occurred between us, I would like to know. Have you ever known a woman"s complete fulfillment, Lady Juliana?"
She shook her head. "I"m not sure what a woman"s complete fulfillment might be. I don"t believe I"ve ever experienced it."He grinned. "If you don"t know, you haven"t." The smile faded, though he continued to study her. The soap was starting to dry in his hair. "Juliana, you believe your husband is dead, do you not?"
She drew a deep breath and steadied herself. "Aye, I do.""Do you grieve for him?"This was dangerous, but she owed it to him to be as honest as she could. "Not much, my lord. I regret that it appears he is dead, and any possibility of change is lost to him. I would not wish that. But... He was not... We were not..." She didn"t know how to say it without sounding as though she complained or blamed Groswick for what might be her failures.
"You did not have much sympathy for each other?""Aye. What he needed, I was unable to give him.""What was that?"She smiled, though it felt hollow and empty. "If I"d known, perhaps I could have found it for him.""True. And what of your needs?""What of them, my lord?""He did not try to satisfy your needs?She shrugged. "It was not in his nature to understand such things.""Or to try to understand.""Groswick was what he was."His smile held a level of understanding that made her heart clench. Before the tears could start, she said, "Perhaps you"d best sit down again, Sir Thomas, and allow me to rinse the soap out of your hair. You do not wish it to dry in.""I"m sure I don"t," he answered, while sinking back into the water. He was quiet for some moments while she carefully rinsed his hair. When she was done, he startled her by asking, "Has anyone ever a.s.sisted you in your bath, Lady Juliana?"
"Nay, my lord. "Tis a task I can do for myself.""Ah, but "tis much more satisfying to have a.s.sistance. Tomorrow night, arrange for the servants to bring the bath here again. But this time, I"ll wash you."
Chapter Five.
After taking some food the next morning, Thomas ventured outside the keep to talk to some of the workers in the shops and work s.p.a.ces around the bailey. Ralf had wandered into the great hall as he was finishing his meal. Rather than be left behind, the squire grabbed an apple and came with him.
"Talked to a couple of the maids last night," Ralf reported.Thomas raised an eyebrow at him. "Just talked?"Ralf shrugged and grinned in a way that suggested more than talk might have happened. The boy did have a way with ladies."Tried to get them to discuss Lord Groswick and how he left. They were wary of talking of him, but I kept trying and eventually they let loose a bit. "Tis peculiar, though. They said little, and when one started to say something more, one of the others broke in with something inconsequential and stopped her."The boy took a bite and chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "I could almost swear one of them signaled the other to be quiet then, too. As though there were something they shouldn"t be saying.""I should say "tis good to know they can practice some discretion.""Aye, I suppose so, but "tis very strange, my lord."
"How so?"Ralf shrugged and spit out a seed. "In most keeps, there is endless gossip about the n.o.bles of the place. Every detail of their lives is tossed about and discussed at great length. Here... Everyone will speak of the lady and how sweet she is, and how she cares for all, and how well she manages the keep and the demesne. None will talk of Lord Groswick. Should they start, they"ll either catch themselves and stop or someone else will catch them and divert the conversation. Three times yesterday it occurred."
Thomas stopped and faced Ralf. "Aye, that is odd. Did you get any feeling of why they wouldn"t speak of him?""Nay, my lord. It did seem that they feared him, perhaps. But why should that be when he"s not here, and has not been for nigh onto a year?"
"Why indeed?" Thomas asked the question of himself as much as of Ralf. "I can think of any number of reasons, but cannot say I have any reason to favor one over another."Ralf nodded. "Another thing. As I was entering the kitchen yesterday, I overheard part of a conversation. I heard your name mentioned, so I stopped where they couldn"t see me and listened." He stopped and a wash of color lit his cheeks. "I know "tis not very honorable to eavesdrop on others" conversations, but in this instance, things were being said that would have made it embarra.s.sing both for myself and for those speaking should I have made my presence known at that moment."
Sir Thomas just raised an eyebrow at him.""Twas some of your more interesting qualities they discussed, my lord. It appears some here believe the Lady Juliana favors you. One person commented that the lady looked at you in a certain way." The boy shrugged. "I know not what they meant by that, but they went on to talk of what features of yours interested her."Thomas laughed at the boy"s expression. "Please spare me the details. My pride needs no inflating." Nor did he need reminding of just how much the lady appealed to him. He couldn"t easily forget that kiss last night and the way it set his body aflame, raging with need and desire.
"Aye. Or rather, nay!" Ralf colored again."Do not worry about it," Thomas ordered. "What else was said?"They had to wait a moment, however, while a group of laughing, shouting children nearly bowled them over as they ran toward a side door of the keep, bearing baskets of
fruit. Ralf waited until they"d pa.s.sed before he continued."The rest of it concerned how Lady Juliana had suffered much and was deserving of some happiness. Some said they hoped she would find it with you. Others objected, saying you were a danger to her and she"d be well rid of you. But then someone reminded them that Lady Juliana had ordered you were not to be harmed. Nor any of those with you."
"Now that is interesting," Thomas remarked.
"Aye. Unfortunately at that moment I heard someone approaching, so I thought I"d best make some noise to warn them I approached, and go in."Thomas nodded. "I"m pleased to hear she does not want us harmed." He wasn"t sure how much of the irony Ralf understood.But at that moment, they stood before the door of the smith"s workshop. A ringing, clanking sound from within suggested the smith was at work. As soon as they entered, the noise grew to ear-numbing proportions and heat a.s.sailed them from the red coals of three separate fires.
A tall, almost gangly man looked up from the anvil where he hammered a piece of
glowing iron into what looked like it would end up being a hinge of some kind. Two boys, one no more than eight or nine, the other closer to Ralf"s sixteen, scurried around, bringing wood and water and fetching tools for the smith.
"Welcome, gentlemen," the smith said. He had a deep, rough voice, but his tone was pleasant. "Sir Thomas, is it not? And your squire. Do come in. I"m Robert the Smith.
What can I do for you?" His smile seemed open and hearty enough, but wary caution lurked in his dark eyes."I have a pair of rings coming loose in my hauberk," Thomas told him. "I wondered if you"d have the time to repair it while I"m here?"
The man watched him steadily. "How long do you plan to be with us, Sir Thomas?"
"Until the mission the king gave me is concluded. I plan for a sennight or somewhat more."Robert nodded. "Bring it to me anon and I can repair it for you.""You"re not over-busy right now then?""I stay moderately busy. But I have time to do work for honored guests.""And I"m grateful for it. I suppose "tis quieter with Lord Groswick away."The man"s eyes narrowed and his expression grew even warier. "There is always work to be done. If it"s not swords, there are hinges, buckles, ploughshares, hoes, a world of other tools to be forged.""No doubt. I understand Lady Juliana runs the household very efficiently, so you would be kept busy keeping things in order."
The smith nodded. ""Tis so, my lord."
"It must have been an added burden to you when Lord Groswick was preparing to leave. No doubt there were many things to supply or repair.""Just so, my lord."Thomas turned to Ralf and asked him to fetch the hauberk and show Robert where it needed repair. Ralf nodded and left.
"This year must have been very difficult for Lady Juliana. With Lord Groswick gone, she"s had to bear a great deal of responsibility.""Aye, but she"s a strong lady for all her youth. And Lady Ardsley has been a help, though the last few months she"s weakened. I fear she will not last much longer. "Twill be a sad day for the lady when her mother pa.s.ses."
Thomas recognized the diversion, but went with it, hoping he could glean some useful information from it.
"She"ll truly be alone then. Has she no other family to help her?""None that I know of, my lord.""That is sad. And she"s so very young still. Think you she"ll marry again?"The man watched him for a moment before he shrugged. "We do not know with any certainty that Lord Groswick no longer lives. As to her plans in either case, I cannot say. "Tis not for me to speculate."Thomas commended the man for his discretion and was annoyed by it at the same time.
He continued to question the man a while longer, but was able to shake loose no further information. He bid the man good-day and went to look for another source. The next several buildings were barns and storehouses. He found one groom in the barn, but the boy was slow-witted and no help at all.
Two doors down he found the cooper and his three apprentices. All looked up from a large cask they were putting together when he entered. "Sir Thomas!" The master cooper was a large, paunchy, mostly bald man with a booming voice. "Welcome to our workshop. I"m Stephen the Cooper, this is Edward, Alwyn, and Gwynn." He pointed to each of the three boys who held gently curved staves in place while he bound them with some kind of wire. "How can we serve you, my lord?"
He had no personal task for this group, so he went directly to his purpose. "As you likely know, the king sent me to inquire as to the fate of Lord Groswick. It grieves his majesty to know that one of his barons appears to have disappeared from the earth."
"Ah, no doubt," the cooper said, though his tone belied the words, suggesting some reservations on the question of whether the king was concerned about this particular baron. "I doubt there"s much I can tell you others haven"t, my lord. Lord Groswick left late last year, saying he was going to join the Prince on the Continent. So far as I know, none here has seen or heard from him since."
Thomas questioned him for some time, but as predicted, he heard nothing he hadn"t known before. The man was garrulous, however, and Thomas spent over an hour with him, learning more than he"d ever wanted to know of the cooper"s art, the weather, the crops, the other residents of the keep, and the history of the building itself. None of it offered any help to him in his mission, however.
He returned to the keep in mid-afternoon, intending to question some of the household servants himself. He was beginning to feel the need to learn more of Lord Groswick, his manner and habits. Perhaps in that he could begin to get some sense of why the man had disappeared, or what might have become of him.
However, as he pa.s.sed Lady Juliana"s workroom, he looked in and realized the lady was there, sitting at the desk, going over what appeared to be a ledger book. She didn"t hear him, so he stopped in the doorway to admire her. A few dark curls had escaped from the coronet under her veil and spilled down her temples and around her ears. As she read over the lines on the paper, she twirled one of those strands around her finger. He doubted she realized she was doing it.
She looked incredibly young, sitting in the chair her late husband would have filled better, doing work that should have been his. Yet she was calm and at rest, clearly competent for this task. The line of her throat described a lovely curve and the flesh there looked soft and ripe. He wanted to go and kiss it until she moaned and begged for him. He wanted to lift the burden of too much responsibility from her shoulders.
Juliana looked up suddenly and met his eyes. A welcoming smile spread across her face as she called his name. "Sir Thomas! Come in, please. I trust you had a restful night."His heart squeezed at the way his presence brightened her expression. He took the chair opposite her. "Quite. Yourself?""I did, my lord.""I"m glad, as I had the advantage of a glorious bath and an excellent head rub. Tonight we shall reverse that. You will be sure to order the bath, my lady.""My lord, this-"He stopped her by putting his finger across her lips. "Nay, my lady. I"ll do nothing you object to, but I will return some of the comfort you gave me.""But-"He cupped her cheek with his hand. "Juliana, do you truly believe Lord Groswick yet lives?"
She blinked at him, trying to hold back tears that made her eyes shine. "Nay, my lord. He does not.""So I"m coming to believe. He is either dead, most likely on some distant battlefield or victim of brigands somewhere between here and there, or he is hiding and wants not to be found. I can think of no reason why he should do so, nor has anyone here offered any reasons. Can you think of any?