His, "If you"ve got a moment, Tim, there are a few things I"d like to run through with you," was curt and, as Tim walked towards the open door between the two offices, Nicola heard Matt adding even more curtly to her, "I"m sure you"ve got things to do, Nicola, so we won"t take up any more of your time."
His formal "Nicola," when for days he had been referring to her as Nicki, hurt, as did the very cold and obvious way he was making it clear that he didn"t want her to join them.
Stupid of her to take it so personally, she told herself ten minutes later, when the door was very firmly closed between their offices, and she was seated at her own desk, working busily. And that was the trouble. She had become far, far too personally involved with Matt, with her own feelings for him . feelings which she knew quite well he could never reciprocate. And even if he did. what would happen when she, had to explain. tell him? It went against everything she believed in most strongly to keep the truth from him. It would have been bad enough to have to tell him what had happened had the man concerned been someone else, but when that man was Matt himself. Why was she worrying so much about some N thing that was never going to happen? she asked herself miserably half an hour later. As far as Matt was concerned, she was still in love with Gordon and, for the sake of her own pride and self-respect, it was far, far better that he continued to think so.
When the inner office door opened, and Matt and Tim walked out. Matt told her briefly, "We"re just off to lunch now, Nicola. We shouldn"t be too long--" Tim, who was standing behind him, frowned a little and interrupted, " Oh, but I thought that Nicola was coming with us. "
"I"m sure she"s got far more important things to do with her lunch-hour," Matt contradicted him flatly--so flatly that Nicola bent her head over the papers on her desk, not wanting either man to see the hurt that Matt"s coolness was causing her.
Ten minutes later, acknowledging that, while she really didn"t feel like anything to eat, some food would probably do her good, she collected her jacket and left the office.
It was only a short walk into the small town"s centre. Wednesday was market day and the town was busy, but the waitress still managed to find a small table for Nicola in the window of her favourite wine-bar, where she could watch the people coming and going outside.
She was just abolit to start her meal when Christine walked in and saw her.
"Nicki! I thought I might find you in here," she greeted her enthusiastically as she sat down, eyeing Nicola"s plate of pasta enviously as she commented ruefully, "Lucky you, you can eat what you like. I"m beginning to look like a house, and now that I"m pregnant again..."
She laughed as Nicola congratulated her, admitting that both she and Mike were thrilled about the new baby.
"You should get married and have one your self," Christine teased her, biting her lip in mortification as she apologised contritely.
"Oh, Nicki, I"m so sorry. That was tactless of me when you and Gordon..."
"I"m not bothered about Gordon," Nicola told her quietly.
"In fact well, let"s just say it was probably the best thing for both of us. After all, we were never anything more than friends, and not even particularly good friends... Our relationship was a convenience that suited us both at the time."
"Then why are you looking as though the world"s suddenly caved in ontop of you?" Christine demanded, watching her, adding, "And don"t trydenying that something"s wrong, Nicki. You"ve lost weight, you hardlyever seem to smile these days... In fact, you"re exhibiting all thecla.s.sic signs of unrequited love."
She stopped and bit her lip again, and then said softly, "Oh, Nicki, it isn"t Gordon at all, is it? It"s Matthew Hunt."
Nicola pushed her food away almost untouched, and said bitterly, "It"s the cla.s.sic thing, isn"t it--the dull, plain secretary falling for her handsome, s.e.xy boss...?"
"No one would ever describe you as dull or plain," Christine objected, adding thoughtfully, "Is it really unrequited, Nicki? I mean, I couldn"t help noticing at our dinner party that he seemed to want to be with you."
"I think that was just so that he could evade Lucinda"s clutches,"
Nicola told her lightly.
"I don"t want to discuss it if you don"t mind, Chris. It"s just one of those things, and I"m bound to get over it... Just as long as too many people don"t make the same lightning deductions you"ve just made. I hadn"t realised I was being so obvious..."
"You aren"t," Christine a.s.sured her.
"I just happen to know you very well, that"s all."
"Well, I"d certainly rather people thought I was heartbroken overGordon than know the truth. Matt"s leaving the area soon. The newmanager arrived today and, once he"s settled in. Matt will be littlemore than a casual visitor."
"Leaving, is he?" Christine asked in surprise.
"Well, he hasn"t said anything to Mike about terminating his lease of the house. In fact, I thought Mike said he wanted to extend it."
Nicola shrugged.
"I wouldn"t know. Maybe he"s keeping it on for Tim Ford, that"s thenew man. After all, rented property isn"t easy to come by roundhere."
She paused, toying worriedly with her uneaten food, and then, keeping her head bent, asked in a low voice, "You won"t say anything about--about this ... even to Mike, will you, Chris?"
Tears stung her eyes when Christine put her hand over hers and a.s.sured her firmly, "Trust me, Nicki. I can well remember how I felt when I first fell in love with Mike, and I thought he wasn"t interested. I think I"d have died then if I"d thought that someone might inadvertently have told him that I loved him. I shan"t mention it to anyone--and that includes Mike. It may not be as bad as you think, you know," she added softly.
"I couldn"t help noticing how attentive he was to you over dinner."
"He was just being polite," Nicola told her shortly. She didn"t want anyone trying to raise her hopes, encouraging her to believe in something she already knew didn"t exist, and, besides, not even Chris knew the whole story. That chapter of her life, the time she had spent in the city, was something she had never discussed with anyone, "I"d better go back," she told Christine, pushing away her plate and standing up.
"I"m thrilled for you both about the baby."
"Just as well, because we intend to ask you to be G.o.dmother," Chris told her with a grin but, as she watched her friend walk away, her smile was replaced by a small, anxious frown.
Poor Nicki; she wished there was something she could do to help her.
With Tim Ford"s arrival, Nicola noticed a new distance between herself and Matt. It was perhaps only natural that he should take a back seat, allowing Tim to take over the reins of running the business, but still, it hurt unbearably when she turned to query something with him to be referred almost curtly to Tim.
And, when he had to speak with her, she found that he was standing almost feet away from her, whereas before she had often found him standing so close to her that their bodies had actually been touching.
Many, many times she had had to resist the impulse to allow herself to lean into him, to savour the intimacy of even the briefest physical contact with him, even while she deplored her own lack of self-control.
Now there was no need for her to exercise any form of physical self-control; the distance Matt kept between them saw to that.
On his final morning in the office, Matt arrived late, and announced that he was leaving earlier than planned--at lunchtime.
He had, he announced, decided to take a few days off, which he explained he intended to spend with his parents.
"My sister and her family are over from Canada. I haven"t really seen her since she got married two years ago."
"Do you have many nieces and nephews?" Nicola found herself asking hima little enviously. She had always wished she had a larger family,brothers and sisters . and she envied Matt his married sisters and his.e.xtended family.
"Two nieces, three nephews and one " don"t know" as yet," he told her briefly, a warm smile touching his mouth.
That warm smile made Nicola"s stomach muscles quiver. She was, she discovered shockingly, almost ragingly jealous of his unknown family and the obvious love he had for them.
He had added that he would probably leave at about two o"clock and, even though she hated herself for doing so, Nicola discovered that she was surrept.i.tiously shortening her own lunch- break so that she would be back in the office well before two, like a miser greedily h.o.a.rding every extra second of his presence.
Only when she walked into the yard, there was no sign of his now familiar car and, when she pa.s.sed Tim in the foyer, he told her casually that Matt had already left.
She was glad she was standing in the shadows, instinctively turning her head away from him so that he wouldn"t see her despair.
"I was wondering," she heard him adding uncertainly, "if you could giveme a few tips on how to get involved in the local social life. I"mrather past the age for discos and the like, but not exactly old enoughto join the pipe-and-slippers brigade. 1 don"t play golf and--" "Icould introduce you to some people if you like," Nicola offeredinstinctively, sympathising with him.
"It can be a long, slow process getting to know new people, especially in a country area like this. I have a casual arrangement whereby I often meet a group of friends in a local wine-bar on Friday evening. If you feel like coming alone..."
"Well, if you"re sure you don"t mind?"
"Not in the least," Nicola a.s.sured him.
In point of fact the last thing she felt like doing was going out, but staying in moping, aching for a man she could never have, wasn"t going to do her the slightest good, and besides, she reflected, it was probably time she started disabusing her friends of the notion that she
was pining for Gordon.
Gordon had never really liked or approved of the wine-bar crowd, a mixed bunch of people, most of them professionals of around her own age, who liked to meet for a drink and some supper in a casual way on a Friday evening.
When Tim offered to pick her up, she was about to refuse, but then changed her mind, feeling that it might be easier if they travelled to the wine-bar together rather than for her to give him directions.
Later that evening, when she told her parents what she had arranged, her mother gave her a thoughtful look.
"I"m sorry that Matt isn"t staying on. He seemed very pleasant."
Something in her mother"s voice rather than the actual words made the tiny hairs lift on Nicola"s neck. Had her mother guessed how she felt about Matt? Had anyone else guessed? Had Matt himself? Was that why he had been so remote with her--so cold almost.
Sick despair washed through her as she contemplated this possibility.
As she got ready to go out she told herself that she was glad he had gone, that now she was no longer in daily contact with him it would be much easier for her to put him right out of her mind and to concentrate on getting on with her life.
Just as she was doing right now? she asked herself grimly.
When Tim arrived at eight to pick her up as they had arranged, she invited him in to meet her parents. Her mother exclaimed over his injured leg and its heavy cast. Luckily his car was an automatic and he could still drive, he a.s.sured her, when she commented on how difficult he must be finding life.
He was easy to talk to and, although she hadn"t really been looking forward to going out, Nicola discovered that she quite enjoyed the evening.
Her friends tactfully made no mention of Gordon, welcoming Tim among them, although Nicola did detect one or two raised eyebrows when she introduced him as her new boss, firmly making it clear that theirs was purely a business relationship.
Halfway through the evening Lucinda Barrett walked in without her husband and immediately made a bee-line for Nicola, greeting her as though they were long-lost friends.
Hiding her dislike of her, Nicola politely introduced her to her friends, gritting her teeth in annoyance when Lucinda smiled archly up at Tim, and commented to Nicola, "Goodness! You haven"t wasted much dme in replacing Gordon, have you?
Wise girl. By the way, what"s happened to Matt? I haven"t seen him in simply ages--although he did call round last week. "
Nicola could feel the heat crawling up under her skin, the anger she was trying hard to control making her eyes flash a little as she said flatly, "Tim is my new boss, Lucinda, and as for Matt-he was only here on a temporary basis, but then, I expect he"ll have told you that himself..."
She couldn"t resist that last little jibe, suspecting that Lucinda was deliberately fabricating an intimacy between herself and Matt which had not existed--not because the other woman knew how she felt and wanted to make her jealous, Nicola knew, but because she was simply that sort of woman.
She had the satisfaction of seeing the too perfectly made-up face flush a little, a bitter look of dislike flashing from the redhead"s eyes before she turned away from her and started monopolising one of the men.
"Phew! She seems rather a man-eater," Tim commented later to Nicola when Lucinda had gone.
"Although I suppose I shouldn"t say so, if she"s one of your friends."
"She"s not," Nicola a.s.sured him, adding a little uncomfortably, "I"m sorry if you were embarra.s.sed when she implied that you and I ... well, that you were my boyfriend. I--" " I wasn"t embarra.s.sed," he a.s.sured her.
"Envious, perhaps. ,."
When she looked puzzled, he explained softly, "You"re a very, very attractive woman, Nicola, and a very intelligent one as well. That anyone should think of you as my girlfriend is a real ego-booster. I don"t want to pry but I take it from Lucinda"s comment that there isn"t anyone special in your life at the moment...?"
Paint warning bells began to ring in Nicola"s brain. She had been through this scene so many, many times before. A man--a nice, genuine, decent man--would approach her and show an interest in her, but no matter how pleasant she found him there was always that barrier of knowing that ultimately, if she allowed their relationship to grow and develop, there would come a time when she would have to tell him about her past.