Early in the morning when she opened her eyes, Xiang Ti felt a strange change in her body.
It is a very uncomfortable feeling welling up from deep in the throat, much like a hangover, but there is a feeling of nausea, and the stomach is churning and twisting painfully.
The nauseous feeling hit again and she tried to take a deep breath, but it was no use because the feeling still lingered.
Finally, the strong acid rushed up. She couldn’t jump out of bed quick enough and ran towards the bathroom to vomit in the toilet.
But there was nothing in her stomach to throw up, so she was just dry heaving.
“What’s wrong? Did you vomit?” Concerned, Zheng Leng was woken up by the sound of retching coming from the bathroom.
“Just a little heaving. I probably ate something unhealthy, or it was due to stress from work that my stomach acted up.” Xiang Ti rushed to rinse her mouth removing the acid taste.
But Zheng Leng’s intuition told him it may not be so simple, he thinks there’s another possibility.
“When was the last time you had your menstrual period?” He asked seriously now.
“Why are you asking -” Suddenly, Xiang Ti paused and shook her head violently. “Impossible! Don’t guess.”
However, she started to count back to her last menstrual period. It was on the……before the celebration!
Jesus! Her face turned white after realizing the fact.
No! She can’t be pregnant, never!
Seeing her face suddenly white, Zheng Leng had also come to his own conclusions, and jumped to action. “Hurry up and change clothes, I’ll take you to the hospital for an examination.”
“Okay.” Xiang Ti had no objections, she also wanted to confirm her suspicions.
“You’re pregnant!”
The female doctor read out the urinalysis report.
Then, ignoring the two shocked novice parents, ordered, “Lie back on the bed, and we’ll have a look at the ultrasound.”
Xiang Ti heard the doctor’s words, but she couldn’t move.
How can she be pregnant? She still doesn’t believe it! It must be a joke!
“Come, lay down first.” Zheng Leng recovered quicker and encouraged her to lie down.
The doctor applied some gel on her belly, and then skillfully moved the ultrasound scanner around.
“Look here. The baby is about ten weeks old, there is currently no heartbeat, but in a few weeks it should appear.” The doctor pointed to an area on the screen, drawing a circle locating the baby.
Ten weeks? That is to say, she has been pregnant for more than two months.
Xiang Ti and Zheng Leng were looking at a white spot on the screen, no bigger than their thumb.
“It’s the size of a bean.” Xiang Ti cried incredibly.
“Yes! And before long, the bean will hatch into a bean sprout and begin to grow rapidly until birth. Then you’ll have no peace!”
The doctor’s humorous words left the parents silent, a strange stirring growing in their hearts.
They quietly looked at the little bean, full of wonder for nature and to the new life.
However, reality sunk in, and fear began clouding Xiang Ti’s mind.
She couldn’t believe she was pregnant! Should she even have the child?
She can’t even call it her child, because she has no confidence to be a good mother.
She was afraid, afraid of how a child will affect her work, and her life. And even more so is that once she has a child – she’d have to sacrifice everything to become a traditional mother.
Because of the child, she’d have to put up with her husband’s abuse; because of the child, even if her husband had an affair, divorce would not be easy; because of the child, even the value of their own existence is forgotten……
No, she doesn’t want to become one of those women!
Finished arranging the next examination date, Zheng Leng and Xiang Ti left the hospital.
Along the way, he excitedly planned everything.
“We’ll get married of course, my child can’t be an illegitimate child. We’ll need to get married as soon as possible before you get any bigger, so you can wear a beautiful dress, and be the world’s most beautiful bride. We should also buy a house before the baby is born. The baby should have a room of its own, not too far away from us though, otherwise when he cries we won’t be able to hear him cry……”
Zheng Leng was planning their future, and she should be enthusiastically partic.i.p.ating, but she was strangely silent.
Finally, Zheng Leng senses something wrong, his smile slowly receding, looking at her with worry.
“Xiang Ti, how are you? Do you feel uncomfortable?”
Zheng Leng gave her a stiff smile, understanding her reaction and physical discomfort were unrelated.
“Can we…?”
“Yes?”
“Can we not have the child?” She looks guiltily away.
“What are you talking about?” Zheng Leng froze for a moment, then burst out laughing. “You really know how to joke!”
He took it for granted that she was joking. After all, how many women, after discovering they’re pregnant, opens the first sentence with not wanting children?
“I’m not joking. I really don’t want to have children.” Still avoiding his eyes.
“How can you think to get rid of it? I don’t believe… Look at me, I want you to look at me!”
“I don’t want to get married, and I don’t want to have children. I –” she hardens her heart, turns to look at him in the eye, no longer avoiding. “I don’t want this kid!”
“You –” Zheng Leng stares at her in disbelief, trembling with anger. “How can you say such a thing? The child is already in your stomach. It’ll be only seven more months until he’s born, and you say you don’t want him?!”
“The child is here not because I want it to be here, it’s here by accident. And since it’s by accident, why can’t we stop this accident?” She tried to argue her twisted logic.
“I’ve never said I wanted to get married, or have children. My life’s plan doesn’t include these two things. I thought you knew!”
“I know, but I thought it was before the pregnancy.” Zheng Leng looked at her coldly, as if he’s meeting someone knew for the first time.
“I’ve never changed. I don’t want this child! I can’t promise to give him a happy home, and I’m not qualified to give birth to him.”
Xiang Ti thought about his mother, and his own unhappy childhood.
Instead of raising a child in that kind of environment, isn’t it better not give birth to him? In the end, it’s better off for the child. She tries hard to convince herself of this.
“Although we came from broken homes, as long as we try, it’s not something we can’t overcome. Don’t worry about the child being miserable. I believe if we make the greatest efforts, we can give him a happy home.”
Although Zheng Leng tried to appease her, Xiang Ti was not as optimistic as he.
“We are only human, not G.o.d, we can’t solve all the problems. When I have to choose between work and the child, what do you want me to do? Quit my job and stay at home with him?” She asked sarcastically.
“No, if you don’t want to quit, then I’ll quit and take care of the child at home, until he’s older.” Zheng Leng looked at her seriously, “I also think that taking care of children is not all a woman’s obligations. The father also has the responsibility. If you are burdened, then I’ll take care of the child, this is also a way. For the child, I’m willing to stay at home, and be a full-time father.”
Xiang Ti only felt even more pressure at his proposal.
He is obviously a man, but can sacrifice so much for their child. And she’s a woman, but why can’t she do the same? Is there something wrong with her personality?
Yes, there is! She must have a mental disorder. If she can’t be a good mother, then she’s not qualified to have children.
“Don’t! Don’t push me, don’t push me, please!”
She covered her head in pain.
“We’ll get married first. I don’t want to force you to make a decision, you can spend more time to think it over clearly. But I mean it when I say, if you dare to abort the child, then it’s over between us!” Zheng Leng warns.
Xiang Ti bowed her head in silence. She really didn’t know what to do.
To keep it, or not keep it?
Her heart didn’t have an answer.
Xiang Ti stared vacantly at the computer, her hands have been in the same position on the keyboard for nearly half an hour, but have not moved.
Since she learned of her pregnancy, she has done nothing but worry.
What should she do? Should she abort the child?
If she did, then she becomes the murderer of her child, and her conscience would condemn her for life – Zheng Leng had also given her the most severe warning, if she were to abort the child, she would lose him forever.
Although she doesn’t intend to marry him, but she also didn’t want to lose him. Without him, her life would once again be filled with darkness and silence. She doesn’t want to imagine that day.
And if she had the child? After the birth, she will fall into the abyss of remorse, dragging the child in with her. Can she for a moment of weakness, let the child suffer together with her?
She feels like she’s dangly from a cliff trying to grasp for anything to survive on the brink of death, but also stuck in the air, unable to move.
Below her is a glacier of ice, it’s impossible for her to jump. Above her is a steep cliff, it’s also difficult to climb. The only thing she can do is continue to swing in the air with the wind, letting fate decide what path she should follow.
She got herself into this difficult situation! How could she have been so careless?
She was moved to tears with regret. At this time, a pair of warm hands gently touched her shoulder.
Turning around, she saw Yi Xuan smiling at her.
“If you’re upset, going for a walk can change your mood.”
“Yeah! I’ll finish the report for you.” Cheng Long took the initiative to retrieve the report.
“You…” Xiang Ti looked at her two friends. She had informed them about the pregnancy, but they did not judge her in any way. She was really grateful for the trust and care.
“You’re likely hungry, go get something to eat or drink some tea. Just don’t rush to make a decision that you’ll regret.”
“Hmm, I know. Thank you.”
Thanking her friends, Xiang Ti pulled out her purse and left the company.
She listened to the friend’s advice, and found a restaurant for some afternoon tea. She even managed to devour two pieces of cake.
Before her pregnancy, she didn’t care for dessert, but now her appet.i.te has changed. She became very fond of sweets, especially for the soft sweet cake.
Fortunately, Zheng Leng wasn’t aware of this. Otherwise, she’d have every meal with dessert.
Thinking of him, Xiang Ti’s face darkens a bit.
Since the day they argued about the child, it has been a point of contention with them. The mere mention of this matter, and they will quarrel. Two people unwilling to compromise, so every time their conversations would end unpleasantly.
To quarrel with a grudge, reminded her of her parents and their unhappy marriage. She and Zheng Leng have yet to marry, but their relationship has become so. She doesn’t want to imagine how terrible their marriage would turn out.
Thinking of this matter, Xiang Ti feels even bleaker. Aimlessly leaving the restaurant, she wanders along the streets.
For most of the time she window shops, until inadvertently turning into an alley. From a small window she spots a baby supplies and clothing store, and involuntarily went inside.
“Welcome!”
Although not a well-known chain of baby clothing stores, but the owner is very warm. Upon seeing her, she was immediately greeted. And instead of pushing products, they just chatted like neighbors.
Upon hearing that she’s two and a half months pregnant, the proprietress heartily congratulated her, but Xiang Ti only smiles. She couldn’t say that she did not expect the child.
She browsed through the shelves of baby clothes, puzzled about the sizes.
“So small ah! Children’s clothes are this small? As if they were doll’s clothes.” How incredible!
“Yes ah! Is this your first child?” The proprietress looked over her body.
“Er, yes ah!” Xiang Ti uncomfortably answers. Looking at the clothes, she can’t help but exclaim, “So cute!”
Looking at those small clothes, shoes, and socks, her heart is moved, make her want to cry.
She couldn’t help fantasying what her child would look like wearing these clothes.
“Um… Ah!”
Suddenly, a strange sound came from the direction of the counter. It sounded like someone was babbling.
Curious she turned to look, and saw the proprietress rushing past to the counter and picking up a little baby.
“Good boy, did you sleep? A guest has come, so be a good boy, hmm?” The proprietress continued to cuddle the baby while speaking softly to him, but the boy just giggled happily.
Xiang Ti was drawn to the sound like a magnet.
The proprietress saw her approaching, smiled, and waved the boys hand in greeting.
Xiang Ti had no prior experience with babies, and always felt they were very strange. The little boy seems so small…… From his response, she thought he was going to development into a good boy!
“How old is your baby? He looks bigger than the average baby!”
“He’s not a baby.” The proprietress smiled at her. “He’s fast approaching two years old.”
“What?” Xiang Ti didn’t know much about babies, but she’s smart enough to recognize that this little boy is not behaving like a two year old should.
“His development is delayed, so he’s slower to grow and learn like other children his age.” The proprietress’s eyes are only full of love.
Xiang Ti is shocked. Why not give birth to a normal child. And she’s happy? Does she think her child won’t be bullied or ridiculed by others? This doesn’t make her embarra.s.sed or sad?
Reading her mind, the proprietress says, “No matter what he is, he is my child. It’s not because he is lively or clever that I love him, and it’s not because of his slow development so I don’t love him. It’s because he is my child, and I’ll love him forever.
“Besides, he also tries really hard to learn new things. Every time I see him seriously want to learn something new, I am moved. Who says that he should not exist in this world? I don’t blame G.o.d for giving me such a child. I think G.o.d believes that I have the ability to raise this child, so He has given me this task. This is my glory, my mission, something I must achieve.”
Her words were like a hammer, severely waking Xiang Ti.
Her eyes filled with shame, unable to face the proprietress anymore. Because of her unhappy childhood, she just wanted to kill her child. In front of this selfless mother, look how selfish and cold she was!
She thought that not giving birth to him was all for his own good, but in fact, it was just to protect herself.
In order to keep her own happiness, she didn’t want to have to sacrifice for the child……
Oh my G.o.d! She’s experienced a rude awakening. How could she have had such a selfish idea?
She was wrong! She was completely mistaken. She naively thought that because she didn’t have the qualifications to be a mother, she shouldn’t be one at all. But —
As the proprietress said, since G.o.d has put this task to her, it is her mission, and she has no right to escape from it.
If she were to run from it, she would spend a lifetime hating herself.
Fortunately, before she made a mistake, she met this selfless mother who made her see the light.
Stroking her bulging belly, she has never had such a strong sense of reality — she was about to become a mother.
At this moment, she decided she wanted to give birth to the child!
She wanted to have a family with Zheng Leng. She will make the greatest efforts, so that their family is full of warmth, love and happiness for the child.
She became enlightened at once. Delighted, she bought a lot of baby supplies. In one afternoon, she almost emptied half the store.
The proprietress was certainly pleased with her patronage, but also worried she wouldn’t be able to carry everything home herself.
“You don’t have a car? So many things, I’m afraid you can’t carry it all!”
“Really ah!” Xiang Ti looked at her purchased items, and found it took up to five or six large bags, plus a baby stroller.
Troubled about the load, the proprietress kindly said, “Don’t worry, leave me your address, and I’ll send them to you. I’ll even pay for the freight, so you don’t have to worry about getting lost.”
“That’s wonderful, thank you!”
Problem solved, Xiang Ti happily left the store.
At the door, she took out the phone and started dialing, eager to tell Zheng Leng — she decided to have the child.
Her mind on the phone, ignoring everything else, she makes her way across the street. Suddenly a loud noise from a motor startles her.
Bam! A motorcycle knocks Xiang Ti down, then crashes on the side of the street.
A crash accompanied by a scream, the scene suddenly a mess……
A second ago Xiang Ti was happily calling Zheng Leng, and then the motorcycle came at her like a bowling ball.
Then, a burst of inexplicable pain came from the lower abdomen. She felt something warm and moist soak her skirt. She found it difficult to turn her head to reach for her phone, but didn’t know where it was.
A crowd surrounded her, their voices getting louder and louder, but Xiang Ti couldn’t hear, because she
Has gradually lost consciousness…
From a distance away, Zheng Leng hears the commotion from the phone.
“h.e.l.lo? Xiang Ti? What’s happened?” Zheng Leng yelled through the phone.
He had just received a call from her, but had no time to respond before hearing a loud noise, then only screams and cries flooded the phone.
He panics, screaming and shouting like crazy into the phone, but no one answers.
“Mr. Lin, what happened?” Secretary Zhou was in a meeting with him, when his demeanor suddenly changed.
But Zheng Leng didn’t pay any attention to her, and just kept shouting the name Xiang Ti.
His hands shook on the phone, but he stubbornly refused to hang up.
He worried helplessly what could have happened. Finally, he heard the sound of an ambulance approaching……