"You see, there was no way I could be part of that world. I guess I"m a city girl at heart. About your dad I"ve been feeling a little guilty, you know, like I was a bit unfair to him. I didn"t call him because I didn"t want him to think we were...you know...still on. But I realized that I was being a bit cold."
"He"ll live. He knew you"d never settle in Hawaii. You don"t want some zen hippie like him, anyway that"s not your style."
"A New Yorker born and bred - that"s me."
"Exactly. My dad wouldn"t last more than three days here."
"Can you envision Daisy there, though?"
"When she came to visit, she was like a duck to water. It might be just the thing for her and Amy."
Natalie"s smile fades. "What happened to Johnny she doesn"t want to get back together with him?"
"He"s repentant." I feel my hackles rise on Daisy"s behalf. "But he"s too late."
"h.e.l.l hath no fury like a woman scorned," Natalie chirps.
I"ve heard her quote that before. Shakespeare? No, the Restoration playwright. "Congreve, I believe?"
"You"re a poet and you don"t know it," she replies, laughing at my rhyme and making another.
"Actually, Daisy"s being very nice to Johnny. Considering. But she can"t trust him anymore. Plus, I think she"s up for a real lifestyle change."
Natalie inspects her manicured nails and then raps them on the desk almost as if she"s playing a tune. "What about you and Alexandre? You told me there were issues with the ex."
"Resolved," I say quickly. "You know what, Natalie? I really think we need to go through the credit t.i.tles again. We"ve been chit-chatting way too long we should get back to work before the day"s gone. I"m so thrilled for you about Miles. Keep him guessing keep him on his toes."
She springs from my chair and picks up her tablet. "Oh, I will."
"I still can"t get over those donations that came out of the blue." I"ll need to find out what Alexandre has been up to.
We start our slow amble as we exit my office. "You don"t mind that Miles isn"t a six figure earner?" I ask, wondering if Natalie remembered the vow she made a year ago.
"He"s a nice guy and that"s what counts most. My daughters like him."
"They"ve met him? Okay, I see this really is serious."
Then she whispers, "The truth is, Pearl, he"s a magician in bed. He takes his time, he"s so into me, you know he makes me feel like I"m the most incredible woman who"s ever walked the earth."
I nod knowingly. "Yup, you"re hooked, alright."
Then we both burst out at once, "HookedUp!"
I add, "It amuses me no end, the name HookedUp Enterprises. It"s like Star Trek, you know, as if we"re on a s.p.a.ce ship."
"We"re on a journey alright. The journey of our life. They say life begins at forty" and you know what? I think they"re right!"
A few hours later, just as I am grabbing my coat to leave the office, my landline rings.
Jeanine informs me, "The person wouldn"t tell me who she was."
"A woman?"
"A British woman."
"Thanks Jeanine, put her through."
I hold the receiver with trepidation. "h.e.l.lo?"
"Sorry to bother you at work, Pearl, but I had no choice."
It"s HER.
"What do you want, Laura." No question mark.
"I realize I was rash when I told you my secret about your mobile." Mobile...ah yes, British for cell phone.
"So you couldn"t spy on me anymore, you mean?"
"Just keeping tabs."
"Well, I"m no longer using my mobile" anyway."
"So I gathered. That"s why I"m calling you at work."
"I know what you"re up to, Laura. Alexandre"s told me everything."
"Ah, yes. The hip replacement. And the rather sorry-looking teeth. Why is it that Americans have such perfect knashers and we sad Europeans get lumped with bad dental care all our lives? Well, not blowing my own trumpet, or anything, but mine were sorted out and are in mint condition. But, you know, in general. Especially the French. Not Sophie and Alexandre, though, their sparkling white teeth are pretty perfect, except for that oh so slightly crooked one he has, but that, of course, is part of his charm-"
I cut her short. "Why are you calling, Laura?"
"I feel lonely. Left out. Alexandre"s not answering my calls and I want to know what he"s decided."
I take a deep breath and tell her, "He doesn"t love you, Laura."
"He loved me once and he can love me again. Once I"ve had his child then we can be happy again. I mean, let"s face it Pearl, that"s something you can"t give him. He wants to be a father."
"He"s going to be a father," I blurt out.
"Come again?"
"I"m pregnant, Laura. Alexandre and I are going to be parents." Oh G.o.d, why did I say that? Why did I let her know that? I feel instantly foolish this woman is nuts. This information could drive her over the edge of reason.
There"s silence and then she replies with a hiss, "b.o.l.l.o.c.ks. You"re just saying that to rile me up!"
I don"t answer.
"Pearl? Are you there?"
I want to hang up on her, but also don"t dare to.
"Pearl?" Her voice sounds tearful. Laura crying? That I cannot imagine.
"I"m still here," I answer.
"Did you do IVF?"
"No, Laura. He f.u.c.ked my a.r.s.e with an R off, and his sperm shot inside my womb and I got pregnant naturally." Oh no, now what have I said?
She slams the phone down on me.
My moment of triumphant glory is overtaken by an overwhelming feeling of stupidity. Uh, oh. I"ve really gone and done it now. My heart"s racing. That little payback instant felt sooo good....but....
The telephone rings again. I grab it, morbidly curious as to what will happen next. I hope my outburst isn"t going to land Alexandre"s mother in jail.
"It"s the British woman again," Jeanine lets me know.
"Thanks, Jeanine, we got cut off, please put her through." I sit down in my swivel chair.
"Okay," Laura begins, "I"m willing to negotiate."
Negotiate? "I"m listening."
"This relationship seems to be far, far more serious than I had imagined."
"What relationship?" I ask tentatively.
"Yours and Alex"s, of course."
"We"re in love, Laura." Ooh, that felt good, too.
"His d.i.c.k has obviously got the better of him. But that"s by the by. I"m not a home wrecker, whatever you may think of me. How far gone are you?"
"Three months," I lie. "It"s all happening, Laura. The doctors are delighted with the scans. I"m carrying a very healthy fetus no chance of miscarriage now." I hope I haven"t jinxed my pregnancy by saying that. I wince at my words.
She puffs, "I see. Well, that will change the course of events somewhat."
Somewhat?
"Look Pearl. I"m willing to do a deal. You can keep Alexandre and your baby. But I also want a baby. You know, James couldn"t have children and before that...well, I was in a b.l.o.o.d.y wheelchair, thank you very much. Having a child has been a dream of mine and I want that dream to come true at any cost. Do you understand, Pearl? I am not giving up on my dream. We can do IVF. Alex won"t even have to have s.e.x with me. Just his sperm, that"s all I want."
This woman is a real nut-job. If this were a movie, I"d be laughing by this point. "Why don"t you go to a sperm bank, Laura?"
"Ugh, that"s disgusting. Some smelly old sperm from someone I don"t know?"
"Don"t you have a handsome gay friend who could help you out?"
"I"m not a f.a.g-hag. I don"t go round with poofs, and besides, d"you think I want my baby to have h.o.m.o genes in his DNA?"
"Well, what about a one-night stand with some gorgeous guy?" I suggest.
"I want brains as well as beauty. I want it all for my baby."
I propose an idea which I"m sure she"ll shut down. I go ahead and suggest it anyway, "There are lots of clever, handsome men. You can afford it advertise you could even do it on eBay. I"m sure Alexandre would pay for any costs involved. Or I can help out."
"You think I"d degrade myself like that, Pearl? Purr...lease."
"There must be a better way, Laura - a way that doesn"t involve Alexandre doing something against his will."
"Pearl, I think you"ve forgotten something key here. I hold the cards. I have the power. I want Alexandre"s sperm in that little test tube - and n.o.body else"s - and if I don"t get it I might just be inclined to make a very big scene!"
"Don"t do that, Laura! You"ll break his heart if you...you know....say anything."
"What about me? What about my b.l.o.o.d.y broken heart! I look at myself in the mirror and I see a f.u.c.k-off, babelicious blonde looking b.l.o.o.d.y good for her age then I see you with your big forty year-old a.r.s.e and wonder...what the f.u.c.k does he see in her?"
Big a.s.s? I have to tread carefully here. I mustn"t let this woman get to me. I force myself to remain calm and take another deep breath. Breath in, breath out. "We"re both into dogs, Laura...things like that. We have a connection. A bond."
"Look, Pearl, I think I"m being b.l.o.o.d.y magnanimous as it is - I"m letting you keep Alexandre. All I"m asking for is his b.l.o.o.d.y s.e.m.e.n!"
I"m speechless I can"t think of how to reply.
She carries on in her posh drawl, "You talk to him. Tell him that if he doesn"t agree in writing by the way to come to the clinic with me, then I"ll be perfectly happy to spill the beans about you know who", and what that you know who" did."
"Where is the you know what," Laura?"
"The you know what" is in a safety deposit box in a f.u.c.k-off vault in one of London"s most protected banks, so don"t even think about f.u.c.king with me."
I try to sound composed. "I"m sure you wouldn"t do anything rash, Laura."
"I always hated that silly cow anyway. To be honest, she"s got it coming to her. What kind of a person would do what she did? Not the topping off part but abandoning her children."
I hate to say it, but Laura does have a point. I have never met Alexandre"s mother but she doesn"t sound like the most stable of people. Nor, the most loyal.
But I say, "We mustn"t judge her. And whatever we might think, Alexandre loves her."
"Anyway, you need to have a chat with him and let him know where I stand. I"m thirty-three years old and I want that baby A.S.A.P. I"ve already started the hormone therapy and I want that French f.u.c.k"s sperm in that test tube within the next few weeks."
"Laura, if you think he"s a French f.u.c.k" why do you want his baby in the first place?"
"Because he happens to be the most intelligent person I know. He"s a genius, Pearl. Do you appreciate how clever he is? His mind is like a quantum theory computer. He is also stunningly handsome with a perfect, well-proportioned body. With his brains and his beauty and my brains and my beauty we"ll produce a wonder child."
She sounds like the baddie in one of those mad, science fiction movies. "And then what?" I ask.
"I get his sperm, wait until I have the actual baby - just in case. Might even have some extra frozen for the future just for good measure. I"ll also want a nice trust set up for the child - several million"s worth several million and then he can have everything in that vault and we"ll never speak of the subject again."
"What about the child? You"ll want it to have a father, surely? Is Alexandre expected to play daddy?"