Pegasus

The days had pa.s.sed, and those mountains had come closer, and Cuandoia seemed to watch them-watch and beckon. Well, he"s glad to see Lrrianay and Aliaalia, Sylvi said to herself. But it was hard not to feel, if she were going to think in terms of a mountain watching them, then he must be seeing her too, strange conspicuous creature that she was, and that it was acceptable to him that she was included.

She was shivering when she climbed out of her drai that evening near the main entrance of the Caves, although it was no colder than it had been the evening before, and the close-woven pegasus blanket kept the wind out better than several of the sheep"s-wool blankets she was accustomed to would have done. Cuandoia"s double crown was lost in the twilight, but she still seemed to feel him watching-as if she could sense, even in the darkness, that there was an awareness, awareness, sharp as a beam of light, coming from the crowned mountain above the Caves-and not from anywhere else. sharp as a beam of light, coming from the crowned mountain above the Caves-and not from anywhere else.

They were here.

If she had been among humans she might have been able to pa.s.s off her oppression of spirits as mere tiredness: but she was not among humans. The problem with silent-speech was how much else was available about you than only your words.

I was scared gutless the first time I was brought to the Caves, Ebon said without preamble. Ebon said without preamble.

I"m still scared, said Niahi. said Niahi. They"re so big and they"re so full. They"re so big and they"re so full.

They"re nothing like full, said Ebon, in best big-brother- brushing- off-little-sister style. said Ebon, in best big-brother- brushing- off-little-sister style. They"re hardly started. They"re hardly started.

Oh, Ebon, don"t be a strawhead! said Niahi, obviously fl.u.s.tered. Sylvi could hear herself in Niahi"s silent voice, talking to one of her brothers. said Niahi, obviously fl.u.s.tered. Sylvi could hear herself in Niahi"s silent voice, talking to one of her brothers.

Niahi went on defensively, You know what I mean. There are leagues and leagues of them that are empty, but there are leagues of them that are full of You know what I mean. There are leagues and leagues of them that are empty, but there are leagues of them that are full of us, us, of what we"ve been doing for the last thousands and thousands of years. And it"s not just the stuff on the walls. It hangs in the air. It follows you. It stands up ahead of you and calls you in a voice you can"t hear, but you know you"re being called, and it knows your name. of what we"ve been doing for the last thousands and thousands of years. And it"s not just the stuff on the walls. It hangs in the air. It follows you. It stands up ahead of you and calls you in a voice you can"t hear, but you know you"re being called, and it knows your name.

Like Cuandoia, thought Sylvi. She had a brief impulse to kneel and put her hand on the ground, like a salute, but it might be impertinent, as she had once been taught-it seemed ages and ages ago-that touching a pegasus was rude.

They"re the most beautiful thing in the world, said Ebon. said Ebon. And you want to go and make a spook story out of them. Fine, you can stay outside and watch for bears. Syl and I are going in with Dad. And you want to go and make a spook story out of them. Fine, you can stay outside and watch for bears. Syl and I are going in with Dad.

There are no bears here!

Then it should be easy to watch for them.

Ebon, I hate you!

Sylvi thought Niahi sounded near tears, if pegasi wept, and she also sounded like some of Sylvi"s cousins, when they had all been younger, when Sylvi"s brothers had been tormenting them. She went over to her, not knowing if it was the right gesture or not, and pushed the forelock away from Niahi"s eyes as she might have pushed hair out of the eyes of one of her cousins, and swept a hand down her neck and shoulder as she might have patted her cousin. She wanted to tell Niahi that Ebon was her brother, she couldn"t afford to let him wind her up this easily, but she could guess it was her, Sylvi"s, presence that made it so easy. Niahi was the little sister who might have been Sylvi"s pegasus, if their fathers had decided that the human king"s daughter should be bound to a daughter of the pegasus king. And Niahi had been the second pegasus Sylvi had found she could talk to. Niahi had opened the door that their fathers had hoped would open-could be opened.

Tell him he has no imagination, she said to Niahi. she said to Niahi. Tell him he"s a thickie. That all he has is muscles. Tell him he"s a thickie. That all he has is muscles.

Hey! said Ebon. said Ebon.

I"m a little sister too, you know, she said. she said. And all my older brothers are big bullies. And I"ve only got three of them. I probably will be frightened of your beautiful Caves. And all my older brothers are big bullies. And I"ve only got three of them. I probably will be frightened of your beautiful Caves.

Yes, you probably will. That was my point, said Ebon. said Ebon. But they"re-they"re not- But they"re-they"re not- He switched his tail in a sign of frustration that was one of the first pegasus gestures she"d learnt to read after she met Ebon-before Ebon it hadn"t occurred to her that the pegasi would feel anything as ign.o.ble as frustration-it was not dissimilar to the frustrated tail-switch of a horse. But a horse didn"t follow up with the long almost-invisible-unless-you-were-watching-closely sinuous shiver which was the signal of transition from gesture to language. He switched his tail in a sign of frustration that was one of the first pegasus gestures she"d learnt to read after she met Ebon-before Ebon it hadn"t occurred to her that the pegasi would feel anything as ign.o.ble as frustration-it was not dissimilar to the frustrated tail-switch of a horse. But a horse didn"t follow up with the long almost-invisible-unless-you-were-watching-closely sinuous shiver which was the signal of transition from gesture to language. They"re not spooky. That"s all wrong. There"s a . . . there"s an They"re not spooky. That"s all wrong. There"s a . . . there"s an immensity immensity to them, even in the smallest s.p.a.ces. That"s what Niahi means about hangs and follows and calls-and full. You"ll see. to them, even in the smallest s.p.a.ces. That"s what Niahi means about hangs and follows and calls-and full. You"ll see.

Niahi put her velvet lips briefly to Sylvi"s face. You"ll see, You"ll see, she said. she said. And I don"t mean the Caves aren"t wonderful too. They are. They"re too wonderful. And I don"t mean the Caves aren"t wonderful too. They are. They"re too wonderful.

They"re too wonderful kept recurring to Sylvi"s mind the next day. kept recurring to Sylvi"s mind the next day.

She"d slept well-thanks to a sweet-smelling drink the queen had given her; she could feel it begin to work with her first sip and she went to her feather-bed smiling and relaxed. But she woke at dawn when the pegasi themselves were first stirring, and she was awake immediately and absolutely. She felt excited, but the wrong kind of excited, the way she might have felt on a test day for a test she hadn"t practised or studied hard enough for and she knew it, and whoever would be testing her would know it too. Sssha.s.ssha, Sssha.s.ssha, she thought. How does a human practise for that? But I she thought. How does a human practise for that? But I wanted wanted to do this, she told herself fiercely .I to do this, she told herself fiercely .I still still want to. And it"s the most enormous compliment. want to. And it"s the most enormous compliment.

Which was the problem.

She missed her father-any other human-so badly it made her curiously achy, as if her humanity were a cramped or injured limb. A part of that discomfort was her relentless sense of herself as wrong, as alien-stiff and clumsy, a grotesque unnatural shape and freakishly unbalanced posture (how ridiculous to spend all your life rearing!). And bald. And wingless.... She felt her arms-her forelegs-flapping foolishly at her sides; how bizarre human shoulders were, pulling the forelegs apart and forcing them to dangle. She drew her arms forward, jerking her shoulders and letting the rest of her arms trail as if she"d forgotten how they worked. Slowly she bent her elbows and held her big spindly-fingered human hands out in front of her. She spread the long fingers, curled them up, spread them again, turned her wrists back and forth so she looked at the palms, and then the backs, and then the palms of her hands again. They were big hands only here in Rhiandomeer ; at home, among humans, they were little, like everything about Sylvi was little. The sword Diamon had told her to take back to her rooms with her was still only three-quarter-sized because her hands weren"t big enough to get a proper grip on the hilt of a full-sized one.

She let her hands droop at the ends of her wrists, and then folded her arms across her stomach and tucked her hands behind her elbows, holding on to her rib cage as if she were holding herself together. This was becoming the way she most often stood here, in the pegasi country, where she was bald and wingless and always rearing.

It was only going to be herself and Ebon and Lrrianay going into the Caves, and Ebon and Lrrianay were used to humans. To the funny way they looked, and the funny way they moved. There was no human equivalent of sssha.s.ssha, which filled the Caves and called your name. It won"t call mine, she thought, but this gave her no comfort. which filled the Caves and called your name. It won"t call mine, she thought, but this gave her no comfort.

That morning even Ebon was subdued. She asked him on her way to her bath if she should hurry. No, No, he said immediately, but then he hesitated. he said immediately, but then he hesitated. Do you have-do you have a way of putting yourself in- Do you have-do you have a way of putting yourself in-and then there was a word she didn"t know. She stood there in her crumpled nightdress, clutching her towel and staring at her best friend-her best friend who was so hopelessly unlike herself-and saw the unbridgeable chasm lying between them again. You know, in your head? You know, in your head?

I don"t know that word, she said, and she said it as if she were p.r.o.nouncing her own doom. It"s only one word, she told herself. It"s just one word. she said, and she said it as if she were p.r.o.nouncing her own doom. It"s only one word, she told herself. It"s just one word.

Uh, said Ebon, and she thought she heard in his silent voice that it was an important word, and that he was seeing the same chasm she was. said Ebon, and she thought she heard in his silent voice that it was an important word, and that he was seeing the same chasm she was. Eah. Dad said you wouldn"t. Dad said-Never mind. You humans Eah. Dad said you wouldn"t. Dad said-Never mind. You humans, you only seem to see now. A kind of squared-off, pillar-at-each-corner now, and a few weighed-and-measured years before and after. All of us in bound families have to study some of your history, whether we"re individually bound or not. I always thought it was something about the translation, about the fact that we can"t talk to each other and even our shamans couldn"t get it right, that it was all "he was king from the eighth day of the first month of spring in 892 to the eleventh day of the last month of winter 921," "her army contained ninety-six regiments and the colours on her banner were red and gold." Your history is only what someone remembers or has written down-and it"s just history, it"s not- you only seem to see now. A kind of squared-off, pillar-at-each-corner now, and a few weighed-and-measured years before and after. All of us in bound families have to study some of your history, whether we"re individually bound or not. I always thought it was something about the translation, about the fact that we can"t talk to each other and even our shamans couldn"t get it right, that it was all "he was king from the eighth day of the first month of spring in 892 to the eleventh day of the last month of winter 921," "her army contained ninety-six regiments and the colours on her banner were red and gold." Your history is only what someone remembers or has written down-and it"s just history, it"s not- and he used the word again. and he used the word again. It"s the way into sssha.s.ssha-your magicians talk about our sssha.s.ssha, don"t they? You"ve asked me about it. But how do they describe it? It"s easy to get stuck in now-are you hungry, what"s the weather, what are you doing tomorrow? What words can you give these things so you can give them to someone else? From when we"re really little we practise getting out of now. I"m not very good at it. Niahi is hopeless, although Mum says she"ll get better as she gets older, but she"s worse than most kids, which is probably why she thinks the Caves are spooky. It"s the way into sssha.s.ssha-your magicians talk about our sssha.s.ssha, don"t they? You"ve asked me about it. But how do they describe it? It"s easy to get stuck in now-are you hungry, what"s the weather, what are you doing tomorrow? What words can you give these things so you can give them to someone else? From when we"re really little we practise getting out of now. I"m not very good at it. Niahi is hopeless, although Mum says she"ll get better as she gets older, but she"s worse than most kids, which is probably why she thinks the Caves are spooky.

Sylvi said, I"ll be okay. I can stand spooky. I won"t embarra.s.s you. I"ll-I"ll try so hard and be so respectful you"ll scarcely recognise me. I"ll be okay. I can stand spooky. I won"t embarra.s.s you. I"ll-I"ll try so hard and be so respectful you"ll scarcely recognise me.

Ebon stamped, and lashed his tail so violently it was as if he were trying to shake it loose. That"s not what I mean. That"s not what I mean. He stepped forward and put out one of his feather-hands to her cheek again; the tiny breeze of his half-opening wing fanned her face. He stepped forward and put out one of his feather-hands to her cheek again; the tiny breeze of his half-opening wing fanned her face. I want you to-to like the Caves! I want you to-to like the Caves! He stamped again. He stamped again. Oh, Oh, like like! It"s a stupid word. Liking the Caves would be like liking water or daylight. If you"d lived in the dark or never tasted water they"d be overwhelming. You wouldn"t be able to think about liking. It"s a stupid word. Liking the Caves would be like liking water or daylight. If you"d lived in the dark or never tasted water they"d be overwhelming. You wouldn"t be able to think about liking.

Like flying when you haven"t any wings, thought Sylvi.

But I don"t care if this is a historic moment or not, bringing a human into the Caves. All that is grown-up stuff. I knew something was up when I asked Dad if I could bring you here and he didn"t say no. I"d been thinking how to be a royal pain in the pinfeathers and then it didn"t go like that at all. But then it was too late, I"d got used to it that I was going to be able to bring you here and I told myself the other stuff didn"t matter, the grown-up stuff didn"t matter to us-and Niahi, Niahi"s okay, and it would be nice if you could could talk to more of us than just me. But it does matter, the grown-up stuff. Why the grown-ups wanted to bring you. talk to more of us than just me. But it does matter, the grown-up stuff. Why the grown-ups wanted to bring you.

You"re not happy here. I never thought about that. I never thought . . . I shouldn"t shouldn"t have brought you. I wanted you to see the Caves, and I didn"t know how else to do it. They"d never have agreed to bringing a lot of you-you humans. I couldn"t bear your palace-even with you-if it weren"t that there are always at least twelve or a gazai of us around too. I was blind with what have brought you. I wanted you to see the Caves, and I didn"t know how else to do it. They"d never have agreed to bringing a lot of you-you humans. I couldn"t bear your palace-even with you-if it weren"t that there are always at least twelve or a gazai of us around too. I was blind with what I I wanted. I"m sorry. I"m so sorry.... wanted. I"m sorry. I"m so sorry....

Stop, she said, and put her hand to his mouth, as if he were human, as if he were speaking aloud. He dropped his own hand and dipped his head, pressing his nose into her hand, till she was looking at the arched crest of his neck, and in that moment she thought that the way his glittering black mane fell down his shining black shoulders was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. she said, and put her hand to his mouth, as if he were human, as if he were speaking aloud. He dropped his own hand and dipped his head, pressing his nose into her hand, till she was looking at the arched crest of his neck, and in that moment she thought that the way his glittering black mane fell down his shining black shoulders was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Stop, Stop, she said. she said. I knew before I came that it was really I knew before I came that it was really all all about grown-up stuff, that that was the only reason they were letting me come. That you and I-the way we think of you and me-would be a little thing that happened accidentally too. Have you ever wondered what will happen when they lift the ban on letting us translate? If the guild lets them.... But I still wanted to come. I knew better than you did-I went to all those senate meetings. I thought . . . I didn"t think. Just like you. I wanted to come. It is worth it-whatever it is-to come. about grown-up stuff, that that was the only reason they were letting me come. That you and I-the way we think of you and me-would be a little thing that happened accidentally too. Have you ever wondered what will happen when they lift the ban on letting us translate? If the guild lets them.... But I still wanted to come. I knew better than you did-I went to all those senate meetings. I thought . . . I didn"t think. Just like you. I wanted to come. It is worth it-whatever it is-to come. She couldn"t resist running her hands up his long silky face and down the perfect arch of his neck, and burying her hands in his mane. She couldn"t resist running her hands up his long silky face and down the perfect arch of his neck, and burying her hands in his mane. It"s that I"m all wrong here. You must feel it at the palace, even though there are more of you. It"s that I"m all wrong here. You must feel it at the palace, even though there are more of you.

You"re not all wrong to me, said Ebon, and turned his head to rest his nose on her shoulder. said Ebon, and turned his head to rest his nose on her shoulder.

They stood silently for a moment or two and Sylvi thought, if I could just stand here like this forever, I"d be happy.

And then she sighed, and stooped to pick up the towel she"d dropped. I"d better get ready. Did you ever say when I should be there? Wherever. I don"t know where it is yet either. I"d better get ready. Did you ever say when I should be there? Wherever. I don"t know where it is yet either.

It"s not like that, going into the Caves. The right time is when we all get there-the right time only happens some time after we all get there. That"s part of getting out of now, into- This time she almost heard the word as a distinct word, but she still had no translation for it: This time she almost heard the word as a distinct word, but she still had no translation for it: ssshuuwuushuu. ssshuuwuushuu.

The way to sssha.s.ssha sssha.s.ssha, she thought. I wonder if Fthoom knows? I wonder how much our magicians know that they haven"t told us?

Time- We have time, said Ebon. said Ebon. Time isn"t a-a thing. And the Caves are the Caves; day and night aren"t things either. And days-hours-are different. Time isn"t a-a thing. And the Caves are the Caves; day and night aren"t things either. And days-hours-are different.

The Caves themselves help with going there, with ssshuuwuushuu. You"re half there just by crossing the threshold. It"s why if you can"t go there yourself the Caves are harder-like the difference between jumping and being thrown. He paused. He paused. Once you"re there, it"s-it"s almost like dreaming, when you"re in your dream as yourself instead of your dreaming self, when you"re both nothing and everything in your dream. Once you"re there, it"s-it"s almost like dreaming, when you"re in your dream as yourself instead of your dreaming self, when you"re both nothing and everything in your dream. Everything Everything matters when you"re not in now. matters when you"re not in now.

She gave a little grunt of surprised laughter. I almost know what you mean. I almost know what you mean.

Ebon smiled. Of course you do. How could you not at least almost know anything I know? Of course you do. How could you not at least almost know anything I know?

It"ll be all right, she said. she said.

Eah. Yes, it will.

But her heart was beating rather too quickly when she and Ebon arrived at the clearing near the entrance to the Caves. Sylvi had one hand wrapped around the little wooden bead Ebon had just dropped round her neck; he was wearing one too. Its creamy glow was startling against his blackness.

Lrrianay was there ahead of them; he too wore a bead. From a distance it seemed as if Lrrianay himself shone with a soft brilliance. If Viktur"s soldiers had first seen a pegasus like this, Sylvi thought, they would have been sure he was a G.o.d, or at least the numen of the land-the sweet green land. There was another pegasus with him, wearing a little bag around his neck which did not glow. It took her a moment to recognise him: Hibeehea.

She didn"t mean to-she meant to be poised and perfectly behaved-but she stopped dead. Ebon stopped too, and looked at her inquiringly.

Hibeehea, she said, and felt that even her silent voice shook. she said, and felt that even her silent voice shook.

We have to have a shaman with us to go into the Caves, said Ebon. said Ebon.

He had told her that. She had forgotten. Hibeehea? Hibeehea? she said. she said. No-wait-you"re going to tell me what a great honour it is again. No-wait-you"re going to tell me what a great honour it is again.

Well, it is, he said. he said. I didn"t know it was going to be Hibeehea either. I didn"t know it was going to be Hibeehea either.

She made her feet start moving again. Poised, she thought. Perfectly behaved. Lrrianay and Hibeehea turned to look at her and Ebon, but they showed no impatience-would I know what impatience looks like in a pegasus? thought Sylvi. I"ve never seen one impatient. Maybe I just don"t know what it looks like. But maybe they"re never impatient. She glanced at Ebon. He He gets impatient, she thought. gets impatient, she thought.

Some of this slid inadvertently into her speaking range. Not knowing where the border was was a good deal more worrisome now that she was talking to more pegasi than just Ebon, and Hibeehea. . . . Hibeehea. . . .

Ebon glanced back at her. Impatient? No, I don"t feel impatient. I . . . Impatient? No, I don"t feel impatient. I . . . There was a brief pause. There was a brief pause. Come to think about it, I feel kind of scared. That"s good, right? We can be scared together. Come to think about it, I feel kind of scared. That"s good, right? We can be scared together.

She tried to laugh and almost succeeded. She thought, He"s afraid I"ll make a mess of it. She was sure she had been careful to think that on the safe, private side of the silent border, but Ebon turned on her and said, Don"t Don"t ever ever think that. About anything. You"re my heart"s sister, even if you are a funny shape and walk on your hind legs all the time and rattle away out loud like a donkey or a bird. I"m frightened because you"re frightened, and because it"s hard-it can be hard-the first time going into the Caves, and you"re old for it-you can"t do ssshuuwuushuu and the sssha.s.ssha will be like . . . being thrown in a cold dark lake when you can"t swim and you"ve never seen water before. think that. About anything. You"re my heart"s sister, even if you are a funny shape and walk on your hind legs all the time and rattle away out loud like a donkey or a bird. I"m frightened because you"re frightened, and because it"s hard-it can be hard-the first time going into the Caves, and you"re old for it-you can"t do ssshuuwuushuu and the sssha.s.ssha will be like . . . being thrown in a cold dark lake when you can"t swim and you"ve never seen water before.

Unbidden, something Ahathin had said to her years ago came back to her, something he had said to her shortly before her binding, about apprentice magicians learning the language of the pegasi: Imagine learning to swim by being thrown into a lake in perfect darkness, never having seen water before.

I need to think about this, she thought suddenly. I need- We start "em young, and you only go in for a mouthful of moments your first time, and . . . His silent-voice trailed away. His silent-voice trailed away.

And I"m a funny shape, and I talk out loud, she said. she said.

He looked at her and there was another pause; but all he said, un-Ebon-like, was, Yes. Yes.

Then she was making her bows and greetings to Lrrianay and Hibeehea, and Hibeehea was standing very close to her-so close she had to stop herself stepping backward-to distract herself she looked up, and saw that there were many pegasi standing at the edge of the clearing, among the trees; she had not noticed them before. Niahi nodded her head and-waved, stretching one wing out and forward, and flicking it up and down. Hesitantly Sylvi raised a thin bare arm and waved back. The queen, standing beside Niahi, stepped forward, and at once Sylvi turned toward her: she was less scary than either Hibeehea or Lrrianay. Sylvi"s eyes fell to her garnet, still round the queen"s neck, lying where the bright beads lay round Lrrianay"s or Ebon"s. As the queen moved into the sunlight, the little garnet flared briefly, red as a torch.

Aliaalia said, As you are a girl, it is your mother who should take you into the Caves for the first time. But the leader of your kinsfolk may choose to do it instead. Ebon is your kin here, and Lrrianay wishes to take you. But I want you to know, little Sylvi, that I would have been happy and proud to bring you into our Caves myself. Go well, daughter, and may you see all you will see. As you are a girl, it is your mother who should take you into the Caves for the first time. But the leader of your kinsfolk may choose to do it instead. Ebon is your kin here, and Lrrianay wishes to take you. But I want you to know, little Sylvi, that I would have been happy and proud to bring you into our Caves myself. Go well, daughter, and may you see all you will see. She brushed her velvet cheek across Sylvi"s cheek, and walked back to the edge of the trees where Niahi waited for her. She brushed her velvet cheek across Sylvi"s cheek, and walked back to the edge of the trees where Niahi waited for her.

See all I will see? thought Sylvi.

Lrrianay nodded and led the way. Hibeehea followed, and Ebon dropped half a step behind Sylvi and (she felt) chivvied her forward. She thought she was probably glad for a little chivvying. She let go of her bead as they pa.s.sed the threshold, into the twilight of the Caves.

Her first impression of the Caves was merely the sound of her first footstep, when she crossed from turf to packed earth. Her second impression was of darkness, in spite of candlelight and her bead, as she stepped from daylight into the cave mouth.

There was a pegasus she had not seen before just inside, who bowed to them all; there was a little round s.p.a.ce like an antechamber with a cl.u.s.ter of tall candles at its centre, and Lrrianay paused. Sylvi involuntarily looked back, toward the daylight and the trees and the open air. She was looking past Ebon, blacker than ever against the light, with the tiny dazzle of his bead against his chest. He seemed taller than a carriage-horse, bigger and broader than a war-horse, standing between her and the sun. She didn"t even know how long they would be in the Caves, how long before she would see daylight again: It depends, It depends, Ebon had said. Ebon had said. It"s not-not a useful question, "how long?" We"ll stop when we get tired or hungry. It"s not-not a useful question, "how long?" We"ll stop when we get tired or hungry.

"Stop"? thought Sylvi. Don"t you mean come back outdoors? But she hadn"t asked.

Lrrianay glanced at her. Yes, I"m here, she thought-to herself, she hoped. With my two legs and my preposterous hands. I wish I could stop stop thinking, so I could stop worrying about anyone overhearing me. But . . . She thought of Niahi: spooky, she"d said. Full. Very cautiously Sylvi tried to feel her way into the little anteroom of the Cave she stood in-"felt" in the way she "listened" to Ebon. thinking, so I could stop worrying about anyone overhearing me. But . . . She thought of Niahi: spooky, she"d said. Full. Very cautiously Sylvi tried to feel her way into the little anteroom of the Cave she stood in-"felt" in the way she "listened" to Ebon.

Spooky. No. Yes. No. Full-?

It was nothing like a velvet nose against her face or a friendly feather mattress curling around her as she slept, or even the shockwave of the ting ting as her father dropped a magician"s spiral on the floor of his receiving room. But there was something there-here-something besides pegasi and rock and candles. Something not unlike what had made her fall down, only three nights ago, when she"d heard Niahi speak for the first time. as her father dropped a magician"s spiral on the floor of his receiving room. But there was something there-here-something besides pegasi and rock and candles. Something not unlike what had made her fall down, only three nights ago, when she"d heard Niahi speak for the first time.

That was three days ago, she thought. That is a long time. And time doesn"t matter in the Caves.

There were dark tunnel openings all round them, and Lrrianay chose one and led them into it.

It was a gentle downslope, but there were also small fat candles in niches along the walls, so it was easy enough to see your way. At first Sylvi kept her eyes on her feet, and then on Hibeehea"s long smoke-coloured tail, with occasional sidelong glances at the candles, as if checking that there was enough wax left that they would keep burning and not plunge them suddenly into darkness.... Her hand crept up again to the bead on its string round her neck. She kept wanting to hold it like a talisman, blotting out its light; she touched it and let her hand drop again. It was not only the darkness, the awareness of it barely held off by a few small candles and smaller beads; it was the awareness of the inconceivable weight of all the rock and earth of the mountain above them, as they went farther and farther down and in.... There was no record in the thousands of years the pegasi had been using their Caves of any ceiling or tunnel collapse; Ebon had told her this. Occasionally someone gets lost, Occasionally someone gets lost, he"d added cheerfully. he"d added cheerfully. But never for very long. We"ve always found "em before they got very hungry. But never for very long. We"ve always found "em before they got very hungry.

Sylvi wanted to ask Ebon if he knew where they were going, if he recognised the tunnel his father had chosen, but she didn"t want to be overheard. She tried to concentrate on Hibeehea"s tail and wingtips, on the consciousness of Ebon just behind her, on Lrrianay leading them calmly and surely . . . where?

It"s just the dark, she told herself. It"s just the dark and the . . . the caveness caveness, the mountain overhead. The rest is just . . . like the story of the prince who ran away; there wasn"t anything chasing him but fear. I am not not going to be the princess who ran away.... going to be the princess who ran away....

It wasn"t sounds, exactly. There were sounds, of course: the soft tap of hoofs and the lighter, slappier tap of her own feet, the sound of Ebon"s breathing, the faint rustly noise of trickling water. But there was something else. She"d felt it in the anteroom. It had come with her. No, it was all around her.

Almost involuntarily her hand reached out and touched a smooth k.n.o.b of wall. It was curious, she wasn"t used to caves, so why shouldn"t the walls here look strangely sheeny and almost fluid? She could hear the sound of water, but the wall she touched was dry. But these were the Caves; the pegasi had chosen them thousands of years ago because they were exceptional, because they were extraordinary. Because they were unique.

She knew, as soon as she touched the wall-knew-what did she know? That the wall was not like a human-built wall, not like even the oldest wall of the eight-hundred-year-old palace. She knew, of course, that the pegasus sculptors were greatly honoured; if the pegasi created hierarchies the way humans did, the sculptors would be behind only the shamans and the monarch: what the sculptors did created sssha.s.ssha, sssha.s.ssha, which humans feebly translated as "recollection." which humans feebly translated as "recollection."

She knew that the Caves contained hundreds of amazing chambers of thousands of years of sculptors" work. She hadn"t realised that mere pa.s.sageways had also been carved and shaped-she thought again of Niahi saying, They"re so full. They"re so full. As almost involuntarily as she had first put her hand on the wall, she stopped and put her other hand next to the first. The wall seemed almost to quiver, like a horse"s skin dislodging a fly. She lightened her touch and then thought despairingly, Oh, I"m human! As almost involuntarily as she had first put her hand on the wall, she stopped and put her other hand next to the first. The wall seemed almost to quiver, like a horse"s skin dislodging a fly. She lightened her touch and then thought despairingly, Oh, I"m human! Ebon, may I not touch the walls?- Ebon, may I not touch the walls?-and she heard the pleading in her silent voice.

Ebon"s nearer wing unfolded, and his feather-hand lay lightly over hers, pressing it delicately-so delicately-against the wall. She could never quite adjust to the fineness, the fragility of pegasus hands, especially Ebon"s-Ebon who was nearly as big as a small horse, and could fly even carrying her on his back. Suddenly she was trembling, trembling as she imagined the wall was trembling-surely it could not really tremble, rock and earth and mountain that it was?-in the overwhelming knowledge of the thousands upon thousands of tiny pegasus sculptor hands that had made even an ordinary pa.s.sage wall beautiful. It was perhaps as astonishing as the touch of a human hand was to the Caves, accustomed to thousands of years of the pegasi.

They"re so full, Niahi had said. If the corridor walls were overwhelming, what would the chambers be like? Niahi had said. If the corridor walls were overwhelming, what would the chambers be like?

She would not be the princess who ran away.

With Ebon"s hand over hers she dared keep hers against the wall a little longer. She rested only her fingertips and the heel of her hands against the wall, as lightly as she could, as lightly as Ebon"s hand touched hers; the tenuousness of contact seemed to sharpen her senses, so her fingers seemed to identify each individual grain of the stone, each tenderly-sculpted brush-stroke. She was still shaking as if with shock; but then it was as if the wall bloomed bloomed under her fingers. It was no longer stone, but silken-warm like a pegasus" side. What she"d thought was trembling was the rise and fall of its breath.... under her fingers. It was no longer stone, but silken-warm like a pegasus" side. What she"d thought was trembling was the rise and fall of its breath....

For a moment she thought nothing at all. She was not Sylviianel, daughter of Corone, who was king of his land; she was not the first human to set foot in the pegasus Caves in thousands of years; she was not standing in those Caves with her hands on a corridor wall and her bound pegasus standing next to her with his hand over one of hers.

She was nothing; she was Cave; she was pegasus; she was everything . . . ssshuuwuushuu ssshuuwuushuu.

It was over in a heartbeat, and she was Sylvi again, standing in a dark tunnel with a mountain over her head and candlelight flickering across the wall and making it look as if it was moving. Lrrianay and Hibeehea had stopped as soon as she did, as soon as she had spoken to Ebon. She dropped her hands and turned away from the wall, toward them, and toward the way they had been going. She felt Ebon"s feather-hand just touch her hair and then withdraw. She was still shivering somewhere deep inside herself, but much of the light-headed, off-balance, wrong wrong feeling she"d had for the last three days, since she"d heard Niahi speak and had rediscovered herself as awkward and bizarre, had faded away. Walking on her hind legs seemed normal again, acceptable. She was human. She took a deep breath, aware of how shallow her lungs were in comparison to a pegasus", but aware that that was as it should be. She was small, and human. feeling she"d had for the last three days, since she"d heard Niahi speak and had rediscovered herself as awkward and bizarre, had faded away. Walking on her hind legs seemed normal again, acceptable. She was human. She took a deep breath, aware of how shallow her lungs were in comparison to a pegasus", but aware that that was as it should be. She was small, and human.

Child, are you all right? said Lrrianay. said Lrrianay.

She did not know how to answer him; she knew that she heard "all right" because her human mind, her use of language did not contain what he asked her: was she at peace with herself was perhaps closer. She could not think how to put her answer-her question-in pegasi terms. Have I just pa.s.sed another test? Have I just pa.s.sed another test? she said, knowing the pegasi did not set tests any more than they created hierarchies. she said, knowing the pegasi did not set tests any more than they created hierarchies.

There was a pause as Lrrianay thought this over. What we show you depends on what you see, yes, What we show you depends on what you see, yes, he said. he said. And we hoped you would see the walls here, yes. And we hoped you would see the walls here, yes.

She thought, His "see" is not quite what it means anywhere but here. It was the "see" that the queen had used: May you see all that you will see. May you see all that you will see.

What you would see if we told you to look, and where to look, would be different, said Lrrianay. said Lrrianay.

Less, she said, but she was thinking, that is another human concept, she said, but she was thinking, that is another human concept, less. less.

There was another pause and this time Hibeehea answered: Not less, different. But we would have you as much like us as possible, yes. To see these walls, as you evidently do see them, is like us. Not less, different. But we would have you as much like us as possible, yes. To see these walls, as you evidently do see them, is like us.

But they are strange to me. Strange. She could not think of the right word, a word that would reverberate not only through her bones, but through Hibeehea"s, and Lrrianay"s, and the bones of this mountain. She could not think of the right word, a word that would reverberate not only through her bones, but through Hibeehea"s, and Lrrianay"s, and the bones of this mountain.

We can turn around now, child, if you wish, said Hibeehea, and there was only kindness in his silent voice. said Hibeehea, and there was only kindness in his silent voice. We have our answer, and you have visited the Caves. We have our answer, and you have visited the Caves.