"Will you visit Opa?" Toby asked her wistfully, and she nodded as they glanced at his grandfather. Lucas was chatting animatedly with him, and even managed to make his grandfather laugh, which wasn"t easy today.
They visited Nick"s stateroom, and the boys" cabin next door. Both rooms were very elegant, and Nick knew this was the last grandeur they would see for a long, long time, until they returned to Germany. He had been allowed to take ten reichsmark with him. And Paul had slipped a wad of cash into Nick"s hand unseen, which he concealed under his clothing once he was in his cabin. It was all they had now, other than the bond posted by the circus and the salary he"d earn once he was hired. He couldn"t imagine living on his salary, but they would have to. He had left his Bugatti with Alex and told him to use it. And they had brought several trunks with them, including two filled with evening clothes to wear when they performed with the horses. He had several tailcoats and two top hats with him, and another set for Toby.
As they stood chatting in Nick"s stateroom, the boat horn gave the signal for all visitors to disembark. The mere sound of it filled them with panic, and Toby clutched Marianne as though he were drowning, and they both burst into tears, and Nick hugged his father and then Alex. The two men closed their eyes as they stood in a last embrace, like brothers who were about to be separated for life. And then Nick hugged Marianne, and she bent to kiss Lucas on the cheek.
"You be a good boy, and don"t marry the fat lady in the circus before you come back to me," Marianne said, and Lucas guffawed and promised he wouldn"t. And then Paul hugged his grandsons again, and looked longingly at his son, as though to engrave every detail of him into his memory. Nick and the boys walked them to the pa.s.serelle, and they all hugged one last time before Paul, Alex, and Marianne disembarked. Nick had no idea why the other pa.s.sengers were leaving Germany, for pleasure or as emigrants, but their own departure was so emotionally charged and so painful that their three visitors could barely tear themselves away, but finally did. All of them were in tears except Lucas, who was too excited by the ship to be as sad as everyone else. And joining the circus still seemed like fun to him. The agony of their leaving Germany was somewhat lost on him, since he was only six.
Nick moved away from the pa.s.serelle and stood at the rail farther down the deck to watch them, and Toby stood beside him, as Lucas came and went, talking to sailors, or other pa.s.sengers, and returning to his father like a puppy. Nick and Alex exchanged a long look between the pier and the ship, and Marianne could no longer stop crying as she waved to Toby, and he was fighting back tears. Paul"s chest was heaving with the sobs he was holding back, and at last the pa.s.serelle was put away, and tugboats slowly moved the giant ship from the dock, as the boat horn sounded continuously, and Nick waved at the three people he loved standing on the dock. He heard Toby choke on a sob next to him, and he put an arm around his shoulders and held him close to him, and then Lucas came to stand next to them and waved at the others on the dock.
Nick, Toby, and Lucas waved for as long as they could see them, and the three on the pier never moved from the spot, until the ship was too far away to see anyone on it anymore, and they slowly turned to go home. The SS Bremen had set sail with everyone they loved on it. The three of them were pensive on the trip home, and never said a word. The only sound was Marianne blowing her nose discreetly from time to time, and then she put her head on her father"s shoulder, and exhausted from the emotions of the day, she fell asleep, with her handkerchief still in her hand. They had all cried rivers that day.
Nick wanted to check on the horses again after they set sail, and he tried to convince Lucas to come with him, but he wanted to explore the ship, so his father let him. Toby was sitting in their cabin, looking destroyed, and too upset to do anything. His eyes were rimmed with red from crying.
"We"ll be back," Nick said gently, and Toby nodded, to be polite, but he didn"t believe him. They were outlaws and outcasts in Germany now, displaced persons who had no right to occupy their own home. They had been banished like common murderers and thieves. And the stamp on their pa.s.sports said "Deported," although they hadn"t been and had left of their own accord. And there was a red J stamped on their pa.s.sports now as well, for "Jew," "Jude." They were political refugees, and their German citizenship had been canceled as Jews.
When Nick got back from the horses, Toby was gone, and Lucas was visiting the elegant swimming pool and the kennels. There was a smoking room, a lounge, and a famous ballroom as well. He had said he wanted to see the dogs, and Nick strolled quietly along the deck, and stood at the rail looking out to sea. He had noticed several pretty women when they boarded, but he had no interest in pursuing them. All he could think of was the world they had just lost. The elegant ship was the last vestige of it. Lucas didn"t understand that, and Toby grasped it to some extent, but Nick fully realized what was happening to them and just how painful it would be. The fact that they were joining a circus in a foreign country was even stranger, and hard to fathom or imagine what it would be like. He didn"t even want to think about it now, as he stood looking out to sea with his heart full of Alex, and his father. Nick hadn"t felt so bereft and devastated since his wife and daughter died. He stood at the rail until he got too cold, and then went back to his cabin, and lay on the bed for a while, hoping to sleep. When he couldn"t, he went below to visit the horses again. He picked up one of the brushes Alex had given them, and began currying Pluto, as the stallion turned toward him with a pleased look.
"Good boy," Nick said, patting his snowy neck, and continuing to brush him. All of the horses were tethered on short lead lines to secure them so they wouldn"t get hurt, and they"d have to do without exercise for several days. Nick just hoped that the sea wouldn"t get rough, so they wouldn"t be injured. He didn"t want to lose any of them before they even arrived. He had brought a loaded pistol with him, in case he had to put one of them down. It had been Alex"s suggestion, and he hoped he wouldn"t have to use it. Particularly for the Lipizzaners-they were precious cargo on the ship, and Nick"s ticket to a new life.
He stayed with the horses for a long time, and then went back on deck, where he ran into his boys playing shuffleboard and talking to two young girls. Nick smiled when he saw them. Toby looked happier than when they"d set sail, and Lucas ecstatic, wielding the shuffleboard paddle that was taller than he was, and trying to impress the girls, who giggled at what he said. They were closer to his age than to Toby"s, and eventually they scampered off, and Lucas lost interest in the game, and came to where his father was sitting in a deck chair with a blanket, to tell him what he"d been doing. And from the sound of it, he"d been everywhere on the ship, in first cla.s.s, since the lower decks weren"t accessible to him.
"Can we go swimming later, Papa?" he asked excitedly, and Nick agreed. It distracted him from his miseries to be with his children, and he wanted the trip to be a happy time for them, before they faced the unknown, and joined the circus.
The two boys went to a movie at the cinema later that afternoon, and Nick continued to stroll the deck, and visit the horses periodically. One of the other pa.s.sengers questioned him about it, when he went indoors for teatime. There was an elaborate buffet set out for the first-cla.s.s pa.s.sengers, and the German equivalent of high tea. The food was supposed to be notoriously good on the ship, but Nick couldn"t eat. All he wanted was a cup of tea, which he followed up with a stiff malt whiskey.
"I understand that you"re traveling with a boxcar full of Arabians," the man who"d asked about the horses commented with interest. He was American, said he was from Kentucky, and that he owned horses himself, and had been in Germany buying hunters and two racehorses, but they were being sent to the States on another ship, with handlers he had brought over. He said his name was Beauregard Thompson. "Where are you taking them?" he asked, in a heavy Southern accent Nick could barely understand. He was used to British inflections and not an American accent from the South.
"To Florida," Nick said simply, and the man nodded, impressed by what he"d heard about Nick"s horses. Transporting eight Arabians was a sign of great wealth.
"You"re smart to have them on the ship with you," he complimented him. "You can keep an eye on them yourself. I"d love to have a look at them sometime," he suggested politely, and Nick nodded as he took a long sip of the whiskey. He needed it, it had been a hard, deeply emotional day.
"Of course," Nick said pleasantly. "Only six are Arabians actually. The other two are Lipizzaners," he said casually, not sure the man would know what they were.
"Oh my G.o.d," the man said, awestruck. "Now, that I"d like to see. Are you taking them to show them?" Nick nodded with a wry smile. He was taking them to be "shown" in a circus. He was sure that if Thompson knew that, he"d be shocked. There was nothing gentlemanly about the circus.
"I"ll be happy for you to see them," Nick volunteered, and Thompson left after that, to find his wife, who he said was shopping at the ship"s boutiques.
Toby and Lucas came to find Nick in his stateroom after the movie. They went swimming, and then Nick and Toby went to clean out the horses" stalls before they went to change for dinner. Nick hadn"t done stable boys" work in years, but he found it easier than he remembered, and not totally unpleasant. It was a good chance for him to get to know the horses, as he moved between them, patting them now and then. Pluto was the most responsive to him, and nuzzled him each time he walked by, as though to say h.e.l.lo. Nina, the Lipizzaner mare, was the most upset. And the Arabians still seemed nervous, but all right. And all eight horses were eating and drinking. Nick was careful to notice that.
And once he and Toby had cleaned out their stalls, and disposed of the manure as they"d been told to, they went back to their cabins to bathe and dress. Dinner that night was white tie, for him and Toby, and Lucas was going to eat in their cabin with a steward. He was too young for the formal sitting in the dining room, and it sounded boring to him anyway. And the young steward had promised to take him to the kennels again. According to Lucas, the ship was full of dogs. Theirs were the only horses.
Nick and Toby introduced themselves once they were seated at the captain"s table. There was a very glamorous-looking couple from Berlin-he was from a well-known banking family, and they were planning to visit relatives in New York. There was a relatively famous German actress, who eyed Nick with interest, a sentiment he didn"t return. She was twenty years older than he was, and drank way too much at dinner. There was an Italian couple, and a British writer Nick had heard of but not read, and a very pretty French woman named Monique, who mentioned that she was widowed. Her husband had been German, and they had a schloss in the Tyrol. And there were two other German couples of no particular interest whose only attribute seemed to be that they had a great deal of money, but they were neither fun nor attractive.
After dinner, they all moved upstairs to one of the bars on the upper deck for coffee, cigars, and liqueurs. A band started playing, and there was dancing. And just as they began playing, Toby asked his father"s permission to slip away, which Nick granted. And after Toby left, Nick danced with Monique, and was still dancing with her when the captain and some of the others left. The bar was full of pa.s.sengers, and everyone seemed in good spirits and very lively, and although it had been a hard day for him, Nick"s spirits improved as he chatted with the attractive French widow, who was an exceptionally good dancer and very pretty. There was a surreal feeling to all of it for him, as he hung suspended between two worlds. And for a moment or two, in the glamorous context of the boat, he could pretend that nothing bad had happened, but he knew it had, and it weighed on him heavily between drinks. He was working hard to flee the truth. The young French woman sensed that something was wrong in his life, but was polite enough not to ask.
"Are you visiting friends in America?" she asked discreetly, and he nodded. He had no intention of telling her that he and his sons were joining a circus, and had fled Germany to save their lives. "So am I," she said, with a small sigh. "Germany is so dreary these days, with all those rallies and marches and speeches. My husband died six months ago, and I need a change. I"m going to Boston to visit my sister. She lives there with her husband. She seems to like it. They married last year, and they"re expecting their first baby, so I thought I"d go over to see her." She said she lived near Munich, and had no children. And judging by the jewelry she was wearing, Nick sensed that her husband had left her a vast fortune. She mentioned once while they were dancing that her husband had been forty years older than she was, and she looked to Nick to be about thirty.
She was a lovely woman, and they danced several waltzes and foxtrots, and she was particularly impressive doing the tango. She and Nick looked very striking on the floor, and several people stopped to watch them, and afterward she and Nick laughed. It had been fun. It was obvious that Monique found him attractive. He found her equally so, but he was in no mood or position to start a shipboard romance with anyone. His life was a shambles, and he was enough of a gentleman not to inflict that on anyone, although she looked like she was willing. They sat and talked for a while afterward, and at two in the morning, he walked her to her cabin, while she told him how much she had enjoyed the evening.
"So did I," he said, smiling at her. He hadn"t expected to enjoy the first night so much, but she had boosted his spirits. And he always liked to dance, and was good at it.
"I met your little boy today," she said, when they stopped outside her door. "He"s adorable."
"Yes, he is, thank you," Nick agreed warmly. "I think he met everyone on the ship today, including all the sailors. He"s having fun."
"So am I," she said, looking wistfully at Nick. "I loved dancing with you tonight. I haven"t been dancing in months."
"You"re a wonderful dancer," he said sincerely. She wished he wanted more from her than that, but she could see he didn"t. There was something profoundly sad in his eyes, and she could sense this was not a happy trip for him. He was putting a good face on it, and he was every inch a gentleman, but there was something sad and remote about him, as though he had lost someone he dearly loved. In fact he had lost a country that day, and said goodbye to his father and best friend. She a.s.sumed he had lost a woman, but he had given up a great deal more. He had abandoned an entire life.
"Thank you for the compliment," she said, flirting with him. "Perhaps we can do it again tomorrow. I think tomorrow is the casino night, and the day after that the masked ball." There were special entertainments planned every night, and she had brought a different gown for each occasion. From what Nick had seen that night, her wardrobe and her figure were exquisite. For the right man, she would be a glorious catch, but not for him. Not anymore. He had the good manners and good sense, in his current circ.u.mstances, not to get involved. He felt as though that part of his life were over now too. He had nothing to offer anyone, surely not stability, or even a pleasant way of life. All of that was gone. He resisted the urge to be melancholy, but he was still reverberating from everything that had happened. And to some degree, he was still in shock, and she could see it.
"I"d be very happy to escort you to the casino," Nick said pleasantly, although he had no intention of gambling with the little he had. His father had paid their first-cla.s.s pa.s.sage, and he needed the money they had brought with them, to take care of his sons. Overnight, he had become responsible, despite his carefree, self-indulgent ways of the past. Those days were over. He had grown up instantly. And a random night of shipboard gambling, give or take even a few hundred reichsmark, was no longer possible for him. For her, he could tell it would be small change. The difference in their circ.u.mstances now made even a casual flirtation with her seem dishonest. He was no longer of her world. He had become an outcast in his country, and what had previously been his life. Nothing of all that was visible to her. But he knew the difference, between what he had once been, only days ago, and what he was now. And in another week, he would be nothing more than a performer in the circus. It was horrifying to think about and still impossible to absorb.
"Goodnight. I"ll see you tomorrow," she said with a seductive glance as she disappeared into her cabin, and Nick walked slowly back to his own, feeling pensive. He didn"t really want her, but if he had, she would have been untouchable for him now. Their lives were miles apart.
Before he went back to his stateroom, he checked on the boys. Both were sound asleep, and he gently covered Lucas with his blanket, as he clutched the teddy bear he had brought with him, that he had slept with all his life. And he was wearing pale blue pajamas. Toby was sleeping, too, with the peaceful face of the boy he still was. And then Nick went back to his own room, sat down quietly in a comfortable chair, and lit a cigar. He had much to think about these days. He poured himself a cognac from the decanter in his room, and sat in the dark, in the moonlight, watching the smoke from his cigar, and the brightly lit end, wondering what the future had in store.
Chapter 5.
The casino night with Monique was as pleasant as the night before. They danced after the gambling, and it was a lively evening Nick enjoyed. He had always liked gambling, within reason, but he only played roulette twice that night, for modest amounts, and lost. Monique won five hundred reichsmark, and he didn"t play again. He was being cautious.
Both boys were enjoying the ship, the weather was fine, and the horses were doing well. And on the night of the masked ball, halfway through the trip and far from land, they hit a November storm. And the ship began pitching and rolling. With apologies to Monique-who didn"t suffer from seasickness it turned out-Nick went to see the horses, after he checked on his sons, who were fine in their cabin. The horses were frantic and wild eyed in the storm, and Nick stayed with them for several hours trying to calm them. There wasn"t much he could do, except be there and try to rea.s.sure them as best he could, patting and stroking them and speaking to them in a soothing tone. It didn"t make much difference, but he didn"t want to leave them alone, in case one of them got hurt. They were crucial now for him and the boys, and late into the night as the storm seemed to get rougher, if that was possible, the worst happened. Pluto looked at him and quietly lay down, a dreaded sign in horses. Nick was well aware of the consequences as soon as the beautiful stallion lay down, and there was nothing Nick could do to stop him. He was equally aware that if Pluto didn"t get up again on his own within hours or a day at most, he would be dead when they arrived in New York. And he couldn"t appear in Florida with only one Lipizzaner, and particularly without the stallion he had promised. Pluto was by far the more impressive of the two Lipizzaners, although Nina was lovely too. But she was outcla.s.sed by the stallion in breeding, looks, and size.
Nick stayed with him all night, and by morning things had not improved. The storm continued to get worse, and with a feeling of panic, he returned to his cabin to change and went to the dining room for breakfast. Neither of his boys was feeling well, and they decided to stay in their cabin. He didn"t tell them about Pluto. There would be time enough for that piece of bad news later, if the horse refused to get up. Nick was still hoping he would, perhaps when the storm was over.
He ran into Beauregard Thompson at breakfast in the dining room, and they were among the few pa.s.sengers at the buffet that morning. Most people had stayed in their rooms, seasick from the storm, including the Kentuckian"s wife, who he said was very ill. But Thompson was a hardy soul, and Nick had always been a good sailor. Nick mentioned that he was having a problem with one of his horses and asked for Thompson"s advice.
"There"s nothing much you can do, except hope he gets back up on his legs again," he said, sharing Nick"s concern. "That"s a death sentence for your stallion if he"s lying down. How many hours has it been now?" Nick told him, and he nodded. "I had a mare do that to me last year. I thought she"d get back on her feet again and survive it, but she didn"t. It killed her after two days. We put her down, but she was nearly gone when we did. She would have died on her own within two more hours. If this d.a.m.n storm would calm down, you"d have a chance, but with all this going on, I doubt you"ll get him up. He"s probably seasick," which was contributing to the problem. "I"ll take a look at him after breakfast, if you like," he promised.
Nick led him downstairs to the boxcar when they both left the dining room. The Arabians were still frightened, but holding up, and Nina looked desperately unhappy, but she was still standing. Pluto was in the same spot where Nick had left him, on the ground. He hadn"t budged an inch, and looked up at Nick with an expression of defeat and despair, and then laid his splendid head down on the floor of his stall, as Beauregard marveled at him.
"My G.o.d, what a spectacular creature," the man said in amazement. "How big is he standing up?"
"Just over sixteen hands," which was on the tall side for a Lipizzaner.
"I"ve never seen anything so beautiful," he said in open admiration. "He"s incredible." Pluto looked woebegone as he lay in his stall, but he was still strikingly handsome. "You"ve got to save him."
"Yes, but how?" Nick said, frightened. He could feel Pluto slipping right between his fingers. And Nick would hate to tell Alex that the beautiful young stallion had died before they arrived.
"There isn"t a d.a.m.n thing you can do except hope and pray he decides to survive this. He"s young enough to make it through it if he wants to." All Nick could do was hope he wouldn"t die.
Beauregard Thompson stayed with him for a while, and then went back to his own cabin to check on his wife, and Nick stayed alone in the boxcar with the horses for the rest of the day. The room stewards had promised to watch over the boys. And he knew that Toby could entertain Lucas. The storm finally calmed a little, but Pluto didn"t move and barely made a sound even when Nick stroked him and talked to him. He seemed to be getting weaker.
By the end of the day, Nick was in despair. It was obvious that the stallion wasn"t going to make it, and it was only a matter of time before he died, maybe hours. And there was no way to feed him or even give him water while he lay there. Nick knew enough about horses to realize that he was watching the beautiful young stallion"s final hours. At one point, he even thought of being merciful, and using his pistol to put him down, but he didn"t have the heart to do it. He sat down next to him instead, and continued stroking his neck and crooning to him, and his eyes filled with tears. It was heartbreaking to watch the Lipizzaner slowly die.
And finally, he laid his own head down against Pluto"s ma.s.sive shoulder, and knowing no one was there to hear him, Nick begged him to stay alive.
"I know this must sound stupid to you," he said in a low voice to the horse, "and you deserve better than life in a circus, but I need you for my boys. Without you, they probably won"t want us in Florida, and if they don"t, I have no way to feed Toby and Lucas. If you don"t come to the circus with us, we"re really in a bad spot here. Pluto, if you"d just stay alive for me, I swear I"ll take care of you forever, and I"ll owe you my life. My boys are depending on you and so am I. Please don"t die ... please ... we need you so desperately.... I need you.... I"ll do everything for you I can. I promise...." Tears slid down Nick"s cheeks as he spoke to him.
He suddenly noticed that the storm had calmed completely. The pitching and rolling had stopped. And as though he had noticed it, too, Pluto turned his head to look at Nick, lying alongside him, and he shook his head as though to nod. And then he gave a gigantic shudder, which Nick was terrified would be his last, and with enormous effort, and a loud whinnying, Pluto fought his way to a standing position on shaking legs. Nick watched, unable to believe his eyes. Pluto was up! He had made it, and with any luck at all, and some sustenance, he wouldn"t die! It was as though the stallion had made his own decision, and a supreme effort for his new owner.
Nick put his arms around the horse"s neck and sobbed. He had never been so grateful for anything in his life. The horse dying on their way to Florida would have been one blow too many in a series of brutal shocks that had turned their life upside down. And now it felt right-side up again. He offered the horse some water, which Pluto took gingerly with a grateful glance at Nick, and then he turned to look at the other horses, and Nina whinnied to him from her stall, as though to say welcome back. Nick stayed with him for another hour to make sure he didn"t lie down again, but the stallion was eating and already looked better when he left.
Nick went to find Beauregard Thompson immediately, and knocked on the door of his cabin when he didn"t see him on deck. He came to the door, was surprised to see Nick, and said he had been ministering to his wife.
"How is he?" he asked in a somber tone, referring to the stallion. And he was sure Nick had come to tell him he was dead. He hadn"t expected him to survive, he had already been lying down for too long.
"He"s up," Nick said with a broad smile, and Thompson stared at him.
"I can"t believe it. When I saw him, he was nearly gone." Nick nodded in agreement. "What did you do?"
"I talked to him. I pleaded with him to get up, and he did." Nick looked ecstatic, and was enormously relieved.
"You"re a better man than I am. I couldn"t get my mare to get up last year, no matter what I did. I had the vet in to see her three times, and we still lost her. But I have to admit," he said, laughing, "I never asked her to get up. Well, good for you." He pounded Nick on the shoulder. "We"ll have a drink to celebrate after dinner."
"Thank you. I just wanted you to know." Nick was hoping to see Monique that night after dinner. He had been too busy with Pluto and worried about him, to see her at all ever since the horse had lain down. She had continued to show interest in him, and had sent a note to his cabin with a bottle of champagne saying that she missed him. She was trying hard. And at another time in his life, she would easily have succeeded in seducing him. But right now, there was just too much going on to pay serious attention to her.
When Nick went back to his stateroom, he was smiling broadly. Pluto had survived, and as much as it could be right now, their future was safe. Just as Nick had asked him to, Pluto had saved his life.
Chapter 6.
For the last day of the trip, Nick kept a close eye on Pluto and the other horses, but they all seemed to be doing fine, and the stallion seemed stronger than ever once he was on his feet and eating and drinking again. He seemed to have formed a deeper bond with Nick after his illness, and whinnied with pleasure whenever Nick came to the boxcar. It was as though he knew how much he meant to him now, and what was expected of him. Nick felt as though they had made friends.
Nick spent his daytime hours with his sons, playing shuffleboard, swimming, shooting skeet with Toby, and walking around the deck together. And with Pluto back on his feet again, he spent the evenings with Monique. They danced until the wee hours, admired by everyone who watched them. They made a splendid couple, and were obviously having a good time. Their tangos were legendary on the ship, and they looked dashing whenever they were together. Monique had a sense of showmanship and was enjoying the attention they got, and being with a man as handsome as Nick. And finally, when he took her back to her cabin, since it was the last night, Nick kissed her. He"d had a little too much champagne, celebrating Pluto"s recovery, and he couldn"t resist Monique"s charms as they stood in the light of the November moon, bright and heavy in the sky. They would be reaching New York the next day.
"When are you going back to Germany?" she asked in a whisper, after he kissed her for the second time. She was anxious to see him again, and continue the pleasures of the trip.
"I"m not," he said quietly, and she looked at him in surprise.
"I thought you were only visiting, to show your horses somewhere."
"I"m staying," he said, not wanting to say why or tell her that he"d be showing his horses as a circus act. He was embarra.s.sed about the life he was about to lead, among circus people, whom he could only imagine as freaks. And now he was one of them. He hadn"t adjusted to it yet, and wondered if he ever would.
"Is there some reason why you"re not going back?" she asked, looking startled and suspicious. She knew other people who had left the country in the past few years, afraid of what was happening in Germany, and fearing for their lives. But she could think of no reason why Nick would be one of them.
"Yes," he said as he leaned against the rail in the moonlight. He didn"t want to lie to her, and would have preferred not to explain it, but he could see that she wanted an answer of some kind.
"Are you Jewish?" she asked him with a curious expression. She didn"t think it likely. He was obviously a n.o.bleman of high rank, as his name, looks, and t.i.tle suggested.
"Yes, and no," he said honestly. "In the real world, as we knew it until recently, no, I wasn"t. In Hitler"s Germany, apparently I am. I never knew my mother. My parents divorced when I was born, and my father and I discovered recently that she was half Jewish, which makes my sons and me Jewish according to the n.a.z.is. We had to leave, we might have been sent to a labor camp if we stayed, so we"re going to America." She looked shocked at what he said, and for a moment he wasn"t sure which part of the story had alarmed her, the fact that he had barely escaped being sent to a labor camp, or that his mother was Jewish.
"How horrible of them," she said, suddenly sympathetic. "And how absurd. What will you do?" She looked worried and sad for him and the boys, which confirmed to him that she was a good person. And he laughed at her question.
"I didn"t have a lot of choices. I have no profession, nothing I know how to do. I suppose I could have been a dance instructor"-he smiled at her-"or a chauffeur or a stable boy. I can"t say that any of those options appealed to me, and I only had a few weeks to figure it out. A friend gave me the horses I have with me. Two of them are Lipizzaners, trained for exhibition. I"m joining the circus as an equestrian act," he said with a wry expression. "My six-year-old son is enchanted. I can"t say I feel the same way about it, but I"m grateful that I could get them out of Germany and found something I can do. So, my dear, you have been dancing your nights away with a circus performer. I daresay your friends would be shocked, and so would mine." Saying it out loud to her made it both worse and better. Worse because it made a reality of it, and better because it was so ridiculous even to him that it made it laughable instead of something that made him want to cry. Not knowing what else to do, Monique laughed.
"Are you serious?" She thought he might be teasing her. But from the look in his eyes, she could see he wasn"t. It was the oddest story she"d ever heard. She had heard of doctors and lawyers who had left Germany, all of them Jewish, but never aristocrats like Nick.
"I"m entirely serious. When we land in New York, I am taking my sons and the horses to Florida, where we were hired by the Greatest Show on Earth. They sponsored me to get us out of Germany, and offered me the job, and I"m very grateful that they did. So I"m afraid you"ve shown up a bit late in the day. A month ago I could have courted you properly, and visited you when you go back. Now I"m going to be wintering in Florida with freaks and clowns and circus acts, and touring with them nine or ten months a year. I can send you postcards from all over the States."
As he said it, she looked truly shocked this time, particularly at the look in his eyes. He was clearly still grappling with the impact of what had happened to them.
"I can"t even imagine it," she said honestly.
"Neither can I, but it"s better than a labor camp on the Czech border. Or having my children die of malnourishment or some disease. We really had no choice."
"You"re a brave man, Nick," she said quietly, impressed by what he had said.
"No, I"m a man who was driven out of his homeland, by a lunatic who wants to purify the master race and take over the world. And Jews are not welcome in it, or part of his plan. And suddenly, by a quirk of fate, I have become one. It"s more than a little humbling, to say the least. I slipped from the top to the bottom of the ladder, literally overnight."
"Do you think Hitler is really that bad?" she asked thoughtfully. From Nick"s perspective, he certainly was, but it was still hard for her to believe that he was as dangerous as Nick said. Thus far, nothing Hitler had done had affected her, except that her favorite seamstress had moved away, and her doctor in Munich had been obliged to close his practice. But other than that, she had suffered no ill effects. And her doctor had been about to retire anyway.
"I actually think he"s considerably worse than we all realize," Nick said with a bitter tone about Hitler. "Now that I know what he"s up to firsthand, I think he will make changes that will frighten and affect us all. The boys and I are certainly a good example of that. And if my father were still married to my mother, he"d be a criminal for being married to a Jew. That"s against the law now, for a Christian to be married to a Jew. Luckily, he divorced her. He would never survive this, being uprooted and having to leave everything he"s ever known, disappearing like a thief in the night."
"Will he come to the States too?" she asked, curious about them now. He had become a real person to her with his confessions, not just a handsome man in a superficial way. Nick shook his head in answer to her question about his father.
"He"s staying to protect our land. Which, other than me and my children, is the only thing he"s ever loved. He"s a man of duty, honor, and tradition. He stayed to run our estate until I return. And G.o.d only knows when that will be. Probably not until Hitler steps down, or someone runs him out of town, or shoots him, which sounds like an excellent idea to me." He could say that openly now, having escaped. "And even if I can return to Germany safely later, I can no longer inherit my estate till the laws about Jews are changed. My children and I can"t own property anymore."
"Do you think there will be a war?" she asked Nick, looking slightly nervous.
"I don"t know. They say not, but all signs seem to point to it, to me. His rallies sound like calls to arms. I don"t think he"ll stop until he takes over all of Europe. Germany will never be enough. Taking over Austria was only the beginning." He was convinced of that now.
"He is ambitious," Monique agreed, "and there seem to be soldiers everywhere these days. There were an incredible number the last time I went to Munich. And most of them seem to be SS, the elite corps."
"I"ve noticed it too," Nick agreed with her. "I managed to keep Tobias out of the Hitler Jugend, because he had asthma as a child and we have a sympathetic doctor. I didn"t want him parading around in a uniform, parroting the party line. And now instead, he"s going to be in the circus, playing with the clowns. It"s a h.e.l.l of a choice."
"I"m sure they"ll let you come back eventually, probably very soon," she said to encourage him. But Nick wasn"t sure of that at all.
"I"m not convinced. And, my dear, until then, I"m afraid that the person I will become when we get to Florida isn"t even suitable for you to know."
"Don"t be ridiculous," she scolded him, and then lowered her voice conspiratorially. "I was a manicurist when I met my husband. He married me and changed my life. It wasn"t the circus, but I wasn"t born into the lofty world you were. I only got there because of Klaus. And he got very upset whenever anyone said anything about it. He hired a teacher to show me how to speak and act like a lady." It was an amazing confession that Nick found fascinating and endearing in its honesty. And when he thought about it, only the way she danced gave her away. It was a little too intimate, a little too flirtatious and outrageous for a lady of rank, and she did the tango in a way no respectable woman would dare. But he didn"t care. She was a nice woman, and he liked talking to her. And what did it matter now?
"If they ever throw you out of Germany," he said wryly-trying to make light of the fact he had been, which still smarted to his very core. He was far more aristocratic than any of the idiots he knew in the Third Reich-"we could form a dance team, or you could join me in the circus. But I don"t think they"ll be sending you away, as long as you"re not Jewish."