On the winding road no one was in sight, and from our elevation a view of the tiny town below could be glimpsed through the bare branches of the trees of the little mountain we were ascending; and about us was no sound save the crunch of the buggy-wheels on the gravel road, and the tread of the slow-moving horse. It was a new world we were in--a kindly, simple, strifeless world of peace and plenty, and calm and content, and the crowded quarters close to Scarborough Square, with their poignant problems of sin and suffering, of scant beauty and weary joy, seemed a life apart and very far away. And the world of the Avenue, the world of handsome homes and deadening luxuries, of social exactions and selfish indulgence, of much waste and unused power, seemed also far away, and just Selwyn and I were together in a little world of our own.
"We might as well have this out, Danny." An arm on the back of the buggy, Selwyn looked at me, and in his eyes was that which made me understand he was right. We might as well have it out. "For three years you have refused to marry me, and now you say you are more alone than I. We"ve been beating the air, been evading something; refusing to face the thing that is keeping us apart. What is it?
You know my love for you. But yours for me-- You have never told me that you loved me. Look at me, Danny." He turned my face toward him. "Tell me. Is it because you do not love me that you will not marry me?"
"No." A bird on a bough ahead of us piped to another across the road, and as mate to mate was answered. "It is not because I do not love you--Selwyn. I do--love you." The crushing of my hands hurt, but he said nothing. "I shall never marry unless I marry you--but I am not sure--we should be happy."
"Why not? Is there anything that man could do I would not do to make you happy? All that I am or may be, all that I have to give--and of love I have much--is for you. What is it, then, you fear? Your freedom? I should never interfere with that."
I shook my head. "It is not my freedom. What I fear is our lack of sympathy with, our lack of understanding of, certain points of view.
We look at life so differently."
"But certainly a woman doesn"t expect a man to think just as she thinks, to feel as she feels, to see as she sees, nor does he expect her to see and feel and think his way in all things. As individuals they--"
"Of course I wouldn"t expect, wouldn"t want my husband to feel toward all things as I feel. I would not want a stupid husband with no mind of his own! You know very well it is nothing of that sort. If, however, we cared not at all for the same sort of books; if we saw little alike in art and literature, in music or morals, in science or religion; if the same interests did not appeal; if to the same impulse there was no response--we could hardly hope for genuine comradeship. In most of those things we are together, but life is so much bigger than things, and in our ideas of life and what to do with it we are pretty far apart."
"Are we? Are you very sure? Are you perfectly sure, Danny, that we are so very far apart?"
Something warm and sweet, so tempestuously sweet that it terrified, for a moment surged, and, half-blinded, I looked up at him. "Do you mean--?" My fingers interlocked with his.
"That I would like to live in Scarborough Square?" He smiled unsteadily and shook his head. "No, I wouldn"t know how to live there. I wouldn"t fit in. I am just myself. You are a dozen selves in one. But I am beginning to see dimly what you see clearly.
Concerning my selfishness there is certainly nothing hazy. The walls around my house have been pretty high, and perhaps they should come down. You have much to teach me. I have a habit of questioning--"
"So have I. All thinking people question. But in spite of my questioning, perhaps because of it, I know now that my life--must count. It isn"t mine to use just for myself, or in the easiest way.
If there"s anything to it, I"ve got to share it. Down in Scarborough Square I"ve been seeing myself in the old life, and when I go back to it I cannot--keep silent concerning what I have learned. I think perhaps we"ve failed--the men and women of our world even more discouragingly than the men and women of the worlds I"ve learned to know. As your wife you might not care to have me say--"
I stopped, silenced by the view which lay revealed before us, then I gave a little cry. Peak after peak of tree-filled mountains raised their heads to a sky of brilliant blue whose foam-clouds curled and tumbled in fantastic shapes, and in the valley below was the silence and peace of a place unpeopled. I turned to Selwyn, and long resistance yielding to that for which there was no words, I let him see the fulness of surrender. For a long moment we did not speak, then I drew away from his arms. "We must get out. It is a heavenly vision. I want--"
Getting down from the high, old-fashioned buggy, Selwyn held his arms out to me, lifted me in them to the ground. "I, too, want here--my heavenly vision." It was difficult to hear him. Drawing my face to his, he kissed me again. "You have told me that you loved me. _You are mine and I am going to marry you_."
He turned his head and listened, in his face something of the old impatience. The soft whir of an automobile broke the silence of the sun-filled, breeze-blown air, and I made effort to draw away from Selwyn"s arms. "Some one is coming," I said, under my breath.
"Shall we go on or stay here?"
"Stay here. Why not?" Frowningly, Selwyn for a moment waited, then, with his hand holding mine, we walked nearer the edge of the mountain"s plateau and looked at the ribbon-like road that wound up to its top. The noise of the engine was more distinct than the car, but gradually the latter could be seen clearly, and presently three figures were distinguished in it.
"They"ll have to pa.s.s us. There"s no other way." Words not utterable were smothered under Selwyn"s breath. "A few more minutes and they"ll be going down the mountain, however, and will soon be out of sight. Are you cold? Do you mind staying up here for a little while--with all the world away?"
"No. I want to stay." I leaned forward. In the machine, now near enough to see that two people were in its back seat and the driver alone in front, there was also leaning forward; then hurried movement, then the man behind got up and waved his hat, and the girl beside him got up also.
Slowly Selwyn turned to me, in his eyes rebellious protest. "It is Mr. and Mrs. Cressy, and there"s no way of getting rid of them.
They"ve motored over instead of waiting for the train. Have they no sense, no understanding?"
"And they think they"ve been so considerate in hurrying to us!" The tone of my voice was that of Selwyn"s. "Is there nothing we can do?"
"Nothing--unless we tell them to wait here while we go over to Shelby. The reward of virtue was never to my taste! Our one day together--"
He turned away, but quickly I followed him; in his hand slipped mine.
"I"m sorry, Selwyn--but there will be another day--be many days."
CHAPTER XXVI
Many undeserved blessings have come to me in life and have made me temporarily meek and humble, but when punishments come which are unwarranted, meekness and humility (of which I have never possessed a sufficient amount, inasmuch as I am a person without money) disappear, and I am not a lowly-minded lady. I was punished for my part in helping Tom and Madeleine get married by action of Mrs. Swink that was as astounding as it was unexpected. Mrs. Swink is a wily woman. She has little education and large understanding of human nature. She knows when she is beaten. In a woman such knowledge is unusual.
The day after our return from Claxon she appeared in my sitting-room in Scarborough Square and, throwing her arms around me, kissed me three times. She attempted a fourth kiss, which I prevented, and followed the kisses with an outburst of tears that was proportionate to her person in volume and abundance. Feeling as one does who is overtaken by a shower when the sun is shining, I made effort to draw away, but my head was again pressed on her broad bosom, and with fresh tears I was thanked for my kindness in chaperoning her daughter on her matrimonial adventure; an adventure which would have subjected her to much criticism had I not been along. Also Mr. Thorne. The unexpectedness of these thanks was disconcerting and, with an expression that was hardly appreciative of the pose she was a.s.suming, I finally rescued myself from her arms and, drawing off, looked at her for explanation. Mrs. Swink is not a person I care to have kiss me.
"Oh, my dear, you do not know the anguish of a mother"s heart! You couldn"t know it unless you were a mother, and when you are one I hope your heart won"t be wrung as mine has been wrung! But poor, dear Mr. Swink always said bygones ought to be bygones, and now they"re married I suppose it"s a bygone and I ought not to let my heart be wrung; but it is, and I"ve been thinking about poor, dear Mr. Swink all day." She took her seat and, wiping her eyes and nose, began to cry again. "Oh, my dear, you don"t know the anguish of a mother"s heart!"
"Would you like a fresh handkerchief?" I asked. The one in Mrs.
Swink"s hand was too wet for further use. I started toward my bedroom door, but she shook her head.
"I"ve got two or three, I think. I"m so easily affected when my heart is wrung that I have to keep a good many on hand. But I had to come and thank you. It would have been so dreadful for them to have gone off alone. It makes it very different to have had you and Mr.
Thorne along. Yes, indeed--a mother"s heart--"
What was she up to? Fearing that my face would indicate too clearly that I was not deceived by her change of tactics, I shielded it from the fire by the screen, close to the chair in which I sat, and made effort to wait politely, if not with inward patience, for what I would discover if I only gave her time. Something had happened I did not understand. I had forgotten the letter Selwyn had sent her.
"They went away an hour ago on their wedding-trip." A fresh handkerchief was drawn from the heaving bosom for the fresh tears which again flowed. "My poor head is all in a whirl. So many things had to be done, though Madeleine wouldn"t take but one trunk and no maid, though I told her she could have Freda, and there are so many things that have got to be attended to before they get back that I don"t know where to begin, and I had to come down here right away and thank you the first thing. And of course she will have to have a trousseau, for her poor, dear father wouldn"t like it if she didn"t have one, and the best that could be bought. He was very particular, her father was, and I know he would thank you, too, if he could. And there will have to be a reception, and it"s about that, and a few other things, I felt I must talk to you this morning, being you are responsible, in a way, for the marriage--"
"I am nothing of the sort. You are responsible for its being the sort of marriage it was. I went with them because--"
"Yes, indeed, I understand! Tom says it was splendid in you and I had to come and thank you. Everybody will take it so differently when they know you and Mr. Thorne were along. I think it was n.o.ble in Mr. Thorne when his poor brother wanted so much to marry Madeleine. I feel it was such a narrow escape--her not marrying him.
I"ve been hearing all sorts of sad things about him lately. Real sad. I was deceived in him."
"Who deceived you?"
I might as well not have asked the question. No attention was paid to it.
"He was such a dear boy, Harrie was. So handsome and his family so well known, and he was so in love with Madeleine that I was deceived in him. Yes indeed, I was deceived. A woman is so helpless where men are concerned."
"She isn"t a bit helpless unless she prefers to be. A great many women do. Had you made any inquiries concerning Harrie"s character?"
"In my day it wasn"t expected of a woman to make inquiries." Mrs.
Swink"s voice was that of righteous reserve. "It"s very hard on a mother to ask questions about character and things like that. I knew of the Thorne family very well, and of the Thorne house, which I thought Harrie would live in until he and Madeleine could build a moderner one, and-- Oh no, my child, you don"t know the anguish of a mother"s heart! You don"t know!" Tears not of anguish, but of blighted ambition, caused the flow of words to cease temporarily, and light came to me. Selwyn"s letter had done the work.
Harrie being eliminated, the fat old hypocrite was tr.i.m.m.i.n.g her sails with hands hardened from long experience. Her embraces and grat.i.tude were a veer in a new direction. In a measure I was to be held to account for the present situation; in a sense to be social sponsor for Mrs. Thomas Cressy. A homeless Harrie, disapproved of by family and friends, would not have made a desirable son-in-law, and I had been seized upon as the most available opportunity within reach to bring her daughter"s marriage desirably before the public. Mrs.
Swink had seemingly little understanding of the little use society has for people who do not entertain. I do not entertain.
Nothing was due her, but hoping if I promised help she might go away, I suggested the possibility of Kitty"s entertaining Tom and Madeleine on their return from their wedding-trip, and at the suggestion the beady little eyes brightened, and immediately I was deluged with details of the reception she had determined to give the bride and groom, implored for help in making out the list of guests to be invited, and begged to be one of the receiving party. The last I declined.
When at last she was safely gone I locked the door and sprayed myself with a preparation that is purifying. I was dispirited. There are times when the world seems a weary place and certain of its people beyond hope or pardon.
Last night I had a talk with Mrs. Mundy. She had seen the girl I overheard speaking of an ill man who was being nursed by some one she knew, and this girl had admitted that the "some one" was Etta Blake.
By another name she had been living in Lillie Pierce"s world. For the past two weeks, however, she had been away from it. When Mrs.
Mundy told me, something within gave way, and my head went down in my arms, which fell upon the table, and I held them back no longer--the aching tears which came at last without restraint. "The pity--oh, the pity of it!" was all that I could say, and wisely Mrs. Mundy let me cry it out--the pain and horror which were obsessing me. Hand on my head, she smoothed my hair as does one"s mother when her child is greatly troubled, and for a while neither of us spoke.
I had feared for some time what I knew now was true, and it was not for Etta alone that pity possessed me. Somehow, for all young girlhood, for the weak and wayward, the bold and brazen, the unprotected and helpless, I seemed somehow responsible, I and other women like me, who were shielded from their temptations and ignorant of the dangers to which they were exposed; and Etta was but one of many who had gone wrong, perhaps, because I had not done right.