Out of breath, AnLing arrived outside.It was pouring. The rain fell hard upon her but she refused to take refuge in the hospital.
She quickly hailed a taxi but before the taxi stopped in front of her, her whole body was already drenched.
Once she was inside she closed her eyes and sank in her seat. It was the first moment she had to just be calm and relax. Her body and mind wanted to willingly give in to her tiredness.
She told the driver her address before fully letting herself go.
The feeling of the rain on her skin as she stood outside was slightly refreshing but now it was uncomfortable.
Her body began to warm up.
There was something familiar about this wet, warm feeling. AnLing pulled on the clothes that clung to her body exposing her black bra. Noticing that nothing could be done, AnLing covered her chest with her arms and gave the driver a warning look before leaning back to relax.
As AnLing sank deeper and deeper into the seat, her dream-like state threatened to take over. She felt like she was drowning.
She could feel a warm wetness on her body and the scent of rain transcend reality as she sank into her unconscious mind.
Now, she was face to face with an unknown man as water droplets fell upon their fully clothed bodies. He gripped her with two strong hands, pulled her close and crashed his lips onto hers, forcing her to sink into him.
They had been at it for a long time.
How long?
She could no longer tell and she began to lose her breath. Her vision was blurry and the scent of fruit filled the room as the pungent taste of alcohol danced between them.
She couldn"t tell if she liked it or not.
Her mind was distorted and her heart ached.
Memories flooded her mind... the memories of Yize and their time together. It was almost as if she could see them going on dates, eating together, holding hands…
During those three years, she had never been kissed in the way she was being now and in her heart, AnLing wished the one she was kissing was Yize despite what had happened that day.
Despite being betrayed.
But the thought was being overwritten by every kiss and every touch the man gave.
AnLing didn"t retract, she only followed his lead. It caused her body to heat up. His lips moved from hers to her neck, to her collarbone and his large hands snuck their way underneath her wet shirt as the hot water poured out from the shower head above them like a waterfall.
It could have been romantic if they were lovers, but romance wasn"t what they both craved.
The man"s hair was dripping wet and it must have been laying handsomely on his face but AnLing couldn"t see a thing. It was hard for her to even keep her eyes open.
She just let herself melt into him.
He caressed her back gently despite his vigorous kisses.
She couldn"t help but let out a moan. The sound made her shiver.
It didn"t sound like her at all.
Her heart skipped a beat.
There was no love between them, but this was better than the emptiness that lingered within her.
She had been happy just that morning, but who would have imagined that she would see Yize, hand in hand, with another woman?
The thought caused her heart to burn.
Three years wasted…
Her mind was wandering back and forth between the consciousness of her situation and the unconscious thoughts of Yize.
Every time a thought of Yize would pop up, the man would increase his pa.s.sion, be it his grip or his vigor. As if noticing that her mind had wandered.
He kissed her deeper and deeper until she was pressed up against the wall.
AnLing felt a fire burning inside her.
Everything moved fast and the room seemed as if it was spinning. This feeling was so foreign to her that she wanted to stop and push him off but at the same time, she wanted to just let herself go.
The man turned his attention to her neck. He licked her before kissing her hard.
AnLing opened her eyes and gazed in front of her, towards the bathroom mirror.
If she looked in that mirror right now, she feared the expression she would be shown.
Would it be one of pure bliss or fear?
Deep down, she wasn"t quite sure of what she herself felt. But at this point in time, they were both ways pa.s.sed their liquor limits and her broken heart wanted to be mended by something.
Anything…
So despite the fear and the pain that awaited her. She would endure until the promised pleasure that was bound to come if she just let herself feel it.
As the man continued to pa.s.sionately kiss her, AnLing closed her eyes and leaned her head back, opening herself up, giving the man permission to make his way down. But instead, his arms wrapped around her waist.
He lifted her up into the air and took her to bed.
***
AnLing awoke from her daydream with a jolt, causing her gla.s.ses to slip off her nose but not fall into her lap, it just hung strangely on her chin before she put the gla.s.ses back in place.
The taxi had driven over a huge pothole causing the car to shake and the driver to curse. He looked at her from the rearview mirror and apologized weakly, but AnLing didn"t notice.
She then opened her eyes wide trying to shake off her drowsiness but she felt just as tired as she did before she had dozed off.
"Are you okay?" the taxi driver said with a strange smile.
AnLing raised her eyebrow and muttered a small, confused, "yes."
The driver gave her a small smile once more before he turned to look back at the road.
The quizzical look remained on AnLing"s face. In this situation, him asking her if she was fine was normal, but the look he gave her didn"t seem normal at all.
Had she muttered something in her sleep? No… But what was that look for then?
AnLing turned her head to look at herself in the rearview mirror. Her face was slightly flushed and as she remembered the contents of her daydream, her face couldn"t help but get redder. Everything began to make sense. Her face had probably given her away. She was so embarra.s.sed she wanted to scream but instead, she buried her face in her hands.
"Having a wet dream in the taxi?! I"ve officially reached a new low."
It had happened more than six years ago. She couldn"t even remember the man"s face anymore but for some reason, the feeling never seemed to leave her.
"I guess it"s true what they say. You never forget your first time."
This was all her grandmother"s fault!
AnLing could feel her heart palpitate in her ears.
To calm it down, she began to take several deep breaths until she was back to normal.
Tiredness really didn"t help though.
Ever since she had gotten back from abroad she had been busy trying to start over. She had never thought that she would ever come back here but now that she was back, she knew she wouldn"t be able to leave any time soon.
And maybe due to a great many sleepless nights, or maybe just stress, two dreams (most of the time daydreams) or maybe the right word for it was nightmares, would recur. One being her break up with Yize and the other being her first and last experience regarding s.e.x; an accidental one night stand.
Thinking back at it now, AnLing couldn"t help but lament her stupidity but nothing good would come from dwelling on it.
Water trickled from AnLing"s bangs to her cheek, giving off the impression that she was crying. Her face itself wasn"t melancholic—far from it actually— but there was a strange mix of emotion in her dark eyes.
In her hand, her phone began to buzz. She hadn"t realized she was holding it in a death grip. Embarra.s.sed she loosed her hand and then looking at the caller ID she hesitated before picked it up.