He wanted to spare her, to tell her that none of this mattered, but he could see in her eyes that it did.
"You wanted me to separate my feelings. I did that. I told you I loved you apart from my feelings for my niece. But that wasn"t enough. You wanted proof that I wasn"t using you and I can"t give you that. How can I?" She swallowed, choking on her words and her emotions.
He grasped her arms, noticing that her entire body trembled beneath his touch. "None of that matters."
"I know. Because I realized something else this weekend."
"What?"
"Even if you took that leap and believed in my feelings, it wouldn"t work. You"d end up resenting me in the end because I couldn"t give you your own child."
Shifting positions, he wrapped one arm around her shoulders and led her to the couch. "Sit."
She complied and he settled himself next to her. "I asked you before. Where did you get such nonsense?"
"From you." She ran her tanned fingers over the raised pattern in the sofa, refusing to meet his gaze. "You love kids. You told me you"d like another."
"Another doesn"t necessarily mean one of my own."
She shrugged, as if dismissing his words as meaningless, although they were probably the most important he"d ever spoken. She just wasn"t hearing him, proof that his plan of winning her over in stages was necessary.
Although she claimed to want a family, she wasn"t ready. She would never believe he"d changed his mind, not without time and concrete proof.
"You and Jared had a rough life, but you bought this house. It"s got a bunch of empty rooms. I"ve seen you with Alix." She jumped up from her seat "Why are we even discussing this? You made things clear before I left."
"Yes, I guess I did."
She bit down on her lip and nodded. "Okay, then. Boxes await."
"Not yet."
"Why draw out the inevitable?" she asked.
"Because maybe it isn"t. What"s the one thing your clients expect of you?"
She stared at him. "What"s going on, Griff?"
Apparently she wasn"t about to let him ease into this. "I want to keep our partnership alive." In more ways than one, he thought.
"Impossible."
"No. Dissolving it is. Your clients expect stability and an attorney they can trust. Not one who changes partners on a whim, gets involved, then backs off. You said yourself these women have fragile psyches. They need what we can offer them. If you back out now, you"ll scare them. They"ll think they can"t trust you to be there for the long haul. Is that what you want?"
She glared at him. "You don"t play fair, Griff."
"Maybe not, but I play honest And, sweetheart this is as honest as it gets. So do I still have a partner, partner?" He extended his hand towards her.
"It"s not like you"ve given me a choice," she muttered.
He groaned aloud. He wanted her by his side, but he wanted her to be there because she believed in him, believed they could have a future. No more stalling, he thought. "Come with me."
Her eyes narrowed. "Where?"
Grasping her hand, he gave a gentle pull. Chelsie followed reluctantly. She wanted to get this morning over with as soon as possible. Her trip to Florida and the reconciliation with her parents had helped her put life in some sort of perspective and she"d reached a crossroads. It was time to move forward.
She"d survive without Griff. After all, she"d lived through worse. But not much, she thought, glancing at the man she loved.
Chelsie found herself in the downstairs den. Mrs. Baxter was attempting to fold laundry, while Alix thwarted her at every turn. No sooner would Mrs. Baxter fold an item than Alix would toss it in the air, undoing the older woman"s work.
Griff cleared his throat.
Alix glanced up from her important task. When her eyes lit on Chelsie, she let out an excited squeal and flew across the room.
Chelsie knelt down to catch her and fell backwards beneath the child"s a.s.sault. She laughed aloud. This little girl"s happiness was worth everything.
With much effort, Chelsie managed to maneuver into a sitting position and bring the little girl into her lap. From the corner of her eye, she saw Mrs. Baxter collect the scattered clothing and leave the room, laundry basket in hand.
Grateful for Alix"s warm welcome, Chelsie buried her head in the little girl"s neck, tickling her tummy at the same time. Her hair smelled of baby shampoo and talc.u.m powder. A lump formed in Chelsie"s throat.
Griff"s insistence on keeping their partnership alive was based on valid business points, but he"d also given her a personal reprieve. Although things would never go back to the way they"d once been, the family dinners and the shared laughter, at least she"d be closer to Alix than she"d originally thought. The little girl twined her chubby fingers into Chelsie"s hair.
Chelsie laughed, then glanced over Alix"s head at Griff. He watched her with a strange expression on his face. "Well?" he asked.
"I guess she missed me, too."
"Are you saying you missed her?"
"You know I did." She inhaled, drawing on her stored energy. She"d be working in this house, but she wouldn"t be playing mommy anymore. The thought hurt. "That"s why we also need to work out scheduled times for me to see her, so she has some regularity in her life."
She closed her eyes, realizing that she"d just given Griff more proof that her niece was a priority in her life. She was beginning to understand why he would never believe she loved him unconditionally and apart from his guardianship of Alix.
"Maybe."
Her eyes opened wide. She"d never really expected him to deny her request, but she"d fight him if he did.
"After we settle one thing."
Alix jumped off her lap and walked over to the c.o.c.ktail table, pulling a thick magazine onto the floor. She contented herself ripping pages out of the center one at a time. Chelsie wanted to laugh, but she couldn"t focus on anything but Griff"s words.
"Settle what?"
He leaned against the wall. He"d pushed the sleeves of his navy sweater around his forearms and stuffed his hands into the front pocket of his khaki pants. "How much do you love her?"
"Is this a trick question?" Too much and she would prove Griff"s accusation correct. Too little and he"d begrudge her time with Alix.
"No. Just give me an honest answer."
She nodded, deciding to tell him the truth. Except for liberal visiting privileges, she had nothing left to lose. "As much as if she were my own daughter, if not more."
"Me, too." He smiled, an open, honest smile that was so devastating in its impact that Chelsie almost forgot to breathe.
He cupped her face in his hands. "I love you. And I was looking for excuses to drive you away. But not anymore."
"No?" She gazed at him through narrowed eyes. Never in her life had Chelsie wanted to believe in anyone or anything as badly as she wanted to believe Griff, but the hurt he"d inflicted still ran deep.
"Never again." He brushed her lips with his, then rested his forehead against hers. "I barely remember who I was before I met you. I"d already been lost when Jared died. Afterwards, I went through the motions of living for Alix"s sake. But she wasn"t doing so hot, either, so we turned to you. And you saved us both."
She shook her head in denial.
"Yes. We all started to live again. Even you. You"d buried yourself in that d.a.m.ned apartment and made sure you had enough work to cover every hour of every day. You didn"t have to remember and you didn"t have to feel." He lifted his head and looked in her eyes. "Just like me."
She opened her mouth to speak, but the words lodged in her throat. He was giving her everything she wanted, but she still couldn"t believe he"d changed his mind overnight. More importantly, she still couldn"t give him the children he both wanted and deserved. "What are you saying?" she asked.
"That I love you. I know I"ve given you every reason not to trust me or what I say, but that"s past. And I plan to prove it."
"Griff, I ..."
He placed a warm finger over her lips. "Not another word. I wanted you to hear the words. Believing them will come."
How had he known what she was thinking? Her heart pounded painfully in her chest. She"d learned what was important in life. Love, family, and trust were the things that counted most. She and Griff had the first two, but something important was missing. He hadn"t trusted her at the moment she"d needed him most.
How could she know for sure he wouldn"t rip away her security once again? How could she know he wouldn"t come to resent her for not being able to give him the family he said he wanted?
Griff studied her intently, those dark eyes imploring her to believe.
He"d secured their partnership despite her belief that it was over. She wondered if he could do the same for the rest of their lives.
Chelsie stood by the copy machine, waiting as it spewed out pages of a deposition transcript. With Griff in court this afternoon, the office was quiet No hum of his low voice on the telephone, no incessant questions about family law and basic interviewing technique-questions he could have figured out for himself at this point, since Amanda had spread word of Griff and Chelsie"s practice throughout the women"s shelter. In just one short week, he carried his share of their workload and handled each case in a unique manner appropriate to the individual client. He was doing well and didn"t need her opinion on every minute detail, yet he asked anyway.
An excuse to be near her. She"d recognized his ploy for what it was, had even called him on it once. He"d merely laughed and reminded her dinner was at six. No excuses allowed.
That was another thing. Laughter came freer and more often around here now, for them both. She caught herself smiling at the thought. Was this what was called building trust? If so, she liked it.
The office doorbell rang. She glanced at her watch. Four-thirty, last delivery for the day. If the package contained the doc.u.ments she thought, she"d be up for the better part of the night preparing for a deposition tomorrow. If not, she"d be asking for a delay.
She opened the door.
"For you," the delivery man said.
"Thanks, Frank."
"Sign here. This one"s your signature only."
She raised an eyebrow and did as he asked.
"Have a good one." He turned and headed back down the path.
Curious, she tore open the seal, pulled out the official doc.u.ments inside, and began to read. Custody papers. Legal, valid change-of-custody papers for the minor child Alix Stuart.
Chelsie"s heart slammed in rapid rhythm against her rib cage. She"d wondered if Griff could possibly cement their future by convincing her he believed she loved him separate and apart from her feelings for her sister"s child. She"d wondered if he"d change his mind about not wanting children of his own. And now she knew.
"I"m telling you, women aren"t worth the effort," Ryan muttered. He grabbed a can of cola from the refrigerator and sank into the nearest kitchen chair.
"Big change in tune. Guess your latest girlfriend dumped you," Griff said with a laugh.
Ryan shrugged. "She couldn"t stand the hours." He took a swig of his drink and kicked his feet out in front of him.
Following his friend"s cue, Griff loosened the knot on his constricting tie. "Ever think of settling down?" Griff asked.
Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Find me what you"ve got and maybe I"ll consider it."
"Tell me what I"ve got and I"ll try and help you out." Since her return from Florida, Griff had had one h.e.l.l of a time figuring out where he stood with Chelsie.
"Pathetic. Both of us," Ryan said and finished the soda in one large gulp.
Griff agreed. He also wondered if it was about to get worse. Knowing she needed some normalcy, Griff had bided his time before pulling out the last weapon in his a.r.s.enal. It had taken him a week of sleepless nights to figure out the one thing that would cement their lives together at last-at least he hoped so.
If Chelsie wasn"t swayed after today, there would be nothing left to say. h.e.l.l, he"d sever the partnership himself. He couldn"t see her professionally and not have her in his life when the workday ended.
Footsteps sounded on the back stairs leading from the house to the office. He turned to Ryan. "Not that I don"t appreciate the ride back from the office, but don"t you have some place to be?" He"d left Mrs. Baxter his car so she could do the long-overdue food shopping.
Footsteps were replaced by a loud knocking on the adjoining door. Ryan turned towards the noise. "Don"t you think you could give her a key?" he asked. "Might make her feel more welcome."
Griff rolled his eyes. "Tell you what," he said as he walked towards the door. "You make yourself scarce, I"ll give Chelsie that key. Then she can lock you out."
Ryan rose and tossed the soda can into the recycling bin beneath the cabinet under the sink. "There"s loyalty for you. I"m going, but one thing first."
Griff reached for the handle on the door. "What"s that?" He opened the door to see Chelsie on the other side.
"Invite me to the wedding," Ryan said as he paused in front of her.
"What wedding is that?" she asked.
Ryan shrugged. "Ask your partner. Good seeing you again, Chels."
"You too, Ryan," she said to his retreating back.
The door closed behind him and Griff got his first good look at Chelsie. Cheeks flushed and eyes bright she stood before him, waving a piece of paper in her hand. The piece of paper.
Griff held his breath.
"What is this?" she asked.
"Come." He reached out and took her hand, leading her into the family room. With both hands on her shoulders, he eased her onto the soft cushions. "What is it you said to me when I proposed you help out with Alix?" he asked her.