The telegram, which Mr. Medderbrook permitted Mr. Gubb to read after he had paid the cash in hand, said:--
Heaven smiles on us. Have given up all vegetable diet. Have given up potatoes, beets, artichokes, fried parsnips, Swiss chard, turnips, squash, kohl-rabi, boiled radishes, sugar beets, corn on the cob, cow pumpkin, mushrooms, string beans, asparagus, spinach, and canned and fresh tomatoes.
Have lost ten pounds more. Weight now only nine hundred and fifteen pounds. Dorgan worried. I dream of Gubby and love.
Mr. Gubb sighed happily. "I suppose," he said blissfully, "that by the present moment of time Miss Syrilla has only got left a remainder of six double chins out of seven, dear little one!" And he went back to his office feeling that it would not be long now before the apple of his eye was released from her side-show contract.
The next day Mr. Gubb had begun his labors on a new and interesting case when the door opened.
"Gubb, come across the hall here!"
Gubb looked up from the labor in which he was engaged and blinked at Lawyer Higgins.
"At the present time I am momently engaged upon a case," said Mr.
Gubb. "As soon as I am disengaged away from what I am at, I expect to be engaged at the next thing I have to do. I shouldn"t wish to a.s.sume to be rude, Mr. Higgins, but when a deteckative is working up a case, and has a sign on his door "Out--Back at Midnight," he generally means he ain"t receiving callers on no account."
"That"s all right," said Higgins briskly, "but this is business. I"ve got a real job for you."
"I am engaged upon a real job now," said Philo Gubb.
"This is a detective job," said Mr. Higgins. "We want you to find a man, and if you find him, there"s two hundred dollars in it for you.
What sort of a job is it you have on hand?"
"I am searching out the whereabouts of a lost party," said Gubb earnestly. "I"m investigating clues at the present time and moment."
Higgins stepped inside the door. He walked to where Philo Gubb sat at an elaborate mahogany desk, and looked at the apparatus Mr. Gubb was using.
"What the d.i.c.kens?" he asked.
On the slide of the desk were grouped a number of small articles, and a large and powerful microscope. Through the lens of the microscope Mr. Gubb was inspecting something that looked like frayed yellow-brown wool yarn.
"You don"t expect to find your missing party in that wad of wool, do you, Gubb?" asked Mr. Higgins jestingly.
"Maybe I do, and maybe the operations of the deteckative mind are none of your particular affair when conducted in the private seclusion of my laboratory," said Gubb.
"Now, don"t get mad," said Higgins. "It just struck me as funny. Looks as if you were hunting for fleas in a wisp of dog hair."
Philo Gubb looked up quickly. As a matter of fact, he had but a moment before found a flea in the wool he was examining, and the wool was indeed a wisp of dog hair. The party Mr. Gubb had been engaged to find was a dog, and Mr. Gubb was--by the inductive method of detecting--trying to reason out the location of the dog. By the aid of the microscope, Mr. Gubb was searching for the slight indications that mean so much to detectives. Unfortunately, however, Mr. Gubb had not yet found anything from which he could deduce anything whatever, unless the flea in the wool might lead to the conclusion that the dog now, or once, had fleas.
"Tell you what I want," said Mr. Higgins: "I want you to find Mustard."
Detective Gubb swung suddenly in his chair and faced Mr. Higgins.
"I don"t want nothing more to do with that will!" he said.
"I"m with you there!" said Higgins, laughing. "When O"Hara made his will so that my client couldn"t get her rights at once he did a mean trick, and I dare say Mrs. Doblin will think so when she gets my bill.
But, just the same, Gubb, you"re in the detective business more or less, and it strikes me you ought to take a job when it"s offered to you. You signed the will as a witness, and this man Bilton, commonly known as Mustard on account of his yellow complexion and hair, was the other witness, wasn"t he? Now, if you can"t give us the information we want, and Mustard can, it looks to me as if it was your duty, as a fellow witness, to hunt him up. But we don"t ask that. We"re willing to pay you if you find him."
"Are you prepared to contract to say you"ll pay me just for hunting for him?" asked Mr. Gubb.
"We"ll give you two hundred dollars if you can produce Mustard here in Riverbank," said Higgins.
"The job I"ve took on to hunt up another missing party will occupy me for quite a while, I guess," said Gubb, "but maybe I might put in what extra time I can spare looking for your party."
"Do it!" said Higgins. "I don"t say you"re the best detective in the world, Gubb, but you do have luck. You must have a magic talisman."
"The operation of the deteckative mind is always like magic to the common folks," said Gubb gravely.
"All right, then," said Higgins. "Two hundred if you find him. And now, will you just come across the hall for one minute?"
Gubb left his microscope reluctantly. He was sick and tired of the O"Hara will, but he followed Mr. Higgins.
The second floor of the Opera House Block was laid out in small offices arranged on two sides of a corridor. One of these offices had been for many years the office of Haddon O"Hara, who specialized in commercial law, collections, and jokes, and he had acc.u.mulated a snug little fortune. It was said he could draw a contract no one could break except himself.
On the streets and in his home and at his office--except when at work on some especially difficult case--his face always wore a quizzical smile. O"Hara seemed to enjoy himself every moment. Walking along the street he would suddenly stop some citizen, enunciate a dozen or twenty cryptic words, laugh, and proceed on his way, leaving the citizen to puzzle over the affair, lose interest in it and forget it.
A week, a month, or a year later O"Hara would stop the same citizen and utter ten more words, the key to the cryptic joke. Then, chuckling, he would hurry away. He had a lot of fun. His keen brain felt equal to making fun of the whole town and not letting the town know it. Money came to him easily; he had no wife; his pleasure was in his books--and he was probably a happy man. But he died. He died and left a will.
For some years O"Hara lived with his niece, an orphan. She was eighteen, and there might have been some gossip, but O"Hara forestalled it by hiring old Mrs. Mullarky.
O"Hara bought his niece a pup and had a dog-house built and put in the yard. He christened the pup himself, naming it Waffles, because, he said, the minute he saw the pup it reminded him of Dolly. The pup was just the color of the waffles Dolly baked--"baked" is O"Hara"s word.
So he bought Waffles and brought him home to Dolly, and the girl loved the dog from the first minute. Then, just as the dog had outgrown puppyhood, O"Hara died.
His will was found in the safe in his office. Old Judge Mackinnon, who shared the office with O"Hara, found the will the day after O"Hara died. It was in a white legal envelope endorsed, "My Will, Haddon O"Hara." The Judge opened the envelope--it was not sealed--and took out the will. The will was not filled in on a printed form--it was a holograph will, written in O"Hara"s own hand. It began in the usual formal manner and there were two bequests. The first read: "To my niece, Dorothy O"Hara, since she is so extremely fond of her dog Waffles, I give and bequeath the dog-house now on my property at 342 Locust Street, Riverbank, Iowa." The second read: "Secondly, to my cousin Ardelia Doblin I bequeath the entire remainder and residue of my estate," etc.
Judge Mackinnon frowned as he read these two bequests. He knew Ardelia Doblin as a spiteful, scandal-mongering woman. To cut off Dolly O"Hara with a dog-house and give his entire estate to Ardelia Doblin might be O"Hara"s idea of a joke, but the Judge did not like it. He read the final clause, appointing him sole executor without bond. O"Hara"s signature was correctly appended. The will was dated July 1, 1913. It was witnessed by Philo Gubb and Max Bilton. The Judge knew both witnesses. Gubb was the eccentric paper-hanger who thought he was a detective because he had taken a correspondence course, and Bilton was a jaundiced loafer, commonly called Mustard. The good old man sighed and was about to put the will back in the envelope when he noticed three letters at the bottom of the sheet. They were "P.T.O." Now "P.T.O." is an English abbreviation that means "Please Turn Over." The Judge turned the paper over.
Suddenly he smiled. Then he looked grave again. And then he grinned.
After which he shook his head.
The reverse of the sheet contained a will exactly like that on the obverse. Word for word it was the same. Line for line, punctuation mark for punctuation mark, the two wills on the opposite sides of the sheet were identical except for two words. In the will the Judge was now reading, the name Sarah P. Kinsey was subst.i.tuted for the name Ardelia Doblin. The date was the same. The witnesses were the same.
There were two wills, one written on one side of the sheet and the other written on the other side of the sheet, of the same date, with the same signature, and with the same witnesses. O"Hara had joked to the last.
"This is a d.i.c.kens of a joke!" exclaimed Judge Mackinnon. "O"Hara should not have done this!"
He saw the property of Haddon O"Hara being dissipated in lawsuits over this remarkable will. He knew Sarah P. Kinsey as well as he knew Ardelia Doblin, and she was just such another mean cantankerous individual.
"A joke"s a joke, but you shouldn"t have done this, O"Hara!" said the Judge.
There was nothing to do but notify the parties concerned. He went to see Dolly O"Hara first and told her, as gently as he could, about the will. She cried a little, softly, at first, and then she smiled bravely.
"You mustn"t worry about it, Judge Mackinnon," she said. "I--of course I never thought what Uncle Haddon would do with his money. And--and we used to joke about the dog-house. He always said he would leave it to me in his will. Uncle Haddon loved to joke, Judge Mackinnon."
"He was a joking jackanapes!" said Judge Mackinnon angrily.
Ardelia Doblin and Sarah P. Kinsey took the matter in quite a different spirit. Mrs. Doblin could hardly wait until Judge Mackinnon was out of the house before she hurried down to see Lawyer Higgins, and Mrs. Kinsey did not wait until the Judge was ready to go, but put on her hat in his presence, so eager was she to hurry down to see Lawyer Burch.
Ten hours later the O"Hara will was the one matter talked about in Riverbank. Evidently there must be some clue leading to the solution of the mystery--some well-hidden, cleverly planned key such as Haddon O"Hara would undoubtedly have left in perpetrating such a joke. Common sense was sufficient to tell any one that O"Hara could not have written both wills simultaneously, that he had written one will on one side of the paper, after which he had turned the paper over and had written the other will on the other side of the paper. The difficulty was to tell which side he had written last.
Lawyer Higgins, Lawyer Burch, and Judge Mackinnon went over both sides of the paper with a microscope. The same ink had been used on both sides. O"Hara"s writing was the same on both sides. Often, in writing as many words as occupied both sides of the paper in question, a man"s hand grows involuntarily weary. There was nothing of this sort. There seemed to be absolutely nothing on which the greatest penmanship expert could base a plea that either side was, in fact, the _last_ will of Haddon O"Hara. Either might be the last.