The more he considered the matter the more convinced he became that he was right, and the conviction was on the whole a relief. He had been uneasy for some time, and Ghisleri"s guarded words had not satisfied him; chance, however, had done what Ghisleri would not do, and the mystery was solved. The Princess of Gerano was at home that evening, and Arden of course went to the palace early, and was the last to leave.
Three times between half-past ten and half-past two o"clock Laura and he installed themselves side by side at some distance from the drawing-room, and each time their conversation lasted over half an hour.
It was not a set ball, but one of the regular weekly informal dances of which there are so many in Rome during the season. The first interruption of Arden"s talk appeared in the shape of Don Francesco Savelli, who asked Laura for a turn. Oddly enough she glanced at Lord Herbert"s face before accepting, and the action sent a strange thrill to his heart. He struggled to his feet as she rose to go away with Savelli, and then sank back again and remained some time where he was, absently watching the people who pa.s.sed. His face was very pale and weary now that the excitement of conversation had subsided, and he felt that if he was not positively ill, he was losing the little strength he had with every day that pa.s.sed. Late hours, heated rooms, and strong emotions were not the best tonics for his feeble physical organisation, and he knew it. At last he made an effort, got up, and moved about in the crowd, exchanging a few words now and then with a pa.s.sing acquaintance, but too preoccupied and perhaps too tired to talk long with indifferent people. He nodded as Ghisleri pa.s.sed him with the Contessa dell" Armi on his arm, and he thought there was a bad light in his friend"s eyes, though Pietro was looking better than in the afternoon. The two had evidently been dancing together, for the Contessa"s white neck heaved a little, as though she were still out of breath. She was a short, slight woman of exquisite figure, very fair, with deep violet eyes and small cla.s.sic features, almost hard in their regularity; evidently wilful and dominant in character. Arden watched the pair as they went on in search of a vacant sofa just big enough for two.
They had scarcely sat down and he could see that Ghisleri was beginning to talk, when Anastase Gouache appeared and stood still before them. To Arden"s surprise the Contessa welcomed him with a bright smile and pointed to a chair at her side of the sofa. Anastase Gouache was a celebrated painter who had married a Roman lady of high birth, and was a very agreeable man, but Arden had not expected that he would be invited so readily to interrupt so promising a conversation. Ghisleri"s face expressed nothing. He appeared to join in the talk for a few minutes and then rose and left the Contessa with Gouache. She looked after him, and Arden thought she grew a shade paler and frowned. A faint smile appeared on the Englishman"s face and was gone again in an instant as Ghisleri came near him, returning again to the ball-room. Ghisleri had glanced at him as he pa.s.sed and had seen that he was not talking to a lady.
"May I have the next dance, Miss Carlyon?" asked Pietro, when he found Laura in a corner with Francesco Savelli. "Thanks," he said, as she nodded graciously, and he pa.s.sed on.
"Will you give me the dance after the next?" he inquired a few minutes later, coming up with Donna Adele, who was moving away on young Frangipani"s arm.
"Certainly, caro Ghisleri," she answered, with alacrity, "as many as you please."
"You are very good," he said, with a slight bow, and withdrew to a window near Laura to wait until the waltz began. He could see Arden through the open door from the place where he stood.
When the dance was over he led Laura out and took one turn through the rooms, making a few commonplace remarks on the way. Coming back, he stopped as though by accident close to Lord Herbert.
"I am afraid you will think me very rude if I ask you to let me leave you," he said. "I am engaged for the next dance--it is a quadrille--and I must find a vis-a-vis."
Arden of course heard and presented himself immediately in Ghisleri"s place. Laura was quite ready to go back with him to the sofa in the corner, and they resumed their conversation almost at the point at which it had been interrupted by Francesco Savelli. Neither of them ever knew that Ghisleri had brought them together again by a little social skill, just beyond what most people possess. Arden looked after him, half believing that he had only given Laura an excuse for leaving her in order to return to the Contessa dell" Armi, who was now surrounded by half a dozen men, beginning with old Spicca, who, as has been said, was still alive in those days, and ending with the little Vicomte de Bompierre, a young French attache with a pleasant voice, a bright smile, and an incipient black moustache. But to Arden"s surprise Ghisleri took quite a different direction, and began to speak to one man after another, evidently trying to secure a vis-a-vis for the square dance.
"You must not let me bore you, or rather you must not bore yourself with me," said Arden to Laura, after a short pause in the conversation. "You are altogether much too good to me."
"You never bore me," answered the young girl. "You are one of the few people who do not."
Arden smiled a little sadly.
"I am glad to be one of the "few people,"" he said, "even if I am the last."
"You are too modest." She tried to laugh, but the effort was not very successful.
"No, I am not. I have much more vanity than you would suppose, or think possible, considering how little I have to be vain of."
"Opinions may differ about that," answered Laura, looking into his eyes.
"You have much that many men might envy, and probably do."
"What, for instance?"
Laura hesitated, and then smiled, without effort this time.
"You are very good looking," she said after a moment.
"No one has ever told me that before," he answered. A very slight flush rose in his pale face.
"It is not of much importance, either. Would you like me to enumerate your good qualities?"
"Of all things!"
"You are honest and kind, and you are very clever, I think, though I am not clever enough to be sure. You have no right to be unhappy, and you would not be if you were not so sensitive about--about not being so strong and big as some men are. What difference does it make?"
"You will almost tempt me to think that it makes none, if you talk in that way," said Arden.
"Do you mean to say that you would really and truly change places with any one? With Signor Ghisleri, for instance?"
"Indeed I would, with him, and very gladly. I would rather be Ghisleri than any man I know."
"I cannot understand that," answered Laura, thoughtfully. "If I were a man, I would much rather be like you. Besides, they say Signor Ghisleri has been dreadfully wild, and is anything but angelic now. You used that very word about him the first evening we met; do you remember?"
"Of course I do; but what has that to do with it? Must I necessarily choose a saint for my friend, and pick out one to exchange places with me if it were possible? A woman saint may be lovable, too lovable perhaps, but a man saint about town is like a fish out of water. But you are right about Ghisleri, up to a certain point, only you do not understand him. He is an exceedingly righteous sinner, but a sinner he is."
"What do you mean by a righteous sinner?" asked Laura, gravely.
"Do not bring me down to definitions. I have not at all a logical mind.
I mean Ghisleri--that is all I can say. I would much rather talk about you."
"No, I object to that. Tell me, since you wish so much to be Signor Ghisleri, what do you think you would feel if you were?"
"What he feels--everything that a man can feel!" answered Arden, with a sudden change of tone. "To be straight and strong and a match for other men. Half the happiness of life lies there."
His voice shook a little, and Laura felt that the tears were almost in her eyes as she looked earnestly into his.
"You see what I am," he continued, more and more bitterly, "I am a cripple. There is no denying it--why should I even try to hide it a little? Nature, or Heaven, or what you please to call it, has been good enough to make concealment impossible. If I am not quite a hunchback, I am very near it, and I can hardly walk even with a stick. And look at yourself, straight and graceful and beautiful--well, you pity me, at least. Why should I make a fool of myself? It is the first time I ever spoke like this to any one."
"You are quite wrong," answered Laura, in a tone of conviction. "I do not pity you--indeed I do not think you are the least to be pitied. I see it quite differently. It hardly ever strikes me that you are not just the same as other people, and when it does--I do not know--I mean to say that when it does, it makes no painful impression upon me. You see I am quite frank."
While she was speaking the colour rose in two bright spots on Arden"s pale cheeks, and his bright eyes softened with a look of wonderful happiness.
"Are you quite in earnest, Miss Carlyon?" he asked, in a low voice.
"Quite, quite in earnest. Please believe me when I say that it would hurt me dreadfully if I thought you doubted it."
"Hurt you? Why?"
She turned her deep, sad eyes to him, and looked at him without speaking. He was on the point of telling her that he loved her--then he saw how beautiful she was, and he felt his withered knee under his hand, and he was ashamed to speak. It was a cruel moment, and his nerves were already overstrained by perpetual emotion, as well as tired from late hours and lack of sleep. He hesitated a moment. Then bent his head and covered his eyes with his hand. Laura said nothing for several moments, but seeing that he did not move, she touched his sleeve.
"Dear Lord Herbert, do not be so unhappy," she said softly. "You really have no right to be, you know."
"No right?" He looked up suddenly. "If you knew, you would not say that."
"I should always say it. As long as you have friends--friends who love you, and would do anything for you, why should you make yourself so miserable?"
"I want more than a friend--even than friendship."
"What?"
"I want love."
Again she gazed into his eyes and paused. Her face was very white--whiter than his. Then she spoke.
"Are you so sure you have not got that love?" she asked. Her own voice trembled now.