A boy that indulges in the use of foul language will not long be chaste in acts. It is a safe rule to be followed by those who wish to grow up pure and unsullied by sin, untainted by vice, that those who use bad language are persons to avoid, to keep away from. Even those who are well fortified against vice, who have been faithfully warned of its consequences and fully appreciate its dangers, cannot be safely trusted to a.s.sociate with vile talkers. The use of bad language by old and young is an evil which is of the very greatest moment. It is too often ignored; too little is said about it; far too often it is disregarded as of little consequence, and persons who are really not bad at heart thoughtlessly encourage the evil by listening to and laughing at obscene and ribald jokes, and impure language which ought to make a virtuous man blush with shame to hear.
Boys, if you want to be pure, if you wish to be loved by a pure mother, an innocent sister, and when you are grown to manhood to be worthy of the confidence of a pure, virtuous wife, keep your lips pure; never let a vile word or an indecent allusion pa.s.s them. Never, under any circ.u.mstances, give utterance to language that you would blush to have your mother overhear. If you find yourself in the company of persons whose language will not bear this test, escape as soon as possible, for you are in danger; your sense of what is right and proper in speech is being vitiated; you are being damaged in a variety of ways.
Bad Books.--A bad book is as bad as an evil companion. In some respects it is even worse than a living teacher of vice, since it may cling to an individual at all times. It may follow him to the secrecy of his bed-chamber, and there poison his mind with the venom of evil. The influence of bad books in making bad boys and men is little appreciated.
Few are aware how much evil seed is being sown among the young everywhere through the medium of vile books. It is not only the wretched volumes of obscenity of which so many thousands have been seized and destroyed by Mr. Comstock which are included under the head of bad books, and which corrupt the morals of the young and lead them to enter the road to infamy, but the evil literature which is sold in "dime and nickel novels," and which const.i.tutes the princ.i.p.al part of the contents of such papers as the _Police Gazette_, the _Police News_, and a large proportion of the sensational story books which flood the land, and too many of which find their way into town and circulating libraries and even Sunday-school libraries, which are rarely selected with the care that ought to be exercised in the selection of reading matter for the young.
Bad books often find their way even where evil companions would not intrude; and undoubtedly effect a work of evil almost as great as is wrought by bad a.s.sociations.
Look out, boys, for the tempter in this guise. If a companion offers you a book the character of which is suspicious, take it home to your father, your mother, or some reliable older friend, for examination.
If it is handed you with an air of secrecy, or if a promise to keep it hidden from others is required, have nothing to do with it. You might better place a coal of fire or a live viper in your bosom than to allow yourself to read such a book. The thoughts that are implanted in the mind in youth will stick there through life, in spite of all efforts to dislodge them. Hundreds of men who have been thus injured when young, but have by some providence escaped a life of vice and shame, look back with most intense regret to the early days of childhood, and earnestly wish that the pictures then made in the mind by bad books might be effaced. Evil impressions thus formed often torture minds during a whole lifetime. In the most inopportune moments they will intrude themselves. When the individual desires to place his mind undividedly upon sacred and elevated themes, even at the most solemn moments of life, these lewd pictures will sometimes intrude themselves in spite of his efforts to avoid them. It is an awful thing to allow the mind to be thus contaminated; and many a man would give the world, if he possessed it, to be free from the horrible incubus of a defiled imagination.
Vile Pictures.--Obscene and lascivious pictures are influences which lead boys astray too important to be unnoticed. Evil men, agents of the arch-fiend, have adopted all sorts of devices for putting into the hands of the boys and youths of the rising generation pictures calculated to excite the pa.s.sions, to lead to vice. Thousands of these vile pictures are in circulation throughout the country in spite of the worthy efforts of such philanthropists as Mr. Anthony Comstock and his co-laborers. In almost every large school there are boys who have a supply of these infamous designs and act as agents in scattering the evil contagion among all who come under their influence.
Under the guise of art, the genius of some of our finest artists is turned to pandering to this base desire for sensuous gratification.
The pictures which hang in many of our art galleries that are visited by old and young of both s.e.xes often number in the list views which to those whose thoughts are not well trained to rigid chast.i.ty can be only means of evil. A plea may be made for these paintings in the name of art; but we see no necessity for the development of art in this particular direction, when nature presents so many and such varied scenes of loveliness in landscapes, flowers, beautiful birds, and graceful animals, to say nothing of the human form protected by sufficient covering to satisfy the demands of modesty.
Many of the papers and magazines sold at our news-stands and eagerly sought after by young men and boys are better suited for the parlors of a house of ill-repute than for the eyes of pure-minded youth. A news-dealer who will distribute such vile sheets ought to be dealt with as an educator in vice and crime, an agent of evil, and a recruiting officer for h.e.l.l and perdition.
Evil Thoughts.--No one can succeed long in keeping himself from vicious acts whose thoughts dwell upon unchaste subjects. Only those who are pure in heart will be pure and chaste in action. The mind must be educated to love and dwell upon pure subjects in early life, as by this means only can the foundation be laid for that purity of character which alone will insure purity of life. When the mind once becomes contaminated with evil thoughts, it requires the work of years of earnest effort to purge it from uncleanness. Vile thoughts leave scars which even time will not always efface. They soil and deprave the soul, as vile acts do the body. G.o.d knows them, if no human being does, and if harbored and cherished they will tell against the character in the day of Judgment as surely as will evil words and deeds.
Influence of Other Bad Habits.--Evil practices of any sort which lower the moral tone of an individual, which lessen his appreciation of and love for right and purity and true n.o.bility of soul, encourage the development of vice. A boy who loves purity, who has a keen sense of what is true and right, can never become a vicious man. Profanity, falsehood, and deception of every sort, have a tendency in the direction of vice.
The use of highly seasoned food, of rich sauces, spices and condiments, sweetmeats, and in fact all kinds of stimulating foods, has an undoubted influence upon the s.e.xual nature of boys, stimulating those organs into too early activity, and occasioning temptations to sin which otherwise would not occur. The use of mustard, pepper, pepper-sauce, spices, rich gravies, and all similar kinds of food, should be carefully avoided by young persons. They are not wholesome for either old or young; but for the young they are absolutely dangerous.
The use of beer, wine, hard cider, and tobacco, is especially damaging to boys on this account. These stimulants excite the pa.s.sions and produce a clamoring for sensual gratification which few boys or young men have the will power or moral courage to resist. Tobacco is an especially detrimental agent. The early age at which boys now begin the use of tobacco may be one of the reasons why the practice of secret vice is becoming so terribly common among boys and young men. We never think a boy or young man who uses tobacco safe from the commission of some vile act.
The use of tea and coffee by boys is also a practice which should be interdicted. All wise physicians forbid the use of these narcotic drinks, together with that of tobacco, and always with benefit to those who abstain. In France the government has made a law forbidding the use of tobacco by students in the public schools. In Germany a still more stringent law has been made, which forbids the use of tobacco by boys and young men. These laws have been made on account of the serious injury which was evidently resulting from the use of the filthy weed to both the health and the morals of the young men of those countries.
There is certainly an equal need for such a law in this country.
Closing Advice to Boys and Young Men.--One word more and we must close this chapter, which we hope has been read with care by those for whom it is especially written. Let every boy who peruses these pages remember that the facts here stated are true. Every word we have verified, and we have not written one-half that might be said upon this subject. Let the boy who is still pure, who has never defiled himself with vice, firmly resolve that with the help of G.o.d he will maintain a pure and virtuous character. It is much easier to preserve purity than to get free from the taint of sin after having been once defiled. Let the boy who has already fallen into evil ways, who has been taught the vile practice the consequences of which we have endeavored to describe, and who is already in the downward road,--let him resolve now to break the chain of sin, to reform at once, and to renounce his evil practice forever. The least hesitancy, the slightest dalliance with the demon vice, and the poor victim will be lost. Now, this moment, is the time to reform. Seek purity of mind and heart. Banish evil thoughts and shun evil companions; then with earnest prayer to G.o.d wage a determined battle for purity and chast.i.ty until the victory is wholly won.
One of the greatest safeguards for a boy is implicit trust and confidence in his parents. Let him go to them with all his queries instead of to some older boyish friend. If all boys would do this, an immense amount of evil would be prevented. When tempted to sin, boys, think first of the vileness and wickedness of the act; think that G.o.d and pure angels behold every act, and even know every thought. Nothing is hid from their eyes. Think then of the awful results of this terrible sin, and fly from temptation as from a burning house. Send up a prayer to G.o.d to deliver you from temptation, and you will not fall. Every battle manfully and successfully fought will add new strength to your resolution and force to your character. Gaining such victories from day to day you will grow up to be a pure, n.o.ble, useful man, the grandest work of G.o.d, and will live a happy, virtuous life yourself, and add to the happiness of those around you.
A CHAPTER FOR GIRLS.
We have written this chapter especially for girls, and we sincerely hope that many will read it with an earnest desire to be benefited by so doing. The subject of which we have to write is a delicate one, and one which, we regret exceedingly, needs to be written about. But our experience as a physician has proven to us again and again that it is of the utmost importance that something be said, that words of warning should be addressed particularly to the girls and maidens just emerging into womanhood, on a subject which vitally concerns not only their own future health and happiness, but the prosperity and destiny of the race.
Probably no one can be better fitted to speak on this subject than the physician. A physician who has given careful attention to the health and the causes of ill-health of ladies, and who has had opportunities for observing the baneful influence exerted upon the bodies and minds of girls and young women by the evil practices of which it is our purpose here to speak, can better appreciate than can others the magnitude of the evil, and is better prepared to speak upon the subject understandingly and authoritatively. Gladly would we shun the task which has been pressed upon us, but which we have long avoided, were it not for the sense of the urgent need of its performance of which our professional experience has thoroughly convinced us. We cannot keep our lips closed when our eyes are witnesses to the fact that thousands of the fairest and best of our girls and maidens are being beguiled into everlasting ruin by a soul-destroying vice which works unseen, and often so insidiously that its results are unperceived until the work of ruin is complete.
The nature of our subject necessitates that we should speak plainly, though delicately, and we shall endeavor to make our language comprehensible by any one old enough to be benefited by the perusal of this chapter. We desire that all who read these pages may receive lasting benefit by so doing. The subject is one upon which every girl ought to be informed, and to which she should give serious attention, at least sufficiently long to become intelligent concerning the evils and dangers to which girls are exposed from this source.
Girlhood.--Nothing is so suggestive of innocence and purity as the simple beauty of girlhood when seen in its natural freshness, though too seldom, now-a-days, is it possible to find in our young girls the natural grace and healthy beauty which were common among the little maidens of a quarter of a century ago. The ruddy cheeks and bright eyes and red lips which are indicative of a high degree of healthy vigor are not so often seen to-day among the small girls in our public schools and pa.s.sing to and fro upon the streets. The pale cheeks, languid eyes, and almost colorless lips which we more often see, indicate weakly const.i.tutions and delicate health, and prophesy a short and suffering life to many. Various causes are at work to produce this unfortunate decline; and while we hope that in the larger share of cases, bad diet, improper clothing, confinement in poorly ventilated rooms with too little exercise, and similar causes, are the active agents, we are obliged to recognize the fact that there is in far too many cases another cause, the very mention of which makes us blush with shame that its existence should be possible. But of this we shall speak again presently.
Real girls are like the just opening buds of beautiful flowers. The beauty and fragrance of the full-blossomed rose scarcely exceed the delicate loveliness of the swelling bud which shows between the sections of its bursting calyx the crimson petals tightly folded beneath. So the true girl possesses in her sphere as high a degree of attractive beauty as she can hope to attain in after-years, though of a different character. But genuine girls are scarce. Really natural little girls are almost as scarce as real boys. Too many girls begin at a very early age to attempt to imitate the pride and vanity manifested by older girls and young ladies. It is by many supposed that to be ladylike should be the height of the ambition of girls as soon as they are old enough to be taught respecting propriety of behavior, which is understood to mean that they must appear as unnatural as possible in attempting to act like grown-up ladies. Many mothers who wish their daughters to be models of perfection, but whose ideas of perfect deportment are exceedingly superficial in character, dress up their little daughters in fine clothing, beautiful to look at, but very far from what is required for health and comfort, and then continually admonish the little ones that they must keep very quiet and "act like little ladies." Such a course is a most pernicious one. It fosters pride and vanity, and inculcates an entirely wrong idea of what it is to be ladylike,--to be a true lady, to be true to nature as a girl. Such artificial training is damaging alike to mind and body; and it induces a condition of mind and of the physical system which is very conducive to the encouragement of dangerous tendencies.
How to Develop Beauty and Loveliness.--All little girls want to be beautiful. Girls in general care much more for their appearance than do boys. They have finer tastes, and greater love for whatever is lovely and beautiful. It is a natural desire, and should be encouraged. A pure, innocent, beautiful little girl is the most lovely of all G.o.d"s creatures. All are not equally beautiful, however, and cannot be; but all may be beautiful to a degree that will render them attractive. Let all little girls who want to be pretty, handsome, or good-looking, give attention and we will tell them how. Those who are homely should listen especially, for all may become good-looking, though all cannot become remarkably beautiful. First of all, it is necessary that the girl who wishes to be handsome, to be admired, should be good. She must learn to love what is right and true. She must be pure in mind and act. She must be simple in her manners, modest in her deportment, and kind in her ways.
Second in importance, though scarcely so, is the necessity of health.
No girl can long be beautiful without health; and no girl who enjoys perfect health can be really ugly in appearance. A healthy countenance is always attractive. Disease wastes the rounded features, bleaches out the roses from the cheeks and the vermilion from the lips. It destroys the l.u.s.ter of the eye and the elasticity of the step. Health is essential to beauty. In fact, if we consider goodness as a state of moral health, then health is the one great requisite of beauty.
Health is obtained and preserved by the observance of those natural laws which the Creator has appointed for the government of our bodies.
The structure of these bodies we may do well to study for a few moments.
The Human Form Divine.--Go with us to one of the large cities, and we will show you one of the most marvelous pieces of mechanism ever invented, a triumph of ingenuity, skill, and patient, persevering labor for many years. This wonderful device is a clock which will run more than one hundred years. It is so constructed that it indicates not only the time of day, the day of the month and year, itself making all the necessary changes for leap year, but shows the motions of the earth around the sun, together with the movements and positions of all the other planets, and many other marvelous things. When it strikes at the end of each hour, groups of figures go through a variety of curious movements most closely resembling the appearance and actions of human beings.
The maker of this remarkable clock well deserves the almost endless praise which he receives for his skill and patience; for his work is certainly wonderful; but the great clock, with its curious and complicated mechanism, is a coa.r.s.e and bungling affair when compared with the human body. The clock doubtless contains thousands of delicate wheels and springs, and is constructed with all the skill imaginable; and yet the structure of the human body is infinitely more delicate.
The clock has no intelligence; but a human being can hear, see, feel, taste, touch, and think. The clock does only what its maker designed to have it do, and can do nothing else. The human machine is a living mechanism; it can control its own movements, can do as it will, within certain limits. What is very curious indeed, the human machine has the power to mend itself, so that when it needs repairs it is not necessary to send it to a shop for the purpose, but all that is required is to give nature an opportunity and the system repairs itself.
A Wonderful Process.--We have not s.p.a.ce to describe all the wonderful mechanism of this human machine, but must notice particularly one of its most curious features, a provision by which other human beings, living machines like itself, are produced. All living creatures possess this power. A single potato placed in the ground becomes a dozen or more, by a process of multiplying. A little seed planted in the earth grows up to be a plant, produces flowers, and from the flowers come other seeds, not one, but often a great many, sometimes hundreds from a single seed. Insects, fishes, birds, and all other animals, thus multiply. So do human beings, and in a similar manner. The organs by which this most marvelous process is carried on in plants and animals, including also human beings, are called s.e.xual organs. Flowers are the s.e.xual organs of plants. And flowers are always the most fragrant and the most beautiful when they are engaged in this wonderful and curious work.
Human Buds.--A curious animal which lives near the seash.o.r.e, in shallow water, attached to a rock like a water plant, puts out little buds which grow awhile and then drop off, and after a time become large individuals like the parent, each in turn producing buds like the one from which it grew. Human beings are formed by a similar process. Human buds are formed by an organ for the purpose possessed only by the female s.e.x, and these, under proper circ.u.mstances, develop into infant human beings.
The process, though so simply stated, is a marvelously complicated one, which cannot be fully explained here; indeed, it is one of the mysteries which it is beyond the power of human wisdom fully to explain.
The production of these human buds is one of the most important and sacred duties of woman. It is through this means that she becomes a mother, which is one of the grandest and n.o.blest functions of womanhood.
It is the motherly instinct that causes little girls to show such a fondness for dolls, a perfectly natural feeling which may be encouraged to a moderate degree without injury.
How Beauty is Marred.--As already remarked, mental, moral, and physical health are the requisites for true beauty, and to secure these, obedience to all the laws of health is required. The most beautiful face is soon marred when disease begins its ravages in the body. The most beautiful character is as speedily spoiled by the touch of moral disease, or sin. The face is a mirror of the mind, the character; and a mind full of evil, impure thoughts is certain to show itself in the face in spite of rosy cheeks and dimples, ruby lips and bewitching smiles. The character is written on the face as plainly as the face may be pictured by an artist on canvas.
To be more explicit, the girl who disregards the laws of health, who eats bad food, eats at all hours or at unseasonable hours, sits up late at night, attends fashionable parties and indulges in the usual means of dissipation there afforded, dancing, wine, rich suppers, etc., who carefully follows the fashions in her dress, lacing her waist to attain the fashionable degree of slenderness, wearing thin, narrow-toed gaiters with French heels, and insufficiently clothing the limbs in cold weather, and who in like manner neglects to comply with the requirements of health in other important particulars, may be certain that sooner or later, certainly at no distant day, she will become as unattractive and homely as she can wish not to be. Girls and young ladies who eat largely of fat meat, rich cakes and pies, confectionery, iced creams, and other dietetic abominations, cannot avoid becoming sallow and hollow-eyed. The cheeks may be ever so plump and rosy, they will certainly lose their freshness and become hollow and thin. Chalk and rouge will not hide the defect, for everybody will discover the fraud, and will of course know the reason why it is practiced.
A Beauty-Destroying Vice.--But by far the worst enemy of beauty and health of body, mind, and soul, we have not yet mentioned. It is a sin concerning which we would gladly keep silence; but we cannot see so many of our most beautiful and promising girls and young ladies annually being ruined, often for this world and the next alike, without uttering the word of warning needed.
As before remarked, the function of maternity, which is the object of the s.e.xual system in woman, when rightly exercised is the most sacred and elevated office which a woman can perform for the world. The woman who is a true mother has an opportunity of doing for the race more than all other human agencies combined. The mother"s influence is the controlling influence in the world. The mother molds the character of her children. She can make of their plastic minds almost what she will if she is herself prepared for the work. On the other hand, misuse or abuse of the s.e.xual organism is visited in girls and women, as in boys and men, with the most fearful penalties. Nothing will sooner deprive a girl or young lady of the maidenly grace and freshness with which nature blesses woman in her early years than secret vice. We have the greatest difficulty in making ourself believe that it is possible for beings designed by nature to be pure and innocent, in all respects free from impurity of any sort, to become so depraved by sin as to be willing to devote themselves to so vile and filthy a practice. Yet the frequency with which cases have come under our observation which clearly indicate the alarming prevalence of the practice, even among girls and young women who would naturally be least suspected, compels us to recognize the fact. The testimony of many eminent physicians whose opportunities for observation have been very extensive shows that the evil is enormously greater than people generally are aware. Instructors of the youth, of large experience, a.s.sert the same. Nor is the evil greater in America than in some other countries. One writer declares that the vice is almost universal among the girls of Russia, which may be due to the low condition in which the women of that country are kept.
Terrible Effects of Secret Vice.--The awful effects of this sin against G.o.d and nature, this soul-and-body-destroying vice, become speedily visible in those who are guilty of it. The experienced eye needs no confession on the part of the victim to read the whole story of sinful indulgence and consequent disease. The vice stamps its insignia upon the countenance; it shows itself in the walk, in the changed disposition and the loss of healthy vigor. It is not only impossible for a victim of this sinful practice to hide from the all-seeing eye of G.o.d the vileness perpetrated in secret, but it is also useless to attempt to hide from human eyes the awful truth.
Headache, side-ache, back-ache, pains in the chest, and wandering pains in various parts of the body,--these are but a few of the painful ailments from which girls who are guilty of this sin suffer. Many of the tender spines which cause great solicitude on the part of parents and physicians, who fear that disease of the spine is threatening the life of a loved daughter, not infrequently originate in this way. Much of the hysteria which renders wretched the lives of thousands of young ladies and the fond friends who are obliged to care for and attend them, arises from s.e.xual transgression of the kind of which we are speaking.
The blanched cheeks, hollow, expressionless eyes, and rough, pimply skins of many school-girls are due to this cause alone. We do not mean by this to intimate that every girl who has pimples upon her face is guilty of secret vice; but this sin is undoubtedly a very frequent cause of the unpleasant eruption which so often appears upon the foreheads of both s.e.xes. It would be very unjust, however, to charge a person with the sin unless some further evidence than that of an eruption on the face was afforded.
The inability to study, to apply themselves in any way except when stimulated by something of a very exciting character, which many girls exhibit, is in a large proportion of cases due to the practice of which we are writing. Often enough the effects which are attributed to overstudy are properly due to this debasing habit. We have little faith in the great outcry made in certain quarters about the damaging effects of study upon the health of young ladies. A far less worthy cause is in many cases the true one, to which is attributable the decline in health at a critical period when all the vital forces of the system are necessarily called into action to introduce the activity of a new function.
Hundreds of girls break down in health just as they are entering womanhood. At from twelve to eighteen years of age the change naturally occurs which transforms the girl into a woman by the development of functions previously latent. This critical period is one through which every girl in health ought to pa.s.s with scarcely any noticeable disturbance; and if during the previous years of life the laws of health were observed, there would seldom be any unusual degree of suffering at this time. Those who have before this period been addicted to the vile habit of which we are writing, will almost invariably show at this time evidences of the injury which has been wrought. The unnatural excitement of the organs before the period of p.u.b.erty, lays the foundation for life-long disease. When that critical epoch arrives, the organs are found in a state of congestion often bordering on inflammation. The increased congestion which naturally occurs at this time in many cases is sufficient to excite most serious disease. Here is the beginning of a great many of the special diseases which are the bane and shame of the s.e.x. Displacements of various sorts, congestions, neuralgia of the ovaries, leucorrhoea, or whites, and a great variety of kindred maladies, are certain to make their appearance at this period or soon after in those who have previously been guilty of self-abuse.
If the evil influences already at work are augmented by tight lacing, improper dressing of the extremities, hanging heavy skirts upon the hips, and fashionable dissipation generally, the worst results are sure to follow, and the individual is certain to be a subject for the doctors for a good portion of her life.
A talented writer some time since contributed to a popular magazine an article ent.i.tled, "The Little Health of Women," which contained many excellent hints respecting the influences at work to undermine the health and destroy the const.i.tutions of American women; but he did not even hint at this potent cause, which, we firmly believe, is responsible for a far greater share of the local disease and general poor health of girls, young women, and married ladies, than has been generally recognized. These are startling facts, but we are prepared to substantiate them.
Remote Effects.--Not all of the effects of the vice appear in girlhood, nor even during early life. Not infrequently it is not until the girl has grown up to be a wife and mother that she begins to appreciate fully the harm that has been wrought. At this time, when new demands are made upon the s.e.xual organism, when its proper duties are to be performed, there is a sudden failure; new weaknesses and diseases make their appearance, new pains and sufferings are felt, which no woman who has not in some way seriously transgressed the laws of health will suffer.
In not a few instances it is discovered that the individual is wholly unfitted for the duties of maternity. Often, indeed, maternity is impossible, the injury resulting from the sins committed being so great as to render the diseased organism incapable of the functions required.
In the great majority of cases these peculiar difficulties, morbid conditions, and incapacities are attributed to overwork, overstudy, "taking cold," "getting the feet wet," or some other cause wholly inadequate to account for the diseased conditions present, although in many instances it may be true that some such unfortunate circ.u.mstance may be the means of precipitating the effects of previous sin upon organs already relaxed, debilitated, and thus prepared readily to take on disease.
Causes which Lead Girls Astray.--The predisposing causes of s.e.xual vices have already been dwelt upon so fully in this volume that we shall devote little s.p.a.ce to the subject here. We may, however, mention a few of the causes which seem to be most active in leading to the formation of evil habits among girls.
Vicious Companions.--Girls are remarkably susceptible to influence by those of their own age. A vicious girl who makes herself agreeable to those with whom she a.s.sociates can exert more influence over many of her companions than can any number of older persons. Even a mother rarely has that influence over her daughter that is maintained by the girl whom she holds as her bosom friend. The close friendships which are often formed between girls of the same age are often highly detrimental in character. Each makes a confidant of the other, and thus becomes estranged from the only one competent to give counsel and advice, and the one who of all others is worthy of a young girl"s confidence,--her mother.