Rebecca"s heart soared.
Her risk had paid off.
Euphoria, unmatched by any physical high, enveloped her soul for a priceless moment. But when she stared dreamily at his face, she glimpsed the obvious regret there then flinched.
Her method of persuasion had failed. He still didn"t believe.
Confusion stunned her silent, allowing him to drive the knife further into her unprotected heart.
"You proved we are the epitome of human compatibility, Becca."
The sterile description obliterated her glow of success. She scrambled from her perch on his sweat-slicked hips with so much haste she had to grasp the table edge to keep from toppling. The pain shredding her insides must have been written on her face because Kurt shouted a violent curse.
"s.h.i.t! Did you think I meant..." He began to struggle in earnest when he realized what his careless rambling had done-the destruction his revelation had wrought. "Let me go! Right now, Becca! I"m not playing around. We need to talk this out."
But she knew. There was nothing else to say. Because if Kurt felt even a spark of the flame blazing in her soul for him, he could never dismiss it as anything other than love. Her brave facade disintegrated when a battering ram of despair smashed her in the gut.
Survival mechanisms she thought she"d conquered kicked in. A wall fell in place, sparing her from the unbearable pain on the other side. Her whole body went numb. Her brain went numb. She leveled a blank stare at Kurt thrashing beneath the bonds while the rational part of her mind figured out what to do.
She blinked.
Before she had acknowledged the decision, her feet carried her toward the door. She whispered, "Goodbye, Kurt."
Though she heard him bellowing her name, demanding she return to the laboratory, Rebecca continued walking. She didn"t run, she didn"t cry. Instead, she plucked the long duster she"d used to cover her outfit from the coat rack, then slipped out of the office for what she knew would be the last time.
Chapter Twenty-Two.
Luke glanced up when the tinkling of the bell on the diner"s gla.s.s door announced a new customer. The paleness of Becca"s face matched her haunting carriage as she glided into the diner like a ghost. The mask she wore, devoid of any of her recent vitality, made it obvious something had gone terribly wrong. Horrified, he dashed to her side, knocking over a chair in the process.
She didn"t say anything.
"Are you okay?" What a stupid question. She didn"t bother to respond.
"It didn"t go well," he stated.
She shook her head no.
Luke tried to reach for her, to console her, but she stepped back then repeated the pain-laden gesture. He"d never seen so much agony in a woman"s eyes. Unsure of what to do with his outstretched hands, he stuffed them in his pockets.
"You left him up there?"
Her throat worked but no sound parted her trembling lips.
"Do I need to go to the lab?"
She managed a terse nod then pivoted before striding out the door, still without uttering a single word.
Luke watched as she marched down the street toward her apartment-head high, shoulders back, but so stiff he thought she might shatter.
Kurt had just made the biggest mistake of his life.
Luke stood torn between the needs of his friend and his friend"s mate. In the end, he chose to let Becca go.
Although his chivalrous instincts screamed at him to pursue her, no one but Kurt could repair the damage.
He sprinted across the street then took the stairs to Kurt"s practice two at a time. Halfway up the flight, he began to hear noises. By the time he opened the hall door, furious curses alternated with yells of frustration.
Through the open laboratory door, Luke spied Kurt straining against his shackles. Tempted to leave the dumba.s.s to suffer for a while, he slowed before entering the room.
Kurt lashed out in pure rage.
"How could you f.u.c.king do this to me? You drugged my food? You set me up!" Without waiting for an answer to his accusations, his voice dropped to an ominous hiss. "Get me the f.u.c.k out of here. Becca left. I need to catch her."
"I don"t think that"s such a good idea." Luke"s quiet reply would have warned a sane man.
"What the h.e.l.l do you have to do with this?" Kurt demanded, still fighting for control despite his p.r.o.ne position.
"You just broke her heart, a.s.shole. I don"t like to see my friends hurt. That"s why we need to get a few facts straight before I release you." Luke grabbed the discarded sheet, which Becca had used to cover the whiteboard, off the floor. He tossed it across his friend"s abdomen, still glistening with the slick remnants of spent arousal.
Then he pulled up a chair, straddled the seat, rested his crossed arms on the back and faced the struggling man head on.
"Don"t you think I know I hurt her?" Kurt spat. "That"s why I need to find her. I need to make sure she"s okay."
"Well, h.e.l.l, now you"re acting stupid, too. Of course she"s not okay but there"s only one thing you can do to fix it."
"You want me to lie to her? Tell her some fairytale about love?" He looked incredulous.
"Kurt, we"ve known each other a long time now. I"ve seen you with more women than I can count. Never, and I mean never, has one affected you like she does."
"Christ, now you sound like her. You"re no naive girl! It doesn"t mean love exists as anything more than a chemical reaction." The fool clung to his ingrained belief.
"Why can"t it be true, Kurt? Because your parents sucked at relationships? Your mom married any man who had money, including your father. She pretended to love but it was just a farce. Your dad couldn"t handle how easily he"d been fooled. Can"t you see past his bitter indoctrination and make your own d.a.m.ned decisions?"
"Shut the f.u.c.k up! You don"t know what you"re talking about."
"Well, you see, I"ve been pretty intrigued by observing this whole situation, so I decided to do a little experiment of my own." Luke paused for effect, wondering when Kurt would catch on.
"You b.a.s.t.a.r.d. You used the Dream Machine on me? When? After you slipped that s.h.i.t in my food?"
Luke"s booming laughter echoed off the stark walls. "I think you"re losing your edge. Your IQ"s been dropping like a rock lately. h.e.l.l, yes, I used the machine on you! You already proved it works. That it"s safe."
"You still didn"t have my f.u.c.king permission!"
The appalled expression on Kurt"s face softened Luke"s tone. "That"s why I"m asking you now. Are you too chickens.h.i.t to acknowledge the truth?"
"Son of a b.i.t.c.h." Kurt cursed as his head dropped onto the table and he began to relax. Luke could practically see the gears spinning in his genius mind.
Luke agreed with the sentiment. "Want to know what you dreamed about? Can you remember?"
"The same thing I always dream about?" Kurt calmed the bellowing of his chest into a ragged exhalation then closed his eyes. "f.u.c.king Becca."
Luke grinned, "Well, yeah, there was a h.e.l.l of a lot of that. On your desk, in the lab, pushing her limits...
Your dreams mirrored the ones you doc.u.mented Becca experiencing during the study. Doesn"t that strike you as odd? To share dreams with another person?"
"Not really. The same fantasies turn us on. It"s no big deal. I already told you she"s my perfect match in bed and out." Kurt"s voice didn"t sound as certain as he implied.
Sensing a crack in his resolve, Luke debated his options.
The forced realization of a dream Kurt couldn"t recall on his own presented a calculated risk. There might be a reason Kurt"s mind shielded itself from admitting his deepest desire but Luke didn"t think so. The man was just stubborn and didn"t take things on faith. His own mental protection had been locked in place so long, he didn"t realize the damage it could do.
"Tell me." The strained rasp startled him from his thoughts. "If the machine captured anything more, tell me, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Otherwise, you"ve done nothing more than waste your time and ruin our friendship. A bunch of wet dreams doesn"t mean a d.a.m.n thing. It"s just s.e.x."
If he didn"t act now, Kurt would lose Becca forever. That loss would destroy his friend.
"If it"s just s.e.x, then why did a dream of marrying her occupy your final REM stage? A dream of building a life outside this d.a.m.n charade of an experiment? You dreamt you spent the rest of your lives lost in the bliss of loving each other."
Kurt"s eyes clamped shut but Luke could see the zigzag motion of his pupils beneath his eyelids, signaling the recall of the visions. He wouldn"t be capable of ignoring this proof. Concerned about the damage the unnatural memory could inflict, Luke began to remove the straps one by one.
When he finished, Kurt lay motionless on the examination table, breathing hard. Luke bent closer then shook his shoulder. "Are you all right?"
Without warning, the angry man hauled his fist around and punched Luke square on the jaw, sending him sprawling. Before he"d finished skidding across the floor, Kurt got right in his face.
"Don"t you ever f.u.c.king pull that s.h.i.t on me again! If you weren"t my best friend I"d be tempted to kick your a.s.s!"
Struggling to his feet, Luke flexed his throbbing jaw before he clapped Kurt on the shoulder. "Glad to see you"re back to your old self but what are you going to do to fix this mess?"
"Nothing."
The word hung in the air, baffling Luke. "What the h.e.l.l do you mean, nothing?"
"I don"t deserve her. I lied to her, I used her and I betrayed her trust. It"s obvious, I don"t know how to love someone." The desolation behind the sentiment drove Luke to risk another beating.
Besides, it wasn"t a half-bad idea...
"Then you don"t mind if I pursue her? You were right. Becca is amazing."
Kurt hauled Luke up by his shirt collar before he"d even finished the ridiculous suggestion, pinning him to the wall. "She"s mine. Only mine."
From his vantage point-hanging lax in Kurt"s rough grip, feet several inches off the floor-Luke broke the tension with a shrug.
"Then don"t you think you"d better go convince her?"
Chapter Twenty-Three.
Rebecca knelt in the middle of her living room, filling another box with her belongings. As she tucked a few candles into the crate, she b.u.mped the coffee table, toppling the stack of envelopes waiting to be mailed.
Though it had been less than two hours since her encounter with Kurt, she"d immediately faxed her resignation to Dr. Foster"s practice, printed out the resume"s she"d prepared just in case then began to pack.
One step at a time, she erased the future she"d hoped for.
News travelled fast. She"d already had job offers from Dr. Malone"s office and several other board affiliated practices in the area, which she declined. She had to escape any reminders of Kurt and all she would never have. He was the only man she could ever love.
As some consolation, she admitted she"d discovered so much about herself over the past week that her confidence in her capabilities as both a psychologist and a woman had solidified. That newfound strength allowed her to ignore Kurt"s attempts to contact her. She"d unplugged her home phone and put her cell on silent.
She"d never hear the one thing that mattered from him, anything else became noise.
Concentrating on propelling herself forward, Rebecca gathered the resumes from the table then slipped on her sneakers, preparing to take them to the mailbox at the curb. When she opened the door, she spied Kurt"s sleek black sports car out front. She slammed the solid oak closed with enough force to rattle the windows.
Leaning back against the hardwood surface, she wondered if he"d seen her.
"s.h.i.t." Why wouldn"t he leave her alone?
She didn"t need his pity or his protectiveness. She didn"t want him to care enough to check up on her but not enough to give her everything. Yet, she feared if she saw him up close she might not be able to stop herself from succ.u.mbing to their attraction and compromising her needs just to stay near him. Therefore, she refused to allow him to corner her.
Sneaking around to the rear of her apartment, Rebecca slid her bedroom window open. She backed out, reaching for the fire escape below with the toe of her left foot.
Warm fingers wrapped around her hips. Broad palms cupped her a.s.s to steady her. The inflaming touch shot her most of the way back through the window.
"Careful, baby." Kurt"s seductive whisper came so close to her ear she jumped, banging her head in the process. So much for a graceful exit.
Hauling herself inside, she spun in time to be jealous of his agile tuck through the opening. "What are you doing here?"
"Would you believe I happened to be in the neighborhood?" he asked with a grimace.
"No. Now get out."
"Give me a minute, Becca. Just listen to me for one minute. I"m sorry..."
She cut him off before he could go any further. "Nothing you can say matters to me anymore."
Kurt inched forward, trapping her against the wall with his steady advance. "Is that why you"re running?