Dangerous.
Sara scooped the little girl up and lifted her so she was nearer Luke"s height. "Maisie, sweetheart, this is my friend Luke," she said.
Friend, Luke thought. Well. Lover wasn"t an appropriate word to use to a child. But friend... The idea warmed him and scared him in equal measure.
"Lulu," Maisie p.r.o.nounced, testing the word. Then she beamed, and a pair of chubby hands seized Luke"s arm. "Lulu."
Help. He had no idea what to say. And he was well aware that everyone was watching him. Well, he"d pretend this was business. Be nice. Be charming. "h.e.l.lo, Maisie. Happy birthday."
The little girl beamed again. ""Lo, Lulu."
Sara chuckled. "You"re going to have a hard time living that name down. And what"s it worth not to mention it to any of your business a.s.sociates back in London?"
"How about not smuggling Imelda back to London in the back of my car, and letting him loose among your shoes?" Luke retorted.
Everyone laughed, and it felt as if he"d pa.s.sed some kind of test. Yet he still found himself on edge. The bond between Sara and her family was close and deep-a world in which he didn"t really belong. So much for thinking he could handle this. Even treating it like a business deal didn"t make it feel any better.
Luke did his best to smile and be charming, joining in with the birthday tea and singing Happy birthday to you along with everyone else when Rupert sat down at the piano and Sara and Justin stood either side of him, adding in extra harmonies. But he was relieved when the presents were unwrapped and the birthday cake candles were blown out and Louisa and Bryan took their sleepy daughter home for bath and bedtime-especially when Sara suggested they needed to start heading back to London.
She"d clearly noticed that he"d gone quiet because, on the way back, she said, "Luke? I didn"t mean to offend you, you know. When Maisie called you Lulu-you know what kids are like."
Actually, he didn"t.
"Maisie has a brilliant vocabulary for her age, but your name was a new word to her. If it makes you feel any better, she calls Justin "Jussie"."
"It"s fine," Luke said.
"Then what"s wrong?"
"Nothing," he lied, not wanting to hurt her. He had to find the right words to tell her-if he really got involved with her, he"d have to open his life up to a family, do what he"d spent all his life avoiding. And he wasn"t sure he could do it. "I"m just a bit tired, that"s all."
Sara wasn"t convinced. Clearly there was something in Luke"s past that he wasn"t telling her. He"d closed up again, and the only thing she could think of that had changed since the previous day was that he"d met her family.
So didn"t he like them?
She couldn"t imagine why anyone wouldn"t like the Fleets. Even Hugh had liked them-before he"d betrayed them.
But why else would Luke be so quiet?
She hoped he wouldn"t expect her to choose between them. It would be like being ripped apart; she phoned her mother and Louisa a couple of times a week, emailed Rupert, texted her Dad, had breakfast with Justin...not a day went past when she wasn"t in contact with at least two members of her family. No way would she give them up.
On the other hand...she didn"t want to give Luke up, either.
She just wanted him to love her family, the way she did. The way they"d love him, if he let them.
Finally, Luke pulled up outside the flat.
"Do you want to come in for a coffee?" she asked.
"Thanks, but I"ll take a rain check. I"m a bit tired, and there are a couple of things I need to sort out before the morning."
"OK. See you tomorrow."
She kissed him on the cheek, and noted miserably that he didn"t kiss her back.
Maybe he"d talk to her tomorrow. Maybe.
But she slept badly that night. And, when she walked into the office, Luke was talking on the phone, only having time to wave an acknowledgement to her. Fair enough-he was running a business-but when he replaced the receiver she noticed that he didn"t kiss her h.e.l.lo.
He didn"t kiss her goodbye when he left for a meeting, either. So what did this mean? They were back to being just business a.s.sociates?
It looked as if she was going to have to play this by ear. Take it step by step. And hope that he"d let her get close enough to tell her what was going on in his head.
"Are you all right?" Luke asked when he came back into the office.
"Sure. Why?"
"You"re a bit quiet."
Sara shrugged. "You haven"t been here most of the day."
"Because there"s been a problem at one of the gyms. Suspected subsidence. I needed to talk to a surveyor, and discuss with the manager how we can minimise disruption to the clients." He shrugged. "Things happen."
"Mmm."
He felt his eyes narrow. "Sara? I"m not a mind-reader. Spit it out."
"What"s wrong with my family?" she asked.
He blinked. Talk about out of left field. "Nothing."
"But you didn"t like them, did you?"
"Of course I did. I get on all right with Justin, don"t I?"
She folded her arms. "So why did you go all distant on me yesterday?"
How on earth could he explain that? Not without dragging up a lot of stuff from his past that was best left where it belonged. In the past. "You"re overreacting, Sara."
"Am I?"
He sighed. "Look. I admit, I find families difficult."
"If mine were all selfish monsters, like some of my friends" families are, I could understand it. Of course you"d want to avoid them. But my family are nice, Luke. They"re decent, kind people who put themselves in other people"s shoes."
Decent and kind. "Not everyone has a family like that." His certainly wasn"t.
She picked up on it immediately. "So yours are monsters? That"s rough, and you have my sympathy-and I do mean sympathy, Luke, not pity. But it still doesn"t mean you have to cut yourself off from everyone else."
"You"re making me sound unreasonable."
"Because you are being unreasonable, Luke."
"I"m a bit wary, that"s all."
She scoffed. "That"s the understatement of the century."
"I"m sorry. I"ll try, OK? But...look, it"s not easy for me. Don"t expect too much." He glanced at his watch. "I have to be elsewhere, and I probably won"t be back before you leave tonight. But we"ll talk later, yes?"
"Yes."
Except he didn"t finish until it was way too late to call her. He sent her an apologetic text as a stopgap, and in the morning he called in to a florist"s he knew opened early. She"d liked the last flowers he"d bought her, and in his experience this was the best way to defuse a fight.
And, although he was sitting at his desk when Sara walked in, pretending to be absorbed in a spreadsheet, inside he was as jumpy as h.e.l.l.
She took one look at the hand-tied arrangement of pale pink roses, lilac alstroemeria and silvery-green eucalyptus foliage sitting on her desk and her eyes narrowed. "What are these for?"
"To say sorry."
Her mouth thinned. "I don"t need gestures, Luke. I just wanted you to talk to me, so I could understand what"s going on in your head."
"I told you, I have issues."
She came to sit on the edge of his desk. "Then tell me. Why do you have such a problem with families?"
"I don"t want to talk about it."
She folded her arms. "So we"re back to square one."
She really wasn"t going to let him off the hook, was she? "Not everyone gets on with their family," he said carefully.
"Agreed."
"I haven"t seen mine for a lot of years. We don"t have anything in common."
"No. I guess we"re not all millionaires," she said dryly.
That stung. He lifted his chin. "It"s got nothing to do with money. I didn"t have a lot when I left. Just a suitcase of clothes and my share in the market stall." He stared at her. "I thought you knew me better than that. I don"t judge people on how much they earn or how much they have in the bank."
"So what do you judge them on?"
"I told you before. Who they are. How they treat other people. And my family..." He sucked in a breath. "I really don"t want to talk about this. Let"s just leave it that they don"t see things the way I do."
She looked thoughtful. "That happens in a lot of families, and it"s sad, but sometimes it"s the best thing for everyone concerned."
Relief flooded through him. Thank G.o.d. She understood.
And then she looked straight at him. "But you"re using it as an excuse to cut yourself off from the human race, Luke, and that"s not good at all."
"I"m not cutting myself off from the human race."
"But you don"t get involved."
"Correct."
"Well, at least I know where I stand." She slid off his desk and went back over to hers. And although she placed the flowers very carefully on top of the filing cabinets, where they couldn"t accidentally be knocked over, he knew that he"d done the wrong thing. Instead of fixing it, he"d made things worse because he"d tried to fob her off with a gesture. One that would"ve worked on any of his previous girlfriends-but Sara wasn"t like them. Money and possessions-except, possibly, shoes-weren"t important to her.
She was quiet for the rest of the day, and Luke felt more and more of a heel-and more and more at a loss how to fix this.
At precisely five o"clock she switched off her computer.
"Sara. Have dinner with me tonight?"
"Thanks for the offer, but I"m a bit tired."
"Look, I can skip my squash. We could eat earlier. Whatever time you like." He was offering her time, for pity"s sake. Wasn"t that what she wanted from him?
"Thanks, but I really need an early night."
In other words, she was still angry with him and wanted some s.p.a.ce.
On Tuesday, Luke was out of the office for most of the day and Sara had left before he returned. There was a note on his desk saying that she"d worked through lunch and left three-quarters of an hour early and she hoped he didn"t mind.
He did mind.
A lot.
They couldn"t carry on like this. Apart from anything else, he missed her.
She was probably on the Tube now, he thought, so there was no point in calling. He left enough time to allow her to get to Camden tube station, then called her mobile.
For a nasty moment, he thought she was going to let it go through to voice mail. Then she answered. "h.e.l.lo?"
"Hi. It"s Luke." Stupid-she would already know that from the caller display. "Um...are you busy this evening?" And then he remembered. Of course she was. Tuesday night was her regular night out with the girls.
Her next words confirmed it. "I"m going to the cinema with Liz and Sophie. And then we"re going to an ice cream parlour."
"Uh-huh." He chose his words carefully. "Maybe afterwards you could come here. I could make you a hot chocolate or something."
"A hot chocolate."
"The offer"s there. I"ll leave it up to you. Enjoy your film."
"Thanks."
She didn"t make any promises to call in later, and Luke couldn"t settle to anything for the rest of the evening. Just when he thought that she"d decided to go back to her own flat, his entryphone buzzed.
"This hot chocolate had better be good," a voice informed him.