Clearly Jade (and Tyler) had panicked, which was understandable given the noise Courtney was making and that they were inexperienced parents. My instinct was to pick up Courtney but I didn"t want to take over, as that could have undermined Jade"s confidence even more. "Let"s get her nappy on first," I said to Jade, as I stroked Courtney"s forehead to soothe her. "Open the nappy so it"s completely flat and slide it under her bottom."
I held up Courtney"s legs to make it easier for Jade, and she slid the nappy into place and then secured it with the sticky fastening tabs, while Tyler stood watching.
"It"ll be your turn to change a nappy next," I said with a smile. Jade sniffed and managed a smile too.
"Now put her babygro back on," I said to Jade. "Newborn babies often cry when you change their nappies or take off their clothes. It"s nothing to worry about; they just don"t like the feeling. They soon get used to the routine."
Courtney whimpered a little but didn"t cry as Jade finished dressing her.
"Excellent," I said. "Now let"s wrap her in the shawl so she"s nice and warm." I placed the shawl in Jade"s arms and then lifted Courtney off the changing mat and laid her in the shawl; then I helped Jade wrap the shawl around Courtney. "Good," I said. "Well done. Now sit on the bed with Courtney in the crook of your arm so you are both comfortable and you can feed her."
Jade did as I suggested and I picked up the bottle, checked the milk was still warm and that it was flowing through the teat by shaking a little on to the back of my hand, and then pa.s.sed the bottle to Jade. She put the teat to Courtney"s mouth but Courtney didn"t take the teat or latch on, as it"s known and, frustrated, screwed up her face as though she was about to cry again.
"See!" Jade said, immediately losing confidence. "That"s what she does!"
I sat beside Jade on the bed and placed my hand over hers and the bottle, as Courtney reddened with frustration at not being able to feed. "Try this," I said, and I guided the bottle so that the teat brushed against the side of Courtney"s mouth rather than trying to push it between her lips. Feeling the teat Courtney instinctively opened her mouth, searched for the teat and latched on.
"Success," I said as she suckled and Jade finally relaxed. "A nurse showed me that trick when I had Adrian. Brushing the corner of the baby"s mouth with the teat, or nipple if you are breastfeeding, seems to stimulate a reflex action." I smiled at Jade. "Now enjoy feeding her. Hold her close so she can feel the warmth of your body and you can feel hers. I"ll be back in a minute to show you how to wind her. All right?"
Jade nodded and I left her feeding Courtney with Tyler looking on, while I went downstairs, took off my shoes and coat and went to find Paula. She was in the sitting room, kneeling on the floor and stroking Toscha. "It"s OK," Paula was saying soothingly to our cat. "Mummy knows what to do. Baby has stopped crying now." I thought that Courtney"s screaming, together with Jade"s crying, Tyler"s panicked shouting and me rushing upstairs, had frightened Paula.
"Jade and Courtney are all right now," I confirmed. "Would you like to come up and see Courtney?"
Paula nodded and, leaving Toscha, slipped her hand into mine and we went upstairs. Tyler was sitting on the bed next to Jade as she fed Courtney. They both looked up and smiled at Paula.
"Hi, Paula," Tyler said. "How are you?"
Paula nodded shyly.
"Would you like to see my baby?" Jade asked, far more relaxed and confident now Courtney was happily feeding.
Paula stood beside Jade and watched Courtney feeding, mesmerized. Indeed we all were, for there is something enthralling about a newborn baby feeding: completely engrossed, Courtney was the epitome of contentment, as all her needs were being met.
When the bottle was half empty I suggested to Jade that she wind Courtney. I showed her what to do: how to sit Courtney forward, support her chin and gently ma.s.sage her back. I then moved aside so that Jade could do it; here was something else she would become more proficient at with practice. Tyler then had a little go at winding his daughter and laughed hilariously when Courtney burped. It crossed my mind that they were like children playing "mummies and daddies", only of course this was no game it was for real. I then told Jade she should give Courtney the rest of her bottle, which she did.
"What time did you get here?" I asked Tyler as we waited for Courtney to finish the bottle.
"About ten minutes before you arrived," he said. "I left school early."
"Can he stay for dinner?" Jade asked.
"Yes, of course."
"I"ll text me mum and tell her I"ll be back later," Tyler said.
Once Courtney had finished the bottle and Jade had given her another little winding we all went downstairs. Jade, Courtney, Tyler and Paula went into the sitting room while I went into the kitchen, where I washed the empty bottle and put it in the sterilizing unit; then I began the preparations for dinner.
When Adrian arrived home from school five minutes later it was to a calm and quiet household. He was pleased to see Tyler and the two of them played on the PlayStation while Paula sat next to Jade on the sofa and gazed at Courtney, who slept.
When it was time to eat I suggested to Jade that she put Courtney into her cot to sleep. I went with her and she laid Courtney on her side, as she"d been shown to do at the hospital. Courtney slept until just before eight o"clock, when she woke for another feed. Paula was in bed by that time and I was reading her a story; Adrian was downstairs with Jade and Tyler. I heard Courtney begin to cry and when Jade didn"t come upstairs to see to Courtney I went down and into the sitting room, where Jade was still on the sofa.
"You"ll need to warm up a bottle now, love," I said. "Courtney"s ready for another feed." I wasn"t sure if Jade hadn"t heard Courtney or had preferred to stay with Tyler and Adrian, perhaps hoping she"d go back to sleep.
Jade hauled herself off the sofa and we both went into the kitchen, where I waited while she warmed the bottle to the right temperature and tested it as I"d shown her. "Will you come with me while I feed and change her?" Jade asked me a little anxiously. "I don"t like it when she cries."
"Sure. But don"t let it worry you. She"s not crying because she"s upset; babies cry because they are hungry or uncomfortable." I smiled rea.s.suringly and we went upstairs and into her room. Courtney was a bit red in the face from having to wait for her bottle but soon settled once she was feeding.
"She"s going to be a very good baby," I said encouragingly to Jade. "And you"re going to be an excellent mummy." I knew I needed to take every opportunity to praise Jade to build her confidence in parenting Courtney.
It wasn"t until Tyler had gone home and Jade was getting ready for bed, having said she was exhausted and was having an early night, that I thought to ask Adrian if he had any homework. The PlayStation was usually reserved for use at weekends and holidays, but Tyler and Adrian had been playing on it for most of the evening.
"Yes," Adrian admitted a little sheepishly. Then he added quickly: "But it doesn"t have to be in until next week."
I always preferred homework to be done on the day it was set so that it didn"t build up and become unmanageable, which Adrian knew.
"Adrian," I said, "while Jade is living with us I think you are going to have to be very self-disciplined and go to your room and do your homework. I know you like Tyler"s company but he could be here most evenings."
"I know," he said with an embarra.s.sed shrug.
And I left it at that.
Jade was exhausted and was in bed and asleep by 9.30 p.m. I too was tired. I wrote up my log notes, let Toscha out for a run, made up some more bottles for the night and then went upstairs. Before I got into bed I went round the landing and stood outside Jade"s and Courtney"s room, listening. Jade had closed her bedroom door and I didn"t want to risk waking them by opening it so that I could check on them. I couldn"t hear anything so I a.s.sumed all was well and went to bed.
Just before midnight I heard Courtney crying for her next feed. I immediately slipped on my dressing gown and went round to Jade"s room to help. Once Jade was in the routine of caring for her baby I wouldn"t get up at night unless I was needed, but for now she needed my help; also I didn"t want Courtney to be left to cry in case she woke Adrian and Paula. I knocked lightly on Jade"s bedroom door, went in and, switching on the light, turned the dimmer to low. Jade was slowly waking.
"You go and warm up Courtney"s bottle," I said quietly to Jade, "while I soothe her."
Heavy with sleep, Jade stumbled from her bed and went downstairs to the kitchen while I picked up Courtney. She stopped crying immediately on being held and I gently rocked her. "There, there," I soothed. "Mummy"s fetching your bottle now. She won"t be long."
I knew from feeding Adrian and Paula that breastfeeding was so much easier than bottle; you just fall out of bed and the milk is ready and at the right temperature. Why Jade had decided not to try to breastfeed I didn"t know and clearly it was her decision. I soothed and gently rocked Courtney until Jade reappeared with the bottle it took her a while and once she was seated on the bed I put Courtney in her arms. Jade lightly rubbed the teat against the side of Courtney"s mouth as I had shown her and she latched on. Once I was sure Courtney was sucking I reminded Jade to wind her and told her to call me if she needed me.
Leaving her bedroom door slightly open, I returned to my bed but I didn"t go to sleep. I listened out for any noise that might have suggested that Jade needed some help, but I didn"t hear anything. After about half an hour I went round the landing. Jade"s bedroom door was still open and the light was on low. I crept in. They were both fast asleep, Courtney on her side in her cot facing Jade, and Jade mirroring her position in bed and surrounded by her cuddly soft toys. It was a touching scene mother and daughter in the half light, relaxed in sleep and without a care in the world and I hoped and prayed everything would work out well for them.
Just after 4.00 a.m Courtney woke for another feed and I went round to Jade"s room. I held Courtney while Jade went downstairs and warmed the bottle; then as before I waited while Jade settled Courtney on her lap and she was feeding, before I said goodnight again. "By my calculations her next feed will be about eight o"clock," I whispered to Jade as I came out. "She"s doing very well. Night, love."
I was right: at eight o"clock, just as Adrian and Paula were finishing breakfast, we heard Courtney cry. "It"s OK," I said to them. "Jade knows what to do. She"ll be down soon for a bottle."
A minute later Jade appeared in her nightwear and, rubbing her eyes and yawning, went to the fridge.
"Good morning, love," I said.
"I"m tired," she mumbled. "I didn"t get any sleep."
"Welcome to the world of motherhood," I said with a smile. "But it"s worth it."
Chapter Thirteen.
a.s.sessment
The rest of the week pa.s.sed in a blur of bottles, nappies, visitors, telephone calls, shopping and teaching Jade how to parent Courtney. What I needed to know about looking after babies came flooding back to me and in addition to showing Jade how to make up formula and wash and sterilize bottles, I showed her how to wash and bathe Courtney, clean and cream her bottom, and soothe her when she was fractious, as well as simply spending quality time with Courtney and enjoying her, all of which bonds a mother with her baby.
My parents visited as planned on Sunday and arrived with a present and a congratulatory card for Jade. Jade already had some cards, including one from her social worker, one from Tyler"s mother and one from me and the children. I"d told her that when she felt up to it I would take her shopping and she could choose something she needed for Courtney as a present. Jade was like an excited child as she unwrapped the present from my parents, which was a beautiful little dress with matching leggings, jacket and bootees. Jade thanked my parents, although I had the feeling that she was a bit disappointed, perhaps a.s.suming it was a personal present for her.
As I thought would happen, my father was as besotted with Courtney as my mother was, and they took turns holding Courtney and chatted easily to Jade both about her baby and her plans for the future. Jade told them she hoped to go back to college and continue her studies when Courtney was older. My father said he thought that was sensible and I could tell he was impressed. Then over dinner he kept us all amused with stories of when my brother and I were little and some of the silly things we got up to, which made Adrian and Paula laugh loudly and Jade giggle. It was a very pleasant day and, as when I"d taken Jade and Tyler on the day trip to the castle, we were like one big happy family. I was pleased Jade had relaxed and enjoyed herself.
After my parents had gone home Jade said to me: "I wish I had a gran and grandpa like them. They"re so nice."
"Yes, we"re very lucky," I said. "But I"m sure your mum will be a good gran to Courtney. Have you told your dad yet you"ve had your baby?" For I knew there was some estrangement in the family and that often the arrival of a baby can help to repair past differences."
"Mum said she"d tell him," Jade said.
I took Jade to see her mother on Tuesday afternoon. In preparation for the outing I showed Jade how to pack a "baby bag", which included nappies, wipes, disposable nappy bags, cream and a change of clothes for Courtney. Jade was amazed at the preparation needed for a few hours away from home, having previously simply put on her coat and gone. I also showed her how to fasten Courtney safely into the carry-car seat not that Jade had a car or could drive, but it was all part of educating Jade and giving her as much parenting information as possible for now and the future. At Jade"s house I said h.e.l.lo to Jackie but didn"t go in, as she had just got in from work. I returned as arranged to collect Jade after I"d collected Paula from school. When Jade got into the car I asked her if she"d had a nice afternoon. She shrugged and said, "I guess so. But Mum keeps telling me what to do with Courtney."
"I"m sure she was just trying to help you," I said. But I knew there was a fine line between offering helpful advice and giving the impression that you know best. No mother likes to be told how to raise her child (with the implicit criticism that she"s not doing it right), especially when she"s a teenager whose relationship with her mother is already fragile.
Rachel visited us on Wednesday and stayed for most of the morning. Courtney was awake to begin with and Rachel held her and made a fuss of her. Then she watched Jade feed and change her, and then settle her in the cot, while I waited in the sitting room. When they returned Rachel made some notes, which I a.s.sumed would go towards Jade"s parenting a.s.sessment, and then asked us about Courtney"s routine. Jade said it was "fine" and I filled in the details and described the routine we were establishing for Courtney, emphasizing what a good job Jade was doing.
"Excellent," Rachel said, making another note. "Is Tyler still visiting?"
Jade nodded. "Sometimes."
"Most evenings," I said. "And he helps feed and change Courtney."
"But not always," Jade said a bit gruffly. "He"s not here during the day."
"He"s at school then," Rachel pointed out.
"Yeah, I know. But it"s not fair. He can come and go as he likes but I"m stuck here all the time." Jade had said something similar to me the evening before, resenting that Courtney was more her responsibility than she was Tyler"s. I"d said that even in two-parent families the mother often a.s.sumed the greater responsibility for the practical aspects of parenting. And of course as a single parent Jade was going to have even more responsibility something she perhaps hadn"t fully considered until now.
"Jade"s quite tired," I said to Rachel to excuse her negativity. "I"m helping her all I can. I took her to see her mother yesterday."
"How did that go?" Rachel asked Jade.
"OK, I guess," Jade said with a shrug.
"I"ll be visiting Jackie later this week," Rachel said. "I"ll tell her how well you are doing."
I was pleased Rachel was being so positive. She then asked Jade about her postnatal check-up and I confirmed she had an appointment at the hospital in a month and that the health visitor would be visiting us on Friday. I also said we would be going to the clinic every week to have Courtney weighed and measured.
"Excellent," Rachel said, making another note and smiling at Jade.
Rachel then produced some forms from her bag and explained they were to enable Jade to claim benefit for her and her baby. She handed them to Jade but said they were lengthy and complicated, and suggested I help Jade fill them in, which of course I was happy to do. Rachel then said she"d like to have a chat with Jade alone and I left the two of them in the sitting room. They spoke for about ten minutes while I busied myself in the kitchen; then Rachel thanked me for all I was doing and I saw her to the door.
That evening Meryl, the teacher from Jade"s school, visited, having heard that Jade had had her baby. She gave Jade a congratulatory card, which I stood on the mantelpiece in the sitting room with the others, and also a Mothercare gift voucher for 30, which was a collection from the staff at school.
"We didn"t know what baby things you needed," Meryl said. "So you can choose something."
Jade thanked her and I suggested she might like to take Meryl upstairs to see Courtney, who was asleep in her cot.
"Oh, yes please," Meryl said.
Jade hauled herself off the sofa and the two of them went up to Jade"s room, where they stayed talking quietly for about fifteen minutes. Then only Meryl came down and into the sitting room, where I was reading to Paula.
"Jade says she"s going to have a sleep, so I"ve said goodbye," Meryl said. "I"ll be off now. Thank you." Although it was only 7.30 I appreciated that Jade, still recovering from the birth and exhausted from having to get up at night, was tired. I too felt tired from a week of broken nights.
I went with Meryl to the front door. "How"s Jade doing?" Meryl asked.
"Yes. Very well," I said. "She needs help, obviously, but that"s only to be expected."
"No more binge drinking, then?" Meryl asked.
"No," I confirmed.
Meryl nodded thoughtfully. "Good. Don"t repeat this," she said, lowering her voice in confidentiality, "but a lot of the staff at school don"t think Jade has what it takes to look after her baby and the sooner she"s adopted the better. I"m more optimistic. I think she can make it. I"ll tell them she"s doing well."
"Yes, do," I said. "And please stop by again. I"m sure Jade would like to see you. She must be getting fed up with just looking at me."
Meryl smiled, thanked me and we said goodbye.
Jade was still fast asleep at eight o"clock when Courtney woke for a feed, so I decided not to wake her, as the sleep would do her good. I quietly took Courtney out of her cot and went downstairs, where I warmed up a bottle and sat on the sofa in the sitting room and fed her. Paula was in bed but not asleep and soon appeared downstairs in her pyjamas. She sat with me and held Courtney"s little hand while I fed her. Once the bottle was empty and I"d winded Courtney, Paula kissed her goodnight. I took Paula back to her bed, where she kissed Courtney again, and then I went into Jade"s bedroom where, with the light on low so that I wouldn"t disturb Jade, I changed Courtney and settled her in her cot. "Night night," I whispered and came out.
They were both still soundly asleep when I checked on them before I went to bed at eleven o"clock, although I noticed Jade had changed into her nightwear, so she must have woken at some point and gone back to sleep. Courtney was now in a pattern of four-hourly feeds and woke for her next feed just after midnight. I heard her cries and went round the landing and into their bedroom.
"Jade, love," I said, picking up Courtney so that her crying didn"t wake Adrian and Paula, "Courtney needs her bottle."
"Can"t you do it?" she said, turning over. "I"m knackered."
I hesitated. "All right. Go back to sleep, then."
I wrapped the shawl around Courtney and carried her downstairs and through to the kitchen, where I warmed up a bottle, and then went into the sitting room and fed her. It was like old times, sitting on the sofa in the middle of the night and feeding a baby first Adrian, then Paula, and Harrison. I held her close. Dear, sweet, little Courtney: she was such a beautiful baby and so easy to love. I hoped Jade appreciated just what a treasure she had in her. That Courtney hadn"t been damaged by Jade"s drinking was a miracle and I thanked G.o.d they"d both been given this second chance.
Once Courtney had finished feeding and I"d winded her, I returned to Jade"s bedroom to change her and then I settled her in her cot. Jade was still fast asleep, now with one arm around her toy panda, Chi Chi. I went back to bed and four hours later I heard Courtney wake for her next feed. Slipping on my dressing gown I went round to Jade"s room.
"Jade, love," I said. "Bottle time."
"Can"t you do it?" she mumbled from beneath the duvet. "I"m still knackered."