"You"ll come back now. Straightaway," I said. "If you"re not here in thirty minutes I"ll phone the social services, and then the police to report you missing. Do you understand?"
"Yeah, I"m coming," she said. "I don"t feel so good."
"I"m not surprised, drinking in your condition. How much have you had?"
"Dunno."
"Are you able to come home by yourself?" I asked, concerned.
"Yeah."
"Now then, please. Right away."
The phone went dead and I replaced the receiver. I then spent an anxious half hour waiting for Jade to return. I was angry and also very worried. Jade had lied to me, which I wasn"t happy about, but I was more concerned that she"d had a lot to drink again. Jade couldn"t have listened to any of the warnings Tyler, his mother, Jackie, Rachel or I had been giving her. Bad enough if it was only her body she was destroying, but she was carrying a baby, a vulnerable little baby who didn"t have a say in Jade"s lifestyle or what she drank, and who deserved better treatment than this. I didn"t know what else I could say to Jade to make her change; she seemed set on a path of self-destruction.
When I heard a key fumbling in the lock of the front door I went down the hall and let her in. She was very pale and her clothes and hair were dishevelled.
"I really don"t feel so good," she said, stumbling in and leaning against the wall.
"I"m not surprised," I said, going to her. "Drinking to excess makes you ill."
"Ah, don"t go on," she said, rubbing her stomach.
Although I was annoyed with Jade, my immediate concern was for her health. She looked dreadful. "Do you need a doctor?" I asked.
"Na. I"ll be OK," she said, still leaning against the wall for support.
I wasn"t convinced she"d be OK. "When you say you don"t feel so good, what exactly do you mean?"
"I feel sick," she said, rubbing her stomach again. "It was that cheap vodka from the corner shop. It doesn"t agree with me any more."
"Of course it won"t agree with you!" I exclaimed. "Alcohol in large amounts acts as a poison. You"re carrying a baby, Jade. That baby eats and drinks everything you do. You shouldn"t be drinking at all."
"I know, I know," she said, waving me away. "I won"t do it any more."
I"d said it all only a few days before; there was nothing else I could say. I helped Jade out of her coat and then followed her upstairs, making sure she didn"t trip or fall. We went into her bedroom, where I laid out her nightdress and told her to change while I fetched a bucket from downstairs.
When I returned Jade was changed and climbing into bed. "Are you going to have a wash?" I asked.
"Na. Tomorrow. I feel sick."
I waited until she was in bed and then I placed the bucket within reach. "I"ll leave your door open. Call me if you"re unwell in the night," I said.
Jade nodded. She was on her side and under the duvet. "Can you pa.s.s me Chi Chi?" she asked, referring to the panda, which sat with the other soft toys at the foot of her bed.
I handed her the panda and she tucked it in beside her on the pillow. She put one arm around its neck and then snuggled her face into its fur, as a young child would. It was a touching and a poignant reminder of how young Jade really was. "I love Chi Chi," she said gently. "And I"m going to love my baby."
"Oh, Jade," I sighed. "I wish you"d listen to what people are telling you. You can"t keep on like this. Please stop drinking."
"I"ll try," she said sleepily.
A few strands of hair had fallen across her forehead and I lightly brushed them away. As I did, my fingers gently touched the skin of her forehead and Jade gave a little sigh. "That feels nice," she said. "Can you do it again?"
I sat on the edge of her bed and began lightly stroking her forehead. Having your forehead stroked is very soothing and comforting, and I"d done this to Adrian, Paula and the younger children I"d fostered when they were worried or couldn"t get off to sleep. After a couple of minutes Jade sighed with contentment, her eyes slowly closed and she fell asleep. I stayed where I was for a moment and looked at her. With her arm around her toy panda and her face relaxed in sleep she was a child again, as vulnerable and in need of looking after as the baby she carried.
That night I wrote up my fostering notes with a very heavy heart. Foster carer"s notes should be objective and non-judgemental, and need to report what has happened during the day good and bad. While I made today"s account as positive as I could including the fact that Jade had answered when I"d phoned and had come home when asked to I also had to include that she"d lied to me about where she was going and that she"d been drinking heavily. I wondered what Jade would think of it all if she read my notes on her file at the social services when she was adult, as she had a right to do.
I checked on Jade before I went to bed, again at 2.00 a.m., and then again in the morning when I got up at 6.00. The bucket was empty, so she hadn"t been sick, and she"d hardly changed position all night, sleeping on her side cuddled up to Chi Chi. I closed her bedroom door and left her to sleep, while Adrian, Paula and I got ready and went to school. Thankfully, Adrian and Paula were unaware of Jade"s behaviour, as it had happened after they were in bed and asleep. As far as they were concerned, therefore, we"d all had a nice weekend with a takeaway on Friday and a day out on Sat.u.r.day. Long may it stay that way, I thought.
When I returned from taking Paula to school there was no sign of Jade, so I went up to her room and gently woke her. She wasn"t happy.
"p.i.s.s off," she moaned, slowly coming round. "Leave me alone."
"You need to get up," I said. "Rachel is coming at eleven o"clock."
"Not seeing her," Jade said, pulling the duvet over her head. "Tell her to come back later."
"Of course I"m not telling her to come back later. She"s a very busy social worker. Once you"ve had a wash you"ll feel better. Now get up, please."
I crossed to the window and opened the curtains. It was a bright clear day and the low winter sun shone on to Jade"s bed.
"Close them bleeding curtains!" Jade cursed from beneath the duvet. "I don"t feel good. I"ve got a headache."
"Of course you"ve got a headache!" I said, seizing the opportunity to reinforce my lecture. "You had too much to drink. And if you"re not feeling well, imagine how your poor little baby is feeling. You can"t carry on like this, Jade. It"s selfish. The social services have given you a chance to prove yourself to be someone responsible enough to care for a baby and you"re throwing it away. Now get up, please, and come downstairs."
I came out of her bedroom and closed the door behind me, hoping she"d think about what I"d said.
Jade hadn"t come downstairs by the time Rachel arrived, although I"d checked she was up and had had a bath. "She"ll be down in a minute," I confirmed to Rachel. Then I showed her through to the sitting room and made her a cup of her coffee.
"Jade came home eventually last night?" Rachel said as I put her coffee on the table within reach.
"Yes," I said, surprised she knew. "You know what happened, then?"
Rachel gave a small nod. "The couple who live in the flat below the one where Jade was drinking with her friends phoned the police and complained about the noise. The police went into the flat and recognized Jade, and also a runaway who"s now been returned to her mother."
"Has Jade been in trouble with the police before?" I asked, wondering how they"d recognized her.
"Not exactly. She"s been with friends who have been in trouble. The police know the kids who hang around the estate by sight. And Jade always seems to be there in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"I"m sorry," I said, feeling responsible. "I didn"t know she was going there. I"m very worried about Jade," and I brought Rachel up to date as she drank her coffee and made a few notes.
"Meryl"s very concerned about Jade"s behaviour, too," Rachel said. "Especially after all she"s done to try and help her."
I was puzzled. "How does Meryl know? Jade was out when she called round. Has she seen Jade?"
Rachel nodded. "One afternoon last week Jade was in a gang who were hanging around outside the school. It was only 5.30 but they all had cans of beer and bottles of wine. Jade ran off before Meryl could speak to her. Meryl tried phoning Jade"s mobile but she didn"t answer and she hasn"t returned her voicemail messages."
"I"m so sorry," I said again. "Whatever must Meryl think? Jade"s fine when she"s at home with me but as soon as she"s out with her friends something takes over."
"Crowd culture," Rachel offered. "If it"s any consolation, Jackie had the same problem with her." It wasn"t any consolation; in fact it made it worse. I felt I should have been doing a better job with Jade, not failing her as her mother had done. "At her age you can"t stop Jade going out if she has a mind to," Rachel added. "And at least you had a nice evening on Friday and day out on Sat.u.r.day. I expect Jade enjoyed that."
"Yes, she did," I said. "We all did. Pity it couldn"t have continued."
"Are you talking about me?" Jade said, suddenly appearing at the sitting-room door and making us start.
"Yes. Come on in," Rachel said, taking Jade"s sudden arrival in her stride.
"I"m gonna get a drink first," Jade said.
"Would you like some breakfast?" I asked.
"Na. Later."
"Later, please," Rachel corrected, raising her eyebrows slightly at Jade"s lack of politeness.
Rachel and I waited until Jade had fetched herself a drink before continuing. Jade reappeared with a gla.s.s of orange juice and a handful of biscuits. When I foster younger children I regulate how many biscuits they eat, but at Jade"s age she had free access to the kitchen (and therefore the biscuits), so all I could do was advise on a good diet but not now: there were other more pressing issues.
"You"re not looking too bright," Rachel said to Jade as she slumped in the armchair and took a sip of her juice. Although Jade looked fresher after her bath she still looked quite pale.
Jade shrugged and began eating the biscuits, her body craving sugar after all the alcohol of the night before.
"Are you taking your iron tablets?" Rachel asked Jade.
"Ain"t got none," Jade said.
"Didn"t they give you any at the hospital?" Rachel asked. "I thought all pregnant women were given an iron supplement."
Jade shrugged. "Dunno."
"We"ve got Jade"s antenatal appointment on Wednesday," I said. "I"ll check then."
"Thanks," Rachel said, making a note. "I know Jade has missed some of her antenatal appointments. I think she"s overdue for a scan, aren"t you, Jade?"
"Dunno," Jade said.
"I"ll check," I said.
"It"s important you look after yourself, as I"ve told you before," Rachel said to Jade. Jade shrugged.
"I think we need to have another chat," Rachel said.
It"s usual when a social worker visits for them to spend some time alone with the child (or young person) so that they can raise issues which they may not like to raise in front of the foster carer. I thought I should offer to go. "Shall I leave you two alone to have a chat?" I asked.
"Thank you, Cathy," Rachel replied.
"Don"t care," Jade said.
"I"ll be in the kitchen if I"m needed," I said. I left the sitting room and closed the door behind me.
What Jade and her social worker talked about was in confidence and I would be told what I needed to know. Foster carers have to get used to facilitating meetings in their homes (between the child and their social worker) from which they are excluded and in which they may be discussed. Foster carers also have to get used to having their privacy invaded by spot checks on their homes as well as at their annual review when the whole house is inspected by their support social worker, including their own and their children"s bedrooms. Some foster carers cannot get used to what they see as an unnecessary and intrusive invasion of their privacy and don"t continue fostering. I feel that while some checks are necessary, for the well-being of the child, others have gone too far. For example, the contents of the carer"s fridge and freezer are now examined to make sure there"s enough food to feed the child. Surely if you trust a carer to look after a child you can trust them to feed them properly?
Rachel and Jade were together for about twenty minutes before I heard the sitting-room door open and Jade go upstairs. I left what I was doing in the kitchen and went round. "Everything all right?" I asked, going into the sitting room.
Rachel looked up from writing in her notebook. "Yes. Jade"s gone upstairs to have a lie-down. She says she"s still not feeling well. I expect she"s still got a hangover but keep an eye on her."
"I will," I said.
I sat down and waited as Rachel wrote. "Jade is eating and sleeping well?" she asked.
"Yes. She sleeps very well. She eats well but she likes fried foods and sweet things. I"m trying to get her to eat more fresh fruit and vegetables."
"Good," Rachel said, making another note. Then she put her pad and pen in her bag and looked at me. "I"ve had a very serious chat with Jade and I"ve told her she"s got to stop drinking. She"s promised to try. I"ve also explained that the only mother-and-baby placement free at present is outside the county and she doesn"t want to move there away from all her friends. I"ve told her I"m hoping a suitable placement will be free in the next few weeks, but if not then she"ll have to move out of the county until one becomes free. She"s not happy but it might be best in the long run: it would give her a fresh start, away from her mates."
"Yes," I agreed. "It might be just what she needs. All her problems seem to stem from that group of friends."
Rachel nodded and then stood, ready to leave. "Well, thanks for all you"re doing, Cathy. I know Jade"s not the easiest child in the world but she"s not the worst either."
"No indeed," I said. "I like her but I am concerned about her unsafe behaviour both for her and for her baby."
"I"ve told her she"s got to stay in more and she"s agreed."
"Thank you," I said. "That"s a relief. I"ve hardly seen her as she"s been out so much."
I went with Rachel to the front door, where she asked me to say goodbye to Jade for her and left.
A couple of minutes after Rachel had gone I heard Jade come downstairs. I was in the kitchen preparing us some lunch, but Jade didn"t come in.
"I"m just going to the postbox," Jade called from the hall. "I"ve got a letter to post."
"All right, love," I said. "You"ll need your coat on, even though the postbox is just up the road. It"s freezing out there."
I heard the front door open and close and I continued making our lunch. A more savvy, experienced teen carer would probably have known that teenagers very rarely write letters; they text. But being nave, and mindful of the thank-you letters Adrian and Paula sometimes wrote, I never thought to check if Jade was carrying a letter, which of course she wasn"t.
The postbox was about a two-minute walk up our street and it normally takes the same amount of time to walk back again. Four minutes in total. So when fifteen minutes had pa.s.sed and our lunch was ready, and there was no sign of Jade, realization slowly dawned. I went into the hall, put on my coat and, dropping my front-door keys in my pocket, went out. I walked far enough up the street to see the postbox. There was no sign of Jade. I turned and went home again, hurt by her dishonesty and now regretting that I"d ever agreed to look after her, for it seemed there was nothing I could do to help her.
Chapter Ten.
"Like You See on the Telly"