"You don"t-" She shook her head. "What about Henry?"
Nate sneered as he stood. "You mean Henry who broke up with me weeks ago because he didn"t want a long-distance relations.h.i.+p?"
She blinked. "Weeks ago?"
"Yeah, if you ever bothered to, you know, speak to me lately, I might"ve had a chance to tell you. But no, you"ve freaking lost your mind. Drinking. Going out every night. s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g your boss."
Her lips fell open.
He scoffed. "Like I didn"t know. I"ve heard you talking to him on the phone. Blaine told me who Donovan is."
"He"s not my boss."
"Whatever he is. You barely sleep anymore. You come home at all hours."
She couldn"t believe she was getting berated by a teenager. "I"ve been seeing someone. Sue me."
"Sue you?" His jaw clenched. "G.o.d, you don"t even see it. But then, I guess you wouldn"t."
His dismissive tone pushed all of her b.i.t.c.h b.u.t.tons. Her emotions were too raw, too exposed for this right now. "See what? That my little brother is jealous that I"m dating someone?"
"Jealous? I don"t care if you"re seeing someone. I care that you"re turning into our f.u.c.king mother."
The accusation stabbed right through her, ripped downward. "Nate."
"How long before you lose your job? Or go nuts because he breaks your heart? Or-"
"Come at you with a kitchen knife?" she asked, unable to stop herself. "Is that what you think?"
He stretched his arms out to his sides. "How the h.e.l.l am I supposed to know, Mar? Maybe. You"re scaring the s.h.i.+t out of me. You used to be able to tell if I had a bad day just by looking at me. I couldn"t hide anything from you. But this last month, I"ve gone through the worst breakup of my life, have barely been able to deal with this move, and then I freaking started up something with a girl. I could be bi. I have no clue what to do with that. I don"t want to be that. And the one person who could maybe help me piece all this s.h.i.+t together has forgotten I exist. And I could be losing her like I lost Mom. I could be watching it happen right before my eyes and not be able to do a d.a.m.n thing about it."
Every word was like a cut to Marin"s skin. But when Nate"s eyes filled with tears, she bled full-out. Her brother was terrified. She"d been so wrapped up in her own thing that she"d failed to see the person most important to her in the world waving his arms for help. She"d met Donovan and sent Nate to the back of the line.
Nate crossed his arms, holding his elbows tight, and the tears finally fell.
Her feet moved forward on their own, every bit of anger inside her slipping away. Nate flinched when she touched him, but then he let her wrap her arms around him. The tall eighteen-year-old kid folded in her hold, sagging into it and crying. Nate was one of the toughest people she knew. He"d handled so much. But sometimes she forgot how vulnerable he was, how young. He was in this world alone except for her. She was the anchor, and she"d let herself become unmoored, leaving him to float away. She"d become unmoored by a guy. By a relations.h.i.+p that guy didn"t even want.
She knew she wasn"t her mother. But this part, this part seemed all too familiar. She"d fallen headlong into something and had lost sight of everything else. And Nate"s words rang all too clear. Next you"ll be losing your job.
That was a painfully real possibility. She"d planned to go in to Dr. Suri"s office and tell the truth, that she"d been as much an instigator of the relations.h.i.+p as Donovan had been. But what if that meant she"d be let go, too? In all this, she"d forgotten why she was here. This job meant Nate"s schooling. This job meant security for them both. Without it, they were back to sc.r.a.ping by, Nate"s dreams would drift past without him and so would hers. If she told the truth, she was risking everything. She was risking Nate.
She tightened her arms around him. "I"m so sorry, honey. So sorry. But you don"t need to be scared. I promise I"m okay. It"s all okay. I"m just dealing with the oldest mistake in the book-falling in love too quick and too hard."
Nate lifted his head at that, surprise all over his tearstained face. "You"re in love with the guy?"
She wiped at his tears with the back of her hand and shook her head. "Doesn"t matter, kid. He doesn"t feel the same way. It"s done."
He frowned, his eyes searching her face as if just noticing her disastrous state. "I"m sorry, Mar."
"Yeah, me, too." She gave him a sad smile. "And I"m sorry about Henry."
Nate pressed his lips together like the pain was almost too much to voice. "He didn"t just break up with me. We waited for each other all that time. But the second week I"m gone, he went to a party and slept with someone. I know you think I"m young, but I thought he was it for me."
"The One," Marin said softly.
Nate"s shoulders sagged. "Yeah."
She put her hands to his cheeks, her own heart breaking in her chest. "Don"t worry. He wasn"t The One."
Nate"s eyes lifted to hers. "How do you know?"
She pulled him back into a hug, needing her brother as much as he needed her. "Because there"s no such thing."
After a long night of lying awake, Marin walked into Dr. Suri"s office first thing the next morning with her goals in mind. She would not lose this job she"d come to love. She would not jeopardize her brother"s dream.
But she also couldn"t lie.
As much as she needed to keep this position, she wouldn"t hold on to it by throwing Donovan to the wolves. He may have hurt her. He may have broken her heart. But professionally he"d done nothing wrong. She wasn"t going to say otherwise.
Women were hara.s.sed and taken advantage of at jobs every day. She had the utmost respect for Dr. Suri handling this with a swift and strict hand. Marin would"ve killed to have that kind of person on her side at her first waitressing job when her supervisor kept telling her how nicely she filled out the uniform. But with Donovan, this had been both of their faults. Two combustibles had been put into the same tank. Things were bound to ignite.
So when she sat down in Suri"s office, she was armed and ready to handle the questions she knew would be thrown at her.
Dr. Suri settled into the spot behind her desk and offered Marin a kind smile. "I"m sure you know why I asked you here today, Dr. Rush."
"I do."
"Do you feel comfortable with me being the person you speak with about it?"
"Yes." Marin felt like she"d been put on the stand.
Suri nodded and folded her hands atop her blotter. "Dr. Rush, I have a list of formal questions I"m supposed to ask you. But I"d rather we just talk about this straight. Why don"t you tell me what happened?"
Marin cleared her throat and linked her fingers, trying to keep them from trembling. "First, I need you to understand that this was in no way hara.s.sment or coercion or anything like that. Donovan and I had a brief relations.h.i.+p back when I was eighteen. He didn"t know at the time that I was so young. I lied about my age."
Suri"s brow quirked up almost imperceptibly.
"And I didn"t realize when I accepted the interview here that I"d be working with him. We hadn"t kept in touch. But when I found out he"d be my trainer, we talked it out on day one and agreed to let the past be the past and forget it happened."
"I"m a.s.suming that didn"t work out."
Marin shook her head. She wanted to come up with a professional way of explaining it, make this less awkward, but the words wouldn"t fall together right. So the truth came out of her instead. "You ever had a person in your life who just sparks something for you? Like if he"s in the same room, even if you don"t see him, you somehow sense he"s there? Like your brain and body are somehow attuned to that particular frequency?"
Suri didn"t answer but something in her eyes told Marin that maybe she had had that experience at some point.
Marin sighed. "That"s Donovan for me. It"s my fault that I didn"t see the risk in taking the job. I thought I"d be able to block out that attraction. I"m a rule follower by nature. And this job means everything to me. Coming into this, I would"ve told you that nothing could tempt me to put this position at risk. Nothing. I would"ve bet everything I had on it."
"Then Donovan West happened."
Marin laughed, no humor there, but the sound blurting out. It just fit so perfectly. Donovan happened. Like he was an earthquake or a lightning strike or some world-altering event. He had been her world-altering event. "Yes. And I promise you that nothing ever happened that compromised my training or our clients" care. Our relations.h.i.+p was off the clock and private. What you walked in on yesterday wouldn"t have gone further than that. We just got caught up in a moment because I was excited about a breakthrough with a particularly difficult client. Yes, we were reckless to start up this kind of thing because off-hours relations.h.i.+ps can cause tension at work when things go badly, but neither of us would ever compromise care. That was never a question. When we were at work, we were working. I"m sure if you talk to any of the clients, they would say they were receiving professional, top-notch treatment."
Suri sat back in her chair. "I have talked to some of your and Donovan"s clients as well as your colleagues as part of your probationary period. All have had good things to say about you. Well, mostly all."
Marin released a breath. "Let me guess, Dr. McCray isn"t a fan."
Dr. Suri smirked. "I"m well aware that Dr. McCray has personal feelings that are clouding her judgment. She and Dr. West have bad blood over political matters at the inst.i.tute."
If only it were just that. But Marin kept the thought to herself.
"And I"m glad to hear that this wasn"t a hara.s.sment situation. Though being in a relations.h.i.+p with someone who is training you is less than ideal."
Marin looked down. "I know. I"m sorry."
Dr. Suri sighed. "There are no rules against fraternization outside of work here. It"s not my favorite thing, but it"s not grounds for termination. And I"m aware that we work long hours and many of us live on campus. Entanglements are bound to happen."
Marin"s heartbeat pounded against her ribs and her palms were sweaty, but she liked how this was sounding. "So I"m not getting let go?"
"No, Dr. Rush. Your job is safe. Though, you will continue on your probation period."
Marin nodded, relief like a waterfall through her. "Of course. Thank you so much. I can"t tell you how much I appreciate another chance."
"I"m impressed with your work. Keep that up and you should be fine."
The thrill of knowing her job was safe quickly crashed when she thought about the rest of the equation. "What about Donovan?"
Suri s.h.i.+fted, her chair squeaking. "That"s up to him."
Marin frowned. "What do you mean?"
She tilted her head. "Dr. West came in here yesterday and said he"d crossed a line he shouldn"t have in his position, and he tendered his resignation. He made me promise I wouldn"t dismiss you from your job for his mistake."
"What? He told me you put him on suspension."
"Did he now? Interesting." Suri adjusted her gla.s.ses and her lips twitched into a sardonic half-smile. "I probably shouldn"t say this. If you repeat it, I will deny every word."
Marin stilled, not sure what to brace for. "Okay."
"Despite what Dr. West believes, I don"t have it out for him. I wouldn"t suspend him without solid evidence that there was wrongdoing. Donovan is one of the most brilliant doctors I"ve ever met. He"s one of the best we"ve ever had or will ever have. The way he connects with the clients is something to behold. He could go all the way to the top here. But he is a man obsessed. Work is everything to him, his clients his only focus. Nothing stands between that. Which could be a good thing in many situations but bad in others. And he has driven me up a wall and back with his continuous refusal to compromise with others. My job here is often as referee, making sure everyone is getting along so that this place can run like one team with a common goal. But all Donovan"s focused on is his department and how he wants to run it. He couldn"t manage to have a partner on his wing because he chased everyone off. The X-wing is his baby and that"s just how it was going to be.
"But yesterday, that man who would never let anyone or anything come between him and his work, who has been fighting like a pit bull for a promotion since last year, lied to me and gave up the one thing he cared the most about-his job. He gave it all up without hesitation in order to protect you." She shook her head. "And then you came in here, knowing you could secure your job by throwing him under the bus and you didn"t."
Marin couldn"t even register the words. They weren"t a.s.sembling in the right order in her head.
"So though I don"t approve of what I walked in on yesterday, I at least can see that it"s more than a fly-by-night dalliance." She gave Marin a sage look. "Love is a powerful thing. Even the strongest of us can have a hard time resisting the pull of it. So don"t be too hard on yourself, Dr. Rush. And don"t be too hard on him. I"ve never seen that c.o.c.ky man so wholeheartedly undone." Her smile went wide. "I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed it."
Marin had to laugh at the pure joy on the older woman"s face even though her heart was splintering inside her chest. Donovan had given up what he loved most to save her. Then he"d torn her to pieces to make sure she didn"t hook her lifeboat to what he saw as his sinking s.h.i.+p.
"So, if you can convince Dr. West to take back his resignation and you plan to continue this relations.h.i.+p, all I ask is that there is full disclosure. Scandal is in the secrets. I don"t like scandal at my inst.i.tute," she said, her tone leaving no s.p.a.ce for argument. "So if you"re going to date, you be open about it. You make sure it does not interfere with your work. And though you can still shadow Donovan for training, someone from the couples wing will be a.s.signed as your official mentor."
Marin looked down at her hands, all of the information whirling around, slas.h.i.+ng through her. "Thank you, doctor, for your understanding. But I don"t think it"s going to be an issue. Donovan ended things yesterday."
Suri was quiet for a moment and then let out a beleaguered sigh. "Oh, men."
Marin looked up at that.
"Go talk to him. I bet you can make him see things in a different light." Dr. Suri sniffed. "I don"t know why men get it in their heads that they need to rescue us. We do just fine handling things ourselves. And you, Dr. Rush, are no damsel in distress who needs saving. Tell him to get over his martyr complex and that if he doesn"t take back that resignation, I"m giving the X-wing to Dr. Rhodes. That"ll get his attention."
Marin smoothed her hands over her skirt and nodded. She was glad Suri had a positive outlook about all this, but all she felt was dread inside. Maybe Donovan had tossed himself into the fire to save her. But the way they"d left things . . . she wasn"t sure if there was any getting through to him.
He"d already written his life sentence and he was determined to live it. Alone.
But she wasn"t one to walk away easily or give up. She"d give it one more shot. That"s about all her pride had left.
But when she made her way across campus and knocked on Donovan"s door, there was no answer. No car. And no sign of him.
She knocked again, not even sure why she was bothering, why she was going to leave herself exposed like this again, when a voice came from behind her. "He already left."
The familiar voice sent a rush of anger right through her. Marin spun around, clas.h.i.+ng gazes with Elle McCray. "Stalking him now?"
McCray tucked her hands in her lab coat and glanced toward the horizon, lips in a thin line. "I came to apologize actually."
"A little late for an I"m sorry, don"t you think?" Marin spat out.
"Yes," Elle said, no sarcasm in her tone. "But I was taught that when you screw up, you take responsibility for it. I screwed up. I owe an apology to you, too."
Marin walked down the front steps of Donovan"s porch, not wanting to air their dirty laundry for anyone who might pa.s.s by. "Not interested."
Elle released a breath and faced Marin. "Yeah. I imagine you"re not. I"m sure you don"t want to hear anything from me at all. But maybe one day you"ll end up thanking me."
This woman was f.u.c.king unbelievable. "Oh, is that right? What? For almost getting me fired?"
"Suri was never going to fire you. Not for that." Lines appeared around her eyes, like the dappled sunlight was too much. "But you"re young. You have your whole career in front of you. Your whole d.a.m.n life. Don"t screw that up chasing some guy who"s incapable of real emotion. He"ll just drain you dry."
"Incapable of emotion?" Marin scoffed, her disbelief too big to hold in. "Have you met Donovan? He"s not incapable. He"s got too much of it."
She made a sound like that was the most ridiculous statement she"d ever heard. "Yeah, well that guy who"s so full of emotion just packed a suitcase and headed out of here without so much as a good-bye. I"d say he looked broken up about it, but he seemed just fine to me."
Marin"s heart dropped into her stomach. "He left?"
McCray"s brief smile held no triumph, no malice, just a deep weariness. Sadness. "Take it from someone who already made this mistake. Cut bait and run, Dr. Rush. We both deserve someone who wouldn"t be able to walk away that easily."
And with that, she turned around and headed back up the walking path, her heels kicking up the gravel, leaving only dust, an empty house, and Marin behind.
Donovan had left. Without a word. Just like that.
He"d already dipped their time in bronze and put it on a shelf.