He let out a soft laugh. "Because my wife would kill me if I tried to move her out of state and because I"m never giving up this office. I can"t let Dr. Englebreit win."
She let out a little laugh even though anxiety had clamped her in its grip.
"But I think you should take the interview. Dr. Suri is tough, and she"ll demand a lot of you if she hires you, but she"s a good supervisor. She"ll challenge you."
Marin looked away. She didn"t want to seem ungrateful. But giving therapy to a bunch of spoiled celebrities and rich people wasn"t just galaxies outside her comfort zone. It flat-out terrified her. She wasn"t equipped for that. "I"m not sure-"
"You"re a brilliant researcher, Marin. You"ve been an a.s.set to this department, and I"ve enjoyed seeing how you"ve grown here. But I think you"re limiting yourself. You shouldn"t avoid clinical work because you"re scared to be out in the real world. I worked in the field a number of years before I came back to academia, and the experience was invaluable. You can always come back to this, but for now the higher salary could support you and give you some left over to help your brother. And once you have your clinical license, you"ll always have something to fall back on if you need it. The Grove is a big hitter to have on a resume."
Marin swallowed hard. She hated that he"d pinpointed her apprehension so easily. That thought of being out in the real world, trying to help people with their problems, had anxiety crawling over her like swarming ants. She hadn"t been able to help her own mother, how the h.e.l.l was she supposed to help anyone else? But what other options did she have? All the other local postdoc positions would be filled by now. And she didn"t want to have to move to G.o.d knows where and be even farther from Nathan to find something else. She also couldn"t go home unemployed, nearly broke, and with no prospects on the horizon. They wouldn"t last two months without her paycheck coming in.
She rubbed her hands on her slacks, her palms clammy, and looked up at Dr. Paxton. "Well, I guess I better plan a visit to the bayou."
"Excellent." His smile lifted the lines in his face and he gave her a nod. "I"ll tell them to give you a call and set something up."
She blew out a breath and stood.
Dr. Paxton rose from behind his desk and stepped around it.
Marin put out her hand. "Thanks, Dr. Pax. I can"t tell you how much I appreciate you going to these lengths to help me find something. I know you didn"t have to do that."
Dr. Paxton took her hand and instead of shaking it, stepped closer. Then the ever-professional professor pulled her into a hug. She stiffened with surprise at first but then relaxed into the gentle warmth of the gesture. She closed her eyes. He smelled like libraries and black coffee and her version of safety.
He leaned back, his hand clasped on her arm and a tenderness in his eyes, and gave her arm a gentle squeeze. "You"re going to be just fine, Marin. You"ve survived much worse than this and have landed on your feet. I have nothing but full confidence in you that you"ll make a brilliant therapist. The Grove would be lucky to have you."
Her eyes burned, tears threatening for some reason, and she gave a quick nod. "Thank you."
He gave her arm another pat and then stepped back. "Let me know how the interview goes, all right?"
She told him she would and headed out of the office. The hallway was buzzing with students and activity as she walked toward the quad, the familiar sounds making her want to cry even more. This wasn"t going to be her place anymore. This wasn"t her home. She"d spent so many years here, learning, growing, finding who she wanted to be. She pa.s.sed the door of the sleep lab and got an old, familiar pang of sadness. She"d even lost her innocence here and had her first heartbreak.
Now she"d have to face what was outside these walls. The world. Real life. She couldn"t be a student any longer. She couldn"t hide.
She pushed out into the spring suns.h.i.+ne and tried not to dissolve into tears.
6.
Donovan woke up with a booming headache and the cloying scent of lavender filling his head. He grimaced and rolled his face into the pillow. The smell only got stronger, confirming it wasn"t his pillow. Or his bed. f.u.c.k.
He turned his head and forced his eyes open, the morning light piercing his brain like tiny knives. Eyelet curtains blew in the breeze of the open window, the sound of the ducks puttering around the pond nearby drifting in. Great. Not only had he fallen asleep in the wrong bed, but he was all the way across campus, late, and hungover. Dr. Suri would s.h.i.+t a brick if she found out. He reached for his phone, which he"d managed to leave on the side table but not set his alarm-brilliance in action-and hit the speed dial.
His a.s.sistant, Ysabel, answered on the first ring. "I"ve already rescheduled your eight o"clock and pushed the morning group back a half hour."
Donovan let his head fall back to the pillow. "I love you, Ysa. Marry me."
"You"re not my type. I need more b.o.o.bs and less p.e.n.i.s."
"I could work on the first if you keep bringing in those beignets from the Morning Cup. But the p.e.n.i.s has to stay."
"I"m out, then. What"s your ETA?"
"An hour?"
"Be quicker. Dr. Suri called for you earlier. I told her you were on the phone. She didn"t leave a message because she was walking into a meeting, but you know she"ll call back when she gets out."
"s.h.i.+t. All right. Got it. Thanks, Best a.s.sistant Ever."
"Yeah, yeah. Kiss up. But you can"t keep pulling this s.h.i.+t. Dr. Rhodes is never late. I want that bigger office. And I don"t want him messing around on our wing."
He grimaced. Both he and Clinton Rhodes were up for the director position for the couples counseling building. The position would mean more money, a better office, extra support staff, and more time to devote to research in addition to the therapy. Donovan had stronger experience, but Clinton knew how to put on a good show and brownnose. And he showed up on time.
f.u.c.k.
With a sigh, he let Ysabel go and braced himself for the conversation he had waiting for him outside of this room. He rubbed a hand over his face and sat up, his head pounding with a wine hangover and the need for coffee. Might as well face the firing squad and get it done with.
He climbed out of bed, made a quick trip to the bathroom, and then searched around the bedroom for his clothes. After he"d pulled on his boxers and slacks, he found his s.h.i.+rt in a ball on the floor. He shook it out and saw that half the b.u.t.tons were missing and there were lipstick marks where the b.u.t.tons used to be. Great. Someone had been aggressive last night. He tugged it on and had to leave it hanging open.
He found his way into the kitchen. Elle was sitting at the table with a big mug of coffee and her laptop open. She was already in her physician wear-gray slacks and a black top, all very conservative and to the point. She glanced over when she saw him walk in. "Good. You"re up. I need you out of here. I have an appointment in fifteen minutes and the cleaning lady will be here any second."
"Fine. Is there more coffee? And do you have any T-s.h.i.+rts that would fit me? You demolished my b.u.t.tons."
"No s.h.i.+rts." She frowned. "And I"ve already drank the pot I made."
She didn"t offer to make more. He wasn"t surprised or offended. Elle didn"t make coffee for men on princ.i.p.al.
He went to the cupboard to get a gla.s.s and filled it with water from the sink. "Why didn"t you wake me up? You know I didn"t plan on sleeping here."
She barely glanced over. "I"m not your mother."
He sipped his water, evaluating her. Her blond hair was neatly tucked into a bun, her lips pursed as she typed away on her laptop. Dr. Elle McCray was a cool fortress of impenetrability ninety-nine percent of the time. Her patients and colleagues called her the b.i.t.c.h, sometimes behind her back, much of the time to her face. But you had to have an ego of steel to work in the rehab wing, and Elle did. Handling pampered celebrities detoxing from drugs was like working in a daycare half the time and a war zone the other half. Addiction had an insidious way of bringing out the worst in people and smothering the good. And Elle was like the priest in The Exorcist, helping patients tackle the demons for what they were and fighting hard for the soul choking for air beneath. You couldn"t go into that fight without a lot of armor, and Elle was armed to the teeth.
But he was beginning to wonder why Ms. Cool Customer had let him sleep over the last few times. That wasn"t what this relations.h.i.+p was. They both knew it.
He needed to stop drinking when he came over here. Elle had grown up in Napa and had a penchant for a good, strong cabernet, but the stuff was too easy to drink. He couldn"t let these lines get fuzzy. "Me sleeping here isn"t a good idea."
Her jaw tightened. "You called me. You drank too much. It"s not my fault you fell asleep. I didn"t hold you down and make you stay."
No, he was usually the one doing the holding down. That"s where they connected, despite barely being able to tolerate each other at work. Elle liked her s.e.x like he did-unsentimental and without strings. Hate-f.u.c.king. They were good at it. They served a purpose for each other-two workaholics letting off steam. At least that"s what it was supposed to be.
"Well, I"ve got to get going. Suri is hunting me down this morning."
Elle smirked. "Oh, poor Donovan."
"Don"t mock. She loves you." He dumped his gla.s.s out and set it in the sink. "Must be nice."
She sent him an angelic smile. "I know how to play the game and follow protocol. You should learn it sometime."
"I"ll take that into consideration, Dr. McCray." He strolled past her and grabbed his keys off the counter. They didn"t kiss or hug. He"d tried that after their first night together, feeling like it was the right thing to do even if he hadn"t been overly inspired to do it, but she"d shrugged him off. I don"t need empty gestures, Donovan, she"d told him. Just s.e.x.
Fine by him.
They exchanged a nod of good-bye, and he headed outside. He"d walked over to her place because it"d been a nice night, but now he regretted it. His house was on the other side of the expansive compound and making it across campus in his wrinkled clothes without being seen would be a challenge. He just had to hope that most of his co-workers were in sessions by now or at least in their offices.
The last thing he needed was Doc Suri finding out he was sleeping with a colleague. She already considered him the problem child since he liked doing things his way and couldn"t keep staff for long on his floor. He"d probably already be gone if it were solely up to her. But he was good at what he did, well-known from getting a few national TV spots when his female arousal research went viral, and the elite clientele here asked for him because of it. The o.r.g.a.s.m Whisperer. That"s the ridiculous name the media had given him. But it worked. The board of directors wanted him here because it brought in high-paying clients, and it let him get away with a few transgressions more than Dr. Suri would normally tolerate. But she had her limits, and he was close to pus.h.i.+ng over them.
Donovan slipped around the north edge of the pond and avoided the tai chi cla.s.s going on nearby. The ground was spongy from an overnight rain, and his dress shoes sank into the earth, making obscene sucking sounds as he skirted the edges of the surrounding trees. By the time he reached the main parking lot, his favorite shoes were a loss. Fantastic. Between his ruined s.h.i.+rt and muddy shoes, he was starting to resemble a hobo. But at least he was making good time and no one had seen him. The administrative building of the inst.i.tute loomed in the distance, but this parking lot was quiet since this was the visitors zone and visiting hours didn"t start until ten.
He was almost home free. His house was only a few hundred yards on the other side of the trees. But when he hurried around a large pickup truck to turn onto the walking path, someone ran smack into him.
He let out an oof and automatically put up his hands to block whoever or whatever it was, but when he did so, the person who"d run into him lost her balance and went sailing backward onto her a.s.s. Papers flew in the air. A curse flew from her.
The wet sound of her b.u.t.t hitting the earth alongside the path made Donovan cringe. Only then did he take in the sight. A woman in a business suit. Short dark hair. Horrified expression. He went to her side. "s.h.i.+t. Are you okay?"
Ignoring him, she peered around at the scattered papers and the mud that had splashed onto her legs and skirt. "Oh, you"ve got to be kidding me."
He reached out his hand. "Here. Let me help you up."
She glanced up then, annoyance in every corner of her expression, but when her gaze met his, she froze. Her lips parted for one long second and she blinked rapidly.
Donovan stilled, his hand extended, and a little jolt of awareness went through him. He wasn"t sure what it was, but something about her seemed familiar. He frowned, trying to place her. A former client, maybe? "Are you okay, miss?"
She broke the eye contact and took his offered hand. "I"ll be fine."
He helped her to her feet, and then they both gathered her things. She pulled a tissue out of her purse and did her best to clean off some of the mud.
"Do you need me to get you anything? Paper towels?"
"It"s okay." She glanced at him again, her gaze briefly tracking over his state, and only then did he remember how he must look. His s.h.i.+rt was hanging open with lipstick all over it, and he looked like he"d just rolled out of bed. Of course she didn"t want help from him. She probably knew not to trust strangers wandering the grounds of a psychiatric inst.i.tution.
"Are you here for an appointment?" he asked.
She tucked the tissue in her purse and gripped her stack of papers tightly. "Yes. And I need to get going or I"m going to be late. The guard already held me up forever at the main entrance."
He ran a hand over the back of his head, still trying to place her. She had that Demi Moore vibe, Ghost era, with her pixie cut and those big hazel eyes. Maybe that"s what was poking at his brain. Or maybe she was some B-list actress that he"d seen in a movie. Lord knows there were enough of them who came here for treatment. But she didn"t have that emaciated body that so many of the wannabe stars strived for. There were soft curves and gentle lines. His fingers flexed. "I"m really sorry about b.u.mping into you."
"My fault. I was looking at my phone instead of up. I-" She pressed her lips together and s.h.i.+fted her gaze toward the main building. Nervous. "I"ve got to go."
"Need me to point you toward any place in particular?"
She had already started walking, her heels click, click, clicking on the pavement. She called back over her shoulder. "Nope. Thanks. I"m good."
She had a smear of mud on the back of her skirt from the fall, but she held her head high as she walked like it didn"t bother her. Only the stiff set of her shoulders told him she was strung up tight. Huh. Maybe that"s what she was coming in for-anxiety. At least it would mean she wouldn"t be one of his clients. Thank G.o.d. Talk about awkward. h.e.l.lo, doctor. Oh yes, you were the one doing the walk of shame this morning. Nice to meet you. Now I will confess my deepest, darkest secrets and trust you with my mental health.
Talk about breaking any semblance of professional credibility before even getting started.
Donovan jogged the rest of his way to his place and thanked the universe he hadn"t run into anyone he knew. Now he just needed to make sure he was at his desk before Dr. Suri tracked him down again. Small miracles. He"d take what he could get.
7.
The place used to be an asylum. Considering how crazy Marin felt for even taking this interview after what had happened in the parking lot, it seemed fitting. When she"d looked up and found Donovan West holding his hand out to her, she"d tumbled back in time for a second. Everything in her had fluttered like she was still some eighteen-year-old girl with a crush.
But when he hadn"t recognized her, she"d slammed right back into reality. She was here for an interview, sitting in the mud, and the man she"d lost her virginity to didn"t even know her name. She didn"t blame him for not recognizing her. It"d been nine years. There was little left to resemble the girl she"d been. Her contacts were in, she"d chopped off her hair a few years ago, and she"d gained at least fifteen pounds since then. He looked different, too. Older. Broader. More of a man now, with his morning scruff and the faint lines of life around his eyes. And she wasn"t going to think about the bare chest beneath his s.h.i.+rt or the dark hair that had curled down a body he obviously took very good care of. She would not think about that at all. Especially considering the very obvious pink lipstick that had been all over his ruined s.h.i.+rt. Someone had apparently not lost his penchant for hookups.
That wasn"t a surprise. Perversely, she"d followed Donovan"s career for a few years after they"d slept together. It"d been her secret, m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic indulgence. Everything had been so chaotic then. She"d had to drop out of school for almost a year, had to fight for custody of Nate, had to figure out how to support a household on her own. Looking up Donovan had given her a brief escape.
She"d watched his research get published. She"d seen the buzz that had made it all the way into the mainstream media. And she"d seen him do interviews on the talk shows. She"d been happy for him, but after a while, seeing his success had begun to sting more than comfort. The sweet, s.e.xy guy she"d gotten to know that spring break week had changed. She could see the s.h.i.+ft in the interviews. The limelight had made him smug. c.o.c.ky. Soon, there were rumors that he was dating actresses and Hollywood elite. The media gave him a ridiculous nickname. Marin had stopped looking.
So she had no idea why the h.e.l.l he was in nowhere Louisiana now. She would"ve a.s.sumed he was still riding his sliver of fame with some private practice in L.A. But nope, he was here. Half-dressed and helping her to her feet.
Maybe he was a client here. Ha. She wouldn"t be so lucky. She should walk straight back to the rental car and get the h.e.l.l out of here. She"d already ruined her outfit anyway. She was going to walk in looking ridiculous.
But she"d come this far, and she didn"t have any other options that would give her a chance at the pay she needed. She needed this. Nate needed this. She took a few more steps forward.
The chalk-white building loomed in front of her, intimidating and grand with its three-story-high Greek columns and a grove of ancient oak trees surrounding it. Gnarled branches with snaking Spanish moss seemed to hold the historic structure in their grasp. Breathtaking, really. But a pervasive sense of dread filled her. She imagined the people who were committed here back when it was an asylum had found no comfort in it either. Beauty with bite. This place seemed too grand, too ancient, too everything. She felt like an intruder at the gates.
"Need help finding something?" someone asked from off to her left.
She turned to find a tall, dark-skinned woman in a white coat sending her a polite smile. "I-"
Her smile fell when she took in Marin"s state. "Oh, Lord. What happened to you?"
Marin looked down at the splashes of mud on her skirt and her soggy papers. "I got in a fight with the lawn and lost."
The woman gave her a sympathetic laugh. "Oh, no. That bayou mud will get you after a rainstorm. I can show you where the bathrooms are if you want to wash out your skirt and can get you some scrubs to put on in the meantime."
"Thanks. I would, but I"m here for an interview with Dr. Suri, and I don"t want to be late."
She cringed. "Oh, wow, yeah. Being late would be a bad idea. She"s kind of stickler for time. Just tell her what happened with the fall. Why does that kind of thing only happen on job interviews? I got a flat tire when I came for mine."
"Guess you got the job anyway."
"That"s because I"m so good." The woman brushed imaginary dust from her shoulder with playful confidence. "Two years and running. Hey, maybe bad luck before the interview is a good omen."
After the parking lot, Marin was thinking not. But she smiled anyway. "Maybe."
The woman stepped closer, her brown eyes flas.h.i.+ng golden in the dappled sunlight that streamed through the branches of the surrounding oak trees. She stuck out her hand. "Oriana Wallace. Addiction wing."