Chapter 10. Brooklynites Natural-Born Hayseeds
SOME people are wonderin" why it is that the Brooklyn Democrats have been sidin" with David B. Hill and the upstate crowd. There"s no cause for wonder. I have made a careful study of the Brooklynite, and I can tell you why. It"s because a Brooklynite is a natural-born hay. seed, and can never become a real New Yorker. He can"t be trained into it.
Consolidation didn"t make him a New Yorker, and nothin" on earth can. A man born in Germany can settle down and become a good New Yorker. So can an Irishman; in fact, the first word an Irish boy learns in the old country is "New York," and when he grows up and comes here, he is at home right away. Even a j.a.p or a Chinaman can become a New Yorker, but a Brooklynite never can.
And why? Because Brooklyn don"t seem to be like any other place on earth. Once let a man grow up amidst Brooklyn"s cobblestones, with the odor of Newton Creek and Gowa.n.u.s Ca.n.a.l ever in his nostrils, and there"s no place in the world for him except Brooklyn. And even if he don"t grow up there; if he is born there and lives there only in his boyhood and then moves away, he is still beyond redemption. In one of my speeches in the Legislature, I gave an example of this, and it"s worth repeatin"
now. Soon after I became a leader on the West Side, a quarter of a century ago, I came across a bright boy, about seven years old, who had just been brought over from Brooklyn by his parents. I took an interest in the boy, and when he grew up I brought him into politics. Finally, I sent him to the a.s.sembly from my district Now remember that the boy was only seven years old when he left Brooklyn, and was twenty-three when he went to the a.s.sembly. You"d think he had forgotten all about Brooklyn, wouldn"t you? I did, but I was dead wrong. When that young fellow got into the a.s.sembly he paid no attention to bills or debates about New York City. He didn"t even show any interest in his own district. But just let Brooklyn be mentioned, or a bill be introduced about Gowa.n.u.s Ca.n.a.l, or the Long Island Railroad, and he was all attention. Nothin"
else on earth interested him.
The end came when I caught him--what do you think I caught him at? One mornin" I went over from the Senate to the a.s.sembly chamber, and there I found my young man readin"--actually readin" a Brooklyn newspaper!
When he saw me comm" he tried to hide the paper, but it was too late.
I caught him dead to rights, and I said to him: "Jimmy, I"m afraid New York ain"t fascinatin" enough for you. You had better move back to Brooklyn after your present term." And he did. I met him the other day crossin" the Brooklyn Bridge, carryin" a hobbyhorse under one arm, and a doll"s carriage under the other, and lookin" perfectly happy.
McCarren and his men are the same way. They can"t get it into their heads that they are New Yorkers, and just tend naturally toward supportin" Hill and his hay-seeds against Murphy. I had some hopes of McCarren till lately. He spends so much of his time over here and has seen so much of the world that I thought he might be an exception, and grow out of his Brooklyn surroundings, but his course at Albany shows that there is no exception to the rule. Say, I"d rather take a Hottentot in hand to bring up as a good New Yorker than undertake the job with a Brooklynite. Honest, I would.
And, by the way, come to think of it, is there really any upstate Democrats left? It has never been proved to my satisfaction that there is any. I know that some upstate members of the State committee call themselves Democrats. Besides these, I know at least six more men above the Bronx who make a livin" out of professin" to be Democrats, and I have just heard of some few more. But if there is any real Democrats up the State, what becomes of them on election day? They certainly don"t go near the polls or they vote the Republican ticket. Look at the last three State elections! Roosevelt piled up more than 100,000 majority above the Bronx; Odell piled up about 160,000 majority the first time he ran and 131,000 the second time. About all the Democratic votes cast were polled in New York City. The Republicans can get all the votes they want up the State. Even when we piled up 123,000 majority for Coler in the city In 1902, the Republicans went it 8000 better above the Bronx.
That"s why it makes me mad to hear about upstate Democrats controllin"
our State convention, and sayin" who we shall choose for President.
It"s just like Staten Island undertakin" to dictate to a New York City convention. I remember once a Syracuse man came to Richard Croker at the Democratic Club, handed him a letter of introduction and said: "I"m lookin" for a job in the Street Cleanin" Department; I"m backed by a hundred upstate Democrats." Croker looked hard at the man a minute and then said: "Upstate Democrats! Upstate Democrats! I didn"t know there was any upstate Democrats. Just walk up and down a while till I see what an upstate Democrat looks like."
Another thing. When a campaign is on, did you ever hear of an upstate Democrat makin" a contribution? Not much. Tammany has had to foot the whole bill, and when any of Hill"s men came down to New York to help him in the campaign, we had to pay their board. Whenever money is to be raised, there"s nothin" doin" up the State. The Democrats there--always providin" that there is any Democrats there--take to the woods.
Supposin" Tammany turned over the campaigns to the Hill men and then held off, what would happen? Why, they would have to hire a shed out in the suburbs of Albany for a headquarters, unless the Democratic National Committee put up for the campaign expenses. Tammany"s got the votes and the cash. The Hill crowd"s only got hot air.
Chapter 11. Tammany Leaders Not Bookworms
You hear a lot of talk about the Tammany district leaders bein"
illiterate men. If illiterate means havin" common sense, we plead guilty. But if they mean that the Tammany leaders ain"t got no education and ain"t gents they don"t know what they"re talkin" about. Of course, we ain"t all bookworms and college professors. If we were, Tammany might win an election once in four thousand years. Most of the leaders are plain American citizens, of the people and near to the people, and they have all the education they need to whip the dudes who part their name in the middle and to run the City Government. We"ve got bookworms, too, in the organization. But we don"t make them district leaders. We keep them for ornaments on parade days.
Tammany Hall is a great big machine, with every part adjusted delicate to do its own particular work. It runs so smooth that you wouldn"t think it was a complicated affair, but it is. Every district leader is fitted to the district he runs and he wouldn"t exactly fit any other district.
That"s the reason Tammany never makes the mistake the Fusion outfit always makes of sendin" men into the districts who don"t know the people, and have no sympathy with their peculiarities--We don"t put a silk stockin" on the Bowery, nor do we make a man who is handy with his fists leader of the Twenty-ninth. The Fusionists make about the same sort of a mistake that a repeater made at an election in Albany several years ago. He was hired to go to the polls early in a half-dozen election districts and vote on other men"s names before these men reached the polls. At one place, when he was asked his name by the poll clerk, he had the nerve to answer "William Croswell Doane."
"Come off. You ain"t Bishop Doane," said the poll clerk.
"The h.e.l.l I ain"t, you--I" yelled the repeater.
Now, that is the sort of bad judgment the Fusionists are guilty of. They don"t pick men to suit the work they have to do.
Take me, for instance. My district, the Fifteenth, is made up of all sorts of people, and a cosmopolitan is needed to run it successful. I"m a cosmopolitan. When I get into the silk-stockin" part of the district, I can talk grammar and all that with the best of them. I went to school three winters when I was a boy, and I learned a lot of fancy stuff that I keep for occasions. There ain"t a silk stockin" in the district who ain"t proud to be seen talkin" with George Washington Plunkitt, and maybe they learn a thing or two from their talks with me. There"s one man in the district, a big banker, who said to me one day: "George, you can sling the most vigorous English I ever heard. You remind me of Senator h.o.a.r of Ma.s.sachusetts." Of course, that was puttin" it on too thick; but say, honest, I like Senator h.o.a.r"s speeches. He once quoted in the United States Senate some of my remarks on the curse of civil service, and, though he didn"t agree with me altogether, I noticed that our ideas are alike in some things, and we both have the knack of puttin" things strong, only he put on more frills to suit his audience.
As for the common people of the district, I am at home with them at all times. When I go among them, I don"t try to show off my grammar, or talk about the Const.i.tution, or how many volts there is in electricity or make it appear in any way that I am better educated than they are. They wouldn"t stand for that sort of thing. No; I drop all monkeyshines.
So you see, I"ve got to be several sorts of a man in a single day, a lightnin" change artist, so to speak. But I am one sort of man always in one respect: I stick to my friends high and low, do them a good turn whenever I get a chance, and hunt up all the jobs going for my const.i.tuents. There ain"t a man in New York who"s got such a scent for political jobs as I have. When I get up in the mornin" I can almost tell every time whether a job has become vacant over night, and what department it"s in and I"m the first man on the ground to get it. Only last week I turned up at the office of Water Register Savage at 9 A.M. and told him I wanted a vacant place in his office for one of my const.i.tuents. "How did you know that O"Brien had got out?" he asked me.
"I smelled it in the air when I got up this mornin"," I answered. Now, that was the fact. I didn"t know there was a man in the department named O"Brien, much less that he had got out, but my scent led me to the Water Register"s office, and it don"t often lead me wrong.
A cosmopolitan ain"t needed in all the other districts, but our men are just the kind to rule. There"s Dan Finn, in the Battery district, bluff, jolly Dan, who is now on the bench. Maybe you"d think that a court justice is not the man to hold a district like that, but you"re mistaken. Most of the voters of the district are the janitors of the big office buildings on lower Broadway and their helpers. These janitors are the most dignified and haughtiest of men. Even I would have trouble in holding them. Nothin" less than a judge on the bench is good enough for them. Dan does the dignity act with the janitors, and when he is with the boys he hangs up the ermine in the closet and becomes a jolly good fellow.
Big Tom Foley, leader of the Second District, fits in exactly, too. Tom sells whisky, and good whisky, and he is able to take care of himself against a half dozen thugs if he runs up against them on Cherry Hill or in Chatharn Square. Pat Ryder and Johnnie Ahearn of the Third and Fourth Districts are just the men for the places. Ahearn"s const.i.tuents are about half Irishmen and half Jews. He is as popular with one race as with the other. He eats corned beef and kosher meat with equal nonchalance, and it"s all the same to him whether he takes off his hat in the church or pulls it down over his ears in the synagogue.
The other downtown leaders, Barney Martin of the Fifth, Tim Sullivan of the Sixth, Pat Keahon of the Seventh, Florrie Sullivan of the Eighth, Frank Goodwin of the Ninth, Julius Harburger of the Tenth, Pete Dooling of the Eleventh, Joe Scully of the Twelfth, Johnnie Oakley of the Fourteenth, and Pat Keenan of the Sixteenth are just built to suit the people they have to deal with. They don"t go in for literary business much downtown, but these men are all real gents, and that"s what the people want--even the poorest tenement dwellers. As you go farther uptown you find a rather different kind of district leader. There"s Victor Dowling who was until lately the leader of the Twenty-fourth.
He"s a lulu. He knows the Latin grammar backward. What"s strange, he"s a sensible young fellow, too. About once in a century we come across a fellow like that in Tammany politics. James J. Martin, leader of the Twenty-seventh, is also something of a hightoner and publishes a law paper, while Thomas E. Rush, of the Twenty-ninth, is a lawyer, and Isaac Hopper, of the Thirty-first, is a big contractor. The downtown leaders wouldn"t do uptown, and vice versa. So, you see, these fool critics don"t know what they"re talkin" about when they criticize Tammany Hall, the most perfect political machine on earth.
Chapter 12. Dangers of the Dress Suit in Politics
PUTIN" on style don"t pay in politics. The people won"t stand for it. If you"ve got an achin" for style, sit down on it till you have made your pile and landed a Supreme Court Justiceship with a fourteen-year term at $17,000 a year, or some job of that kind. Then you"ve got about all you can get out of politics, and you can afford to wear a dress suit all day and sleep in it all night if you have a mind to. But, before you have caught onto your life meal ticket, be simple. Live like your neighbors even if you have the means to live better. Make the poorest man in your district feel that he is your equal, or even a bit superior to you.
Above all things, avoid a dress suit. You have no idea of the harm that dress suits have done in politics. They are not so fatal to young politicians as civil service reform and drink, but they have scores of victims. I will mention one sad case. After the big Tammany victory in 1897, Richard Croker went down to Lakewood to make up the slate of offices for Mayor Van Wyck to distribute. All the district leaders and many more Tammany men went down there, too, to pick up anything good that was goin." There was nothin" but dress suits at dinner at Lakewood, and Croker wouldn"t let any Tammany men go to dinner without them. Well, a bright young West Side politician, who held a three-thousan dollar job in one of the departments, went to Lakewood to ask Croker for something better. He wore a dress suit for the first time in his hie. It was his undoin". He got stuck on himself. He thought he looked too beautiful for anything, and when he came home he was a changed man. As soon as he got to his house every evenin" he put on that dress Suit and set around in it until bedtime. That didn"t satisfy him long. He wanted others to see how beautiful he was in a dress suit; so he joined dancin" clubs and began goin" to all the b.a.l.l.s that was given in town. Soon he began to neglect his family. Then he took to drinkin", and didn"t pay any attention to his political work in the district. The end came in less than a year. He was dismissed from the department and went to the dogs.
The other day I met him rigged out almost like a hobo, but he still had a dress-suit vest on. When I asked him what he was doin", he said: "Nothin" at present, but I got a promise of a job enrollin" voters at Citizens" Union head-quarters." Yes, a dress Suit had brought him that low!
I"ll tell you another case right in my own a.s.sembly District. A few years ago I had as one of my lieutenants a man named Zeke Thompson. He did fine work for me and I thought he had a bright future. One day he came to me, said he intended to buy an option on a house, and asked me to help him out. I like to see a young man acquirin" property and I had so much confidence in Zeke that I put up for him on the house.
A month or so afterwards I heard strange rumors. People told me that Zeke was beginnin" to put on style. They said he had a billiard table in his house and had hired j.a.p servants. I couldn"t believe it. The idea of a Democrat, a follower of George Washington Plunkitt in the Fifteenth a.s.sembly District havin" a billiard table and j.a.p servants! One mornin"
I called at the house to give Zeke a chance to clear himself. A j.a.p opened the door for me. I saw the billiard table--Zeke was guilty! When I got over the shock, I said to Zeke: "You are caught with the goods on.
No excuses will go. The Democrats of this district ain"t used to dukes and princes and we wouldn"t feel comfortable in your company. You"d overpower us. You had better move up to the Nineteenth or Twenty-seventh District, and hang a silk stocking on your door." He went up to the Nineteenth, turned Republican, and was lookin" for an Albany job the last I heard of him.
Now, n.o.body ever saw me puttin" on any style. I"m the same Plunkitt I was when I entered politics forty years ago. That is why the people of the district have confidence in me. If I went into the stylish business, even I, Plunkitt, might be thrown down in the district. That was shown pretty clearly in the senatorial fight last year. A day before the election, my enemies circulated a report that I had ordered a $10,000 automobile and a $125 dress suit. I sent out contradictions as fast as I could, but I wasn"t able to stamp out the infamous slander before the votin" was over, and I suffered some at the polls. The people wouldn"t have minded much if I had been accused of robbin" the city treasury, for they"re used to slanders of that kind in campaigns, but the automobile and the dress suit were too much for them.
Another thing that people won"t stand for is showin" off your learnin".
That"s just puttin" on style in another way. If you"re makin" speeches in a campaign, talk the language the people talk. Don"t try to show how the situation is by quotin" Shakespeare. Shakespeare was all right in his way, but he didn"t know anything about Fifteenth District politics.
If you know Latin and Greek and have a hankerin" to work them off on somebody, hire a stranger to come to your house and listen to you for a couple of hours; then go out and talk the language of the Fifteenth to the people. I know it"s an awful temptation, the hankerin" to show off your learnin". I"ve felt it myself, but I always resist it. I know the awful consequences.
Chapter 13. On Munic.i.p.al Ownership
I AM for munic.i.p.al ownership on one condition: that the civil service law be repealed. It"s a grand idea--the city the railroads, the gas works and all that. Just see how many thousands of new places there would be for the workers in Tammany. Why, there would be almost enough to go around, if no civil service law stood in the way. My plan is this: first get rid of that infamous law, and then go ahead and by degrees get munic.i.p.al ownership.
Some of the reformers are sayin" that munic.i.p.al ownership won"t do because it would give a lot of patronage to the politicians. How those fellows mix things up when they argue! They"re givin" the strongest argument in favor of munic.i.p.al ownership when they say that. Who is better fitted to run the railroads and the gas plants and the ferries than the men who make a business of lookin" after the interests of the city? Who is more anxious to serve the city? Who needs the jobs more?
Look at the Dock Department! The city owns the docks, and how beautiful Tammany manages them! I can"t tell you how many places they provide for our workers. I know there is a lot of talk about dock graft, but that talk comes from the outs. When the Republicans had the docks under Low and Strong, you didn"t hear them sayin" anything about graft, did you?
No; they" just went in and made hay while the sun shone--That"s always the case. When the reformers are out they raise the yell that Tammany men should be sent to jail. When they get in, they"re so busy keepin"
out of jail themselves that they don"t have no time to attack Tammany.
All I want is that munic.i.p.al ownership be postponed till I get my bill repealin" the civil service law before the next legislature. It would be all a mess if every man who wanted a job would have to run up against a civil service examination. For instance, if a man wanted a job as motorman on a surface car, it"s ten to one that they would ask him: "Who wrote the Latin grammar, and, if so, why did he write it? How many years were you at college? Is there any part of the Greek language you don"t know? State all you don"t know, and why you don"t know it. Give a list of all the sciences with full particulars about each one and how it came to be discovered. Write out word for word the last ten decisions of the United States Supreme Court and show if they conflict with the last ten decisions of the police courts of New York City."
Before the would-be motorman left the civil service room, the chances are he would be a raving lunatic Anyhow I wouldn"t like to ride on his car. Just here I want to say one last final word about civil service.
In the last ten years I have made an investigation which I"ve kept quiet till this time. Now I have all the figures together, and I"m ready to announce the result. My investigation was to find out how many civil service reformers and how many politicians were in state prisons. I discovered that there was forty per cent more civil service reformers among the jailbirds. If any legislative committee wants the detailed figures, I"ll prove what I say. I don"t want to give the figures now, because I want to keep them to back me up when I go to Albany to get the civil service law repealed. Don"t you think that when I"ve had my inning, the civil service law will go down, and the people will see that the politicians are all right, and that they ought to have the job of runnin" things when munic.i.p.al ownership comes?
One thing more about munic.i.p.al ownership. If the city owned the railroads, etc., salaries would be sure to go up. Higher salaries is the cryin" need of the day. Munic.i.p.al ownership would increase them all along the line and would stir up such patriotism as New York City never knew before. You can"t be patriotic on a salary that just keeps the wolf from the door. Any man who pretends he can will bear watchin". Keep your hand on your watch and pocketbook when he"s about. But, when a man has a good fat salary, he finds himself hummin" "Hail Columbia," all unconscious and he fancies, when he"s ridin" in a trolley car, that the wheels are always sayin": "Yankee Doodle Came to Town." I know how it is myself. When I got my first good job from the city I bought up all the firecrackers in my district to salute this glorious country. I couldn"t wait for the Fourth of July 1 got the boys on the block to fire them off for me, and I felt proud of bein" an American. For a long time after that I use to wake up nights singin" "The Star-Spangled Banner."
Chapter 14. Tammany the Only Lastin" Democracy
I"ve seen more than one hundred "Democracies" rise and fall in New York City in the last quarter of a century. At least a half-dozen new so-called Democratic organizations are formed every year. All of them go in to down Tammany and take its place, but they seldom last more than a year or two, while Tammany"s like the everlastin" rocks, the eternal hills and the blockades on the "L" road--it goes on forever.