Having, on my side, had time to cool--and feeling the absurdity of our exchanging letters when we were within a few minutes" walk of each other--I had gone straight to Browndown, on receiving the letter: first crumpling it up, and (as I supposed) throwing it into the fire. After personally setting myself right with Oscar, I had returned to the rectory; and had there heard that Nugent had been to see me in my absence, had waited a little while alone in the sitting-room, and had gone away again. When I tell you that the letter which he was now showing to Lucilla, was that same letter of Oscar"s, which I had (as I believed) destroyed, you will understand that I had thrown it into the fender instead of into the fire; and that I failed to see it in the fender on my return, simply because Nugent had seen it first, and had taken it away with him. These particulars are described in greater detail in the chapter to which I have referred; the letter itself being there inserted at full length. However, I will save you the trouble of looking back--I know how you hate trouble!--by transcribing literally what I find before me in the Journal. The original letter is pasted on the page: I will copy it from the page for the second time. Am I not good to you? What author by profession would do as much for you as this? I am afraid I am praising myself! Let Lucilla proceed.--P.]
I took the letter from him and read it. At my request, he has permitted me to keep it. The letter is my justification for thinking of Madame Pratolungo as I now think of her. I place it here, before I write another line in my Journal.
"MADAME PRATOLUNGO,--You have distressed and pained me more than I can say. There are faults, and serious ones, on my side, I know. I heartily beg your pardon for anything that I may have said or done to offend you.
I cannot submit to your hard verdict on me. If you knew how I adore Lucilla, you would make allowances for me--you would understand me better than you do. I cannot get your last cruel words out of my ears. I cannot meet you again without some explanation of them. You stabbed me to the heart, when you said this evening that it would be a happier prospect for Lucilla if she had been going to marry my brother instead of marrying me.
I hope you did not really mean that? Will you please write and tell me whether you did or not?
"OSCAR."
My first proceeding, after reading those lines, was of course to put my arm again in his, and to draw him as close to me as close could be. My second proceeding followed in due time. I asked, naturally, for Madame Pratolungo"s answer to that most affectionate and most touching letter.
"I have no answer to show you," he said.
"You have lost it?" I asked.
"I never had it."
"What do you mean?"
"Madame Pratolungo never answered my letter."
I made him repeat that--once, twice. Was it not incredible that such an appeal could be made to any woman not utterly depraved--and be left unnoticed? Twice he reiterated the same answer. Twice he declared on his honor that not a line of reply had been returned to him. She was then utterly depraved? No! there was a last excuse left that justice and friendship might still make for her. I made it.
"There is but one explanation of her conduct," I said. "She never received the letter. Where did you send it to?"
"To the rectory."
"Who took it?"
"My own servant."
"He may have lost it on the way, and have been afraid to tell you. Or the servant at the rectory may have forgotten to deliver it."
Oscar shook his head. "Quite impossible! I know Madame Pratolungo received the letter."
"How?"
"I found it crumpled up in a corner inside the fender, _in your sitting-room at the rectory._"
"Had it been opened?"
"It had been opened. She had received it; she had read it; and she had not thrown quite far enough to throw it into the fire. Now, Lucilla! Is Madame Pratolungo an injured woman? and am I a man who has slandered her?"
There was another public seat, a few paces distant from us. I could stand no longer. I went away by myself and sat down. A dull sensation possessed me. I could neither speak, nor cry. There I sat in silence; slowly wringing my hands in my lap, and feeling the last ties that still bound me to the once-loved friend of former days, falling away one after the other, and leaving us parted for life.
He followed me, and stood over me--he summed her up in stern quiet tones, which carried conviction into my mind, and made me feel ashamed of myself for having ever regretted her.
"Look back for the last time, Lucilla, at what this woman has said and done. You will find that the idea of your marrying Nugent is, under one form or another, always present to her mind. Present alike when she forgets herself, and speaks in a rage--or when she reflects, and speaks with a purpose. At one time, she tells you that you would have fallen in love with Nugent, if you had seen him first. At another time, she stands by while Nugent is personating me to you, and never interferes to stop it. On a third occasion, she sees that you are offended with me; and triumphs so cruelly in seeing it, that she tells me to my face, your prospect would have been a much happier one, if you had been engaged to marry my brother instead of me. She is asked in writing, civilly and kindly asked, to explain what she means by those abominable words? She has had time to reflect since she spoke them; and what does she do? Does she answer me? No! She contemptuously tosses my letter into the fire-place. Add to these plain facts what you yourself have observed.
Nugent has all her admiration; Nugent is her favorite: from the first, she has always disliked and wronged _me._ Add to this, again, that Nugent (as I know for certain) privately confessed to her that he was himself in love with you. Look at all these circ.u.mstances--and what plain conclusion follows? I ask you once more--Is Madame Pratolungo a slandered woman? or am I right in warning you (as you once warned me) to beware of her?"
What could I do but own that he was right? It was due to him, and due to me, to close my heart to her, from that moment. Oscar sat down by me, and took my hand.
"After my experience of her in the past," he went on softly, "can you wonder that I dread what she may do in the future? Has no such thing ever happened as the parting of true lovers by treachery which has secretly undermined their confidence in each other. Is Madame Pratolungo not clever enough and unscrupulous enough to undermine _our_ confidence, and to turn against us, to the wickedest purpose, the influence which she already possesses at the rectory? How do we know that she is not in communication with Nugent at this moment?"
I stopped him there--I could not endure it. "You have seen your brother,"
I said. "You have told me that you and he understand each other. What have you to dread after that?"
"I have to dread Madame Pratolungo"s influence, and my brother"s infatuation for you," he answered. "The promises which he has honestly made to me, are promises which I cannot depend on when my back is turned, and when Madame Pratolungo may be with him in my absence. Something under the surface is going on already! I don"t like that mysterious letter, which is only to be shown to you on certain conditions. I don"t like your father"s silence. He has had time to answer your letter. Has he done it?
He has had time to answer my postscript. Has he done it?"
Those were awkward questions. He had certainly left both our letters unanswered--thus far. Still, the next post might bring his reply. I persisted in taking this view; and I said so to Oscar. He persisted just as obstinately on his side.
"Suppose we go on to the end of the week," he said; "and still no letter from your father comes, for you, or for me? Will you admit, _then,_ that his silence is suspicious?"
"I will admit that his silence shows a sad want of proper consideration for _you,_" I replied.
"And there you will stop? You won"t see (what I see) the influence of Madame Pratolungo making itself felt at the rectory, and poisoning your father"s mind against our marriage?"
He was pressing me rather hardly. I did my best, however, to tell him honestly what was pa.s.sing in my mind.
"I can see," I said, "that Madame Pratolungo has behaved most cruelly to you. And I believe, after what you have told me, that she would rejoice if I broke my engagement, and married your brother. But I can _not_ understand that she is mad enough to be actually plotting to make me do it. n.o.body knows better than she does how faithfully I love you, and how hopeless it would be to attempt to make me marry another man. Would the stupidest woman living, who looked at you two brothers (knowing what she knows), be stupid enough to do what you suspect Madame Pratolungo of doing?"
I thought this unanswerable. He had his reply to it ready, for all that.
"If you had seen more of the world, Lucilla," he said, "you would know that a true love like yours is a mystery to a woman like Madame Pratolungo. She doesn"t believe in it--she doesn"t understand it. She knows herself to be capable of breaking any engagement, if the circ.u.mstances encouraged her--and she estimates your fidelity by her knowledge of her own nature. There is nothing in her experience of you, or in her knowledge of my brother"s disfigurement, to discourage such a woman from scheming to part us. She has seen for herself--what you have already told me--that you have got over your first aversion to him. She knows that women as charming as you are, have over and over again married men far more personally repulsive than my brother. Lucilla! something which is not to be out-argued, and not to be contradicted, tells me that her return to England will be fatal to my hopes, if that return finds you and me with no closer tie between us than the tie that binds us now. Are these fanciful apprehensions, unworthy of a man? My darling! worthy or not worthy, you ought to make allowances for them. They are apprehensions inspired by my love for You!"
Under those circ.u.mstances, I could make every allowance for him--and I said so. He moved nearer to me; and put his arm round me.
"Are we not engaged to each other to be man and wife?" he whispered.
"Yes."
"Are we not both of age, and both free to do as we like?"
"Yes."
"Would you relieve me from the anxieties under which I am suffering, if you could?"
"You know I would!"
"You _can_ relieve me."
"How?"
"By giving me a husband"s claim to you, Lucilla--by consenting to marry me in London, in a fortnight"s time."
I started back, and looked at him in amazement. For the moment, I was incapable of answering in any other way than that.