_Falstaff_.--I would thou wert a man"s tailor, that thou mightst mend him and make him fit to go. Let that suffice, most forcible Feeble.
_Feeble_.--It shall suffice, sir.
_Falstaff_.--I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. Who is next?
_Shallow_.--Peter Bullcalf, o" the green.
_Falstaff_.--Yea, marry, let"s see Bullcalf.
_Bullcalf_.--Here, sir.
_Falstaff_.--Fore G.o.d, a likely fellow! Come, p.r.i.c.k me Bullcalf till he roar again.
_Bullcalf_.--O Lord! Good my lord captain,--
_Falstaff_.--What, dost thou roar before thou art p.r.i.c.ked?
_Bullcalf_.--O Lord, sir! I"m a diseased man.
_Falstaff_.--What disease hast thou?
_Bullcalf_.--A terrible cold, sir, a cough, sir.
_Falstaff_.--Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown. We will have away with thy cold. Is here all?
_Shallow_.--Here is two more than your number. You must have but four here, sir; and so, I pray you, go in with me to dinner.
_Falstaff_.--Come, I will go drink with you.
(_Exit Sir John and Justice Shallow_.)
_Bullcalf_.--(_Approaching Bardolph_.) Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend; and here"s four Harry ten shillings in French crowns for you. In very truth, sir, I"d as lief be hanged, sir, as to go; and yet for mine own part, sir, I do not care; but rather because I am unwilling, and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay with my friends; else, sir, I did not care, for my own part, so much.
_Bardolph_.--(_Pocketing the money_.) Go to; stand aside.
_Feeble_.--By my troth, I care not.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.
A SCENE FROM DAVID COPPERFIELD.
AT THE LODGINGS OF MR. AND MRS. MICAWBER.
_Introduction_.--The scene opens in the lodgings of Mr. and Mrs.
Micawber. Mr. Micawber at this time is suffering under, what he terms, "A temporary pressure of pecuniary liabilities," and is out looking for something to turn up.
Mrs. Micawber is at home attending to the twins, one of which she is holding in her arms, the other is in the cradle near by, and various of the children are scattered about the floor.
Mrs. Micawber has been bothered all the morning by the calling of creditors;--at last she exclaims, as she trots the babe in her arms:--
(_Mrs. Micawber_.) Well, I wonder how many more times they will be calling! However, it"s their fault. If Mr. Micawber"s creditors won"t give him time, they must take the consequences. Oh! there is some one knocking now! I believe that"s Mr. Heep"s knock. It _is_ Mr. Heep! Come in, Mr. Heep. We are very glad to see you. Come right in.
_Heep_.--Is Mr. Micawber in?
_Mrs. Mic_.--No, Mr. Heep. Mr. Micawber has gone out. We make no stranger of you, Mr. Heep, so I don"t mind telling you Mr. Micawber"s affairs have reached a crisis. With the exception of a heel of Dutch cheese, which is not adapted to the wants of a young family,--and including the twins,--there is nothing to eat in the house.
_Heep_.--How dreadful! (_Aside_.) The very man for my purpose.
(_Explanation_. At this moment there is a noise heard on the landing.
Micawber himself rushes into the room, slamming the door behind him.)
_Micawber_.--(_Not seeing Heep_.) The clouds have gathered, the storm has broken, and the thunderbolt has fallen on the devoted head of Wilkins Micawber! Emma, my dear, the die is cast. All is over. Leave me in my misery!
_Mrs. Mic_.--I"ll never desert my Micawber!
_Mic_.--In the words of the immortal Plato, "It must be so, Cato!"
But no man is without a friend when he is possessed of courage and shaving materials! Emma, my love, fetch me my razors! (_Recovers himself_) sh--sh! We are not alone! (_Gayly_) Oh, Mr. Heep! Delighted to see you, my young friend! Ah, my dear young attorney-general, in prospective, if I had only known you when my troubles commenced, my creditors would have been a great deal better managed than they were! You will pardon the momentary laceration of a wounded spirit, made sensitive by a recent collision with a minion of the law,--in short, with a ribald turnc.o.c.k attached to the waterworks. Emma, my love, our supply of water has been cut off. Hope has sunk beneath the horizon! Bring me a pint of laudanum!
_Heep_.--Mr. Micawber, would you be willing to tell me the amount of your indebtedness?
_Mic_.--It is only a small matter for nutriment, beef, mutton, etc., some trifle, seven and six pence ha"penny.
_Heep_.--I"ll pay it for you.
_Mic_.--My dear friend! You overpower me with obligation! Shall I admit the officer? (_Turns and goes to the door, opens it_.) Enter myrmidon! Hats off, in the presence of a solvent debtor and a lady.
(_Heeps pays the officer and dismisses him_.)
_Heep_.--Now, Mr. Micawber, I suppose you have no objection to giving me your I.O.U. for the amount.
_Mic_.--Certainly not. I am always ready to put my name to any species of negotiable paper, from twenty shillings upward. Excuse me, Heep, I"ll write it. (_Goes through motion of writing it on leaf of memo, book. Tears it out and hands it to Heep_.) I suppose this is renewable on the usual term?
_Heep_.--Better. You can work it out. I come to offer you the position of clerk in my partner"s office--the firm of Wickfield and Heep.
_Mic_.--What! A clerk! Emma, my love, I believe I may have no hesitation in saying something has at last turned up!
_Heep_.--You will excuse me, Mrs. Micawber, but I should like to speak a few words to your husband in private.
_Mrs. Mic_.--Certainly! Wilkins, my love, go on and prosper!
_Mic_.--My dear, I shall endeavor to do so to an unlimited extent!
Ah, the sun has again risen--the clouds have pa.s.sed--the sky is clear, and another score may be begun at the butcher"s.--Heep, precede me. Emma, my love. _Au Revoir_.
(_A gallant bow to Mrs. Micawber_.)