We eat the food, and she makes those sounds, and I chuckle. When she asks what"s funny, I tell her, "I just wish I was the one causing you to make those sounds."
She doesn"t skip a beat. "Me, too."
I choke on my food.
"What?" she says, shrugging. Casual Laney. "Don"t think I forgot about Sat.u.r.day night. You left me all frustrated and I had to, you know, take care of it myself."
"Oh my G.o.d." I cover my face, try to ignore the stirring in my pants. I should walk around to her side, bend her over the table and take her right here. Right now. And I"ll show her... she"ll never be able to get off on her own again.
"Dessert," Linc and Liam say in sync.
I jump in my seat. When the f.u.c.k did they get here?
Laney laughs at me, and I shake my head, glare at her. "You"re bad," I mouth.
She waits for the boys to leave. "I can be bad," she says, and I f.u.c.king love Dirty Laney.
After the phenomenal dinner-her words, not mine-I drive us to the movies, help her out of the truck, and hold her hand to the ticket booth I"ve spent many unpaid hours "working."
"Two please, Evan," I tell the kid behind the counter, pushing over my cash through the window. By now, I know almost everyone Lane works with, and they know me.
He pushes my cash back. "Employees get in for free."
"I"m not an employee."
He points to Lane. "But she is."
I sigh. "Look, this is kind of a do-over date because I messed up the first time we did this, and she paid for her ticket when I should"ve paid-"
"That"s kind of a d.i.c.k move," Evan tells me.
Laney chimes in, "Technically, it wasn"t a date."
"Still." Evan shrugs. "I didn"t make you pay for your ticket on our first date."
"Seriously?" I look between the two of them.
Lane rolls her eyes, puts her hand on my chest because she knows I"m two seconds away from opening that side door and-"We got in for free, Evan," she says. "No one paid."
I grunt. "Just take my money, dude."
He takes my money, keeps the change for himself.
The same thing happens at the food counter. The exact same thing. Zane, the kid working the counter, also refuses to take my money, also makes a comment about him dating Lane and what the f.u.c.k, Lane?
"You"re mad?" Lane whispers, sitting next to me in the empty theater, previews rolling.
I cross my arms. "So what if I am?"
"Luke, you can"t be mad that I"ve dated. I can be at school and spit in any direction, and it"ll land on some girl you"ve screwed. Not just dated."
"I just don"t like the idea of you being with someone else."
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
"You"re an idiot."
"What?"
"You"re an idiot," she repeats.
"That"s real nice, Lane."
She leans closer; her whispered words slice the air, slice my heart. "I"ve had to sit around for years watching you date girl after girl after G.o.dd.a.m.n girl. I"ve listened to you talk about them, talk about having s.e.x with them. And not once have I ever shown you how upsetting it was for me. I had to put up with it for years! You can deal with it for one night!" She rears back, but she doesn"t get far. I take her face in my hands and I kiss her, claim her, and I hate when she"s right and I"m wrong and she"s everything and I"m nothing. I swipe my tongue across hers, not wanting my frustration to show in the kiss, and I go slowly, gently, until I feel her relax beneath my touch, and her hands go to my hair and she"s kissing away the anger, the pain, and it"s been so long, too long, since we"ve kissed like this and I must"ve forced myself to forget what it felt like to be kissed by her because she"s everything that"s perfect in the world. The lights dim, and the movie plays and we pull apart, laugh quietly. We watch the movie with my arm around her and her hand on my stomach, and it"s perfect, like it should"ve been years ago.
I take her home afterward, walk her to the front door. She"s blushing when she turns to me, and I take both her hands in mine.
"I had a really good time, Luke." She moves our hands behind her back, leans up on her toes, kisses me once. "I like this," she says. "It"s nice. You and me. Us."
Say it, Luke. Tell her you love her. I swallow, nervous.
She says, "I think I"m going to drive myself to school in the morning."
"Why?"
She motions to her car. "Because it"s just a car. It doesn"t mean anything. Cooper doesn"t mean anything. Not anymore."
I get home, get into bed, and immediately shove my hands down my shorts. But then my phone rings and Laney"s name flashes on the screen and I force myself to wait. What"s another few minutes?
"Hey," she says. "Remember that first week I spent with you, and then on Sunday night, I called and we spoke on the phone for hours?"
I take my hand out of my shorts. "I remember."
"I guess I"m just missing you already. Lame, right?"
"No. I miss you, too."
"Did you, um..." She takes a breath. "It kind of seemed like you wanted to say something when you walked me to the door, but you held off."
"Yeah," I admit, sighing. "I did."
"What did you want to say?"
I run a hand through my hair, stare up at the ceiling. "You know what I wanted to say."
She"s quiet a beat. Then: "Why didn"t you say it?"
"I don"t know," I mumble. "I guess it felt wrong to say it, but it definitely feels right to live it."
Chapter Thirty.
LUCAS.
For the next couple of weeks, Laney and I date... without the actual dating part. We sneak in a kiss now and then, a b.o.o.b grab sporadically, but besides that we don"t have a lot of spare time. With me practicing four days a week instead of three and her working every possible shift she can get to earn the money she so adamantly needs to pay back, it doesn"t leave room for much else. Now Dad"s gone on a business trip for a week, leaving Leo and me in charge which means I"m sleeping in the main house and I"m starting to lose my d.a.m.n mind.
My family responsibilities had always been a problem with my previous girlfriends; I didn"t spend enough time with them, I didn"t take them on enough dates, I didn"t answer every single phone call every five minutes and why the h.e.l.l did I have to be home at seven, on the dot, every night? They didn"t understand. But Laney does. "Maybe I should stay here for the week while your dad"s gone. Help out when I can?"
"You"re sweet," I tell her, leaning on the kitchen counter flipping through one of Mom"s old recipe books for something I can make for Lachlan"s bake sale tomorrow. "But I don"t want you sleeping in the apartment by yourself, and I don"t think Dad would let you sleep in here. Do we have cocoa powder?"
She checks the pantry. "Nope. What are you looking for?"
"Lachy"s got a bake sale, and I need to make twenty-five of something."
"You"re going to bake?"
"I"m going to try," I say, flip, flip, flipping the pages. "And I need to do it soon because I have so much homework to do and I need to help Logan with his and make sure he does his p.i.s.s cup and oh! Maybe you can bring the cup to Misty if she"s staying at your house, it saves me a trip."
Her nose scrunches.
"Yeah. I didn"t think that one through."
"Where"s Leo?"
"Basketball practice with the twins."
"Okay," she says, "I"m not going to touch a cup with Logan"s urine in it, but how about I do the baking, you do your homework, and when the cookies are in the oven, I"ll help Logan with his?"
"Cookies?"
"They"re quick and easy and"-she closes the recipe book-"I don"t need a recipe and you already have all the ingredients."
"Really?" I ask, my shoulders suddenly rid of the weight they"d been carrying. "Are you sure?"
"I"m positive."
I hug her tight, squeeze her b.o.o.b.
Twenty minutes later I"m at the kitchen table drowning in textbooks and websites, and Lane"s got the cookies in the oven. Logan walks in through the back door (G.o.d knows where he"s been) and sniffs the air. "What the h.e.l.l is that? It"s like heaven in my nostrils."
"Cookies," Lane tells him. "And you can have one as soon as you finish your homework. Go get your books."
"No," he says.
She puts her hand on her waist, raises an eyebrow. Intimidating Laney is f.u.c.king hot.
Logan rolls his eyes, looks at me as he pa.s.ses. "I liked her better when you weren"t dipping your c.o.c.k in her."
I stick my foot out, he trips over it, lands on his side. "Watch your f.u.c.king mouth."
"f.u.c.king mouth!" Lachlan yells. Seriously, where the h.e.l.l do all these people come from?
Lane kneels in front of him. "Don"t repeat what people say," she says.
"Don"t repeat what people say." He giggles.
"Cheeky boy." She ruffles his hair. "Can you go up to your room and build me a skysc.r.a.per with your Legos?"
"Yes, ma"am!" And he"s off, and Logan"s up, and Laney"s checking on the cookies, and I say, "You"re going to be a great mom someday."
She smiles. "Well, I have your mom to thank for that."
It hurts my heart to know that she didn"t have that, that the little time she spent with my mom is all she has for guidance. "Hey, did your mom contact you on your birthday?"
She laughs once, bitter. "Did you expect her to?"
I shrug. "I was hoping."
Her head tilts to the side and she watches me a moment, then she takes the chair next to mine. "We"re basically strangers now, and I think it"s been like that ever since I left but I didn"t want to admit it. Sometimes I think about her, you know? And I wonder if she does the same with me. I get this romantic notion in my head that one day she"ll appear out of nowhere and realize she misses me. It"s so pathetic."
"It"s not," I say quickly, settling my hand on her knee. "She"s still around, so it"s always a possibility. With my mom, it was like... one night I fell asleep, and the next morning she was gone."
"I"m sorry, Luke," she says. And I know she is.
"I have this fear," I tell her, and I don"t know if I should, but I do. "That one day, I"m going to wake up and you won"t be here. You"ll be gone, just like she was. And I know it sounds stupid but losing her... you saw what that did to me. You were there. And if anything ever happened to my brothers or to you..."
"Stop," she whispers, holding my head in her hands. "Nothing"s going to happen."
I tilt my head, kiss her palm. "You know how I feel about you, right?"
"I know." She smiles. "Me too."
Once everyone"s down for the night, I call Dad from my old bedroom. I catch him up on what"s been going on, a.s.sure him that everything"s okay. He asks about the bake sale, and I tell him Lane took care of it.
"Is she staying at the house while I"m gone?" he asks.