Marry Rik?
For Matthew"s sake, to give him stability rather than subject him to an emotional tug-of-war?
Wasn"t it for the very reason that she hadn"t wanted to be forced into marrying Rik-or for Rik to feel he had been forced into marrying her!-that she hadn"t told him of her pregnancy five years ago?
And yet now, bleak and loveless as it was to her, she couldn"t see any other way to resolve this argument...
Hadn"t her own mother suggested it as a possibility only an hour or so ago?
And been ridiculed for her trouble, Sapphie acknowledged heavily.
With good reason!
Oh, Rik had made it pretty plain this morning that he wanted her, and she already knew that she loved him-had known that five years ago! But was Rik"s desire, and her love, any basis on which to build a happy family life for Matthew? She didn"t think so. Her love for Rik wouldn"t fade-it had already been tested to its limits and survived!-but desire certainly could, and probably would.
"It"s a ridiculous idea," she stated flatly; she didn"t know what she had expected the outcome of this meeting to be, but it certainly wasn"t this!
She didn"t look at Rik as she stood up and walked over to the window. As far away from him as was possible in the confines of the Princes" sitting-room!
"Is it?"
Sapphie had been so immersed in her own churning emotions that she hadn"t realised Rik had stood up too, that he was only inches behind her. But she could feel his presence now, his heat, the raw pull of his body on hers.
But it wasn"t enough!
It would never be enough...
She gritted her teeth, clenching her hands at her sides in order to stop herself from turning and launching herself into his arms; that would solve absolutely nothing!
"Utterly ridiculous," she confirmed determinedly. "It would never work."
Rik"s hands came to rest lightly on her shoulders, tightening as Sapphie stiffened at the contact and the fresh a.s.sault upon her senses.
"It worked five years ago," he reminded.
Oh, yes, it had, if Rik was referring-and she was sure that he was-to the explosive pa.s.sion between them that had held them enthralled from midnight till dawn.
Sapphie had no idea how many times they had made love, had lost track of time and s.p.a.ce, aware only of Rik and the magic of his lips and hands.
Was it any wonder that they had created a child as beautiful as Matthew that night...?
If the two of them married, they could have more children, brothers and sisters for Matthew- No, she mustn"t even go there!
Her shoulders tensed beneath Rik"s caressing hands as she dragged herself back from that daydream. "You"re talking about s.e.x, Rik," she dismissed. "But even if we could recapture that, s.e.xual attraction fades, and then what are you left with?"
"Liking and respect?" Rik put forward.
She shook her head, shrugging out from under his hands to turn and face him. A move she wasn"t sure was a good one as she found herself mere inches away from Rik, his heat enveloping her, even his gaze burning hot as it fixated on her mouth.
Sapphie was almost able to feel, to taste, his lips on hers!
And then, his gaze holding hers now, she really could taste him, as his mouth softly possessed hers as he kissed her, the pent-up emotion inside him spilling out.
How she loved this man!
But how she feared him too, and what he could do to the security of her family!
A sob caught in her throat, caught and held, choking her, the sudden lack of oxygen to her brain making her feel dizzier than ever. This couldn"t work, wouldn"t work, no matter how many times Rik kissed her in an effort to prove otherwise.
She tried to pull away, but instead found herself held at arm"s length as Rik looked at her searchingly. She waited for him to say something, but knew that there really wasn"t anything he could say that would make this situation come out right. For any of them.
"OK, Sapphie," Rik finally sighed. "Maybe we should forget you and me for the moment and concentrate on Matthew instead."
She could only stare at him wordlessly, had been expecting more threats, his calm logic taking her completely by surprise.
"Will you at least let me get to know him?" Rik continued softly. "And allow him to get to know me?"
How could she even begin to stop that happening, if that was what Rik had decided he wanted to do?
She knew that she couldn"t, he knew it too, but to give him his due, he was at least giving her the courtesy of asking rather than demanding.
"As what?" she said warily.
"His father, preferably."
She shook her head. "That"s just going to confuse him."
Rik"s mouth hardened. "Then, perhaps, get to know me well enough to realise that I"m not the bad man he thinks I am!"
That wasn"t too much to ask. In fact, it was nothing really; Rik wasn"t a bad man, and if Matthew spent any time in his company he would quickly know that.
"I think that could be arranged," she accepted slowly.
It was so much more than she had hoped for-in fact, it seemed a little too good to be true!
Rik"s hands dropped from her shoulders. "Then that will have to do as a start. And maybe after we"ve convinced Matthew we can begin working on convincing you I"m not a bad man, too."
She had never thought he was a bad man. Not five years ago. And certainly not now. She loved him too much to ever think that of him.
She had no idea whether or not this seemingly impossible situation could ever be resolved, but accepted that they did have to try.
One thing she was certain of; she could not marry Rik as a way of settling the situation. She simply couldn"t. Not even for Matthew"s sake.
What good would she be doing him when that loveless marriage would inevitably, ultimately, destroy her?
Rik watched Sapphie as the different emotions flickered across her intensely beautiful face, a fist turning in his stomach for what she was going through. She was so tiny and defenceless at this moment that he knew he couldn"t take advantage of her fragility. Not when it was his own son that caused that vulnerability!
Sapphie could go, and already had gone, through several kinds of h.e.l.l because of him, had faced her pregnancy on her own, not even confiding the ident.i.ty of her baby"s father to her family; no, she"d had only her mother"s emotional support once Matthew was born, having no father or even stepfather of her own to help her.
She had even lost her job as Jerome"s personal a.s.sistant because of Dee, and had to find some other way of supporting herself and her child!
He might have been angry with Sapphie earlier, but she had every right to hate him, a man she had believed was in love with her own sister!
What he had once felt for Dee now seemed so shallow and unreal. This woman-Sapphie-was what was real.
He went hollow inside just looking at her, and he couldn"t have spoken if his life had depended on it. He admired Sapphie more than anyone else he had ever known, he liked everything about her-and he ached to make love to her again, to show her with his lips and hands how much he...
He what?
Loved her, he knew with startling clarity. He loved Sapphie. Absolutely. Completely.
And she could only look at him with apprehension. Had done so since they met again in Paris.
She was looking at him that way now, too. And he couldn"t bear to see that, knew that he had to give her back her sense of security where Matthew was concerned.
"Please don"t worry about it any more, Sapphie," he told her gruffly. "We can just take each day at a time, see where we go, hm?"
"If you say so," she answered with that wariness that tore at his insides.
"I do say so," he a.s.sured her. "Now, how about I drive you home? I"m sure you must want to get back. To Matthew." He could see the little boy now in his mind"s eye, a beautiful child, whom Sapphie loved with all her heart-no matter how she might feel towards his father!
Although Rik could guess at some of what she must feel towards him. Only days ago he had actually accused her of entrapment that night five years ago, of deliberately distracting him because she and her mother wanted Dee to marry Jerome.
What an idiot he"d been!
He still had no idea what had prompted Sapphie to spend that night with him, but he certainly knew it had nothing to do with entrapment. If that really had been the case she would have lost no time, once she discovered she was pregnant, in finding him again.
No, Nik was right, Sapphie really was a lovely lady-in every sense of the word.
Winning the love of a woman like Sapphie was not going to be easy but, loving her as deeply as he realised he did, he was certainly going to try!
"I would like to get back, yes," Sapphie told him. "But there"s really no need for you to drive me. I came by taxi; I can easily go home the same way."
"There"s every need for me to drive you home," Rik insisted firmly. "I-Look, it"s the least I can do, Sapphie. Besides," he added ruefully, "I don"t feel like facing Nik again just yet! Would you?" He grimaced, Sapphie"s tremulous smile reward enough for his deliberate self-deprecation.
"He is rather scary, isn"t he?" she allowed, her smile less tremulous now.
"Nah," Rik a.s.sured her with a grin. "Underneath all that arrogance he"s pure marshmallow!"
Sapphie looked less than convinced, and still very pale, her eyes huge and troubled.
Rik had taken a step towards her before he was even aware of what he was doing, but her sudden tension was enough to stop him from taking her into his arms again. Instead he lifted a hand and gently caressed one pale cheek. "I shouldn"t have been angry with you earlier," he told her tenderly. "I just-It was the shock. But still-" it still was a shock, but one that he was coming to terms with! "-I shouldn"t have behaved in the way that I did."
She looked up at him for several minutes, and then she gave a shake of her head. "You really don"t have to convince me that you aren"t a bad man, Rik; I"ve never thought that you were."
"Just a misguided one, hm?" he murmured, his gaze roving hungrily over her face; the skin of her cheek was soft and silky to the touch, her hair like living fire as he smoothed several tendrils back from the coolness of her temple.
"Just a misguided one," she agreed heavily, her gaze no longer meeting his as she stepped away from him. "Do we have to tell Nik we"re leaving or can we just sneak away?" She attempted to be light-hearted.
An attempt that didn"t quite come off as her voice shook slightly, but Rik admired her all the more for at least trying.
"Well, as I want to borrow his car to drive you home, I suppose I"ll have to tell him." He fell in with her mood. "If you hear any shouting, followed by silence, then I"m probably a dead man!"
Sapphie obliged his own attempt at humour with a smile. Not much of a smile, admittedly, but again, she did try.
It was enough for now, Rik decided.
Although as he walked through the hallway to Nik"s study, he knew that he hadn"t been completely joking about Nik"s reaction; his brother had been a boxing champion in college!
As it was, Nik"s ominous silence as he handed over the keys to his car was a lot more telling than anything he might have said; for all of his earlier calm in front of Sapphie, Nik took his role as patriarch of the Prince family very seriously. Matthew was a Prince!
"Not even a black eye!" Sapphie noted when Rik rejoined her in the sitting-room.
"Don"t sound so disappointed!"
She eyed him teasingly. "He"s probably just waiting for the appropriate moment!"
"Probably," Rik said with feeling. "And it will be when I least expect it!"
Sapphie looked sad again. "That"s how I"ve felt for the last five years!"
He knew that, could only imagine the extra stress a possible meeting with him must have placed on her already stretched emotions.
"I"m surprised you didn"t just hightail it out of Paris last week once you knew I was there."
"I couldn"t," she replied. "I didn"t dare risk leaving and having either Dee or Jerome saying something to you about my four-year-old son."
All he ever seemed to have given this woman-besides Matthew-was misery.
Was it any wonder she wanted to keep him at arm"s length?
Whereas he just wanted to hold her, and love her, and take care of her. Something he knew she would never let him do!
It was his own fault she hadn"t come to him five years ago; how could she have done, in the circ.u.mstances?
That knowledge was something he was just going to have to live with. Self-loathing was probably the least of what he deserved for being so utterly stupid.
"I really am sorry, Sapphie," he said sincerely. "For everything."
"I think we both are," she accepted. "And there"s no going back, so we can only go forward."
It wasn"t what he wanted, and perhaps it never would be, but they had reached some sort of truce. And he certainly wasn"t going to give up, was in this for the duration!
Although the spitting virago who confronted him as he opened the car door for Sapphie to get out when they reached her home looked as if she might have other ideas about that!