Everyone was there, except the one person I"d been most dreading. Or hoping to see. I didn"t know which.
Then I saw Judith Gershner. She had changed out of her overalls and looked quite pretty in this red Laura Ashleyish dress.
But she wasn"t dancing with Michael. She was dancing with some boy I"d never seen before.
So I looked around for Lilly and finally spotted her using one of the payphones. I went up to her and was like, "Where"s your brother?"
Lilly hung up the phone. "How should I know?" she demanded. "It"s not my turn to babysit him."
I went - oddly comforted by her demeanour, which simply proved that no matter how much other things change, Lilly always stayed the same - "Well, Judith Gershner is here, so I just figureda""
"For G.o.d"s sake," Lilly said. "How many times do I have to tell you? Michael and Judith are not going out."
I went, "Oh, right. Then why have they spent every waking moment together for the past two weeks?"
"Because they were working on that stupid computer program for the Carnival," she said. "Besides, Judith Gershner already
has a boyfriend." Lilly grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around so I could see Judith on the dance floor. "He goes
to Trinity."
I looked at Judith Gershner as she slow-danced with a boy who looked a lot like Kenny, only older and not as uncoordinated.
"Oh," I said.
"Oh is right," Lilly said. "I don"t know what is wrong with you today, but I can"t deal with you when you"re acting like such a freak. Sit down right here" - she pulled out a chair -"and don"t you dare get up. I want to know where to find you when I
need to."
I didn"t even ask Lilly why she might need to find me. I just sat down. I felt like I couldn"t stand up any more. I was that tired.
It wasn"t that I was disappointed. I mean, I didn"t want to see Michael. At least, part of me didn"t.
Another part of me really wanted to see him and ask him just what he"d meant by that poem.
But I was sort of afraid of the answer.
Because it might not be the one I was hoping it would be.
After a while, Lars and Wahim came and sat down next to me. I felt like a complete tool. I mean, there I was, sitting at a
dance with two bodyguards, who were deep in a discussion about the advantages versus the disadvantages of rubber bullets. n.o.body was asking me to dance. n.o.body would, either.
Why was I even staying? I had done what Grandmere said. I had shown up. I had proved to everyone that I wasn"t a coward. Why couldn"t I leave? I mean, if I wanted to?
I stood up. I said to Lars, "Gome on. We"ve been here long enough. I still have a lot of packing to do. Let"s go."
Lars said OK and started to get up. Then he stopped. I saw that he was looking at something behind me. I turned around.
And there was Michael.
He had obviously just gotten there. He was out of breath. His bow tie wasn"t tied and there was still snow in his hair.
"I didn"t think you were coming," he said.
I knew my face had gone as red as Judith Gershner"s dress. But there wasn"t anything I could do about that. I said,
"Well, I almost didn"t."
He said, "I called you a bunch of times. Only you wouldn"t come to the phone."
I said, "I know." I was wishing the floor of the gym would open up, like in It"s a Wonderful Life, and that I"d fall into the pool underneath it and drown and not have to have this conversation.
"Mia," he said. "With that thing today. I didn"t mean to make you cry."
Or the floor could open and I could just fall and keep falling, for ever and ever and ever. That would be OK too. I stared at
the floor, willing it to crack apart and swallow me up.
"It didn"t," I said. "I mean, it wasn"t that. It was something Kenny said."
"Yeah," Michael said. "Well, I heard you two broke up."
Yeah. Probably by now the whole school had. Now, I knew, my face was even redder than Judith"s dress.
"The thing is," Michael went on, "I knew it was you. Who was leaving those cards."
If he had reached inside my chest, pulled out my heart, flung it to the floor and kicked it across the room, it could not possibly have hurt as much as hearing that. I could feel my eyes filling up with tears all over again.
"You did?" You know, it"s one "thing to have your heart broken. But to have it happen at a school dance, in front of
everyone . . . well, that"s harsh.
"Of course I did," he said. He sounded impatient. "Lilly told me."
For the first time, I looked up into his face.
"Lilly told you?" I cried. "How did she know?"
He waved his hand. "I don"t know. Your friend Tina told her, I guess. But that"s not important."
I looked around the gym and saw Lilly and Tina at the far side of it, both staring in my direction. When they saw me looking at them, they turned around really fast and pretended to be deeply absorbed in conversation with their dates.
"I"m going to kill them," I murmured.
Michael reached out and grabbed both my shoulders. "Mia," he said, giving me a little shake. "It doesn"t matter. What matters
is that I meant what I wrote. And I thought you did too."
I didn"t think I could have heard him right. I went, "Of course I meant it."
He shook his head. "Then why did you freak out like that today at the carnival?"
I stammered, "Well, because . .. because ... I thought... I thought you were making fun of me."
"Never," he said.
And that"s when he did it.
No fuss. No asking my permission. No hesitation whatsoever. He just leaned down and kissed me, right on the lips.
And I found out, right then, that Tina was right: It isn"t gross if you"re in love with the guy.
In fact, it"s the nicest thing in the whole world.
And do you know what the best part is?
I mean, aside from Michael being in love with me, and having kept it a secret almost as long as I have, if not longer?
And Lilly knowing all along but not saying anything up until a few days ago because she found it an interesting social
experiment to see how long it would take us to figure it out on our own (a long time, it turned out)?
And the fact that Michael"s going to Columbia next year, which is only a few subway stops away so I"ll still be able to see him as much as I want?
Oh, and Lana walking by while we were kissing, and going, in this disgusted voice, "Oh, G.o.d, get a room, would you?"
And slow dancing with him all night long, until Lilly finally came up and said, "Come on, you guys, it"s snowing so hard, if we don"t leave now we"ll never get home"?
And kissing good night outside the stoop to my loft, with the snow falling all around us (and grumpy Lars complaining he was getting cold)?