"Everythin", me bye, everythin". You"re twenty-two and don"t know what a kid is! Well, if it don"t beat raw eggs, I don"t know what does. Green?
Well, sir, it would be hard to find an adequate a.n.a.logy to your inconsistent immaturity of mind; aye, sir, I may well say, of soul, except to compare it with the virtuous condition of green corn in the early summer moon. You know what "moon" is, don"t you?" he asks, abruptly, with an evident effort to suppress a smile.
I am growing impatient of his continuous avoidance of a direct answer.
Yet I cannot find it in my heart to be angry with him; the face expressive of a deep-felt conviction of universal wisdom, the eyes of humorous cynicism, and the ludicrous manner of mixing tramp slang with "cla.s.sic" English, all disarm my irritation. Besides, his droll chatter helps to while away the tedious hours at work; perhaps I may also glean from this experienced old-timer some useful information regarding my plans of escape.
"Well, d"ye know a moon when you see "t?" "Red" inquires, chaffingly.
"I suppose I do."
"I"ll bet you my corn dodger you don"t. Sir, I can see by the tip of your olfactory organ that you are steeped in the slough of densest ignorance concerning the supreme science of moonology. Yes, sir, do not contradict me. I brook no sceptical att.i.tude regarding my undoubted and proven perspicacity of human nature. How"s that for cla.s.sic style, eh?
That"ll hold you down a moment, kid. As I was about to say when you interrupted--eh, what? You didn"t? Oh, what"s the matter with you?
Don"t yer go now an" rooin the elegant flight of my rhetorical Pegasus with an insignificant interpolation of mere fact. None of your lip, now, boy, an" lemme develop this sublime science of moonology before your wondering gaze. To begin with, sir, moonology is an exclusively aristocratic science. Not for the pretenders of Broad Street and Fifth Avenue. Nixie. But for the only genuine aristocracy of de road, sir, for the pink of humankind, for the yaggman, me lad, for yours truly and his clan. Yes, sirree!"
"I don"t know what you are talking about."
"I know you don"t. That"s why I"m goin" to chaperon you, kid. In plain English, sir, I shall endeavor to generate within your postliminious comprehension a discriminate conception of the subject at issue, sir, by divesting my lingo of the least shadow of imperspicuity or ambiguity.
Moonology, my Marktwainian Innocent, is the truly Christian science of loving your neighbor, provided he be a nice little boy. Understand now?"
"How can you love a boy?"
"Are you really so dumb? You are not a ref boy, I can see that."
"Red, if you"d drop your stilted language and talk plainly, I"d understand better."
"Thought you liked the cla.s.sic. But you ain"t long on lingo neither. How can a self-respecting gentleman explain himself to you? But I"ll try.
You love a boy as you love the poet-sung heifer, see? Ever read Billy Shakespeare? Know the place, "He"s neither man nor woman; he"s punk."
Well, Billy knew. A punk"s a boy that"ll...."
"What!"
"Yes, sir. Give himself to a man. Now we"se talkin" plain. Savvy now, Innocent Abroad?"
"I don"t believe what you are telling me, Red."
"You don"t be-lie-ve? What th" devil--d.a.m.n me soul t" h.e.l.l, what d" you mean, you don"t b"lieve? Gee, look out!"
The look of bewilderment on his face startles me. In his excitement, he had raised his voice almost to a shout, attracting the attention of the guard, who is now hastening toward us.
"Who"s talkin" here?" he demands, suspiciously eyeing the knitters.
"You, Davis?"
"No, sir."
"Who was, then?"
"n.o.body here, Mr. Cosson."
"Yes, they was. I heard hollerin"."
"Oh, that was me," Davis replies, with a quick glance at me. "I hit my elbow against the machine."
"Let me see "t."
The guard scrutinizes the bared arm.
"Wa-a-ll," he says, doubtfully, "it don"t look sore."
"It hurt, and I hollered."
The officer turns to my a.s.sistant: "Has he been talkin", Reddie?"
"I don"t think he was, Cap"n."
Pleased with the t.i.tle, Cosson smiles at "Red," and pa.s.ses on, with a final warning to the boy: "Don"t you let me catch you at it again, you hear!"
During the rest of the day the overseers exercise particular vigilance over our end of the shop. But emboldened by the increased din of the new knitting machinery, "Red" soon takes up the conversation again.
"Screws can"t hear us now," he whispers, ""cept they"s close to us. But watch your lips, boy; the d.a.m.n bulls got sharp lamps. An" don" scare me again like that. Why, you talk so foolish, you make me plumb forget myself. Say, that kid is all to the good, ain"t he? What"s his name, Johnny Davis? Yes, a wise kid all right. Just like me own Billie I tole you "bout. He was no punk, either, an" don"t you forget it. True as steel, he was; stuck to me through my four-spot like th" bark to a tree.
Say, what"s that you said, you don"t believe what I endeavored so conscientiously, sir, to drive into your noodle? You was only kiddin"
me, wasn"t you?"
"No, Red, I meant it quite seriously. You"re spinning ghost stories, or whatever you call it. I don"t believe in this kid love."
"An" why don"t you believe it?"
"Why--er--well, I don"t think it possible."
"_What_ isn"t possible?"
"You know what I mean. I don"t think there can be such intimacy between those of the same s.e.x."
"Ho, ho! _That"s_ your point? Why, Alex, you"re more of a damfool than the casual observer, sir, would be apt to postulate. You don"t believe it possible, you don"t, eh? Well, you jest gimme half a chance, an I"ll show you."
"Red, don"t you talk to me like that," I burst out, angrily. "If you--"
"Aisy, aisy, me bye," he interrupts, good-naturedly. "Don"t get on your high horse. No harm meant, Alex. You"re a good boy, but you jest rattle me with your crazy talk. Why, you"re bugs to say it"s impossible. Man alive, the dump"s chuckful of punks. It"s done in every prison, an" on th" road, everywhere. Lord, if I had a plunk for every time I got th"
best of a kid, I"d rival Rockefeller, sir; I would, me bye."
"You actually confess to such terrible practices? You"re disgusting. But I don"t really believe it, Red."
"Confess h.e.l.l! I confess nothin". Terrible, disgusting! You talk like a man up a tree, you holy sky-pilot."
"Are there no women on the road?"
"Pshaw! Who cares for a heifer when you can get a kid? Women are no good. I wouldn"t look at "em when I can have my prushun.[33] Oh, it is quite evident, sir, you have not delved into the esoteric mysteries of moonology, nor tasted the mellifluous fruit on the forbidden tree of--"
[33] A boy serving his apprenticeship with a full-fledged tramp.