She opened her eyes and stared at the darkness before her with an unfocused look on her face. What had happened these days showed constantly in her mind.
Xu Zijin had always felt like a walking corpse and running flesh, quietly waiting for death. But just now when she had stayed in the ward alone, she had been seized with uncontrollable panic and a strong survival instinct had surged up within her.
"So, in fact I don"t want to die. But why do I still want to live after suffering so much?" she thought to herself.
"Can"t you sleep?" the harsh voice rang in her ears again.
"Hmm," Xu Zijin replied. It was the first time she had answered him. In the past, he had always run a one-man show because she had ignored him completely.
Fu Chen brushed aside her hair with his fingers and pinned it behind her ears. "Don"t be afraid. I"ll be there for you. I promise you I will not put you in danger anymore."
Xu Zijin was on the verge of tears. She had looked forward to hearing such gentle words from Fu Sinian, the man she had loved deeply for many years. But he never showed her any tenderness. Now she heard those gentle words from Fu Chen who was a complete stranger to her.
Truth to tell, she only wanted a house that could shelter her from wind and rain and a man who deeply loved her. With those, she could build a warm and happy family.
She had thought that Fu Sinian was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with, but the reality gave her a hard slap.
After a long silence, Xu Zijin said, "Fu Chen, you are not an ordinary male nurse, right?"
She thought that Fu Chen would deny it, but he readily admitted it.
"Zijin, I knew you a long time ago, but you didn"t know my existence before." He paused for a second and continued, "Zijin, I love you. I have loved you with an everlasting love..." He had once thought that he would never have a chance to express his love to her. Fortunately, the moment he had been waiting for so long had arrived.
There was a convincing show of affection in his soft words. The softest place in her heart was touched. She was not a fool and could understand why he always treated her like a fragile treasure.
She had loved a man who didn"t love her, and had done everything she could to please him.
When a woman lost her heart to a man, she would worry about him at any time. Wherever she went, she was afraid that he would catch a cold or go hungry. When he was unhappy, her heart ached for him. She wanted to stay with him all the time and was willing to do everything to make him happy.
Now Fu Chen was making clumsy overtures of affection towards her, just like what she had done to Fu Sinian before.
Xu Zijin wanted to ignore him and refuse to admit him into her heart, but she already had feelings for him. He was like a gentle breeze, puffing across her heart lake and raising a thousand ripples.
Xu Zijin was in a mixture of confusion and fear. She had been bloodied in love, and now she drew a lesson from the past bitter experience that she should always depend on herself. Fu Chen was so good to her that she was afraid that she would lose herself and be wholly reliant on him in the future.
There was silence in the dark ward.
Fu Chen frowned and called softly, "Zijin."
Xu Zijin was quiet.
He called her name again but she didn"t answer. Panic overwhelmed him. He promptly stood up and turned on the light.
As the room brightened up, he saw Xu Zijin crying quietly. She clamped her hand against her mouth and her pale face was bathed in tears.
Fu Chen froze and didn"t know how to comfort the crying woman. He stammered with nervousness, "I... Zijin... You..."
"Don"t look at me." Xu Zijin pulled up the quilt and buried herself under it.
"Don"t cry, Zijin." Fu Chen lifted the quilt and gently wiped the tears off her face with his trembling, slender fingers. "If I had known that you would cry because of my words, I wouldn"t have said that... Don"t cry, I beg you..."
"Please stop loving me..." Xu Zijin sobbed, "People who love me will come to no good end..."
Despair and sadness flooded her thoughts once again, overwhelming and almost suffocating her. She seemed to have been afflicted with a curse because she always brought misfortune and danger to people around her, especially to those who loved her.
She didn"t want Fu Chen to suffer because of her. Her heart could not bear another great blow by suffering the pain of losing her beloved people.
"Don"t talk nonsense." Fu Chen drew her tenderly into his arms and bowed his head. As his eyes lingered on Xu Zijin"s face, they were filled with sorrow and despair. "Zijin, I only exist because of you. If you don"t allow me to love you, I will lose my desire to live."