"He told me he did it, after that night, as if I didn"t see him holding the knife. He told me time and again that he"d do the same thing to me if I dared leave. Those first few weeks, I felt like I was in a nightmare. I kept thinking that the police would find DNA evidence or fiber transfer or something and link Bradford to the murder. But they never did. Whatever they did find was explained away, just like he said it would be. And the more he got away with it, the more Bradford flaunted it in front of me. He bragged about getting away with murder and told me this was proof he could do it again if I didn"t watch myself."
So she stayed. But if she was so afraid of Father, and of his private investigators, I asked, why did she go to the s.e.x shops so frequently? Why would she go to a private gentleman"s club to begin with?
"It"s not what you think. I"ve been working there under the table. Since Ash was killed I"ve been trying to put together enough money to get away from him. They don"t ask any questions at the club. I can come in a couple hours while Bradford thinks I"m shopping and make a couple hundred bucks while I wear a wig and a s.e.xy mask. I"ve got it all in a safe deposit box so he can"t trace it. And I know what the PI looks like so I"m always careful to not be seen without disguise."
Turns out even before our interaction, Tabitha was planning a getaway. But how could she let Ash"s murder go unpunished?
"I hope he does get punishment, some how. I hope some day he"s rotting in h.e.l.l. But he"s Bradford Caulfield. He"s a local golden boy-powerful, wealthy, connected. Even with the best of evidence, we both know that men like Bradford rarely get punished."
True. But that wasn"t enough for me.
"There"s always karma," Tabitha offered.
I had something a little different in mind. In the back of my mind, though, I couldn"t stop thinking about one thing: Ash was dead and I was in love with the woman Father was willing to kill over once before. What was to stop him this time? How long before he came after me?
The next few days while Father was out of town were a whirlwind of activity as Tabitha and I hashed through our plans. We each had one last thing to do. I visited Father at his office.
"Megan, you should call first," he chided me before I cut him off.
"Save it. This is the last time you"ll see me. I know what you did." Inside, I was quaking, though surely his office was the safest place for this confrontation. Father prided himself on being a captain of industry. There was no way he"d lose his cool in front of his staff.
"I"m sure I don"t know what you"re talking about." He very clearly knew what I was talking about because his jaw suddenly looked wired shut and his eyes were darkened and his fists clenched.
"I know what you did to Ash. In life and in ending her life."
"Well, little girl, if you know what"s good for you, you"ll stop this gibberish." Father"s defense mechanism was to pull out the paternalism. He wouldn"t acquiesce easily. I cut him off abruptly. If I didn"t play my hand now I might chicken out.
"Here"s the rub, Daddy-O." I pulled myself up as tall as I could, pushing out my chest in hopes that it would give me confidence like one of those animals on Discovery who are puffed up with pride. It didn"t work. I felt emboldened, but also frightened and small.
"In this envelope you"ll find copies of Ash"s diary, her secret diary in which she talks about you for pages on end. It"s been authenticated already, so don"t deny she wrote it. There is also Tabitha"s signed affidavit as a witness to Ash"s homicide and a release form giving Ash"s psychiatrist permission to reveal her therapy sessions to the police investigator still in charge of her case. I"m sure she told him a great deal about her relationship with both of you."
Father started grumbling, a sort of pa.s.sive protest. It was unlike him to not be fully c.o.c.ked in a fight, but perhaps he had been beaten down by this. After all, he killed the one person I think he truly loved, as sick as it was.
"Megan, you don"t understand. I loved Ashley-"
"Save it." I interrupted. I didn"t care to hear any more of his sickening rationale for f.u.c.king and then killing his daughter. "All of these items are on file with my attorney. Should anything happen to either Tabitha or me, they will be sent to the media. Because while you may be able to charm the DA and his cronies, I"m pretty sure the tabloids won"t be so kind. And knowing you, losing face will be almost as bad as losing control of your wife."
Father was silent, unmoving.
"Here"s what you get in this bargain: we won"t go to the police or file suit if you let Tabitha leave now, unenc.u.mbered. And as we speak, Tabitha is cashing out the Fidelity International account. We"ll be taking that as a sort of one-time-only, good faith alimony payment for her years of dutiful service."
Father"s eyes darted to the telephone and back at me. Was he wondering if he could stop the market transfer? Not likely, as Tabitha and I actually cashed it out this morning before he"d have a chance to discover the move. Father had plenty of money. Taking one of his pockets of cash wasn"t going to hurt him a bit.
The more important thing here was keeping his attention while Gualterio and Maria helped Tabitha load all her stuff into a tiny U-Haul trailer. It turned out that during many years of faithful service, Maria and Gualterio both witnessed a lot of wrongdoings by my father, and they weren"t so much loyal to Father as they were frightened by a possible report to and deportation by the INS. Given the opportunity to help me rescue Tabitha and put the screws to Father, they were both willing to oblige-as long as Father never knew of their involvement. So while I was distracting Father, the real move was happening at home. Or what used to be home.
Since Father was still unmoving, I decided to go in for the close. "I"m offering you a Faustian bargain here, Bradford." Father flinched when I called him by his name. It meant a world of disrespect to him, I was sure. Good.
"Leave us alone and we"ll keep our mouths shut. Come near us, or send one of your goons after us, and we"ll make sure the whole world knows what kind of monster you really are."
Father stood, this time making me recoil. I tried to steel myself.
"So, little girl, you think I"m just going to let you run off with my wife? That"s pretty rich coming from a spoiled s.l.u.t who"s never even held a real job. What makes you think I"m going to let you two d.y.k.es walk off into the sunset?"
"You will if you don"t want to be branded a child rapist in the media, and dredge up your possible involvement in a murder for all your high society friends to see. How will business look then? Perhaps I should just go mention all this to your employees outside this door. Think they"ll look at you differently? Think that"ll affect your bottom line, Daddy-O?"
"You"re as much of a wh.o.r.e as your sister was. You got that from your mother. She was a wh.o.r.e, too."
Something inside me snapped and I launched myself off the chair and pummeled him with my fists. He looked as shocked as I was at the violence inside me. I was ready to rail on, buoyed as I was on the truth, but much to my surprise, Father relented.
"Fine, you crazy b.i.t.c.h. You"re both wh.o.r.es and you deserve each other. You"d better hope nothing happens to your trust fund." He was back in threatening mode now.
"Well, if you"ll recall, my trust fund came from grandmother, not you, and according to my attorney, there"s absolutely no way you can ever touch it." Touche.
Father turned, walking back to his phone like it was an anchor in the storm.
"Be gone tonight. I never want to see either of you again." With that, he got on the phone, buzzed security, and told the person on the other end to revoke my key card before I left the building.
Tabitha and I were free. I almost didn"t believe it so I drove cautiously back to the apartment, looking in my rearview mirror every few seconds. Was it possible Father would let us go without a fight?
Epilogue.
It"s our four-year anniversary today. I couldn"t be more excited. I never thought I"d be in a relationship again, and yet this feels as real and true as anything in my entire life. My whole past, the girls, the orgies, the one-night stands, was all just a dress rehearsal for this. I thought I had tested my boundaries before, but s.e.x toys and multiple partners have nothing on s.e.xual exploration in a committed, loving relationship. I planned my outfit for tonight carefully. A red dress, boots cut up to here, and of course Nana de Bary. It was my sister"s favorite and my favorite, but most importantly, it was Tabitha"s favorite. When she grabbed me and pulled me close to her, inhaling the scent of my hair and my neck like a monk with the temple incense, I knew she was mine.
I went back last month to the site of where it all happened. Back to the estate, to my room, to the city I ran from. We could go back now. Father would no longer be looking for us, and there was no reason to be hiding out in this little coastal hamlet in Mexico. Father was dead. Heart attack, they said, but I knew, he was heartbroken. He lost all the women in his life years ago. What was left for him?
The estate went to me, so Tabitha and I kept it. Some day, maybe we"ll go back. But no time soon. Maria can keep the place occupied. I"m not ready to deal with Father"s ghosts as well. Tabitha and I are too happy to head back now. Tabitha is all I"ve ever dreamed of in a lover. She is all I"ll ever need. I stopped writing about s.e.x parties and downtown dungeons. With Tabitha, every night was a s.e.x party minus the crowds. Unlike Ash, I wasn"t the other woman, and now that it"s been four years, I"m certain that I am the only woman Tabitha loved.
The estate in Oregon felt so far away from where we are. So does my sister"s murder, even the Megan I was when I first came home from college that dreadful summer is but a faded memory, a speck in the corner of my eye that I can never pinpoint but never wash away either. I never once thought, while growing up, that I"d be doing siestas in Mexico, penning a novel in my spare time. Daytime brought mango shakes and surfing and helping Tabby-my new nickname for her-find organic vegetables in the plaza. Some days we just sit on the beach all day, reading sonnets and listening to the waves undulate over the sand. I want to lap up this life with her, to not miss a single minute. I spend my nights under the waning moon over this Mexican Riviera penning my novel, a true story of what happened to my sister. It never distracts me from bed though. Even the compulsion to write, to tell the world what happened to me that summer, is weaker than my desire to make love to this woman night after night. Tabitha is in my arms every night as I sleep, a feeling that I love, a feeling that tells me so much about who my sister was. This was the feeling she was willing to risk her life for. As was I.
They say lesbians experience bed death after a few months, but not us. Even as I was thinking starry-eyed about our years together, Tabitha was on top of me before I could even speak. She was devouring me, hungry from our afternoon apart. s.e.x and romance and desire all packaged into one holy alliance. I needed her with a ferocious desperation.
She didn"t have to push or pull. I was open and waiting the minute she asked. I pressed her head down, moving my pelvis up and down in rhythm to the song on the stereo, each ba.s.s drum resonating with my c.l.i.t. She was hungry and wanted me and I couldn"t get enough, so I ran my hands over my nipples, urging her to put a damp hand up here herself. She didn"t. She flipped me over and entered me from behind with a ribbed strap-on d.i.l.d.o I"d never felt before. Ah, my gift. I could feel her maneuvering so the d.i.l.d.o hit my G-spot and it rubbed her too, and we both o.r.g.a.s.med simultaneously, Tabitha falling on top of me like a spent bag of potatoes. She was the most amazing lover I"d ever had.
I lay there panting for a moment, salty dampness tickling my tongue. Then I pushed up on her and rolled over, my b.r.e.a.s.t.s touching hers in perfect symmetry.
"It"s time for a punishment with kisses," I said, wanting her to kiss every part of me for as long as I could stand. And she did, slowly, starting with my lips and lingering in my mouth for what felt like an eternity.
Tabitha moved one hand down under my b.u.t.tocks and another on my crotch and rubbed in unison in a way that was both relaxing and arousing at the same time. My head lolled back and I barely heard her at first.
What dirty little thing was she whispering in my ear? I listened harder as I came again and again, and I realized what she was saying and it filled me with perverse desire.
"I love you."
"I love you, too," I said before pushing her head back between my legs. I was ready for round two.
end.