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I’m dimly aware of being handed over to Zhou Zizhu. A flurry of several people’s limbs half-carried, half-supported me to a side room and laid me upon a bed.
It’s not comfortable at all. Humans really are fragile creatures, especially in illness. Whatever emotions and sentimentality are felt are rubbish; so long as one can live healthily, with no pain or hurt, it’s already a boon for G.o.d’s reputation.
This really isn’t the time for my bout of illness. Or place.
I’ve been in this world for half a year, and I’ve been injured twice, but Jinzi was at my side, ready to act huffy and bratty. This time… is unbelievably miserable.
Zhou Zizhu sat by my bed, watching me worriedly. He lightly placed a hand on my forehead, and spoke with a heavy, guilty heart. “Qinglian… Sir Zhang, I’m sorry. I got too engrossed in it… I hadn’t thought that your health wouldn’t be able to take this. You had a fright, then fell into water, then on the road you suffered through a lot and didn’t get many meals, then I was preoccupied with my own anxiety, then forced you to drink that watery congee with me… Zizhu is honestly ashamed.” There was deep self-reproach in his eyes, as my complexion was likely to be severely unsightly.
My chest seems like it’s being crushed by a large rock, my breaths labored, but I barely manage to smile at him. “At least it won’t be so bad… when I show up in history books a hundred years later.”
Zhou Zizhu stares at me. I laugh, feel a stomachache coming on, and come to a screeching halt on that. “Brother Zizhu,” I say, panting for air, “don’t mind me. You… go on to His Highness Prince Liang… and have fun in there…”
His brows creased. “At this time, how can you…” I don’t wait for him to finish as I pinch the hand he placed on me and send him a meaningful look. He gets my meaning, frowning as he stands, and says a bit unwillingly, “Rest well then, Sir Zhang,” and he’s left.
I thereafter said I must rest, and whoever was standing around like Lu Liang, Guo Zhengtong, the governor, and others were shooed out. Only after a while did a doctor come, and after a scene of chaos, Hong Feng and Xiao Lu had heard the news and also ran over, indescribably tense and rushing all over the place to attend to me. The medicine was served up, I drank it, and the bitterness made me suspect that the doctor had used bear gall, or snake gall, or turtle gall, or every kind of gall from beasts both flying and walking to boil it up. After that came chicken-ginseng soup and sugared swallow’s nest stew. I just want to get better quick, so disregarding all else, I plug my nose and pour it down.
Wei Guanliu showed up during this on behalf of his Prince’s concern for me, but that Xiao Tu who helped me didn’t show his face again.
It’s one disturbance after another. Within the chaos of this ma.s.sive waste of resources, I incidentally glimpse Jinfeng behind the crowd, his eyes constantly trained on me. Giving a sickly exhale, I call softly, “Jinfeng.”
He notices, hesitates, gently huffs to display that he’s still got his consistent trait of hostility and contempt towards me, and yet still looks at me with some worry. He’s been a lot more taciturn these last two days, seemingly getting taller and leaner.
There’s a pain in my heart. “No need to worry, Jinfeng,” I say tenderly, “Nothing’s happened to your brother.”
Jinfeng abruptly raised his head, flickering anger in his eyes. “How would you know? What are you comforting me for? I’m not a child! If– if anything happened, aren’t you the one to blame for it?”
I powerlessly shut my eyes, then open them, tone determined. “Nothing’s happened. I just know it.”
Jinfeng gave me a doubtful look, but at least he’s not shouting again.
It wasn’t until evening that this pressing matter was over. Hong Feng wanted to stay and act as my night watch, I’m firmly against that, and everyone’s expelled with the spending of the equivalent strength of nine bulls and two tigers.
The room is calm at once.
If you’re sick, you wouldn’t want to let a heap of people stay at your side, just like wounded animals who prefer to hide alone in an unwillingness to expose their weakness before others.
I wrap myself up tight in the bedding, unable tell if it’s a fever, as I can’t suppress my shivers. I bite the quilt, disallowing the name on my lips to be voiced, my eyes subconsciously getting watery.
It’s not sweat. Letting out a little bit of tears isn’t a bad thing, right?
The sensation of crying myself to sleep really isn’t so awful, but I really started to burn up after midnight, my breath feeling like it’s fire. Even if I don’t look at my reflection, I know that my cheeks must be a scarlet red.
My mind still clear, I sigh inwardly: it’d be fine if I had antipyretics and antibiotics.
Fishing out the Nine-Turned Cinnabar from a place on me, and disregarding whether it’d have any use or not, I pop a grain into my mouth.
My lips stick together from dryness, but I don’t have the strength to go fetch water, and I don’t want to call for Hong Feng.
I’m like a beached fish, belly-up and flapping its gills.
The only sound in the room is my urgent and hard breaths.
When my unwellness had reached its peak, there seemed to be a liquid dripping onto my lips. I eagerly suck it in, asking for more, and very miraculously afterwards, there indeed came more.
My parched mouth being relieved, I finally cared enough to open my eyes: before me is a handsome face that’s as stiff as ever, and someone of his status simply shouldn’t be showing up here alone right now.
He watched me calmly, blankly putting down a cup he was holding. “Do you want any more to drink?”
Eyes fixed on him, I nod.
He helped me up to drink quite a bit, then put me back down, thereafter standing up and looking like he was going to leave.
With all the water he’d just helped me drink and my current panic, I don’t even have the time to wipe the drops from my lips as I choke and s.n.a.t.c.h his hand. “Don’t… don’t go, Jin–” I stare at him with anxiety, swallowing down the final syllable at the last second.
He pauses. Though his close-by shoulders and back are solid as a mountain rock, a gasp seems to come from within him. Only after a long time did he turn to look at me, eyes calm and clear.
“Why… are you here…?” My voice is lowered and throat firing off in bursts, this question extremely difficult for me. Something’s unclear. I can’t make trouble for him.
“You really did notice.” He says gently, exhales, and lowers his eyes.
It’s only now that his original voice is revealed, the one I’ve yearned for day and night that makes me shudder all over. My hand grasps him tighter.
He doesn’t take his back, still looking at me serenely and allowing me to hold him.
I control my breathing, reaching out my other hand to take off that irritating mask. Even if it’s also handsome, I don’t want a lifeless thing like that covering my favorite face.
Yet that hand was caught by his in midair.
“Jinzi.” I struggle a tiny bit, can’t break free, and thus protest in a whisper.
“I vowed that I won’t take this human-skin mask off a day before I’ve reached my goal,” he says coldly.
“Goal?”
“Ah.” He sounded like he wasn’t talking about anything grand. “The day my power exceeds yours is the day I can hold you in the palm of my hand.”
My tongue is in a knot as I stare at him in astonishment.
He reaches out and clasps my jaw and neck, his thumb lightly stroking my skin as his gaze lingered on and searched my face. Within his dull tone seem to be a very deeply repressed evil. “I’m obsessed with you, but there’s no way I can forget that you’re the enemy that destroyed my family. Zhang Qinglian, I absolutely… will not continue to be your pretty pet.”
My astonishment grows. His hand slips into my blanket, cold as ice, and I quickly respond with a shudder.
He feels around my body with a complete lack of scruples.
“The me from before is already dead. I’ll use my new ident.i.ty to serve His Highness Prince Liang, and make a bright future for myself.” The tone he used was nearly sociopathic. “I’ll definitely surpa.s.s you one day. I’ll make you into my pretty pet, and I’ll double the payback for everything you’ve done to me…”
He spoke with a vibrato of repressed excitement, but the look in his eyes was comparatively clear and undisturbed, looking deep into my own, like he’s hypnotizing me. He leans over my face. “It’s best you forget my current ident.i.ty. You have no way to manipulate me anymore, anyways, and taking your life wouldn’t be so hard… if you serve me well in the future, I won’t… kill you…” His final words are very indistinct, and he lowered his head to kiss me on the lips.
His words are intense, but his kiss isn’t too rough. He sucks at my lips and tongue, bringing with it a deep entanglement, profoundly tender and joyous enough to erode one’s bones. I was unaware of my intoxication, forgetting his bewildering declaration, forgetting my illness, and forgetting to ask him what to do with Jinfeng.
The moment he parts from me, we gasp heavily for air.
The jade fenghuang handing from his neck fell out of his robes and happened to land right on my lips, its touch gentle and warmed from his body.
I clenched my fist tight.
His eyes look down to glimpse the fenghuang as well. He bows his head and places his thin, pretty lips on top of it, kissing me through it.
Then he let me go, that warmth consequently leaving me.
“Do your best,” he resumes his icy, very clear voice, “Zhang Qinglian.”
Then I was the only one left in the room.
It’s at this moment I discover how big this room is.
I can’t relaxed my clenched fist.
Jinzi, Jinzi. Were my heart shouting that, I don’t know if it could reverberate around this empty s.p.a.ce.