Slowly the laughter petered out and His Majesty stood still - without blinking and looking lost in his thoughts. His face had turned chalk white.If Ning Fu still couldn"t perceive that he had misunderstood His Majesty"s intentions, he wouldn"t have been able to rise up the ranks in the army and become The Unit Commander of The Devil Snare Army.
He worriedly stepped towards His Majesty to ask for forgiveness but with his single step towards the other person, he saw how His Majesty flinched and recoiled back from him. In his haste to get away from him, the emperor lost his footing, stumbled over the table behind him and nearly fell backwards.
"Your Majesty" Ning Fu called in a panicked voice. Before he could do or say more than that, the emperor reacted violently.
"No! Stay away. Don"t come closer." Su Li tried to speak over the lump in her throat.
Ning Fu watched the most revered person under heavens, shaking like a leaf that was adrift in the wind.
His Majesty bowed his head, put his face in his hands, and just shook.
Ning Fu himself felt at a loss as to how to rectify his blunder, therefore, he kept quiet to let the monarch gain control over his emotions.
What had happened?
He still couldn"t seem to wrap his head around it and didn"t know where to start.
What had triggered such a response from His Majesty?
What had His Majesty sought after in his eyes?
His loyalty? His ambition? or something else that he couldn"t comprehend?
After a minute or two, His Majesty lifted his head and Ning Fu watched as all emotion was wiped off from the emperor"s face. He still looked pale, however, there was no sign of tears in his obsidian eyes.
Ning Fu thanked his lucky stars for small mercies. If he had really made the Son of Heavens cry and it had spread around, wouldn"t that mambear in the Inner Palace do away with his head? That would be akin to out of the frying pan, into the fire.
His Majesty glanced his way, however, the very next second he diverted his gaze as if loath to even tarnish his eyesight by looking at him.
Ning Fu thought he must look unsightly in His Majesty"s eyes. The emperor had taken time from his busy schedule to speak with him and he had misunderstood him to such a degree.
His Majesty gave him a derisive laugh once again and walked towards the jar of wine.
He watched in stunned silence as His Majesty removed the cover of the jar, tilted his head as far back as it could go and drank the entire jar of wine. Some of the wine dribbled down His Majesty"s chin but it was as if His Majesty wouldn"t stop until the entire jar had been emptied into his stomach.
Ning Fu wanted to rush up to the monarch and stop him but decorum and the difference in their positions stayed his hand. He could only try to stop the monarch with a contrite, "Your Majesty" but to no avail.
The proud emperor drank the entire jar of wine and with a bitter laugh dropped the jar on the floor where it smashed into slivers of glittering fragments.
Ning Fu felt that it wasn"t the wine jar that had shattered, perhaps, it was the harmonious relations.h.i.+p between a sovereign and his subject that was broken to pieces and was scattered between them.
Su Li turned toward The Unit Commander and she felt something awful and painful rising in her chest. She croaked, "Take a clear look Unit Commander. There was no poison in the wine."
Ning Fu lowered his head to the ground with a resounding thump, "Your Majesty, It was this lowly official..."
Su Li cut him off with a laugh but there was no humour in it, only pain.
Su Li thought that no one would have seen the pain in it, however, it was glaringly obvious to Ning Fu.
His Majesty wiped his face with the back of his hand and with a defeated look in his eyes, he again turned his face away from Ning Fu.
His breath hitching furiously, the monarch said, "Unit Commander, I know, I know you are loyal to me. Since ages, most of the generals have been loyal to their monarchs, it has always been the monarchs who have been suspicious without any cause. Their own unfounded doubt and fear led them to kill innocents. But am not like them."
Ning Fu, "Your Majesty..."
His words were again cut short.
His Majesty railed on and questioned him furiously, "Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty. Is that the only thing I am worthy of in your eyes, Unit Commander? Is it that the person you vow your loyalty to isn"t worth your trust? You are ready to kill and be killed for me or even by me but you don"t feel that am worth placing your trust in? Is that it?"
Ning Fu shuddered at His Majesty"s words. He felt a bone-deep chill at what His Majesty was saying. With a slight tremble to his voice, he replied, "Your Majesty, it isn"t like that."
He couldn"t even explain himself. How could he? When his actions and their result were staring him in the face?
The emperor"s mouth twisted in a wry, wretched smile. He countered, "Maybe that is really what am worth. Only unquestionable loyalty but not a shred of trust. Is that the reason why..." His Majesty stopped his words abruptly and shook his head.
His Majesty walked further away from Ning Fu and lifted his hand in the universal sign of shooing someone away and left him with just the back view of a man who seemed lonely and heartbroken.
Ning Fu felt deeply ashamed and remorseful in his heart. He watched helplessly as the monarch walked away with slumped shoulders and a depressed air because of his thoughtless actions.
He couldn"t even say that the other person had misunderstood him. He himself was the one who had misjudged the monarch.
His Majesty had clearly shown through his actions that he believed in governance and not senseless killings.
How could he have been so idiotic so as to paint His Majesty with the same brush as other monarchs?
Hadn"t His Majesty already shown that he was different from his predecessors with his first edict and his subsequent actions?
It was a bitter pill to swallow that he himself wasn"t as open-minded as he touted himself to be.
Meanwhile, Su Li felt that she had gone insane for even entertaining the ridiculous thought.
When she had heard those familiar words, for a few seconds she had felt that it wasn"t Unit Commander Ning Fu standing in front of her, she had the illusion that it was the person who had stood behind her and protected her from all internal and external threats in the last world?
It was completely preposterous and ludicrous.
Her lower lip trembled but she bit it, to try and conceal the pain and loneliness. Those emotions should be tucked away in her heart. She couldn"t afford to let anyone catch onto any of her weaknesses in this harsh environment. She sighed to herself miserably and left for her quarters. Another s.h.i.+ver wracked her frame.
How could that person follow her into this world?
She herself was bound to a system due to which she was residing in someone"s body.
How would she be able to see or meet him again?
She couldn"t even bring herself to say his name and felt truly pathetic. She had been brought to new lows because of the memories of a person whom she might never see or hear from again.
But what could she do? Her heart didn"t seem to listen to her and the pain was still too raw for her to recall and reminiscence about the happy times she had spent with that person.
Su Li doesn"t want to cry because tears are a means of letting your pain go.
She wants to turn everything about that person into a hard, dense pebble to be locked away in her heart.
She is afraid.
Afraid that crying might just sweep away her memories of the time spent with that person like a clean slate and dull the pain.
She doesn"t want that.
Doesn"t want to forget.
Sometimes she tries to tell herself that this whole thing is a nightmare.
That she is still in that world.
That she"ll open her eyes and find that person just a call away but it"s all futile.
She knows that she has done a lot of lying to herself when it comes to the person she inadvertently fell in love with.
Su Li also felt furious at herself for losing her composure in front of a courtier. She had lost all her dignity as the monarch of a country by acting in such a discourteous way.
There is at least a consolation that the other person wouldn"t gossip about her loss of decorum.
At that last thought, His Majesty entered his rooms and clicked the door shut.
That night two people wallowed in painful dreams and it was a long night for both of them.