Su Li gave a start at the lady"s words, her eyes widening slightly.A heavy silence filled the study.
The Empress Dowager continued, "Your Majesty, even if you can"t open yourself to the bright world outside right now, you shouldn"t give up hope. Maybe you"ll even surprise yourself."
Su Li looked away from the aged lady and her mouth filled with a bitter aftertaste.
With a forlorn expression, she replied, "Queen Mother, Zhen understands that love is a wonderful thing but Zhen cannot love because, first, Zhen can never love another and secondly, Zhen doesn"t have his heart with himself to give another, Zhen already gave it to him completely and irrevocably."
When the Empress Dowager heard her son"s words, she felt an indescribable pain in her heart. She watched as her son seemed to be lost in his own thoughts and he appeared so lonely.
Oh, her child.
Her precious child had turned into a man and he seemed to have experienced his own share of not only physical pain in his exile but even an emotional one.
The smile that stole His Majesty"s face was bittersweet at best and both mother and child knew that it was no use talking about this as of now. The Empress Dowager bid farewell to her child and took her leave.
Meanwhile, The Unit Commander couldn"t seem to unlock his limbs to move. The conversation he had just heard, left him feeling... he didn"t even know how to describe his present mood. Slowly, he moved away from his hiding spot and left The Imperial Complex on staggering footsteps.
The same evening, his subordinate general sent him a scroll of information regarding the monarch. Ning Fu felt his throat dry while looking at the scroll.
He didn"t feel inclined to open the scroll after what he had inadvertently heard in his haste to prove himself. However, it was as if he had an itch since then that he couldn"t help but want to scratch. Ning Fu had never felt so indecisive.
Hesitating about it, but for a moment, he still opened the scroll and greedily took in the words written on it. The words read that His Majesty didn"t have a large retinue and didn"t allow any of his servants to touch him.
He had been taking his baths by himself except the first few days of his coronation, none of the eunuchs or maids helped him dress for the morning court or even for the evening wear.
The emperor only had one rule for his personal servants - none of them was allowed to touch his body - no matter the reason.
Though strict, the monarch never talked to his servants in a condescending manner.
Reading the words on the scroll, Ning Fu felt baffled.
Who had ever seen a n.o.ble behave this way?
Suddenly, Ning Fu had another thought streak through his mind.
Could it be that the emperor never allowed anyone to touch him because he couldn"t bear to let anyone except the person in his heart have any kind of physical contact with him, even platonic?
The whole report was as if a glowing recommendation for someone"s promotion.
The only thing Ning Fu found odd was that the general had written about some hushed whispers between the servants that His Majesty wouldn"t sleep the whole night through.
It wasn"t that the monarch awoke once or twice in the middle of the night.
No. It seemed to be a daily occurrence.
Every night without fail, the emperor would wake up in the middle of the night with a sweat-drenched back and once he was awake, he would never stay in his quarters, no matter what time it was.
Afterwards, he would either roam in the various gardens of The Imperial Palace or sit somewhere out of the way, generally in a pavilion just off the beaten path that leads to The Inner Palace.
What was even more confusing was that His Majesty had given military orders to his shadow guards that neither they nor anyone else was allowed to disturb his solitude in those moments until and unless it was a matter of state importance on par with an imminent war threat at the borders or the death of prominent Imperial kin.
If the order had been just given casually, it wouldn"t have raised eyebrows. After all, even kings would want some peace and quite from their hectic schedule but the military order was a point of contention.
A person might ask the question: Why? It"s still an imperial order isn"t it, so what difference does it make if it"s a military order?
The answer would be that the military order differed in the context that they didn"t leave a person with a second chance. If anyone dared to violate this order, there won"t be corporal punishment.
No, the only punishment for anyone who violates the order will be to get killed without exception.
On top of that, His Majesty had also ordered that the shadow guards must stay at least ten paces away from him during these long sleep-deprived hours.
Ten paces were equivalent to around seven and a half meters. It wasn"t a long distance by any shot but neither was it a small one.
If an a.s.sa.s.sin who had great proficiency in martial arts tried their level best, they would be able to harm The Son of Heaven"s before the shadow guards reached the monarch to s.h.i.+eld him and retaliate against the a.s.sailant.
Ning Fu"s brows furrowed at this thought.
Didn"t His Majesty realise his vulnerability in such a position?
How come the emperor didn"t seem to care about his own well-being while placing himself in such a vulnerable position?
Was it that the monarch wanted to be left to his own devices in those hours?
Why? Just because he missed the person in his heart, he didn"t seem to pay attention to matters regarding his safety?
Ning Fu thought back to the tenor of the voice His Majesty had used when he had ordered the Imperial Physician to leave. That one "leave" had contained so much emotion - sorrow, anger at the world, dissatisfaction, hopelessness.
He also recalled verbatim the words the emperor had spoken to the empress dowager.
The proud Son of Heaven"s had said that he couldn"t love anybody else not because he didn"t have a place for another in his heart but because he had given it completely to someone else.
There was a subtle difference between the two sentences. Had the monarch said the first one, it would have meant that he didn"t have the heart to love another and reopen his wounds but the monarch had said the latter one.
The difference was subtle but profound in itself. The emperor had explicitly told his queen mother that no matter how much time pa.s.sed -days, months, years, he wouldn"t replace his beloved with someone else.
For a monarch who was supposed to have a harem of three thousand, this was something no one had ever said or even thought.
However, Ning Fu instinctively knew that those words weren"t empty promises or lament by the monarch. The proud Son of Heaven"s would definitely follow through with them.
Ning Fu gave a sardonic smile at that. He never had anyone close enough to him in that way. He knew his family cared for him and his subordinates were extremely loyal to him but he didn"t have anyone who had ever felt as strongly for him as His Majesty seemed to feel for that person.
He wondered what would it feel like to have someone who loved you to that extent.
He himself had never felt that unwavering dedication or love of that sort.
Ah, whatever… Ning Fu shook his head, laughing at himself.
He had always known - known the path he wanted to follow as soon as he entered the army at the young age of ten. Therefore, he never had any expectations or hopes for an everlasting love or sweet nothings written to him on a scented paper when he was far away from home.
He had only ever thought of conquering the battlefield and protecting these lands. He had even less heart for meaningless l.u.s.t.
It was just that what he had heard today from the dragon"s mouth seemed to have sent him off-track and that was why he was thinking maudlin thoughts about things that had no importance in his life.
Still, Ning Fu couldn"t stop himself from wondering.
He raised an eyebrow and his gaze flickered with a determined gaze that he himself didn"t notice.