Raindrops Book 1: Cry

Then there was the weather that always seemed perfect for 4 p.m. Several shades of grey painted the clouds that danced across the sky broodingly. The wind sailed on by, carrying an earthy scent of soil and manure, and causing little whirls of orange, red, and brown leaves that had given up on life, to dance across the parking lot.

I walked out of the school gates hurriedly, slipping on my brown leather jacket and shoving my hands into the pockets. The wind slapped locks of my brown wig onto my face as I sauntered down the sidewalk. Usually, I"d be stomping on leaves, avoiding cracks in the sidewalks, and making up games for both, but today I ignored them; I already had too much to think about.

I had come to the conclusion earlier on that I was in love with Avian, but what did that say about me? Did that mean I was desperate? Or so broken that I clung onto any hopes of feeling alive and in love once again? I had known Avian for one month, and I was in love with him.

What did that mean for Alex and me?

Did I even still have feelings for the one I once called the love of my life? My soul mate? If I was in love with Avian, could I still be in love with Alex? Or did I just love him, and wasn"t necessarily in love with him?

The most important question though, that had racked my brain as I sorted out my feelings for both boys, was how did Avian feel about me?

I seethed and ran my tongue over the back of my teeth. I knew I was still mad at Avian, and at the fact that he had chosen to give in to the sickness and not fight it, but would he fight again if he knew how I felt about him? Would he fight to stay with me? Was I even sure that he loved me that much? That night, when he"d come over to my house to apologize for storming off, he"d said that he didn"t want to rush me into anything.

What did that mean? That he liked me but didn"t want to "rush" me into a relationship? Or was I just really delusional and it was all in my head?

"You should go see him."

I jumped, completely startled as I turned around swiftly.

Lolita stood there with a small smile, her glistening brown eyes almost the same shade as the leaves drifting by. She folded her hands over her chest, wordlessly pulling her coat tighter around her body as she let out a slight shiver. Slowly, she walked forward, standing next to me with a comforting smile.

I sighed and pushed my bangs out of my face.

"I thought you wanted me to stay away from him."

Lolita rolled her eyes and hooked her arm through mine as we continued down the sidewalk. She let out a breath, before turning her gaze to me.

"Yeah, that was before I realized he was sick"

I shook my head and glanced at the trees that surrounded us, before jutting out my chin stubbornly.

"He turned down any kind of treatment! I don"t feel sorry for him."

"You don"t mean that"

I sighed and turned my gaze back to Lolita.

"Lollipop, you know when Avian said he was there that night?"

"How would I know? I wasn"t in the room" Lolita glared at me, mostly because I had just called her lollipop.

I smirked and rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, but you were eavesdropping"

Lolita smiled cheekily, caught in her lie. Slowly she bit her lip.

"He said he was there and that he and his cousins pulled us out of the lake"

"Shay," Lolita sighed, looking at me warily but I ignored her and continued.

"Did I hit my head? How come I have no recollection of any of that happening? It"s like that particular memory was wiped out"

"Shay, stop"

"Did something happen after Avian and his cousins left? Was someone else there? Why can"t I remember anything?"

"Look, everything is a whole lot more complicated than you think, okay?"

I stared at Lolita, wondering what she was talking about. Slowly, she ran her tongue over her teeth and glanced away anxiously.

"All I can say is, stop guessing, and start asking the right questions."

What?

What was that supposed to mean?

Things were a lot more complicated than that? Was my memory loss a lot more than a mere accident?

Before I could interrogate her further, I heard someone blare their horn at me. Unhooking my arm from Lolita"s in shock, I turned around as the car pulled up next to me. The window slowly rolled down, and I ducked my head slightly.

Avian sat behind the wheel, looking a lot worse than he had in the hospital. His eyes were bloodshot, and he was leaning heavily on the wheel, scrunching up his face when he leaned on a part of his body that seemed to hurt. He also looked as though he had broken out of his hospital room; he was wearing a grey t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, while his hair looked like it hadn"t been combed in days, which it probably hadn"t.

I stared in shock.

"What are you doing?" I muttered, flinching when he squeezed up his face in pain. Avian smiled warily and ran his hands, slowly and painfully, through his hair.

"Can we talk?"

I glanced between Avian, who was looking at me pleadingly, and Lolita, who was nudging her head toward Avian encouragingly.

Did she expect me to forget everything she had just said, and drive off into the sunset with Avian? There were still so many questions I had to ask, still so many unclear things.

Lolita smiled encouragingly because she knew that if I got into the car with Avian, I would open up to him. Somehow, even though all the anger I had, my love for him would overshadow every other emotion and I would confide in him.

Confiding in Avian meant accepting reality.

Accepting reality meant Lolita would now be free of me; I would never see her again. There were so many things I still didn"t know, so many secrets being kept from me, and without Lolita to tell those secrets, how would I ever find out what happened that night, after Avian left?

How would I ever know the entire truth?

Was there a way to tell him the whole truth, and still have Lolita?

"Shay please," I heard Avian grunt and I dragged my gaze back to him; underneath the brave expression and pleading face, he looked like he was extremely hurting, and in deep pain "get in the car"

I glanced at Lolita, who was now slowly walking away from me towards the same path she"d come from; I dragged my gaze back to Avian

"Get in"

I closed my eyes briefly, realizing that I didn"t have much of a choice because as much as I did not want Lolita to leave, I had to hear what Avian had to say. It was as though my head and heart were in a tug of war, and my sanity seemed to be on the losing side.

I glanced at Lolita; she smiled warmly at me and nodded slightly.

Slowly, I dragged my gaze back to Avian.

He stared at me painfully.

With a sigh, I opened the car door and got into the pa.s.senger seat