"f.u.c.k!"
Out of the box flooded the feelings she ignored, the warnings she dismissed. In the beginning, Rainey"s instincts told her dragging Katie into this life was a mistake. Ernie knew what kind of business they were in and exactly what kind of people might be coming after Rainey. Mackie chose the life long ago. Katie had only discovered the enormous stresses of being in a relationship with someone like Rainey after she fell in love. It had been Rainey"s responsibility to tell Katie what she was really getting into. She had, up to a point, but she was also afraid to tell Katie too much. Rainey selfishly had not wanted to lose Katie, so she held a substantial amount of information back, stuffing those feelings in the little mental box, and putting it away. She told herself that she could keep Katie safe. Rainey didn"t know if that was really possible anymore.
Rainey was happy to find Katie"s car in the driveway. She said she was going to clean out the closet in the master bedroom today, but Katie went off on little sudden trips all the time. She always told Rainey or Ernie where she was going, but sometimes she just had to get out of the house. Rainey thought it was because they were so isolated out in the woods and a social b.u.t.terfly like Katie needed to talk to people. Rainey encouraged Katie"s continued work with her literacy centers, but insisted that the centers hire security. The thought of Katie in that rundown strip mall in Durham made Rainey cringe. Katie only went two nights a week now, usually when Rainey had to work, and some Sat.u.r.days. Katie seemed content to live out on the lake, away from the hustle of the city, but a woman with that much energy had to focus it somewhere. Today, the closet was her planned project.
Rainey opened the front door of the cottage, happy to have found it locked. She punched in the alarm code to quell the incessant beeping. She was surprised to find the room empty. Katie was usually right there to greet her when she came home. She shut the door, locked it, and re-armed the alarm. She hung her jacket, took off her holster, and opened the gun safe. In the act of putting the gun away, her systems went on high alert. Rainey"s instincts were telling her something wasn"t right. Katie should have appeared by now. Maybe she was in the closet and didn"t hear Rainey come in. Maybe she was under a pile of boxes and couldn"t get up. Rainey told her not to move the heavy boxes from the top shelf, for two reasons. The boxes were too heavy for Katie to move, and she didn"t want Katie to see what was in them.
She stood there with the gun safe open, her hand on the Glock still inside the holster, observing her environment. She could not smell supper cooking, which was always the first thing Rainey noticed when she walked in the house. It was eerily quiet, the hum of the refrigerator motor the only sound she could make out. She carefully pulled the Velcro retaining strap open. In the quiet, the ripping sound was excruciatingly loud. She took the gun, leaving the holster in the safe and shut the door. Glock in hand she peeked into the kitchen. No Katie. She checked the back door. It was locked. She surveyed the rear deck through the gla.s.s in the door.
Rainey wasn"t in a panic, yet, but the beating of her heart was beginning to pick up the pace. She told herself Katie was fine, just distracted, anything but that something was wrong. Rainey knew she was overly cautious, and yes even a bit paranoid, but she had good reason to be before today. After what she found out in Durham a few hours ago, her paranoia triggered a survival instinct she listened to very attentively. Rainey chose to look at how she lived her life as not so much in a perpetual state of fear, but more a constant vigil of readiness. Her guard had been down once. That sure as h.e.l.l wasn"t going to happen again.
She crossed the main room, hugging the wall to her back. At the corner, where the wall met the hallway to the master bedroom, Rainey could see into the home office. The computer monitor was dark, gone to sleep from at least an hour of inactivity. Peeking around the corner, she could see the bedroom door was half open. If she called out Katie"s name, she would give away her position. She saw no movement and heard only the sound of her own heartbeat, picking up its pace. Slipping around the corner, Rainey kept her eyes on the crack between the doorframe and the hinged edge of the door. She was about to enter the bedroom when she heard something inside the walk-in closet, the entrance of which was obscured behind the half open door. The next sound turned her blood to ice.
"h.e.l.lo, Agent Bell, so nice of you to join us." The Virginia accent was unmistakable.
Chill b.u.mps erupted over Rainey"s entire body. She took a step closer to the opening, then froze again as the voice continued. "I told this pretty blond lady here that it was you that I really wanted to talk to. She"s really nice to spend time with, but then she"s not you, is she? I"ve waited so long for this. Come on in and sit a spell. We have a lot of catching up to do."
Rainey took a deep breath, let it out slowly, clasped her pistol in front of her, and crashed into the door. The bedroom door and the closet door smashed together. In the briefest of seconds, Rainey saw Katie sitting in the closet floor, pictures and notebooks scattered around her, and then the door slammed shut. The next voice she heard stopped her in her tracks.
"h.e.l.lo Dalton. You asked to see me and now I"m here. What is it you want to talk about?"
It was Rainey"s own voice. Katie was listening to the tape of her first interview with Dalton. Rainey stored the tape in one of the boxes she had asked Katie to leave on the top shelf. Apparently, Katie did not listen.
"Rainey, what the h.e.l.l?" Katie"s voice cried out from inside the closet.
The rush of adrenaline crashed into Rainey"s heart with the full force of the fear she had held at bay. The fear turned to anger instantly. She s.n.a.t.c.hed the closet door open so forcefully it banged into the other door and slammed shut again. She s.n.a.t.c.hed it back open, this time holding on to it, and shouted, "What the f.u.c.k, Katie! I thought that a.s.shole was in here. What the h.e.l.l are you doing?"
The tape continued to play in the background. Dalton"s sickly sweet drawl echoed on the walls of the closet. "Well, Rainey, may I call you Rainey, what an unusual name. Your parents were hippie freaks, I guess. Bet your momma was pretty. Bet you look like your momma, all tall and dark with those green eyes..."
Rainey took two long steps into the closet and hit the stop b.u.t.ton on the old ca.s.sette recorder. Katie must have also found it in the boxes. Rainey still had the Glock in her right hand.
"Oh my G.o.d, you scared the s.h.i.t out of me," Katie said.
"I could say the same about you. I repeat; what in the h.e.l.l are you doing?" Rainey"s anger boiled just below the surface. She pointed at the crime scene photos and notebooks opened on the floor around Katie.
Rainey kept a Murder Book for each of the cases she investigated or researched. When she left the BAU she brought some of them home with her, the rest she gave to Danny. They contained the detailed elements of each crime, copies of reports and photographs, among Rainey"s personal notes. Dalton Chambers had been one of the cases she felt the need to hang onto. Along with Dalton"s Murder Book, Rainey had placed accounts of other unimaginable deeds in the boxes and stored them in the top of the closet. People turn away from the screen when they show crime scenes on TV shows. They would never come out of their houses again, if they saw some of what was in the boxes Katie had emptied onto the closet floor.
Katie began closing notebooks and putting them back in the boxes. "I"m sorry, Rainey. I tried to get one of the boxes down and I dropped it. Once I saw what was in them, I couldn"t stop myself." She paused and looked up at Rainey. "Oh G.o.d, what time is it? I can"t believe I"ve been in here this long. You must be starving." She started throwing things back in the boxes faster.
"Leave it," Rainey said, sternly.
Katie stood up. "Are you mad because I didn"t listen to you or because I scared you?"
Rainey tried, but did not succeed, to control her anger. She glared at Katie. "You need to listen to me when I tell you that you don"t need to know everything I"ve seen and done."
"Rainey, I... I had no idea..."
"That"s kind of the point. You don"t have any idea. You and most of the world have no clue what"s out there. I believe that"s a good thing, don"t you? There are all kinds of reasons you shouldn"t be looking at these files, but the most important one is, because I asked you not to."
Katie"s hands shot to her hips. "Oh, come on. You told me the boxes were too heavy for me, not to leave them alone because they had your life secrets in them. I had no choice but to try, just to prove I"m not some shrinking violet. All this stuff poured out when I lost my balance on the stepladder. At least, the first one happened that way."
"So, if I specifically said leave the boxes alone, because I don"t want you to know what"s in them, would you have done as I asked?"
"Of course I would," Katie said defensively. "I respect your privacy. You said nothing about privacy and don"t use that tone with me."
The walls in the closet begin to close in on Rainey. She closed her eyes against the pictures of b.l.o.o.d.y crime scenes scattered on the floor. With the sound of that maniac"s voice still ringing in her ears, she could almost smell him. Rainey turned and walked out of the closet. She crossed to Katie"s big reading chair, by the window. She sat down and took the clip out of her gun, cleared the chamber and placed it on the table by the chair. She put her elbows on her knees and dropped her face into her hands, the rush now leaving her body weak with its ebbing. Katie followed her out and sat on the ottoman in front of her.
Katie tried to lighten the mood. "How ironic. We just came out of the closet together, again."
Rainey laughed despite her desire to remain angry with Katie. She looked up to see Katie"s big blue eyes inches from her face. Katie was smiling at her, but her brow was knitted with worry. She reached out and touched Rainey"s knee.
"Honey, I"m sorry. But honestly, I"m glad I did it. I found out something about you that I needed to know."
Rainey sat back. Still not completely able to lose the anger in her tone, she said, "Yeah, and what was that?"
"I read your writings. Your depth of understanding is... well, simply over my head. How you did what you did is beyond me. I listened to those tapes and I heard a completely different person in that room. Your voice was so detached from emotion. If I didn"t already know you, I would have described that person as unfeeling and cold."
"I did what I had to do to survive being exposed to s.a.d.i.s.tic criminals like that. The colder I was the harder they tried to shock me. They told me their sickest secrets trying to break that ice. Sitting for hours listening to them drone on about their inhuman behaviors takes a level of dispa.s.sion few can achieve. The ability to understand the incomprehensible, that"s what my specialty required, and I was d.a.m.n good at it. You"re trying to reconcile the person you love with a person who could sit there unfazed by a sociopath."
"That"s not it at all," Katie interjected.
Rainey didn"t let her explain. She launched into, "It"s me Katie, that"s who I am, but what you don"t hear is me throwing up afterwards. You weren"t there in the early years when I struggled until I could be that detached, until I could turn it off at night when I came home, until I could focus all my energy on locating and locking them up without paying a toll for each one. That"s what my training required of me. That"s what my humanity demanded of me."
Katie tried again to speak, "I know..."
"No, you don"t know. You have no point of reference for me to explain the depravity I"ve witnessed. I put those things in a box and put them away. I"d like to put the memories away too, but Katie there are just some things you can"t un-see. So sometimes I come off cold and unfeeling. I can be cautious, suspicious, even a bit paranoid, do you blame me?"
Katie didn"t say anything. She just shook her head from side to side. She seemed to comprehend Rainey just needed to talk, without interruption.
"Katie, I"m not going to be the happy go lucky, throw caution to the wind kind of person you are. Falling in love with you is the only unplanned, spontaneous thing I"ve done since I was a teenager and didn"t know any better. I"ve been reckless with you and it"s been good for me. You make me think all things are possible. I may balk, seem initially too cautious, but I work through my reservations most of the time. I took a chance with you and that is so not in character with the person I grew up to be. You remind me of being young and innocent. I"d like to hang on to that feeling. I"m giving you everything I can... but there is probably always going to be a part of me you can"t have access to. I"m respectfully asking you to leave it alone."
Katie leaned into Rainey, placing both hands on her knees. "What I wanted to say is that I read your notes, I listened to your voice, I saw some of what you"ve seen. That"s enough for me. I thought I knew everything, because of what I went through last summer, but I didn"t. You"re right. I couldn"t possibly grasp the depth of horror you"ve seen. I appreciate where your fears and doubts come from. I understand now, Rainey."
"Do you believe me when I say I"m not holding anything back from you that is yours to have? Do you understand how hard it was for me to let you in, to love you?" Rainey"s voice shook and she wished it wouldn"t. "I know life can be completely changed in an instant. I didn"t want to care about you, because I didn"t think I could take another loss in my life. But I confronted that fear and I"m dealing with it every day. If I ask you to lock the door, be aware of your surroundings, don"t park your car in certain places, it is not because I think there"s a serial killer around every corner. I"m not paranoid or uptight, Katie. I just can"t bear the thought of anything happening to you."
Katie climbed up into Rainey"s lap and wrapped her arms around her neck. She looked deep into Rainey"s eyes and said, "I will never doubt your instincts again. I will not call your paranoia or wariness silly. I will respect your knowledge of things I don"t need to know or want to understand. I will be patient when you are cautious, but I reserve the right to plead my case. Is that workable for you?"
Rainey leaned in to Katie"s lips, because she could no longer resist. She cupped the back of Katie"s head in her hand and pulled her tight against her.
Katie broke free and breathed whispered words against Rainey"s lips, "I"ll take that as a yes."
Rainey smiled. She kissed Katie and then hugged her close, saying softly into her ear, "I love you, ya" know."
"Yeah, I know."
Now that Rainey"s anger had ebbed, she knew she had to tell Katie about Dalton"s copycat lurking out there somewhere. Maybe it was good that Katie had seen the Murder Book on Chambers. It would help Rainey get across the seriousness of the threat. Just as she started to broach the subject, Rainey"s cell phone rang.
Katie stood up, so Rainey could remove her phone from her pocket. She looked at the screen. She couldn"t ignore it. It was Ernie. Rainey flipped the phone open. Before she could speak, Ernie began talking.
"Rainey, Mackie needs you. He wants you to meet him in an hour. Chauncey is about to bolt. Mackie set it up where Chauncey thinks he"s coming to pick up some money, so he can disappear. If everything goes as planned, we"re off the hook for two hundred grand failed appearance. You know if you don"t stop this guy, you"ll d.a.m.n near bankrupt this place."
Rainey answered, "Now, Ernie, do you really think I would bail out a felon without keeping an eye on him? One of his homeboys has been on the phone with Junior, twenty-four-seven. That"s how we knew he was going to run. Probable cause, we"re revoking his bail. My prerogative. All I have to do is deliver him into custody."
"Don"t get c.o.c.ky, Rainey," Ernie scolded. "Will you have back up?"
Rainey didn"t mind Ernie"s scolding. Ernie knew this business, she knew these criminals, and she loved Rainey. Her thoughts were always on Rainey and Mackie"s safety.
"Mackie was going to arrange for some of the fugitive squad to go in ahead of us. Chauncey"s armed. I know that. The police know that, too, so if he flinches he"s probably a dead man. I hope he just comes out peacefully."
Ernie responded, "From your mouth to G.o.d"s ears. I"m going back to work now, in case the great detective loses her man. Somebody has to pay the bills."
Rainey thought about Katie, home alone. She said, into the receiver, "Ernie, I need you to come to the cottage. I"ll explain when you get here... and bring your gun."
Rainey hung up. She said, to Katie, "I have to go meet Mackie. We"re taking Chauncey Barber into custody."
"Why does Ernie need to come over here? You"re not taking her with you are you?"
Rainey dropped her eyes to the floor. "No, that"s not the reason." She glanced up at Katie"s puzzled expression. She had no choice, but to tell her the truth of their circ.u.mstances. "Katie, I"m so sorry to have to say this. You have no idea how I wish it wasn"t true."
Katie began to look more worried than puzzled. "What is it, Rainey? What"s happened?"
Rainey pointed at the ottoman in front of her. "Please, sit down."
Katie was frightened, now. Rainey could see it in her eyes. She sat down, without saying a word.
"Katie, after I bailed out Derrick, I went to see Sheila Robertson in the Durham Sheriff"s office. While I was there, she asked me to review her latest case. I did, and I recognized the signature. I called Danny, he"s on his way."
"What does that have to do with you or me? Why does Ernie need to come over here with her gun?"
"That tape you were listening to when I came in, did you listen to anymore of that particular killer?"
Katie thought about it, and then answered, "Yes, one more. I got them out of order, so I listened to the second one first. I"d just started the first one when you came in."
"So, you didn"t hear my last interview with him?"
"No," Katie answered. "Why?"
"That was Dalton Chambers. I saw the pictures on the floor, so you know what he did to his victims."
Katie shuddered. "Yes, he was really sick."
"Katie," Rainey paused, looking for the right words. "The last time I saw him he threatened to kill me."
"So, he"s in prison in Virginia, isn"t he?" Katie asked, innocently.
"Not anymore, he"s in Central Prison in Raleigh. They"re going to prosecute him here."
Katie relaxed. "Lord, I thought you were going to say he escaped."
"It"s not that simple. Dalton promised to have one of his "fans" hunt me down. He knows where I live. The case I saw today is a copycat of Dalton"s murders. Dalton has a connection here in the triangle and I"m afraid he"s coming for me."
The color drained from Katie"s face. She gasped, "Oh, my G.o.d."
Rainey leaned forward and took both of Katie"s hands in hers. "Honey, you are in danger, too. He"ll lash out at the people I love, if he can"t get to me... and he"s killing lesbians. That"s another reason you aren"t safe."
Katie was speechless. The terror in her eyes spoke volumes. Rainey had been so wrong to bring this fear back into Katie"s life. She knew all along that this was a possibility, and yet, she let Katie walk into this without all the facts.
"Katie, I"m sorry. I should have been honest with you about the risks you were taking being with me. I"m so sorry."
Katie said nothing. She appeared to be too scared to speak. Rainey tried to rea.s.sure her.
"Danny is on his way to Dalton"s cell. He"ll tear it apart until he finds out who Dalton has been talking to. The BAU is sending a team. They will catch this guy."
Katie finally spoke, "Are you going to help them?"
"No, my priority is you and keeping all of us safe. I"m not in the FBI anymore. They can handle this without me. I just need to keep us alive until they arrest him."
Katie began to cry, softly. Rainey, who could investigate horrific crime scenes, stare down a serial killer, and pull the trigger on a criminal without blinking, could not handle seeing Katie cry. Her heart was breaking when she pulled Katie off the ottoman and into her lap. She held Katie close and whispered in her ear.
"I"m so sorry. You don"t deserve to have to go through this again."
Katie sniffled, and then said, "I"m not worried about me. I can"t lose you."
Rainey felt the tears welling in her eyes. Her voice cracked, when she said, "I can"t lose you either."
The knock on the front door, followed by a "Yoohoo," startled both of them. The alarm beeped a warning, and was quickly silenced. Ernie had let herself in.
Katie stood up and wiped the tears from her eyes, calling out, "We"re back here. Be there in a sec." She looked down at Rainey. "Promise me, you"ll be careful when you take this guy down and then hurry home, okay."
Rainey"s voice cracked again. "Okay."
Rainey stood up. Katie hugged her, saying, "I love you too much, Rainey Bell."
Rainey brushed her lips on Katie"s, whispering back, "No, you love me just enough."
Chapter nine.
Chauncey Barber, whose bail Rainey was about to revoke, was a suspect in some gang related shootings, but he was on bond for charges relating to criminal enterprise. Rainey didn"t really care. She just wanted him locked up. She knew he"d run when she bailed him out. That"s why she paid someone to watch him. If she revoked, more than likely no one else would pick up the bond, and the judge might raise the amount anyway. Either way, Chauncey would be out of Rainey"s hair, back in jail, and she had his non-refundable premium of $20,000.
Chauncey was a former basketball star at a local high school that couldn"t shake the gang life. He already spent several years in prison for armed robbery. He was six-feet-five-inches tall and used his time inside the walls of Central State Prison to become tattooed and thickly muscled. He was known to have a quick temper and an even swifter trigger finger. He was armed, according to her informant. There were also several guns in the house they were going to raid. She was very happy the fugitive squad was willing to lend a hand on this one. Chauncey had, like so many before him, sworn he was not going back to prison.
Rainey concentrated on putting her emotions back in their proper boxes, while she sped to Mackie"s side. She left Katie to explain to Ernie what was happening. Rainey never had anyone worry about her the way Katie did. It was an awesome responsibility to take someone"s hopes and dreams with you when you went out to do the job. Her dad had worried, but she never thought of his concerns as she did Katie"s. This thinking was a distraction and she needed to be focused on the task at hand, bust this guy, and get back home as quickly as possible, without getting dead in the process. By the time she reached the scene, she was back in control.