“What do you think?” Fade asked Tegan.
“I don’t want to walk in the snow.”
I glanced around, a.s.sessing its potential for comfort. We had no furniture, no rag pallets or so much as a stool or crate. Most of what we’d found, we would have to burn, and once that ran out—
“What can we use once the old wood is gone?”
Stalker went into the kitchen and came back with a tool that looked suitable for hacking things up. It made me uneasy seeing it in his hands. “I can cut more.”
“You should do it before the snow gets any deeper,” Fade said.
Their eyes met and clashed, a quiet dispute, and then Stalker turned with a shrug. “Fine. I’ll be back soon.”
To my surprise, Tegan got to her feet. “I’ll go with you. I can help carry it.”
Maybe she felt like she had something to prove, to herself, if n.o.body else. I could understand that. She didn’t take a weapon as a point of pride. The club wouldn’t do her any good against Stalker anyway; lack of training would betray her. Still, she had to establish that she didn’t fear him and carve out her place in our group.
They went out together on a cold gust of wind. Afterward, I wedged the door shut as much as I could, digesting the idea that we weren’t going anywhere for a while. I’d lost track of how long it had been since we left the underground, and I was a little surprised we were still alive.
“How long does this last?” I asked Fade, gazing out at the snow.
“Months, sometimes.”
I shivered. “I’m glad we got out of the ruins before it hit.”
“There probably won’t be anything left alive, soon,” he said quietly.
“Underground too?”
He shrugged. “The Freaks took Na.s.sau, and College wouldn’t prepare, so I doubt they’ll fare any better.” The sharp way he said the words, it was almost like he wanted to hurt me.
“Why are you so mad at me?” There was no point in ignoring it. I had hoped he’d get over the sadness or whatever had him acting this way, if I gave him time, but it didn’t seem to be working.
“I’m not.”
I swallowed the urge to call him a liar. “Then who are you mad at?”
“Myself.”
“You feel bad about Pearl,” I guessed.
“She managed to keep safe, after her dad died. I show up—and in one day, I get her killed.”
Much as I wanted to, I couldn’t deny our part in it. At this point, it didn’t matter whether I’d liked her. I’d hardly known her, and in truth, neither did he. He only remembered the brat she used to be.
“Does it help anything for you to feel this way?”
“No. But I can’t seem to stop either.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
He stared at me for such a long time that I grew uneasy. And then he asked, “Are we still partners? I know Silk put us together, but would you choose me now?”
As before, I had the feeling he meant something different with the word. “I don’t trust anyone like I do you.”
By the way his face closed, it wasn’t the response he wanted. I sensed I’d let him down somehow, but he didn’t make it easy. He started poking at the fire, and the question weighed between us in the silence until the other two returned.
* * *
Waiting was tough. We divided up the work, marking the days by cutting wood, hunting, cooking, and turning our shelter into a decent nest. In trunks in the sleeping room, we found some fabrics we put to good use making proper rag pallets. I laid them before the fire, grateful for such small touches of home.
Tegan got stronger visibly. This work she handled better than walking all day. As for me, I missed patrolling. It was too cold for that to serve any purpose, though. Anything that might hurt us would get lost in the snow or freeze.
As the days rolled on, game got scarce and we ate canned goods some days. Spam turned out to be a hunk of slimy meat. That gave me pause, but once we sliced it, the stuff smelled and tasted fine. I concluded the goo must be to keep it fresh.
Fade fell deeper into himself, more like he’d been in the enclave before I got to know him. He had stopped reading the book to us, and I didn’t have the heart to ask for the ending when he clearly had lost interest. I picked it up sometimes and touched the pages gently, marveling at its age.
To pa.s.s the time, I borrowed Tegan’s letter book—the one her mom had used—and started teaching Stalker to read. He had a good head for learning. In just a few days, he memorized the alphabet, then the words followed swiftly. Sometimes I fell asleep listening to him murmur, “A is for Apple…”
Often I felt Fade’s eyes on me as I sat with Stalker, but I didn’t look up. If he didn’t have the courage to say what was on his mind, I couldn’t help with whatever was bothering him. The other two took to chopping wood during Stalker’s lessons.
Eventually, I had to admit, “I think that’s all I can teach you.”
Fade could probably do more but he wasn’t likely to offer to spend extra time with Stalker. He closed the book, stowed it, and stood. “Maybe I can return the favor.”
“How?”
“Come on.”
He led the way into the sleeping room, which was totally empty now. We’d burned or tossed out everything the former residents had left behind. That left us a good-sized s.p.a.ce, though cold, compared with the front room.
“What are we doing?” I was no longer afraid of him. Whatever he had been in the ruins, he had sworn to start over clean, and so far, he was keeping his word. That was good enough for me. If anyone understood not wanting to be judged for past actions, I did. I’d always be haunted by the way I’d let them kill the blind brat, wrapped in fearful silence as the guards took him away.
“I thought I’d show you some moves. You’re good, but predictable.”
I brightened. It had been ages since I did any training, and sitting around would make me soft. “Don’t use your blades. I’m not fast enough.”
“I won’t,” he said. “Just hands and feet.”
We practiced for a while, but I just couldn’t get it. I was rusty and slow, and it made me angry. Some Huntress. He came around behind me to show me how to position my arms for the strike. My hands arced downward. Holding my daggers at the right angle, I’d slice a nice strip of someone’s chest.
“What’re you doing?” Fade asked from the doorway.
I turned. “Training. Want to go a round?”
He shook his head and slipped away.
That soon became our custom, and my fighting improved as I faced off against Stalker. Training made me feel better about our chances. I’d spent my life training to protect people; I couldn’t just stop.
After one particularly tough bout, I sat panting, elbows on my knees. As I glanced up, I caught Stalker smiling at me. It was such a break from his usual expression, I tilted my head with a questioning look.
“You’re good,” he said. “Truly good, dove. I like fighting you.”
The way he said fighting, it seemed to hold another layer. I raised a brow. “Dove?”
“It’s a bird.”
I pulled my knees up to my chest as he sat down beside me. “And why did you call me that?”
Stalker leaned back, resting on his arms. The room was cold, so his breath puffed out, curling before him. “I’d see them in the city, nesting in the broken buildings. They were small and fragile looking with their gray wings, but they could fly up where none of the other animals could hurt them.”
“Not even a Wolf,” I said softly.
I got the comparison. Though I looked weak, I had unexpected defenses. I couldn’t mind being likened to a creature that soared so beautifully on the wind. I decided I wouldn’t object to the nickname.
* * *
By the time the thaw came, we were all ready to move on. The little building had provided us shelter, and we were grateful. It was also small for the four of us when we had to stay near the fire pit for warmth.
The break had also given me a chance to get used to the sun without such burning heat. Now I felt ready to face it; I was used to staying awake during the day at least.
The morning we left, I took a long look at the place. We’d made it cozy and habitable, but unless we wanted to stay here, just the four of us, for the rest of our lives, we had to move on while the weather allowed. Since Fade didn’t know how far we had to go, we might need a long time to get there.
The ground was wet beneath my feet, and everything smelled fresh and clean. A little bite lingered in the air, but through my layers of clothing, I hardly noticed. We set out early and cut back toward the river. It shone silver in the distance with tall trees beside it. I had spent a good portion of the winter months asking the names of things I didn’t know, and they were all patient with me.
Now I could identify just about everything my eyes touched on as we walked. It would be hard traveling, but we could eat some of the plants, Tegan said. Fish leaped in the water, rippling the surface in telltale rings. Things could be worse.
We had been walking for five days, and that made our sixth, when the trees came into view around a turn in the river. I had seen a few here and there, but these lived in a village of their own. They cl.u.s.tered tight, throwing deep shadows across ground littered with fallen limbs and leaves. It gave off a rich, earthy smell, but better than dirt, and more rare.
I listened, enchanted, to the bird song. Bright flutters of color in red and blue among the green leaves made me cant my head in hope of seeing them fly free, burst upward, and soar on the wind. They didn’t oblige me, but continued to sing from the branches. Other sounds lay over the top of the rushing river, chatter of animals and scrabbling claws. I had never heard anything so lovely.
“We’ll find rabbits here,” Fade said.
Thanks to constant review of the letter book with Stalker, I knew R was for rabbit, and the picture matched the animals we set snares for, more or less. I nodded. “Should we do a little hunting along the way?”
“Let’s. Meet back here when you’re done. Come on, Tegan.” She gave me a puzzled glance as Fade strode deeper into the woods.
He had been doing that more and more lately, choosing her company over mine. At first, I thought it was because he didn’t want her to be alone with Stalker, but we’d been together for a while. If she still feared him, there was no hope for her.
“Let’s go get some meat for the pot, dove.” Stalker angled in the opposite direction, still into the trees, but away from the path Fade had chosen.
Blissful coolness spread over my skin as I entered the green-cast shade. Everything hushed as if the trees filtered sound as well as light. I could hear my footsteps, though I prided myself on my stealth. But maybe that only applied underground. Out here, I cracked every branch I stepped on.
As we went, Stalker laid his portion of the snares we’d made from stuff we found back at the old building. Then he led me away because the rabbits wouldn’t come running past if they smelled us close by. I didn’t mind this part of hunting; it was similar to what we’d done in the tunnels, only we hadn’t been catching rabbits.