One with mind was a relatively easier state to reach. In fact, without even trying to comprehend it, Dyon had.Like the receptionist had said all those months ago, often times, clues to comprehending intents were tied to the name given to their level. One with mind was exactly that, it was a state of comprehension that allowed your mind to accept the will. However, it was still much shallower than one with heart.
You could think of one with mind as a state of understanding, while one with heart was a state of acceptance. But, it was obviously very difficult to come to a compromise like this with a will such as death.
One could easily understand that they were likely to die. But, just how many would accept such a thing?
However, Dyon felt that boiling down one with heart to acceptance was simply too shallow. He needed to think deeper. There had to be a reason why higher cultivation, lead to higher comprehension, which lead to quicker will advancement. Dyon couldn"t accept the idea that higher cultivation would help you "accept" a will with greater efficiency. If anything, wouldn"t being a greater expert make you even less likely to accept death?
Dyon began to immerse himself in the feeling of death. In fact, he didn"t even just focus on his current situation.
He thought about Darius Storm for the first time in months and how Ava had had to save his life then… He thought about his one vs eleven fight, and how he nearly died then as well… He thought about his fight with Chenglei… He thought about his first run-in with Alidor… He thought about how death qi had almost killed him at Lotus Tower… He thought about how many times he had thought of dying when he accepted his new set of meridians… He even thought of how Iris had attacked him and nearly taken his life. In fact, had Iris not wanted him to suffer, maybe that would have been his last day on Earth…
And yet, none of these stories bred any acceptance in Dyon. If anything, it fueled a defiance and hatred of death.
How could he accept death? He needed to protect his friends and family, he needed to spread a name for himself so his parents would be proud of him, he needed to live! Too many people were counting on him.
His wives. Little Black. Little Lyla. Clara. G man. Unc. He had to rebuild the celestial deer sect and he had to avenge the demon sage.
He couldn"t accept death… No… he wouldn"t…
"Idiot…" Dyon"s grand teacher watched silently, keeping his words to himself.
In the blink of an eye, three months pa.s.sed with no progress.
By this point, Dyon wasn"t even thinking about himself anymore. He had been trained on the idea of his parents and their death for the better part of a month now.
They were probably his largest barrier to accepting death. Dyon couldn"t help but admit to himself, that the more he learned about the martial world, the more he hoped to one day find something to help his parents come back to him. Whether that something allowed them to be back permanently or just for a few moments, he would accept it.
Everything Dyon did was in hopes that they were somewhere, capable of seeing him and watching him do them proud. He hoped that the essence of their beings were being held somewhere in a stream of something in the unknown. With how the laws of the universe and wills seemed to dictate everything, why wouldn"t there be some sort of formula that made a person who they were? And why couldn"t Dyon find this formula? Find his parents?...
Dyon had lost track of how many times he had combed over those same exact words. With how quickly he thought through, he must have reached that same dead end thousands of times by now…
And just like that, yet another month path… Leaving only 2 more…
"So stubborn," Dyon"s grand teacher watched quietly. When it came to the comprehension of an intent, no one could help. Dyon currently had access to the most potent helper there was – he was being faced with death itself. By all rights, with his comprehension abilities, crossing over to one with body should have been as easy as blinking an eye.
When he hadn"t been focused on it at all, his soul had crossed the barrier without him even being aware. And yet, now that he was actively trying he seemed to be putting up barriers for himself. It wasn"t as though Dyon wasn"t intelligent enough to understand what was going on, but how could he bring himself to change the very foundation of his personality just to live?
He wanted nothing more than the sacrifice even his very values themselves – not for himself, but rather his loved ones. He didn"t want to see his wives in pain, nor did he want to think about how his little sister would fair without him. What about his little brother? What about his promise to his master to protect him? Weren"t they supposed to turn the lands of the Drago-Qilins upside down together?
"Little Black was improving so quickly everyday. Am I not going to be able to witness his peak?..."
Flames of dense blackness began to dance around Dyon as his defiance only seemed to grow stronger. Yet another month pa.s.sed, leaving only a single one left.
Time continued to trickle as Dyon"s black flames pulsed, but his mind still refused to give in. No matter how hard he tried, he could get his mind to accept and understand death, but he couldn"t do it to the depths of his heart…
Dyon was on the same forked road PatiNeva had tread… The question was whether he should build his dao upon a fake version of himself? Or his real self…
But, if he built his dao of death upon something fake, the backlash of a supreme law crumbling from its base was far more profound than an elemental will… If there came a day where Dyon"s stubborn personality shone through again, there wouldn"t be any redemption… There wouldn"t be a chance to build up again… There would only be death…
Time pa.s.sed much too quickly…
Soon, there was only a day left…