"I don" know how "tis," grumbled Miranda, who was not able to sit up that day; "but from a child I could never lay abed without Aurelia"s gettin" sick too. I don" know "s she could help fallin", though it ain"t anyplace for a woman,--a haymow; but if it hadn"t been that, "t would "a" been somethin" else. Aurelia was born unfortunate. Now she"ll probably be a cripple, and Rebecca"ll have to nurse her instead of earning a good income somewheres else."
"Her first duty "s to her mother," said aunt Jane; "I hope she"ll always remember that."
"n.o.body remembers anything they"d ought to,--at seventeen," responded Miranda. "Now that I"m strong again, there"s things I want to consider with you, Jane, things that are on my mind night and day. We"ve talked "em over before; now we"ll settle "em. When I"m laid away, do you want to take Aurelia and the children down here to the brick house? There"s an awful pa.s.sel of "em,--Aurelia, Jenny, and f.a.n.n.y; but I won"t have Mark. Hannah can take him; I won"t have a great boy stompin" out the carpets and ruinin" the furniture, though I know when I"m dead I can"t hinder ye, if you make up your mind to do anything."
"I shouldn"t like to go against your feelings, especially in laying out your money, Miranda," said Jane.
"Don"t tell Rebecca I"ve willed her the brick house. She won"t git it till I"m gone, and I want to take my time "bout dyin" and not be hurried off by them that"s goin" to profit by it; nor I don"t want to be thanked, neither. I s"pose she"ll use the front stairs as common as the back and like as not have water brought into the kitchen, but mebbe when I"ve been dead a few years I shan"t mind. She sets such store by you, she"ll want you to have your home here as long"s you live, but anyway I"ve wrote it down that way; though Lawyer Burns"s wills don"t hold more"n half the time. He"s cheaper, but I guess it comes out jest the same in the end. I wan"t goin" to have the fust man Rebecca picks up for a husband turnin" you ou"doors."
There was a long pause, during which Jane knit silently, wiping the tears from her eyes from time to time, as she looked at the pitiful figure lying weakly on the pillows. Suddenly Miranda said slowly and feebly:--
"I don" know after all but you might as well take Mark; I s"pose there"s tame boys as well as wild ones. There ain"t a mite o" sense in havin" so many children, but it"s a turrible risk splittin" up families and farmin" "em out here "n" there; they"d never come to no good, an"
everybody would keep rememberin" their mother was a Sawyer. Now if you"ll draw down the curtin, I"ll try to sleep."
XXIX
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER
Two months had gone by,--two months of steady, f.a.gging work; of cooking, washing, ironing; of mending and caring for the three children, although Jenny was fast becoming a notable little housewife, quick, ready, and capable. They were months in which there had been many a weary night of watching by Aurelia"s bedside; of soothing and bandaging and rubbing; of reading and nursing, even of feeding and bathing. The ceaseless care was growing less now, and the family breathed more freely, for the mother"s sigh of pain no longer came from the stifling bedroom, where, during a hot and humid August, Aurelia had lain, suffering with every breath she drew. There would be no question of walking for many a month to come, but blessings seemed to multiply when the blinds could be opened and the bed drawn near the window; when mother, with pillows behind her, could at least sit and watch the work going on, could smile at the past agony and forget the weary hours that had led to her present comparative ease and comfort.
No girl of seventeen can pa.s.s through such an ordeal and come out unchanged; no girl of Rebecca"s temperament could go through it without some inward repining and rebellion. She was doing tasks in which she could not be fully happy,--heavy and trying tasks, which perhaps she could never do with complete success or satisfaction; and like promise of nectar to thirsty lips was the vision of joys she had had to put aside for the performance of dull daily duty. How brief, how fleeting, had been those splendid visions when the universe seemed open for her young strength to battle and triumph in! How soon they had faded into the light of common day! At first, sympathy and grief were so keen she thought of nothing but her mother"s pain. No consciousness of self interposed between her and her filial service; then, as the weeks pa.s.sed, little blighted hopes began to stir and ache in her breast; defeated ambitions raised their heads as if to sting her; unattainable delights teased her by their very nearness; by the narrow line of separation that lay between her and their realization. It is easy, for the moment, to tread the narrow way, looking neither to the right nor left, upborne by the sense of right doing; but that first joy of self-denial, the joy that is like fire in the blood, dies away; the path seems drearier and the footsteps falter. Such a time came to Rebecca, and her bright spirit flagged when the letter was received saying that her position in Augusta had been filled. There was a mutinous leap of the heart then, a beating of wings against the door of the cage, a longing for the freedom of the big world outside. It was the stirring of the powers within her, though she called it by no such grand name. She felt as if the wind of destiny were blowing her flame hither and thither, burning, consuming her, but kindling nothing. All this meant one stormy night in her little room at Sunnybrook, but the clouds blew over, the sun shone again, a rainbow stretched across the sky, while "hope clad in April green" smiled into her upturned face and beckoned her on, saying:--
"Grow old along with me, The best is yet to be."
Threads of joy ran in and out of the gray tangled web of daily living.
There was the attempt at odd moments to make the bare little house less bare by bringing in out-of-doors, taking a leaf from Nature"s book and noting how she conceals ugliness wherever she finds it. Then there was the satisfaction of being mistress of the poor domain; of planning, governing, deciding; of bringing order out of chaos; of implanting gayety in the place of inert resignation to the inevitable. Another element of comfort was the children"s love, for they turned to her as flowers to the sun, drawing confidently on her fund of stories, serene in the conviction that there was no limit to Rebecca"s power of make-believe. In this, and in yet greater things, little as she realized it, the law of compensation was working in her behalf, for in those anxious days mother and daughter found and knew each other as never before. A new sense was born in Rebecca as she hung over her mother"s bed of pain and unrest,--a sense that comes only of ministering, a sense that grows only when the strong bend toward the weak. As for Aurelia, words could never have expressed her dumb happiness when the real revelation of motherhood was vouchsafed her. In all the earlier years when her babies were young, carking cares and anxieties darkened the fireside with their brooding wings. Then Rebecca had gone away, and in the long months of absence her mind and soul had grown out of her mother"s knowledge, so that now, when Aurelia had time and strength to study her child, she was like some enchanting changeling. Aurelia and Hannah had gone on in the dull round and the common task, growing duller and duller; but now, on a certain stage of life"s journey, who should appear but this bewildering being, who gave wings to thoughts that had only crept before; who brought color and grace and harmony into the dun brown texture of existence.
You might harness Rebecca to the heaviest plough, and while she had youth on her side, she would always remember the green earth under her feet and the blue sky over her head. Her physical eye saw the cake she was stirring and the loaf she was kneading; her physical ear heard the kitchen fire crackling and the teakettle singing, but ever and anon her fancy mounted on pinions, rested itself, renewed its strength in the upper air. The bare little farmhouse was a fixed fact, but she had many a palace into which she now and then withdrew; palaces peopled with stirring and gallant figures belonging to the world of romance; palaces not without their heavenly apparitions too, breathing celestial counsel. Every time she retired to her citadel of dreams she came forth radiant and refreshed, as one who has seen the evening star, or heard sweet music, or smelled the rose of joy.
Aurelia could have understood the feeling of a narrow-minded and conventional hen who has brought a strange, intrepid duckling into the world; but her situation was still more wonderful, for she could only compare her sensations to those of some quiet brown Dorking who has brooded an ordinary egg and hatched a bird of paradise. Such an idea had crossed her mind more than once during the past fortnight, and it flashed to and fro this mellow October morning when Rebecca came into the room with her arms full of goldenrod and flaming autumn leaves.
"Just a hint of the fall styles, mother," she said, slipping the stem of a gorgeous red and yellow sapling between the mattress and the foot of the bed. "This was leaning over the pool, and I was afraid it would be vain if I left it there too long looking at its beautiful reflection, so I took it away from danger; isn"t it wonderful? How I wish I could carry one to poor aunt Miranda to-day! There"s never a flower in the brick house when I"m away."
It was a marvelous morning. The sun had climbed into a world that held in remembrance only a succession of golden days and starlit nights. The air was fragrant with ripening fruit, and there was a mad little bird on a tree outside the door nearly bursting his throat with joy of living. He had forgotten that summer was over, that winter must ever come; and who could think of cold winds, bare boughs, or frozen streams on such a day? A painted moth came in at the open window and settled on the tuft of brilliant leaves. Aurelia heard the bird and looked from the beauty of the glowing bush to her tall, splendid daughter, standing like young Spring with golden Autumn in her arms.
Then suddenly she covered her eyes and cried, "I can"t bear it! Here I lie chained to this bed, interfering with everything you want to do.
It"s all wasted! All my saving and doing without; all your hard study; all Mirandy"s outlay; everything that we thought was going to be the making of you!"
"Mother, mother, don"t talk so, don"t think so!" exclaimed Rebecca, sitting down impetuously on the floor by the bed and dropping the goldenrod by her side. "Why, mother, I"m only a little past seventeen!
This person in a purple calico ap.r.o.n with flour on her nose is only the beginnings of me! Do you remember the young tree that John transplanted? We had a dry summer and a cold winter and it didn"t grow a bit, nor show anything of all we did for it; then there was a good year and it made up for lost time. This is just my little "rooting season," mother, but don"t go and believe my day is over, because it hasn"t begun! The old maple by the well that"s in its hundredth year had new leaves this summer, so there must be hope for me at seventeen!"
"You can put a brave face on it," sobbed Aurelia, "but you can"t deceive me. You"ve lost your place; you"ll never see your friends here, and you"re nothing but a drudge!"
"I look like a drudge," said Rebecca mysteriously, with laughing eyes, "but I really am a princess; you mustn"t tell, but this is only a disguise; I wear it for reasons of state. The king and queen who are at present occupying my throne are very old and tottering, and are going to abdicate shortly in my favor. It"s rather a small kingdom, I suppose, as kingdoms go, so there isn"t much struggle for it in royal circles, and you mustn"t expect to see a golden throne set with jewels.
It will probably be only of ivory with a nice screen of peac.o.c.k feathers for a background; but you shall have a comfortable chair very near it, with quant.i.ties of slaves to do what they call in novels your "lightest bidding.""
Aurelia smiled in spite of herself, and though not perhaps wholly deceived, she was comforted.
"I only hope you won"t have to wait too long for your thrones and your kingdoms, Rebecca," she said, "and that I shall have a sight of them before I die; but life looks very hard and rough to me, what with your aunt Miranda a cripple at the brick house, me another here at the farm, you tied hand and foot, first with one and then with the other, to say nothing of Jenny and f.a.n.n.y and Mark! You"ve got something of your father"s happy disposition, or it would weigh on you as it does on me."
"Why, mother!" cried Rebecca, clasping her knees with her hands; "why, mother, it"s enough joy just to be here in the world on a day like this; to have the chance of seeing, feeling, doing, becoming! When you were seventeen, mother, wasn"t it good just to be alive? You haven"t forgotten?"
"No," said Aurelia, "but I wasn"t so much alive as you are, never in the world."
"I often think," Rebecca continued, walking to the window and looking out at the trees,--"I often think how dreadful it would be if I were not here at all. If Hannah had come, and then, instead of me, John; John and Jenny and f.a.n.n.y and the others, but no Rebecca; never any Rebecca! To be alive makes up for everything; there ought to be fears in my heart, but there aren"t; something stronger sweeps them out, something like a wind. Oh, see! There is Will driving up the lane, mother, and he ought to have a letter from the brick house."
x.x.x
GOOD-BY, SUNNYBROOK
Will Melville drove up to the window and, tossing a letter into Rebecca"s lap, went off to the barn on an errand.
"Sister "s no worse, then," sighed Aurelia gratefully, "or Jane would have telegraphed. See what she says."
Rebecca opened the envelope and read in one flash of an eye the whole brief page:--
Your aunt Miranda pa.s.sed away an hour ago. Come at once, if your mother is out of danger. I shall not have the funeral till you are here. She died very suddenly and without any pain. Oh, Rebecca! I long for you so!
Aunt Jane.
The force of habit was too strong, and even in the hour of death Jane had remembered that a telegram was twenty-five cents, and that Aurelia would have to pay half a dollar for its delivery.
Rebecca burst into a pa.s.sion of tears as she cried, "Poor, poor aunt Miranda! She is gone without taking a bit of comfort in life, and I couldn"t say good-by to her! Poor lonely aunt Jane! What can I do, mother? I feel torn in two, between you and the brick house."
"You must go this very instant," said Aurelia; starting from her pillows. "If I was to die while you were away, I would say the very same thing. Your aunts have done everything in the world for you,--more than I"ve ever been able to do,--and it is your turn to pay back some o" their kindness and show your grat.i.tude. The doctor says I"ve turned the corner and I feel I have. Jenny can make out somehow, if Hannah"ll come over once a day."
"But, mother, I CAN"T go! Who"ll turn you in bed?" exclaimed Rebecca, walking the floor and wringing her hands distractedly.
"It don"t make any difference if I don"t get turned," replied Aurelia stoically. "If a woman of my age and the mother of a family hasn"t got sense enough not to slip off haymows, she"d ought to suffer. Go put on your black dress and pack your bag. I"d give a good deal if I was able to go to my sister"s funeral and prove that I"ve forgotten and forgiven all she said when I was married. Her acts were softer "n her words, Mirandy"s were, and she"s made up to you for all she ever sinned against me "n" your father! And oh, Rebecca," she continued with quivering voice, "I remember so well when we were little girls together and she took such pride in curling my hair; and another time, when we were grown up, she lent me her best blue muslin: it was when your father had asked me to lead the grand march with him at the Christmas dance, and I found out afterwards she thought he"d intended to ask her!"
Here Aurelia broke down and wept bitterly; for the recollection of the past had softened her heart and brought the comforting tears even more effectually than the news of her sister"s death.
There was only an hour for preparation. Will would drive Rebecca to Temperance and send Jenny back from school. He volunteered also to engage a woman to sleep at the farm in case Mrs. Randall should be worse at any time in the night.
Rebecca flew down over the hill to get a last pail of spring water, and as she lifted the bucket from the crystal depths and looked out over the glowing beauty of the autumn landscape, she saw a company of surveyors with their instruments making calculations and laying lines that apparently crossed Sunnybrook at the favorite spot where Mirror Pool lay clear and placid, the yellow leaves on its surface no yellower than its sparkling sands.
She caught her breath. "The time has come!" she thought. "I am saying good-by to Sunnybrook, and the golden gates that almost swung together that last day in Wareham will close forever now. Good-by, dear brook and hills and meadows; you are going to see life too, so we must be hopeful and say to one another:--
""Grow old along with me, The best is yet to be.""
Will Melville had seen the surveyors too, and had heard in the Temperance post-office that morning the probable sum that Mrs. Randall would receive from the railway company. He was in good spirits at his own improved prospects, for his farm was so placed that its value could be only increased by the new road; he was also relieved in mind that his wife"s family would no longer be in dire poverty directly at his doorstep, so to speak. John could now be hurried forward and forced into the position of head of the family several years sooner than had been antic.i.p.ated, so Hannah"s husband was obliged to exercise great self-control or he would have whistled while he was driving Rebecca to the Temperance station. He could not understand her sad face or the tears that rolled silently down her cheeks from time to time; for Hannah had always represented her aunt Miranda as an irascible, parsimonious old woman, who would be no loss to the world whenever she should elect to disappear from it.
"Cheer up, Becky!" he said, as he left her at the depot. "You"ll find your mother sitting up when you come back, and the next thing you know the whole family"ll be moving to some nice little house wherever your work is. Things will never be so bad again as they have been this last year; that"s what Hannah and I think;" and he drove away to tell his wife the news.
Adam Ladd was in the station and came up to Rebecca instantly, as she entered the door looking very unlike her bright self.